Another repost. I've only corrected some grammar and spelling in this; otherwise it's the same as it was.
Thanks for reading,
-T
*
The man he had talked to on the phone called it the Wonderland Spread.
There were a lot of the blue tiger-lily-looking ones; they made a kind of fan around the rest of the plants. In the middle there were some yellow things that looked like giant dandelions, and in the middle of those were some brown, tubular things at the end of long, green stalks. The man had given him a name for those, too, but Sen thought they looked like turds. A full spread for the bargain price of four hundred dollars, plus a free bundle of shit sticks; when you came across a deal like that, you took it. You were apt to regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't.
He pressed his lips together tighter. The woman next to him - some friend of Ange's, Mary or Terry or something - placed a hand on his arm, squeezing. He looked over at her, struggling to keep his face straight. It wouldn't do at all to have a laugh here; people would look at him funny. He turned back toward the front.
He looked around, taking the place in. It was nice enough; they kept the lawn mowed regularly, at least. And some of the statues here were very nice; lots of them were angels.
She liked angels.
Maybe he would buy her a crystal one for her next birthday. It was coming up, and he didn't want to get caught without a gift like he had the previous year. He didn't get laid for two months after that little fuck-up.
It was cloudy now, even though it had been sunny when they started this whole charade. Sen hoped it didn't rain; he really didn't want to have to sit and listen to this stupid service while he drowned. He turned back toward the front.
The minister - Sen had never known his name, never cared to - was talking about sheep and the Lord. He sobered a little; if there was anything Angela was serious about, it was the Lord. He was the reason she never danced dirty or went to bed naked; the reason Sen had to get up every Sunday and trudge to the overheated barn Angela called church and give away money. He was Angela's lifeline. He snorted.
Still fighting the giggles, Sen put a serious expression on his face. They were putting it into the hole now.
The twenty-thousand-dollar wooden box disappeared from view. Sen's hands started to shake, and he gripped his knees to keep them still. He closed his eyes, and suddenly all the funny was gone, and there was something else, a
(crash a crash a crash crash crash)
dark thing.
Then he smiled again, understanding what must be happening. It was a hoot, it really was, if you had a sense of humor. Ange didn't really have much of a sense of humor, and this was certainly an elaborate trick to play, but she was doing it, all right. Like a pro. He almost giggled, and had to slap his hand against his mouth to stop.
The woman next to him squeezed his forearm again.
When it was done, she spoke.
"Are you coming to Suze's?" she asked, hushed.
It took Sen a moment to find his voice, but he did. "No," he said. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Okay," she said, standing. "Just call one of us, if you need anything, you know?"
"Sure," he said.
She walked away. He sat.
He blinked a few times and suddenly it was dark. There wasn't a hole in front of him anymore; just some dirt. A little hill. A squirrel ran onto it. He reached down beside him and picked up a rock. He missed, but it ran away. He sat some more.
It got cold. He stood up, and walked back to his car. It was in C lot. By the people in the wall. He got in, started it. Drove home.
He parked it in the garage. He went inside. He sat down on his couch, and turned on the TV. He stared at the screen. It was really colorful. The pictures looked nice when they moved.
After a while he noticed a glare. It was from the sun. He got up, closed the blinds. He went into
(his)
their room. He laid down, and closed his eyes. He supposed he went to sleep.
Later, he opened his eyes. It wasn't bright anymore. He stood up. He took off his clothes. He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He stood under the water for a few minutes. It was warm. Nice.
He got out. He dried off. The towel was warm, too, but not as nice as the water. He put on some clothes. The TV was still on. He stared at it some more. It was Shark Week. A man who'd lost both arms, separately, to sharks while surfing was learning to balance on his board again. Sen laughed. Fucking idiot. He checked his watch.
His eyes got tired; Shark Week sure was bright. He got up, and went to the garage. There was a pile of dirty clothes in front of the washer. He put them in. He stood there (just for a second, he could swear), staring. The buzzer went off.
He put them in the dryer, adding one of the fabric sheets. The clothes started to swirl. He watched them, just for a few minutes, really. They stopped spinning.
He took them out, then carried them inside. He dumped them on the bed. He folded them. He put his boxers in his drawer, making sure they didn't stick out on the sides of it. Ange hated that. He didn't want to have to hear her nag.
Her dresser mirror had finger prints. He sighed, and went to the bathroom. He got some Windex and a rag. She liked her mirrors clear. She would be happy when she saw this. Maybe he would get laid.
When it was clean, he put the rag in the hamper in the corner. It was wet, but Ange would just have to deal. There was a twinge in his chest, and he almost had a thought. Something dangerous. Scary. He turned from the mirror and walked away. He checked his watch again, frowning this time.
He went to the kitchen, suddenly hungry. He thought about what he'd last eaten. Then, he wondered when he'd last eaten. He couldn't remember. He pulled out a pack of sandwich meat. He sat in front of the TV again while he ate it. Sharks swam around more fucking idiots in underwater cages. He wondered briefly what it was be like to a shark. It looked kind of fun.
*****
People called.
He didn't know what they were so worried about, really. He tried to think of why they might be so concerned, but it got scary if he did. It wasn't like they even had anything interesting to say. Maybe they were calling him because nobody else was around to listen to their stupid problems. He should just pick up and tell them to go to hell. It wasn't like they could hurt him via telephone.
He didn't answer.
They came by after that.
Sometimes he just sat on the sofa watching TV, even though they could see him from the front window, but most of the time he hid in the coat closet until they went away. Even though some of them yelled for him, sometimes for the better part of an hour, he stayed in there.
He had the locks changed after Phil finally came by, threatening to come in if he didn't answer the door on his next visit. They were best friends, and Phil had had a key. He and Phil used to hang out a lot; he liked Phil. He liked a lot of the people that came to the door, but the scary told him he'd better not let them in, or there would be trouble. Bad trouble.
Eventually they went away.
Shark Week had ended a while before; now they were doing some crap documentary about polar bears. Exactly how long it had been, Sen couldn't tell, but he always watched this channel before Ange got back from work. He was running low on food, though. Again. He didn't understand how he had eaten so much in one day. Ange was supposed to go shopping. Maybe she had hit traffic on her way home. He would just have to go. He checked his watch again, sighing. He had time; she didn't get home until eight most days.
He considered (for all of a millisecond) that he should maybe call her office. You know, just to make sure she had left. He had the phone in his hand when the scary came again. He dropped the phone, trying to think of things besides Ange. His body didn't like to think of her. He felt better if he left it alone. And she would come home soon.
He was just being silly.
He checked his bank accounts later. There were two hundred and fifty thousand more dollars in his secondary checking than there ought to have been. He didn't think too hard about how they had gotten there.
He went out to get some food. Burger King. He hadn't had hot food in a long time. There was only one guy behind the counter. He was thin, and his dark hair was kind of blue under the fluorescents. Sen thought it was cool. Maybe he would get blue hair, too.
