Becoming Myself

Dear Readers,

It's been a really long time since I posted and I promised that I would put pen to paper, so to speak, before the end of this year, This may not get posted until after the new year, but the sentiment is still there. It's time for me to start to keep my promises... especially those that I've made to myself. Thank you for all of your comments and support over the years. Your comments have kept me going at times. Now onto the story...

Enjoy!

~M

*

The blank nothingness that was ever-present in my mind slowly started to recede and I felt myself coming into consciousness. The first thing that I felt was a blank wall of consuming pain. The kind of pain that rips a scream from your very core. I began to completely panic, wanting to flail my arms but feeling like I was weighed down under heavy blankets locked into place. Heavy moans and groans came from my mouth as I also realized that there was something blocking my airway. I was vaguely aware of blinking sounds and alarms going off.

"Mr. Rutherford!" I heard being called over and over. It took me a minute to realize that it was a voice I didn't recognize.

"Mr. Rutherford, you are on a ventilator, please do not move!"

All of a sudden there was an influx of people in the space I was in. It still hadn't registered where I was or how I'd gotten there. All I knew was that I was in pain and that I was in a full on panic.

"Sir!... Sir, please calm down. Let me look at your eyes. We'll give you something for pain momentarily. Just hold on sir."

Whatever they did or whatever they gave me put me out like a light. I guessed that I was breathing ok because the next time that I came to, I was only aware of the pain, but there was no tube down my throat. I groaned and moved my head to the side a little. There was a man sitting in a chair next to me. My vision was blurry as the man got up. Soon the flurry of activity happened again and I was sent back into oblivion.

After what seemed like an eternity passed, with the only indication that days had gone by being the changing of the shadows on the ceiling, I was finally alert enough to completely open my eyes. The pain had ebbed ever so slightly as the time passed and I was able to focus on something else. Now what else there was to focus on? Staying conscious long enough to have a complete thought was the only thing I was trying to focus on. That and the blurry figures that I kept seeing around me. Why couldn't I place any of them? Why didn't I know any of them?

Sometime later I came to and was almost sitting up. I'd figured out that I was in a bed a while ago, but where I was I couldn't tell. I looked to my left and felt elated that my vision was clear. I saw monitors of all sorts steadily beeping away. Well that solved it, I was in a hospital. Why I was there or what happened to put me there was still a mystery. I looked to my right and my breath hitched.

Next to my bedside sat the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on. His hair was too long to be fashionable, falling about chin length. His hair was a dark brown, tinged with flecks of gold around the curled tips. I couldn't see his eyes because he was asleep, but something told me that they were charcoal grey , deep and soulful. His face was rugged and chiseled with many days growth of a beard. If I'd felt halfway good, I know I would have plumped at the sight of him. He seemed so familiar to me and yet not familiar at all. I hoped he was mine and that whatever was going on with me would be handled with him by my side. I felt better already.

I must have sighed because he gave a start and woke up. I smiled at his exaggerated antics. He stretched widely and yawned. He sounded like a bear coming out of hibernation. He looked all around, maybe wondering what had awoken him. When his eyes, yes they were grey, landed on me he smiled really widely. Whew, he never had to speak a word If he didn't want to. That smile was enough to make me co-sign a loan.

"Hey guy, you're awake. Let me call a nurse." His voice was like pure silk to my ears, even as gruff and tired as it sounded.

There were immediately people bustling in and out. One particular nurse was being utterly ridiculous.

"Sir, do you know what year it is?"

To which I replied, "Well I'm going to assume that it's still 2010, unless I've been in here long enough to ring in the new year." That got a chuckle from the nurse as well as my mystery hunk.

The smiling nurse began checking my vitals and asking me a series of questions.

"Do you know where you are?" "The hospital", was my reply.

"Do you know why you are here?" I stared blankly for a minute trying to recall anything from before I woke up in the hospital. When my brow furred and I didn't immediately answer, my hunk squeezed my arm. I felt the heat radiating from his touch.

Quietly I whispered, "I don't remember." I'd been riding on a high looking at the hunk at my bedside and the first trickling of fear began to invade my thoughts. The nurse paused for a second, frowning a bit.

"Sir, do you know your name?"

I looked around at the faces, now colored with concern. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't remember. Everything in my brain was an empty cavern. I couldn't place the hunk because I couldn't remember him. I didn't know if he was mine because I had no recollection of anything.

"Honey! Honey!" I heard this voice calling out through the throng of people that descended on my bedside. I looked towards the hunk, hoping against hope that it had been him calling out to me.

There was a woman standing in the doorway looking frantic. She came rushing into the room. "Oh, honey, you're awake!" "I was so worried. We'll get you all better!"

She must have seen the blank look on my face once she stopped babbling. The doctor took her aside and began explaining things to her. I still didn't know who she was. She looked a little like me. Maybe she was my sister coming to check on me. I heard her gasp and break down crying.

She walked over to me and laid her hand on my arm. There was no warmth in her touch. She was as cold as ice. I'd never seen a more stricken human being. She had to be a family member. Everyone was looking around with different degrees of misery on their faces.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Are you my sister?" I asked.

She starred open-mouthed at me for the longest time and whispered as tears streamed down her face. "No, I'm your wife."

*

Thank you for reading the first installment. Comments are always appreciated.

~M