Arlo scowled as he stepped into the house he once called home. The two words were almost always used interchangeably, but they were as different as night and day to Arlo. Jake stood behind him, in uniform. Arlo walked quickly to his room, and grabbed a suitcase. He quickly packed some clothes, and some personal items, before zipping up the red rolling suitcase, and returning to Jake in the living room. It was obvious Donovan hadn't returned here since he beat Arlo for the last time. That was the promise Arlo had made himself when he had been checked out of the hospital. That was the last time.
"Are you ready?" Jake asked, his deep southern accent coming through. Arlo nodded quietly, and Jake led him gently out the door. Jake had kindly offered his couch to Arlo if he wanted it. Arlo wanted anything but to go back to that house. Jake had also promised to help him stay sober. Arlo still craved a drink like no other. But he knew from experience that it got better with time. Jake's only rule was that if Arlo was going to stay with him, he had to see a therapist and go to an AA support group. He saw too many people give up in life because they could never get over the abuse they had suffered. He didn't want to see that happen to Arlo. Arlo watched the buildings roll by as they drove in silence to Jake's small house. He felt so much safer with Jake. More safe than he had ever felt with Donovan.
"I cleared out some drawers and closet space in my room. You can put your things in there. Just make yourself comfortable," Jake said, shutting the door behind him. He watched as Arlo pulled the suitcase behind him with his one good arm. Donovan had broken the other one. Arlo's eyes were rimmed with dark shadows from sleep deprivation, and the hangover that still lingered.
"Thank you," Arlo replied, his voice rough and scratchy. Jake ordered pizza, and then helped Arlo unpack while they waited for the meal to be delivered. They had just finished when there was a knock on the door. Jake returned to the kitchen with two pizzas in hand. He gave them each a few pieces, before walking across the kitchen and pulling a bag of gummy worms out of the pantry. Arlo stared as he poured half the bag onto his pieces of pizza, and then offered him the bag. He gave a small smile and accepted the bag, sprinkling his own pizza with the other half.
Before he knew it, Arlo was laughing so hard tears fell down his face in large drops. Jake was pulled into the giggle fit with him, and soon they were both red from laughing. Jake held his sides, as the cramps from laughing too long began. Arlo stood up and tried to walk away, as if whatever was making him laugh so hard was hanging around that spot in a thick cloud. Finally, after several minutes, their laughing died down. Arlo stared at Jake, still smiling from their laughing fit, when suddenly the smile was wiped off his face and a worried look replaced it.
"Jake, I can't have a relationship with you," he said suddenly. Jake's own smile faded away as he stared at Arlo.
"I wasn't planning on it," Jake said.
"Oh..." Arlo mumbled. He looked down at the plate with the pizza and gummy worms.
"I didn't mean it like that," Jake said quickly. "I think you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of a boyfriend," he said, honestly. "You can't afford to be hurt again, you need to protect yourself," Jake said. Arlo looked up at him and nodded.
"But that's not a never... right?" he asked.
Jake nodded. "It's not a never."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arlo sat quietly in Jake's room on the bed. Jake often let him lie on the bed since it was more comfortable than the couch in the living room. Arlo had been given a few weeks off from work, and was taking the time to relax and settle back into a routine. He had made an appointment with a shrink, only a few days away. He had even gone to one AA meeting already. Jake had gone with him, to keep him company and support him. It was scary at first, going back to something he had hated so much only a few weeks ago. But once they got started, he felt himself relaxing and returning to normal. Jake had stood by him the whole time. Arlo felt the dull throb of love in his chest whenever he saw Jake, or thought about him too hard, but he knew that Jake was right. He needed to take care of himself.
So here he sat. Taking some 'me time' for himself and enjoying a book in the brightly lit room. The sun poured in from the large windows, making the room seem bright and cheery. Arlo didn't just sit in here because the bed was comfortable. It smelled like Jake. The natural scent of the bigger man relaxed him and kept bad thoughts from his mind.
"Arlo?" Jake called out.
"In here," he returned, dog earing the page for later. He smiled.
"Hey, did you get some rest?" Jake asked, already taking off his uniform.
"Yeah, a little. I feel better," Arlo said. He knew Jake worried about him. He also knew that the southerner would wake up in the middle of the night just to check on him. He was always awake, but he pretended to be asleep so that he would relax. Jake's eyes were starting to take on the dark rings that Arlo had. Jake kicked off his shoes and looked awkward as he took off his tie. Arlo scooted over, taking half the bed. Jake hesitated, before crawling into bed next to him. He sighed as his head hit the pillow, and Arlo could tell he was already drifting off. Before he could say anything, Jake was snoring. Arlo looked at the clock, it was only six. Jake would wake up in an hour or two and be hungry. Jake didn't make him pay any rent, and he bought all the groceries. The least he could do was cook him dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arlo smiled as Jake stumbled out of his bedroom, sniffing the air like a hungry dog. His eyes were barely open, but he grunted when he saw Arlo placing the pan of baked Macaroni on the table.
"You didn't have to do this," he grunted.
"You fell asleep, and I'm sure it's been awhile since you had a homecooked meal. Besides, I always liked to cook," Arlo smiled, and set down two plates with forks and glasses of water.
"Well... thank you," he grunted again, sleep finally starting to clear from his face.
"Sure," Arlo smiled. They sat down, and began eating. "So, how was work? I didn't get to ask you before you fell asleep," Arlo chuckled.
"It was okay, busy. Sorry I fell asleep," Jake said, returning to normal now that he was awake and eating.
"That's alright, you haven't been sleeping well," Arlo said.
"Neither have you," Jake raised an eyebrow. Arlo laughed dryly.
"You shouldn't worry about me so much. You need your sleep, you work so much..." Arlo said. It felt weird, almost like he was back with Donovan. Except that Jake could never be like Donovan...
"I have every right to worry about you. You don't sleep and when you do, you have nightmares," Jake said, brow furrowed with worry.
"They'll go away..." Arlo whispered. He had dealt with a few patients that had suffered from abuse. He never imagined himself like that. He wondered if he looked as lifeless as they always did.
"But until then, just let me worry. Since I can't seem to do much else," he mumbled the last part.
"You've done more than enough. You've given me a place to stay. Somewhere I can feel safe," Arlo said. Jake slammed his fist on the table suddenly.
"I should have known!" he shouted out of nowhere. Arlo flinched. Jake dropped his head and sighed. He placed a large hand on Arlo's small delicate ones. "I'm sorry...." he said, as Arlo relaxed. "I just feel so guilty. I'm a cop for Christ's sake. I should have seen the signs! I see people like you every day and I know how to tell. I was just blind and stupid. I just didn't want to believe that you could... that he would... that......" Jake finally gave up and sighed, putting his head in his hands. Arlo could tell he was fighting back tears. He put his other hand on top of Jakes.
"You did more than enough, Jake. This was happening long before you came along and there were a million opportunities where I could have gotten help. But I chose not to. I chose to believe that he could change when he couldn't," Arlo said. Jake inhaled deeply before sighing. He nodded. "Please don't feel guilty," Arlo said. Jake looked up and smiled at him, before returning to his food. He cleared his throat before speaking.
