I hesitated a long time before I advertised on Craig's list. I was 18 and had left school two months before. I had a place at university for the following October, almost a year ahead. I was living at home and had a mindless temporary job in a solicitor's office that made no demands on anything but my time. I'm a very shy person and no one knew I was gay except me. My father has religious beliefs that are ferociously homophobic. I knew I would have to leave home if he found out.
I desperately wanted to know what it would be like to be with a man. I wanted an older man to initiate me into gay sex. I wanted him to be strong and masterful and experienced. I had many fantasies about this.
I advertised myself as 18, inexperienced and seeking a masterful older man to teach me how to please him.
I had a number of replies and in the end I chose a man in his forties who seemed to fit my fantasies. I also chose him because he lived in a neighbouring town so it would be easy for me to meet him. We exchanged emails. He was surprised at my complete lack of experience, but said that he would love to initiate me, and that though he liked to dominate his partners he would not push me beyond my limits. He asked me for a photo. I did not have a nude photo and besides, absurdly enough, I felt shy about sending such a thing in an email to a stranger. So I sent him one taken a couple of months before, showing me on a beach in my bathing costume. He said he liked my looks. I am slim and though not very tall (5 foot 6 inches) I have long well-shaped legs of which I am quite proud. He said that I looked very feminine and that in our relationship he would be the man and I would be his girlfriend. This fitted very well with my fantasies and I agreed. We arranged to meet. He wanted me to stay at his house for a weekend. I was reluctant at first, but he said time was needed, that he would initiate me slowly, and that of course, I could leave at any time if I wanted to. So in the end I agreed. He also asked me to wear a pair of girl's panties when we met. He said they would help put us both in the right frame of mind.
I told my parents I needed a break and wanted to go the seaside to enjoy the last of the summer - it was early September last year, nearly eight months ago.
I took the train to N, the town he lived in, about thirty miles away from my home, and easily found my way to the café where we were to meet. I was early and bought myself a coffee and took it to a table near the entrance. I was feeling quite nervous. I must have gone into a bit of a daydream as I waited because I didn't see him until he was standing beside my chair.
I was taken aback by his appearance. He was much bigger than I had expected, and, truth to tell, much uglier. Tall, wide-shouldered, huge chested, wearing a grey shirt that was open necked exposing the top of a very hairy chest. His neck was thick, what they call a bull neck, and his face was red, with a large squat nose, thick eyebrows and deep-set, dark penetrating eyes. His hair was a dense black without a trace of grey and was cut quite short and stood up like a crew cut. His mouth was thick lipped and deep lines ran down its sides. He looked cruel as well as ugly and I regretted I had not insisted on a photograph. But then I had not insisted on anything much.
As I stared up at him he took hold of my hand and said, "Well, girl it was about time you met your Daddy." His hand was enormous and mine was swallowed in its grip. His words took me aback. They were his first words to me and they struck me as crude and what's more, they were embarrassing in such a public place. I looked round to see if anyone had heard him. I tried to free my hand, but his grip tightened. "You don't want to deprive me of your pretty little paw," he said, and he smiled at me.
I felt myself blushing. I didn't like his smile. That was the moment to tell him that I had changed my mind, that I didn't want to go with him, that I had made a mistake. But I didn't, though I wanted to.
Then he said. "Come on, little girl, we're leaving. You've got lots to learn. There's no time to waste." With that he pulled me to my feet, grabbing my little travel bag which was on the table, and walked us out of the café, still holding my hand. He let go of it once we were out in the street, but took hold of my arm with a firm grip, guiding me across the road saying, "My car's just over here, little one."
I still wanted to say I couldn't go through with it. But I couldn't find the words. If he had not been holding my arm I would have said nothing and just run away back to the station and home.
His car was a large black saloon. He must have been aware of my feelings, for he made me get in the driver's side, saying "Shift over, girl, and let Daddy in," his enormous body crowding me as I shuffled myself awkwardly across to the passenger side. He closed his door and clicked the central locking.
"Well, here we are girl," and put his hand on my knee. My only thought was, I can't get out. I felt I had been kidnapped by this monstrous man.
He started the car and as he drove down the busy street, he asked in a conversational tone, "You don't much like the look of me, do you, girl?"
I mumbled something. I dared not answer truthfully.
"Your expression, girl, when you first laid eyes on me told me what you thought. I expected it. Pretty little sissy and monster man, beauty and the beast. Believe me, girl, by the time I'm through with you you'll think the beast is the handsomest prince in lala land." He laughed and put a hand on my knee. It was enormous, very broad with thick fingers, and hairy. There was really something of the beast about it, about him.
"Don't think I'm boasting," he continued, "I'm predicting. You're not the first sissy girl I've had in my hands, though you may be the most innocent. But you'll be just like the others in the end."
He was turning off the road as he spoke, into the driveway of a large detached house. He stopped the car and clicked a control and the door of a garage attached to the side of the house began to rise. He gestured towards the house. "Behold my home, my pretty, Casa Cock, the place you will enter as an innocent virgin and will leave as a little slut, crazy for cock and with a sore but hungry cunt."
I shivered, cold with terror at his words.
Then he drove into the garage, parking so close to the wall that I would have to get out of the car from the driver's side. He was already getting out as ceiling lights went on and the garage door clicked shut behind us.
"Out with you girl." He leaned over and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me as I scrambled out.
He dragged me, stumbling behind him, through a door out of the garage into a large kitchen. "You won't be spending much time in here, my precious. Let me show you where you're going to be such a busy little girl."
He led me out of the kitchen into a large sitting room. It was thickly carpeted, curtains were drawn across a bay window. Afternoon light came in through a set of French doors. There were several armchairs, a sofa, and a baby grand piano.
"A nice civilised room, eh, girl. This is where we'll first get to know each other." Then he led me through a door in the wall beside the French windows. He switched on the light and revealed another large room. But this had no windows. It was low ceilinged, there was an enormous bed, covered with some black material, more armchairs, a sofa, some little tables and other things.
"Have a good look round, girl. This is my special room, built to accommodate little sissies like you. It's where you'll be spending most of your weekend, learning to love cock, mine in particular, but men's cocks in general."
He led me back into the sitting room. "This is where we'll get acquainted," he said and sat down in an armchair still holding my hand. He pointed to the carpet. "On your knees, girl, know your place. You're a sissy girl in the presence of a man."
I knelt in front of him and bowed my head.
"Look at me bitch," he ordered. Obeying, I realised I really didn't want to, he frightened me so. I found I could not meet his intense gaze.
"We need to have a little chat to get a few things clear." His voice was neutral but authoritative.
"As soon as I laid eyes on your photo I saw you were such a pretty little thing you must have have stiffened a lot of men's cocks. And since everybody lies I thought you might be a hot-cunted little bitch who likes to play the innocent. But now I'm not so sure." He paused and stared at me.
