I was jailed for the first time just before my 20th birthday. I'll spare you the details of my crime, but it was bad enough to warrant a couple of years inside, being 'rehabilitated' in one of Her Majesty's finest prisons. Well, I say prison. Because of my young age I was in a specialised prison for 18 to 25 year-old scumbags like me, designed to keep us away from the hardened older criminals and stop us becoming too inspired.
I'd built up an idea of what prison was going to be like in my head, mainly from American TV shows. Unfortunately for me, the reality in a British prison is very different, and not at all what I'd mentally prepared for. No orange jumpsuits or posters of Raquel Welch in here, just angry young dickheads like myself.
It was my first day. I'd been given the grey tracksuit which is standard issue upon arrival. The guards said that if I showed good behaviour I was allowed some of my own clothes from home. That would be nice. They escorted me to my cell, where they expected me to spend most of my day, only for me to find it was cramped, cold, and already occupied.
When the guards locked the door a lad jumped off the top bunk. He had nothing on his torso, but thankfully was wearing his standard issue grey joggers. His brown hair was cut extremely short, and he had random tattoos all over his toned chest and arms. This was the first time I'd ever meet Jay.
"Alright mate," Jay said, "heard I was getting a cellmate. You're not a cunt are ya?"
"I'll not be a cunt if you're not a cunt," I said back, showing no fear in the face of this lad. "Just want to keep me head down and do me time, y'know?"
Jay laughed. "Don't we all mate. How long you in for? I've got just under a year left. Unless I do something daft again..."
"Eightteen fucking months," I replied, shaking my head. "Couldn't believe it man, was only expecting a year or so."
"Nightmare mate," Jay replied. "They're all arseholes those judges, just want to see lads like us locked up."
"Too right mate," I replied, shaking my head. I walked past Jay and sat down on the empty bottom bunk.
Jay seemed alright. Could have been sharing a cell with a lot worse. Don't get me wrong, he was probably a violent little dickhead, but so was I back then. We seemed to get on well enough, and he wasn't trying to intimidate me. He'd do.
The next few weeks were spent adjusting to prison life. The food was shit, so I didn't eat much, and there wasn't much to do except work out, so my body shape improved. I shed my puppy fat and developed my own toned physique to rival Jay's in just six or seven weeks. Physically, I was looking better than I ever had before.
You know how I said I learnt everything from American movies? Well one thing they didn't get far wrong was the showers. My prison was an old Victorian building that had old-fashioned communal showers, which meant no privacy for anybody. Luckily, the showers were usable for the whole eight hours we were allowed out of our cells, which kept them from being too busy.
I'd been inside for maybe ten weeks, and I'd only just gotten comfortable enough to shower naked instead of keeping underwear on. Obviously, now I was naked the showers happened to be pretty busy, so I tried to find a quiet spot and clean myself as quickly as I could. Now, by this point I'd just turned 20, my hormones were all over the place, and I couldn't fucking believe it when I felt a random erection coming on. I swear it was random. I turned to face the wall in a desperate attempt to hide it, but it was no use.
Jacko, a cocky little arsehole who always seemed to beat me at pool, noticed me turn away. "Weyyy look at that poof!" he yelled out loudly. "He's got a fucking hard on! Hahaaa!"
I don't know whether being mercilessly laughed at by about 20 lads for having an erection did something to my psyche, but fuck, I couldn't even argue back. Nothing I could have said would have stopped the mocking. I finished up as quickly as I could, and waddled out of the shower, still rock hard. My own cock had totally betrayed me.
The next few days were hell. Seemingly every inmate in here had heard about my little mishap, and even some of the guards had a couple of digs. The icing on the cake came when I went back in my cell one night, after a day of abuse.
"Evening hard-on," Jay said, laughing from his top bunk.
"Aww fuck off," I replied, not in the mood. "That's all I've had all fucking day."
"Not surprised, they're not gonna forget that in a hurry." Jay laughed again.
I remained silent.
"So do you like cock, then?" Jay then asked, as nonchalantly as if he'd just asked what football team I support.
"Fuck off!" I snapped back in reply.
"Well you had a boner surrounded by naked men, you must be a bit of a poof?"
I jumped up from my bed. "Don't call me a fucking poof!" I shouted, trying to be intimidating. "It was a random fucking erection, every fucker gets them!"
"Ooooh, calm down darling," Jay replied, mockingly. "Was only asking."
"Yeah, well don't 'only ask'. I'm fucking sick of it."
Jay smiled, and turned his attention to a magazine he was reading.
"Does funny things to people, prison though," he said, not even looking at me. I decided to ignore him, and instead lay on my bed in a huff. He continued. "No women around. Loads of 20 year-old lads all in one place. It's not just American prisons it happens in, y'know..."
"Fuck off," I again reiterated.
"It's true. There was a lad in who got out a few months ago. Came in straight. By the time he left he was offering his arse to lads in the showers for more juice at dinner time. It fucks people's heads."
"Aye, and I bet you fucked him, did you?" I replied, attempting to deflect the mockery.
"Nah, too easy for my tastes." Jay said. He waited a few seconds, before laughing. With that, the conversation died down a bit. I thought about Jay's story, though. Was it true? Had prison turned that lad into a raging little poof? Was that even possible? Why was I getting hard thinking about it? Fuck sake.