I'm Dave, a 50-something divorced guy living in the American northeast. I got married young, had a long-lasting marriage that fell apart for several reasons, none of which are probably important here. Yes, my sexual desires played a part, but they were just a bit of what made the marriage fall apart.
My sexual desires? Well, those involved a great deal of domination and submission fantasies. Those go way back to my youth -- apparently seeing Wonder Woman tied up in her Lasso of Truth, or Daphne from Scooby Doo bound and gagged influenced me. As I got older, my fantasies evolved to the point that I would be the helpless, bound woman. It was the feeling of powerlessness that excited me.
And of course, what happens in my fantasies to those bound women? They are fucked, of course. So, by the time I was graduating high school, I often was putting small items up my ass as I jerked off imagining a woman bound, helpless, and fucked. I struggled with thoughts about what all this meant for my masculinity, and I am sure I went through many variations of how to justify it all.
I went to college, dated, and got married. I slowly over time introduced my wife to my kinks of domination, submission, and bondage. But it took me over 20 years to admit to her that I liked having things up my ass. She was surprisingly accepting. One day she was pushing a small vibrator into me as I was tied spread eagle on the bed, and she said to me "you like having your ass fucked so much, I bet you would like a real man to fuck you." That caused a huge orgasm, which she slightly noticed.
After that, she would bring that image up whenever she wanted to get me to come quickly and get back to her reading. And because it happened so often now, I began to wonder myself if I really wanted a cock up my ass.
The answer was yes, I wanted to experience a real butt-fucking. I did not, and still don't, find men attractive. But to me, there was nothing more submissive than having a man put his cock in me.
That idea grew in my mind. I chatted with several men on Craigslist. I chickened out on following through many times. One time, I had the courage to allow a man I met on craigslist into my home while everyone was away. I greeted him naked, kneeling, in the middle of the family room as he came in the door. He touched me all over. He ran his finger over my asshole several times. But then he left, saying he would be back to train me more. I was disappointed, and excited. But he never contacted me again.
And now, here I was, in my 5os and divorced. Craigslist was replaced by Grindr to chat up people who might dominate me. But things always fell through.
Until Dan.
His contact was like so many more over the years -- a few "hellos," then asking "what are you into?" After that, things usually stopped, and I was expecting that with Dan as well. Except Dan kept texting me, with nice, normal conversations. He asked to have lunch one Thursday in the summer when I had off. I remember texting him, "Just to be clear, you are going to fuck me, right?" "Not during lunch," he texted back, "but yes, if you want it."
I was sure I was going to chicken out again. I'm not sure why I didn't. But it was only lunch, right? When Thursday came, I found myself parking at the restaurant he had chosen, a mom-and-pop French Bistro in the outskirts of the city. When I came in the door, he was waiting for me just inside the door.
He looked exactly like his picture, which was the first surprise. And he was tall, about 6'3" so about 4 or 5 inches taller than me. He told me he had a table for us, and I felt his hand on the small of my back as he guided me towards it. This simple gesture, along with pulling out my chair for me, somehow made me feel smaller, more submissive. I saw a young woman seated nearby notice these subtle gestures and she made a confused face.
He ordered for me, saying to the waitress that his "friend here will have..." We talked. He asked me about my career, my past, about my ex-wife. He asked if sex with her was good. I told him it started off great, tapered off after a while, and I felt like she was totally disinterested at the end. He asked if we had any contact after the divorce. I told him she had moved on by dating a couple of guys. He asked how we communicated, whether it was cordial or not. I told him that once we separated, she started calling me "small cock." He smirked and looked at me with one eyebrow slightly raised as if asking. I told him I was average size when fully hard. "We will see," he said.
Small talk ensued. Our order came, he had ordered me a salad, which was not going to be enough for me. He seemed to notice my thoughts and he told me he had plans to give me more protein later.
When lunch was over, he told me he had a hotel room nearby. He asked me to at least walk him to the front door when he saw my hesitancy. I agreed.
A short walk across the street to a mid-upscale hotel and I felt like I was moving on autopilot. At the front door, he looked at me and said "look, you can walk away now after having a nice lunch. There's a Burger King down the road and you can get more food there.
"Or, you can walk through this door. If you do, you know what is going to happen."
With that, he opened the door and again I felt his hand on the small of my back. He guided me in, my legs again on autopilot. We walked through the lobby that way. Down the hall and to his door. He took out his keycard and unlocked the door. And his hand that had been on the small of my back moved up to my neck. I felt his hand wrap firmly around the back of my neck. His hands are huge, I thought to myself. He pushed me gently through the door.
"Good boy," he said. Being called "boy" made something inside of me flip nervously. I walked over and stood next to his bed.
