"I want you to be less miserable. So it's your choice. You can go out with me, you can sit there and wallow or you can call up Nicolas and fix whatever went wrong."
"I.. I guess I'll try to talk to him," I muttered defeatedly when I realized Jessica expected an answer.
"Good boy," she praised with a little pat to my head that didn't make me feel any better. "I'll be out late, don't wait up for me," she informed me as she grabbed her purse, coat and keys, all without my assistance.
"But you will come home, right?" I asked a little too anxiously, wishing I could split myself in half.
I'd been isolating myself ever since my meltdown with Nicky. I slept in the guest bedroom and wouldn't speak unless I was at work and had to. Which was probably why Jessica wasn't being as affectionate as normal. It's just that talking and socializing felt stressful so I stopped, eventually even with my wife. That didn't mean I was slacking off though! If anything I barely slept or took a break to make sure that my wife, my household, family, in laws and extended family had everything they needed or wanted before putting the rest of my energy into work. I felt like if I could stay busy then I couldn't think, even in my dreams. It was working but it had only been three weeks and I was so tired and even more depressed.
It was a Saturday so I had the day off tomorrow and I was trying to let myself relax for just a second, even though I felt off for trying. I was currently wearing a pair of soft grey sweatpants and a white tshirt, both were oversized on my small frame, and a pair of thick, warm socks that Jessica's mother had knitted for me one year for my birthday. I was in no way physically or mentally and definitely not emotionally prepared to go out but I did want to spend time with my wife. I felt awful for making her feel like I was ignoring her and I wanted to fix that. Although, admittedly, I would rather not share her company with a stranger when I felt this low. Some guy verbally shitting on me might actually trigger a reaction tonight. Then Jessica would be even more disappointed with me.
On the other hand, I wanted to call Nicky. My wife was right, I did miss him. Terribly. I was also a mess of feelings over our last interaction. The scene had gone so well and then I had to go and make a fool of myself. First, with that kiss I'd nearly been praying for for months. I couldn't believe I pushed myself on Nicky with my face covered in cum like that. Every time I thought about it I wanted to cringe. I couldn't believe he actually kissed me back when my face was so disgusting. Then, I had to go and.. masturbate on him. It was absolutely mortifying and I loathed myself for that type of self indulgent behavior. I couldn't even enjoy the orgasm I got out of it because I was so horrified by what I'd done.
What made it worse was that I knew it was all me. Nicky hadn't pushed me into any of my actions, not really. He merely gave me permission to act on them. He did not make me suffer for enjoying myself, the way I thought he was supposed to. In fact, he was reassuring to me when I felt he ought to be rough and forceful. He didn't start anything with me. He always respected my rules. He just wanted to talk for Christ's sake but I was the one that started the kiss. I was the one that used him to get off! Then I turned around and blamed him for everything. I was in the wrong no matter how I looked at it. He was the victim in this situation and I'd been the one to make him one. I did that to my friend.
I didn't talk to Jessica about what happened or how fucked up I felt over it but I knew she knew about everything. I had security cameras in certain areas of the house, though not ones where my wife and I were typically naked. The kitchen and dining room were for eating and cooking, not usually for.. entertaining. Therefore, when I went practically mute after my time with Nicolas, Jessica instantly checked the cameras. She thought he hurt me and I wasn't even capable of defending him. She was ready to go to the police and everything but then she saw the tape. She didn't talk to me about it or punish me or push for more information the way I thought she would. She simply left me to my own devices.
"Yes I'll come home Eddie," Jessica said from the doorway, interrupting my train of thought.
"Mommy," I called, stopping her before she closed the door. "You look really beautiful tonight. I hope he's worth it."
My wife smiled tenderly at me and placed her hand over her heart. "Cariño, intenta tener una buena noche."
"Tú también. Cuídate," I replied softly and blew her a kiss that she "caught" and pressed against her cheek before she blew one back to me.
Once the door was shut and locked, I took out my phone and stared at Nicky's number. I'd had it ever since that first night, after he'd given it to Jessica, but I never ever used it. Tonight would be the first time I tried. I was so nervous that he'd yell at me or say something horrible like he was never coming back over due to my disgusting display of desperation, so before I texted Nicky, I took a few shots of straight whisky. It was probably foolish of me, drinking before speaking to the man that I was so tempted by, but I knew I needed to explain myself. I needed to give him something that would help him understand me now and there was no way I could ever do that sober. Once I felt buzzed, I took my phone out again to text him, still too much of a coward to call.
Me: Hi. It's Eddie
I texted and then waited anxiously for him to text me back. Nicky didn't respond right away so I looked at the time and realized that he might be out for the night so I sent another message.
Me: When you have time can we talk in person? Unless you're done with me and Jess? I would understand if I'm too much to handle. Just let me know. Please.
Me: Sir
Then I put my phone down and went to pour myself another shot while I waited. After nearly an hour of waiting for a text that never came, I was very drunk and I was feeling rather weepy. I hated being sad drunk but I couldn't help it. I felt unwanted and like I ruined everything with Nicky and Jessica both. Since I was alone and unstable, I was very close to becoming overly emotional and was considering self-harming behaviors. No one was here to notice or care so what did it matter what I got up to anyways?
Then I heard my doorbell ring.
I was very bewildered since I wasn't expecting anyone and Jessica had her keys. It was also eight forty-five in the evening and quite chilly. Though it was only mid-October, so I knew the neighbors wouldn't be coming by for a friendly Halloween visit just yet. I slowly made my way to the door, letting the bell ring two more times before I finally peaked through the peephole to see who it was. To my shock, there, on my doorstep, stood Nicolas.
He looked rough, almost as if he'd just gotten out of a workout. His clothes were sweaty and they clung to him in.. certain.. areas and his curls were a bit more elongated, framing his rosy face in an angelic sort of way. I found it to be quite the attractive look on him and then I promptly scolded myself for thinking so. However, and to my dismay, I noticed the idiot wasn't wearing a jacket. It wasn't unexpected but it was infuriating!
What if he caught a cold? Who would take care of him?! Even back then he was so annoying with that and he would end up sick most of the time because he never listened to me! And then who had to make sure he got through all his missed schoolwork? Me! Because I was his "smartest friend" so what else could I do? I'm pretty sure he would have failed algebra altogether without me.
I thought about mentioning his coatless state to him but then figured he would just tease me again about being a mother hen. Although I usually enjoyed Nicky's teasing, I wasn't sure how much I could handle tonight. I didn't want to cry over caring if he caught a cold just because he wanted to pick on me a little. What I was curious about though was that he was carrying a pizza box. What was that about? And who shows up without a warning?? I could have been busy! Or... lying in bed. Awake. God he was just so annoying! And hot.. ugh.
I slowly unlocked and opened the door. Then I stared up at him, unblinkingly, without saying anything, because getting a closeup view of how sweaty he still was looked incredible and left me tongue-tied. I wanted to lick his entire body clean.
"Are you hungry?" He asked when neither of us spoke for a minute.
