Part I – The History
My name is Patrick and finally, I have discovered my true purpose in life!
Even though I have lived out my entire life (all 62 years) as a straight, I have always harboured just the tiniest feeling that I am at the least bi and perhaps even gay. These feelings started before I even reached puberty when I was so much smaller and shyer than any of the other guys in grade school. They were long before the days as we know them when being gay is not such a stigma. Instead, words such as queer, faggot and the like were the brands. These feelings of estrangement followed me into high school and beyond.
All the way through high school, I never had a date since I was too afraid of being turned down or even laughed at. In fact, I only tried once or twice and became the butt of jokes for the rest of the school year in both cases. Masturbation was my only outlet.
As a university student and then as an adult, nothing changed until I met, on a blind date, my wife June. She was about as plain and unpopular as I was and I suppose that is what drew us together. She was 28 and I was 34 when we married – about 1 year after we met. It was as if we were afraid that if we didn't act soon, it would be too late.
Our marriage was based somewhat on the pretence that we truly were in love; truth be told, it was more an act of quiet desperation on both our parts. We were both virgins on our wedding night; we had been too terrified of engaging in intimacy out of wedlock for fear that we would scare the other off. Needless to say, it was a case of the blind leading the blind and it remained an act of non pleasure throughout our 28 years of marriage. We were fortunate to breed (for that's all it was) two surprisingly level headed children who went on to satisfactory lives of their own. Given the stale environment they were raised in, it is to this day a miracle in both our eyes.
Part II – Discovering Andy
Now, on to Andy; I am sure you are wondering how he figures into all this.
After about some 28 years of marriage (and a job that was less than stellar), I got up the nerve to cruise some erotic sites on the Internet. To be sure, I wouldn't have had a clue about such 'depravity' but had overheard enough water cooler chat at the office (and in the Men's Room) to pique my curiosity. Since I often worked at home, I had set up a home office complete with the latest technology computer. It was not uncommon for me to disappear there until bedtime so June was never aware.
I had learned enough about the Internet to know how to surf and search and this, along with some overheard tidbits, lead me to some pretty explicit sites. I often would spend an evening engrossed in every type of sex imaginable and even made so bold as to try something other than the usual missionary position with June but she was so shocked that she demanded to know where I had learned such terrible things. June was almost zealous in her faith (I had never darkened the door of any church since our civil ceremony) and wanted me to visit her pastor to cleanse such thoughts from my mind. Obviously I never went nor tried again.
I soon discovered that sex between men and women as displayed didn't really excite me so I started reading erotic fiction online about man to man sex and I was hooked! But was there any way that I could find some way to experience the joys that I read about in these stories? I knew that most, if not all of them, were strictly someone's overactive imagination at work but they nonetheless aroused me beyond anything I had experienced before. My constant excitement only fueled the flame further that I needed to be the partner in such an encounter.
Then, one day while surfing with my browsing software, an ad popped up for a dating service of some sort. When my curiosity got the better of me, I opened it to find that there were two parts – one for standard dating between men and women (sort of a dating service, I supposed in my ignorance) and another for more intimate short term relationships. As I scrolled through the list, I came across a link that took me to the same process for men. I was in my glory but I had to buy credits to use the service.
So the next day, I took the necessary cash from my special account (June did not know of this account and besides, she let me handle all the finances), purchased a money order and sent it off. For two weeks, I checked several times a day to see if my account had been activated. Finally, to my glee, up popped a window thanking me for joining and advising me to set up a profile. That took me a while until I was satisfied and I proceeded to send messages out to all that were of interest to me. The responses I received back almost immediately were very frightening and I erased them right away. Some were so demanding with their wishes that I almost deleted my name from the service.
Several weeks later however, I received a response from someone whose ID was Hot4U and his description stated that although he was in his early 40's he had a thing for older men. This was fascinating enough that I sent him a response that I was interested and would like to know more about him. From his responses, and the back and forth messages we exchanged over the next couple of months, I began to feel a certain level of comfort. His name, he told me, was Andy. However, in spite of his entreaties that we must meet, I was still unsure and cautious.
Part III – The Meeting
It seemed like an eternity but I finally agreed to meet him over coffee in as public an area in which I felt protected in. We exchanged information about what we would be wearing so we would know each other to meet (I had never had the nerve to share pictures or any serious personal information until sure). He was to be wearing a red sweater and I would have on a blue one.
Once I arrived at the outdoor café where our first meeting was to take place, I lost my nerve and hid across the street to see him arrive. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous; perhaps a little of being seen by someone I knew or more, that he wouldn't like what he saw.
Then, from around the corner, he appeared. He had told me that he was in good shape but I wasn't prepared for this Adonis who strode confidently, I thought, alone the street. His hair was a little thin, but blonde as he described. He was wearing the sweater – boy, was he ever wearing that sweater – and he seemed molded to his skin. His chest was full, tapering to a narrow waist and flared hips. All this was supported by strong well-formed legs. The latter was obvious since the slacks he was wearing were moving around his legs as he walked. All I could think was, 'How am I to handle this? What a mistake I've made'.
I waited in the shade of the trees across the street and watched while Andy was seated at a small table and he ordered coffee, soon delivered. As he sipped the steaming brew, I realized just how cold I was; the days of fall were upon us and the sweater I wore wasn't enough to keep me warm out in the park. Since the café looked so inviting with its heated patio, I finally crossed the street and walked on unsteady legs over to Andy's table.
"Um, are you Andy?" I croaked out
"Yes, I am. You must be Patrick"
