Some opportunities just present themselves. For example, my sister Brenda's friend's boyfriend's brother, Chad, showed up for my carefully planned beach trip, invited by the boyfriend who did not think that I'd need to know. The car we planned to take wouldn't hold all of us and our stuff so instead of being a bitch (which was plan A) and telling him to take a hike we drove two cars. The boyfriend paid for gas as his punishment.
My sister and her friend wouldn't ride separately and the boyfriend had to ride with them so a perfect stranger in an ugly ball cap climbed into the car with me. He was stoked, because I "had the coolest car I've ever seen and I've seen a lot of cars." Surely the 3 beers he'd consumed while we rearranged plans had nothing to do with it.
We are driving for maybe an hour and Chad told me all about his fitness regime (involves staring at girls in yoga pants at the gym and occasionally lifting some free weights) his mint condition (except for some rust) 1984 Ford something or other and the time he almost got backstage at a Kings Of Leon concert, before he had to piss ("like a racehorse," naturally.)
I pulled into the first gas station I saw and sat in the car, enjoying the respite from the stream of slightly-drunken consciousness that I'd been subjected to for 50-odd miles. When Chad climbed back in, he flashed his guns at me and stuck out his tongue.
"That chick in there almost gave me my Mountain Dew for free for a glance at these babies, but her boss was in there so she couldn't. She wanted a mustache ride, I could tell."
His nipple popped out of his makeshift muscle tee shirt and the picture was equal parts absurd and kinda hot. Sure, Chad was an obnoxious good ol' boy but he had hair in all the right places and when he slouched in his seat his cargo shorts rode up enough I could tell he had a beer can dick. I filed this info into my spank bank and pulled out of the parking lot.
Apparently Chad's aborted mustache ride got him going because he could talk about nothing but all the chicks he'd banged, eaten out or gotten head from (or totally could have if their boyfriends hadn't been there) for the next hour. I was beginning to think he didn't realized he was chatting with a gay guy who had little interest in cup sizes and descriptions of vaginal scents so his next comment came out of nowhere.
"I hear you suck dick. What's that like?"
I laughed at the non-sequitur and replied "Why, you thinking of trying it out sometime?"
"Dude, if I thought I could get off with a guy I'd do it in a heartbeat. Double the number of mouths I can get to suck me off? I can get down with that."
I decided against explaining how his math was flawed and segued into seduction mode.
"How do you know if you've never tried it?"
He raised his arms above his head and folded his hands behind it. His nipple popped out again, as if to let me know I was on the right path.
"You tryina hop on this dick, aintcha?"
"You offering a ride?"
The look in his eyes was like none I'd seen before. Arousal was there, but so was confusion and a little fear. I pulled into an abandoned strip mall and parked behind the building.
"I will stop any time you ask me to, but I think you will enjoy what's about to happen if you go with the flow."