What had he just done? Mark, stunned, stepped from the corner where he had been standing to take Maddox's call. It was almost as if he wasn't really a part of this world anymore. The grass looked plastic, and out of place. The trees that once seemed majestic, and mythical now looked dead. Mark was so shocked by his own reaction that he floated back to his dorm room. He wasn't thinking of anything. His heart was racing. Air, coming in painful gasps. Nothing was going to ground him until a shrill voice cut through the fog.
"Jesus, honey what the hell happened? Are you alright?" Mark felt Justin's tiny hands on him, steering him to sit somewhere soft. The entire events of the day started to sink in. He hade given his teacher a hand job. That teacher taught his least favorite class. The man that consumed his entire waking being had just been told to go away. Why had he been so weak as to not even give the guy a chance?
Mark jumped a little as he felt the warm, gentle, fingers wrangle the phone out of his death grip. The hard plastic had been replaced by an icy bottle of water. He didn't find the new, invading object any more comforting than the phone.
Mark drew in a ragged breath. Realizing he would have to come back to the land of the living sooner, or later. There honestly was no need to be this distraught. After all, Maddox was just some guy, he wasn't the love of Mark's life. There was no way the attachment he was feeling right now was real. It wasn't even like he had really hurt the guy, not like whatever had hurt him so bad the night before in Gold. He couldn't believe he was important enough to make Maddox cry. Maybe he could have been, but that was why it was best to end it here. Before anyone got too hurt. Yet here he was, torn to pieces.
He didn't want to picture Maddox drowning in liquor distraught over him. Mark knew it was stupid to think that he meant that much to anyone. Hell, he barely knew the guy. All he had done was, politely, tell him it wouldn't work out between them. Which they both knew deep down. They had to. Maddox was a teacher, after all.
Mark felt like even though his heart was racing with fear it was breaking. Had he really chased away something so vital to his health? He tried to swallow, his mouth feeling like he had cotton in it. His stomach tried to tighten to reject what little was in it.
"He called..." Mark said, barely louder than a terrified whisper. Justin's concerned face came into the focus of the hazy green eyes. He, oddly enough, felt as though they had switched places. Justin suddenly seemed so huge and Mark felt like one of his tiny little dolls, made of porcelain. He wanted Justin to fawn on him, and make the world seem reasonable again.
Justin nodded, his face littered with confusion before it was ambushed by realization. "The guy from the bar?" a smile tugged at Justin's glossed lips. "Well hell, honey, why do you look like someone just killed your family? You should be happy! His bicep was H-O-T. God, wish I could have seen the rest of him. Bet he looks yummy!"
Mark nodded blinking back tears that were once again threatening to fall. It would have been so much easier if Maddox hadn't called. Then Mark could simply hate the guy for being an asshole. Maddox had called. What was worse, he had begged Mark for a chance. No, begged was too strong of a word. He had simply asked and Mark had had to be the strong one and tell him it wasn't a good idea.
Mark looked up at Justin and sobbed. He drew in a small, strained breath feeling like his entire body was being shaken to the core. He rested his throbbing head against Justin's chest. He watched as tears made tiny wet tracks down his roommate's white shirt with the silver stars on it.
Justin arched an eyebrow "You're telling me he called you just to turn you down? What a dick cheese."
Mark shook his head no.
"What happened, then?" He tried more gently, replacing his initial glee with the more appropriate amount of concern. In an effort to sooth his roommate. Justin ran his fingers through the black tresses. He was surprised at how soft the hair was. He rubbed tiny circles across his scalp, inhaling the scent of his manly shampoo.
Justin honestly couldn't fathom why the guy from the bar would turn his roommate down. Know it or not, Mark was stunning. A few teeth marks on him, the result of the world chewing him up and spitting him out, but still handsome. He had the typical bad boy image nailed, well, when he wasn't sobbing over some stupid guy.
He may not have been Justin's cup of tea, but that didn't mean most gay men wouldn't look his direction two or three times. He had to have been the other guy's type if he had followed him into the bathroom, since clearly Mr. Huge Bicep had been the one to follow, not lead. Justin had to admire his bravery to be a leader to such a larger looking male.
Mark sniffled, making a face of disgust at the phlegm that was building up in his nasal passage. He couldn't tell Justin it hadn't gone well and leave it at that. Hell, he looked as if he was in legitimate shock. "We talked for a little and um, we both agreed his job isn't conducive to a relationship." Mark inhaled slowly, feeling his chest tighten.
He noticed the friendly fingers playing with his hair. Usually that was a turn on, but the way Justin was touching him just seemed so calming. His seemingly air-headed roommate seemed to know exactly the type of touch Mark needed before he could even think to ask for it.
He was starting to get a grip on reality again. Telling Justin that they had agreed the man's job was more important was as close as he was willing to get to the truth. Mark wanted to pull Justin into his lap like a frightened child clinging to a teddy bear for comfort. He decided that would be highly inappropriate though, and just allowed Justin to soothe him.
"Well if he chooses money over you, then fuck him." Justin squeezed Mark and felt his roommate settle into him even more. "Honey, he's just a guy. You are at a liberal arts college. Trust me, there are plenty of men who would be thrilled to take you home."
Mark laughed, an odd choking sound. As if any of them would compare to Maddox. He wondered if Maddox really would have given all that up.
The next few weeks went by in a blur. Mark lived by his planner and it was honestly the only thing saving his ass from failing. He would have forgotten all assignments if it hadn't been for that damn book.
Chemistry was clearly the hardest. Between watching Maddox and listening to Cassie babble on and on, Mark just couldn't focus. She had seemed so interesting the first day and now she just seemed annoying. He would go in, and watch Maddox, wishing he had the balls to stick it out with him and see where things would have lead. He smiled when Maddox smiled. He could see how happy teaching made him.
Then the time would come and Mark would bolt, run to the bathroom, and purge whatever was on his stomach. The guilt and hurt breaking him down day by day. He thought about dropping the class, but the thought of never seeing his man again terrified him even more. He lived for that early morning class. Chemistry, despite being an evil subject, was Christmas and his birthday all rolled into one. He was fidgety and anxious the night before, only to realize the short class flew buy and he hadn't learned a damn thing.
All he knew was that Maddox came in everyday with a big, carefree, smile on his face. His teacher would joke with the class about the course difficulty. Maddox would take the time to talk to every student in the room except for Mark. It killed him inside to see his man so happy and yet he couldn't bear the thought of Maddox being upset. Maddox's care free nature only reaffirmed that Mark had made the right choice.
~*~*~*~
