Becoming His

Hello my beautiful readers!

I'm kinda sad I wasn't able to update sooner but I've been dealing with nerve pain. Because of this I haven't been able to edit my chapter as much as usual but I really wanted to post it for ya'll anyways. Also, at this point you may be realizing this story will be longer than five chapters. It'll be seven in total. As always, please read the tags.

pequeño -little one

Te espero en el auto -I'll wait for you in the car.

Much love, xx

*******

-Nearly two days later-

Eddie's Pov:

As I slowly came to I realized several things. First, I was in a ton of pain. Both inside my ass and my arm burned like they were on fire but I couldn't quite place the reason for it. Second, I realized that though I was lying in bed, I couldn't recall how I'd gotten there. The last thing I could remember was my wife punishing me for being bad at sex. The memory of that spanking made my chest ache so I forced it from my mind. The third thing I realized was that even though I knew where I was, I didn't immediately recognize the body lying beneath me.

Though I kept my eyes closed, I knew I was in the presence of a man. My head was on his bare muscular chest and a strong arm was firmly wrapped around my body. It made me nervous at first but then the smell of Irish spring soap mixed with marijuana filled my nostrils and I felt my body involuntarily relax. Despite not knowing what was going on and the great deal of pain I was in, both physically and mentally, I couldn't help but to feel anchored to steady ground once I recognized that scent.

"Nicky? You're here? When did that happen?" I sighed sleepily as I gripped him a little tighter.

Despite the fear I'd held onto for years over a man being in my bed when I woke, I found that I somehow didn't mind Nicky being here. Despite the fact that I wasn't sure when he got here, I didn't feel as if my space were invaded. In fact, waking up next to Nicky felt kind of... right. Though I wasn't about to examine why I felt that way.

"You don't remember?" He asked gently.

"All I remember is being punished by my wife," I murmured shyly, embarrassed to admit to my friend that I needed punishment like a small child because I wasn't man enough to fuck her to orgasm. "I know I wanted to fix things.. for our anniversary but if you're here.. I'm guessing I failed again." I was quiet for a moment before I asked, "Did she leave me?"

Nicky was quiet for a long time. Too long.

"Actually, well, she did leave but.. not you. Not exactly," he finally replied. "Jessica said she needed to take a step back from everything and is going to stay with her parents for a little while. She thinks you both need time to cool off and think about what you want going forward."

"She didn't want to say goodbye?" I wondered out loud feeling a little more rejected. "Wow. She must really be sick of me."

"No honey. It's not like that at all. She wanted to talk to you. Really badly actually but you were gone to the world and you needed rest. I wouldn't let her wake you up.. so it's really my fault she didn't say anything to you directly. She also said you can call her any time you want to talk and if you need it to be in person then she'll come home for that but for now.. she just needs a break. She also said she loves you and she's sorry."

"So.. my wife leaves me and you're right here to step in. Why am I not surprised," I muttered cynically without thinking about how calculated I just made my friend sound.

Nicky stiffened beneath me before dropping his arm. He made to pull away but I clung to his body to stop him and he gave in to me. Though he did not replace his arm.

"That was low babe. I wasn't even thinking about it like that. I'm here cuz you asked me to stay. Not because I'm trying to.. have my way," he murmured lightly but I could tell that I'd hurt his feelings and I hated myself a little bit for that.

"I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have said it like that. But.. did you say you stayed because I asked you to?" I asked in amazement when I finally processed the rest of what he said. "When? Why? I was clearly a mess if I can't remember anything."

Then I winced over the pain in my backside and it was at that moment that I realized my bottom half was naked. I felt my throat close up a little as a hazy memory ran through my mind. I could clearly remember offering myself to someone but I couldn't see their face and I hurt as if I'd been ripped into. Nicky was the only person I could imagine offering myself to like that, even though I knew I wasn't anywhere close to being ready. Our time together had built enough trust in him that Nicky was my first and only thought if I ever imagined experiencing anal sex again. Which I didn't. Often.

At the same time, why would I do that if I wanted to fix things with my wife? I knew I wanted to make Jessica happy with me again after that punishment. I could even remember being angry with Nicky and blaming him for Jessica's disappointment with me. I'd wanted to ignore him hadn't I? But now we were in bed together and I was in pain.

"Nicky.. did we.. have sex?" I asked timidly.

"No honey. No one had sex with you. You hurt yourself and I helped you. Then we fell asleep. That's all," he replied genuinely as he sat us up in bed so that he could look me in the eyes.

"Oh," I felt myself melt a little more while trusting him immediately but I ignored the feeling. "So.. you really are my hero then?" I asked softly as I looked up at him somewhat in awe.

My handsome friend offered me a half smile, "I'm whatever you need me to be," he promised sweetly waking up those fucking butterflies he always seemed to pester me with.

The damn things made me act so stupid.

Because of the butterflies I ended up slipping out of bed to get on my knees and then asked: "Hey Nicky.. would it be alright if I were to.. stay with you? I mean, at your place, while Jess is gone? The house feels too big for just me right now," a little too hopefully with wide needy eyes.

"Sure," he replied with a soft smile as his hand gently caressed the side of my cheek. "It'll be fun. Hey so, you've been sleeping for a long time. Like, over a day now or something. Are you hungry? We could grab something to eat on our way over."

I shrugged but leaned into his hand a little more so that he cupped the side of my face. "If you want to eat we can," I murmured submissively.

I didn't really have an appetite but I'd play along if Nicky wanted me to. I felt an overbearing need to be around my friend right now. Especially with how fractured my marriage had become in a matter of days following our last intense scene. Now that Jessica had abandoned me, Nicky was the only person I felt like I could sort of trust. It didn't matter what we did, so long as I was at his side. I was determined to become his little shadow.

Any question I might have had over Jessica remaining my Domme was gone. Fourteen years of hard earned trust was gone, just like that. I knew my wife didn't want me. I didn't have to remember everything to know that. Besides, I could remember how she mocked me when I tried my hardest. Then she sent me away from our bed and now she'd left me physically without a word. There was no way I could ever submit to her again after all that and clearly I wasn't her problem anymore but the more I realized that the more anxious I became that I was truly alone.

I was willing to do anything to tie myself to Nicky to prevent that anxiety from becoming my reality. Yes, my friend was here with me now but.. I suddenly needed way more from him. Only I didn't want to ask.. I just wanted to cling and obey. I would be a good sub for him and maybe then he'd be so into the dynamic that he'd never want to stop. I wasn't sure that would work but I hoped he wouldn't catch on to my pitiful attempt to entice him into being my Dom. It would be too embarrassing to admit that I was trying to replace Jessica with him immediately after having my wife leave me. It made me look way too pathetic and desperate. I despised myself over how badly I needed him.

"Alright well I kind of need my shirt back and you need to get dressed. I can't take you out looking like that. You'll freeze and you're too pretty to turn into an ice block," he teased while gently tugging on the shirt I wore.

Oh. An order.

I felt the chaos in my brain still over the idea. I needed to make Nicky happy. To do that I had to let him take off my clothes. I shuddered internally over the thought but I forced my body into action and lifted my arms. Nicky stared at me for a moment before moving closer to strip his cozy shirt from my body. Immediately I felt self-conscious of the fact that I was naked as well as disturbed to see a long cut on my left arm but I did nothing about either issue. I simply sat frozen on the bed, under the watchful gaze of my friend, waiting to see if he would instruct me further like the needy little sub I was.

"Get dressed hun. Something warm. It's cold out today," he informed me as he put his shirt back on.

Ok. So not quite an order but good enough.

I left the room to obey and barely kept myself from whimpering allowed. Despite his words sounding more like a suggestion, I still felt like Nicky read my mind. In fact, I was so pleased that he told me to dress that I felt myself slip into an even more submissive mindset while I followed his instructions. It felt way too good to obey Nicky. I shouldn't feel this good. I'd just been through so much. It was the holidays, my wife had left me, I was going through an identity crisis, I'd gone through some kind of mental breakdown again and apparently blacked out and yet my friend telling me what to do was making me sort of.. happy or at least.. content and secure.

I shouldn't feel this way but I did.

It was an old but familiar feeling that I'd gotten often when I was around him when we were younger. Back then I was far too innocent to associate my need to follow along with whatever Nicky said as my need to be submissive.. specifically to him. Nor did I realize that I obeyed him because of how calm doing so made me feel. I always thought I was just a pushover but now I knew the difference. I might be small and keep my feelings to myself but I wasn't this submissive for just anyone. If I was then I wouldn't have been so successful in my career. In fact, outside of my wife, her lovers and Nicky, no one else saw me that way. I kept my submissive side as private as possible now that I was an adult.

The recognition of how I was feeling, combined with it being the same as how I used to feel around Nicky back then, took me by surprise. My entire adult life I always thought that my wife the responsible for how much I leaned into my natural submissiveness. She was the one that molded me and bent me to her will, there was no denying that. Now though, I was beginning to wonder if Nicky was the actual one that called it out of me to begin with. I couldn't remember a time where I ever said no to him and meant it, aside from my rules, and even those seemed to be more like guidelines where my friend was concerned.

Then my thoughts turned unbearably sad. Not for the first time I found myself wishing that summer had never happened. Despite everything I went through I still felt a pull towards my friend now that he was back in my life. The pull was stronger now that we were older and more recognizable now that I didn't have my wife to hide behind. All the feelings I tried to kill off back then were beginning to creep back up on me. It didn't matter how hard I tried to shut them down. It didn't matter how hard I worked to maintain the path that was enforced upon me. Somehow, I was back here rediscovering how I truly felt about Nicky being in my life and, against my will, I was falling for him all over again.

So, had I really suffered for nothing? Had I actually not learned the lesson that was tortured into my mind the way I thought I had? Apparently not because now all I could do was wonder about what could have been. How different would I be now if I could have kissed Nicky back without being sent away for it? Would I be happier? Would I still be married?

Then a shocking thought crossed my mind. Would I have married Nicky? I mean.. if that summer had never happened, I would have never moved. I would have stayed until I graduated. I would have followed Nicky wherever he wanted to go and I would have ended up giving in to my best friend's pursuit of me. That much I knew about myself.

Would I have eventually been able to face my father, with my best friend at my side, if that's what Nicolas asked of me? Maybe. Probably. If I was older when it happened. If I hadn't been subdued and taught to feel nothing but misery over the idea of being taken by another man. In fact, the more I let myself dwell, the more I became convinced that I'd have said yes to my former best friend if I'd had known he was in love with me. Maybe that's what my father had seen when he caught us kissing?

Sure, at the time I was confused and to be honest, I was still confused. But maybe my father never was. Maybe he saw the future I would have chosen when he saw Nicky and I together that night. Perhaps he saw me for who I was for the first time. He saw that I would always do what Nicky wanted even if I wasn't sure about how I felt and it scared him enough to send me away.

I tried not to let the idea shake me as I dressed but it was one I'd never considered before. It was something I never ever allowed myself to consider. There was little basis for the thought to exist. And yet the idea of marrying my best friend felt like a natural extension of what we had back then. I already wanted to marry young.

I'd always wanted that. I was a romantic at heart. The idea of spending my entire life with someone I adored enough to do anything for had always appealed to me. Though my desire and been tainted and changed, twisted into my working towards a marriage that left me feeling like less of myself than before. Which, at the time, was a good thing but now?

Unfortunately, the more I thought of how different my present could have been the more the future ahead began to scare me. Here I was at another crossroads in my life and this time I was actively choosing to let Nicky in. In fact, I was desperate to let him in. I was desperate to belong to him in some way even though I still refused to accept that I might be gay. So what did that mean? What did it mean about me? About us?

Would we become an us? I didn't know. I couldn't accept the idea but at the same time I knew I'd work my hardest to keep my friend at my side. At this point I was running on instinct and everything within me screamed that I fall in line with whatever Nicolas wanted. I knew I could trust him. It would feel good to obey him. It already had.

I needed to stop fighting myself. I needed to let go of the implications of how I felt. I needed to let go and give in, to the best of my ability. If I did, then maybe Nicky would keep me as his sub for forever. Even if he turned me into a cuckold again, that would be fine, I'd endure it, just so long as he didn't leave.

*******

"Why aren't you eating?" Nicky asked as he wiped the grease from his face with a napkin.

He was lounging next to me on his couch with our fast food piled high on the coffee table before us. Well, the trash of our food anyways. Nicolas had polished off over half of what we got and the rest was still in one of the Burger King bags.

I shrugged but didn't speak. The truth was.. I wasn't eating because Nicky hadn't told me to.

I knew it was dumb but I felt like I couldn't do it without his express permission. I'm not sure when it happened but sometime between when Nicky told me to dress and our drive to his apartment (combined with the way he'd corrected me by adding a scarf to my ensemble before kissing my forehead) I lost the ability to function like a grown ass adult. I didn't feel like I could speak, or eat, or bathe, or work, or decide anything for myself in general without Nicky telling me what to do. I was starting to feel just as helpless as I had when Jessica came into my life to care for me. Mixed up with my overwhelming need to submit to my friend in whatever capacity he accepted from me. It was maddening to feel this way.

Nicky frowned at me, "Honey, you need to eat something," he tried again but I simply sighed and ignored him.

I wasn't trying to be a brat. I really wasn't. I'd never been that type of sub. I just needed things I couldn't seem to ask for and that was a frustrating but unavoidable reality.

"Do you want something else? I could order a pizza or something?" He suggested causing me shake my head no before burying my face in my hands out of frustration.

"Honey look at me," Nicolas finally said when I kept my face hidden for several minutes.

I reluctantly let myself believe it was an order and slowly obeyed. I blinked a few times and backed up a little when I registered that Nicky was holding a french fry up right in front of my face.

"Please eat," he begged but I only looked down at the ground in response. "Hey! I'm not cool with letting you starve!" He scolded. "From my own knowledge it's been well over twenty-four hours since you had anything. You need to try Eddie." When I still didn't respond my friend grabbed my chin and lifted my face back up so that we were eye to eye. "Open your mouth babe. You're going to eat this," he insisted as he poked the fry at my lips.

Oh god it felt too good to hear him talk like that!

This time I couldn't help but responded to him and ate the food he offered. It was cold and salty and I really wasn't in the mood for fries but I opened my mouth obediently when Nicky brought another one to my lips. My old friend took the time to continue feeding me the entire meal by hand and any time I resisted he'd tell me that I wasn't done yet and that I was going to eat everything he gave me. It was so hot and annoying and I wholeheartedly loved it. Somehow him telling me that I would eat everything made the knots in my stomach disappear enough that consuming so much didn't make me feel nauseated like it normally did.

"There, nearly done. Good boy," he praised as he offered me one last fry.

I felt my cheeks go pink when he said that and instantly I wanted to hear it again. This time when he fed me, I forgoed the fried potato in favor of licking the salty residue from Nicky's finger tip. My friend gasped and dropped the fry, then he pressed more of his finger inside of my mouth.

"Mm, gonna clean me off honey?" He moaned gruffly while I sucked on the digit.

Why did him saying that have to put all kinds of ideas in my head?! Who was that fair too? Definitely not me.

"If.. you want me to," I managed to whisper before taking his next finger into my mouth.

"Fuck, everything you do turns me on. I love your cute little tongue," Nicky told me when I'd licked the salt from all five of his fingers.

I blushed when I looked over and noticed the huge bulge in his pants but I wasn't sure what to do now. If I was with Jessica, I'd offer to lick her pussy but that was just out of habit. She was my wife yes but it had been years since she actually told me about anything I did that was arousing to her. It wasn't my job to turn Jess on. It was my job to do her bidding and care for her but not to arouse her. I knew after a while that not even my tongue was good enough so it was a shock to hear Nicky compliment me for using it. Hearing his praise made me feel wanted. I needed to hear more.

"S-so then.. um.. sh-should I t-take care of.. w-with my...?" I couldn't even finish the sentence but I bravely let my hand fall into Nicky's lap.

It landed on his thigh, incredibly close to his dick. Then I began to lean over so that my face was closer to his bulge but my friend pushed me away and grimaced.