Begrudgingly Yours

ASH'S POV

As the meeting adjourned and Liam dismissed us, I stayed behind to speak with Victor.

I could feel my heart hammering against my ribs as I stared at him. God he was so handsome, just looking at him made it hard to think. And, being alone with him now, all I wanted to do was curl up in his lap and bury my face in his neck, absorbing his scent. Bathe myself in it.

I lifted my head and stared up into his dark, brown eyes that, were now, peering down at me with a mix of lust and love. He was so intoxicating, so Goddamn...delicious.

My fangs extended and my breath went shallow as he scooped me up, off the couch cushion, and pulled me into his lap. I turned, facing him, straddling his lap.

I put my hands on his shoulders and leaned into him, then gently brushed my lips against his. He opened his mouth and I licked over his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue.

A soft growl erupted from somewhere deep inside him then he took my mouth, oping it wide, kissing me hard. He sucked and licked, devouring my mouth with his. His kiss was hot and hungry. His hands slid down my back as he ravaged me, then cupped my ass and pulled me closer.

I could smell his arousal and I was almost certain he could smell mine. I ground my ass against the swollen bulge in his pants. His hands gripped me tighter, harder, pulling me into him more. I felt my own erection pressing against the soft fabric of my pants, demanding to be set free. If this went on any longer I'd have to shower and change again before leaving the mansion.

I pulled back and Victor groaned. His eyes, full of need, looked at me for explanation.

"We need to stop." I told him, breathlessly.

"Why?"

I laughed. "I can't greet my father smelling like slick and cum."

He smirked. Apparently the idea was a turn on because he tried to pull me in for another kiss but I put my hand on his chest to stop him.

"I'm serious." I smiled even though I was trying to sound stern. "And, also, I need to talk to you about something."

He looked at me, his dark eyes warm and patient, waiting, like he knew I needed time to find the right words.

It felt like there was a wall of heat between us, drawing me closer with every breath I took. I wanted to kiss him again, to feel his arms around me. Hell, I wanted to burrow beneath his skin and live inside him but I couldn't. I had to be rational about this.

I swallowed hard, my fingers twisting in the hem of his shirt, wondering what it would feel like to run my hands under his shirt and over the bare skin of his chest. I shook the thought away and focused.

"Victor..." My voice cracked. I hated how small and unsure I sounded. But this was important. I had to know. "I need to ask you something and please, be completely honest with me."

"Ask me anything." He said. "I'll never lie to you, Ash."

I nodded, then took in a deep breath. "Victor, we've known each other for like a day now. I know the pulls of a fated mate is strong, stranger than anything I've ever felt. But, you still have a choice, and I need to know if you're sure. Sure about me. About...this." I gestured between us. My hands trembled. I felt so exposed, naked, but we had to have this conversation before we could go any further and I needed to know that this was for real and not just pheromones controlling us.

"Are you absolutely sure about being my mate? Because, if you're not, please, tell me now, before..."

He put his finger to my lips to stop me talking. His brows drew together and he looked...sad. Like I'd just wounded him without meaning to. "Ash," he said softly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life. There is no one that I want more. There's never going to be anyone I want more. You're it for me and if you're worried I'll have second thoughts, let me assure you, I'm already invested. I love you. I've loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you and nothing is ever going to change that."

"But, how can you be sure?" I asked. "How do you know it's not just nature and pheromones? How do you know it's real?"

Victor exhaled slowly, his eyes locked on mine. The way he was looking at me...I shuddered. I couldn't help it. The man did things to me I never dreamed possible. Just being near him, touching him, made me feel dizzy and completely at his mercy,

"I know it's real because I know my heart. I know what I want, and I want you. I can't explain it. I just know that when I look at you, my heart stops, I can't breathe. Everything about you calls to me, your scent, your voice, your skin...when I first realized you were my mate I tried to fight it. I tried to suppress those feelings, but I couldn't. The more I fought, the harder it was to resist until I finally realized that it was impossible. There was no use in fighting because I can't live without you."

He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.

"You said before that you need blood to survive, right?"

I nodded.

"Well it's like that. You need blood to survive and I need you. You're my blood."

"What about chocolate?" I asked.

"Huh?" He looked confused.

"I can't survive without chocolate." I told him. "What about you?"

"You're nuts."

"Yeah, I like those too."

He shook his head and laughed. "What am I going to do with you?"

I grinned. "Oh, I bet I could think of a few things."

"You're kinda naughty aren't you?"

I shrugged. "Do you like naughty?"

"I love naughty."

"Then yeah, I can be as naughty as you want."

"Really?"

I nodded. "I read a lot of romance novels."

"Okay, now I'm really intrigued." He chuckled. "But first, I have a question for you."

I blinked. "Okay."

"Are you sure about this? You've been through a lot, and I can't pretend to know what that Niklas guy did to you but I can tell he hurt you."

He put his hand under my chin and pulled my face around when I turned away.

"Like now. Whenever anyone mentions his name you go to this dark place and that scares me. Ash, baby, you know you're safe now, right?"

I nodded. I knew I was safe. Victor would never hurt me and I knew he'd kill anyone who tried but he couldn't erase the memory of what happened. Maybe, one day, he'd erase the fear, but I didn't know.

"I don't want to push you into anything. If you're not ready, we can take things slow. Just...tell me what you need. Anything, and I'll make sure you have it. Time...anything."

"I don't need time." I told him. "And. I am ready. I'm sure about you and me. You're my mate. I feel it in my heart and in my soul. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. I think maybe the trauma of everything..." I took in a deep breath. My voice shook and my eyes filled with tears.

"I was scared. Niklas did hurt me and I was afraid that if I let myself trust another man, if I let myself love, I'd be hurt again. I don't think I could survive it again."

Victor took my hands and held them tight. "Honey, what did he do to you?"

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't get the words out. Instead, I shook my head, turning my face away from him, guilt and shame preventing me from looking him in the eyes.

"It's okay." He whispered. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but just know, yo can always tell me anything. I'm your mate. You should always be able to talk to me."

I wanted to tell him everything and I felt he deserved to know, especially if we ever planned to be intimate in the future, which I did. I was just scared of being rejected, or worse. What if I told him and it changed the way he felt about me?

"You say that now but what if I tell you and you hate me?" I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. They came crashing down over my cheeks, staining my hoodie. "If you thought of me differently, or looked at me differently, I couldn't handle it. After everything, you're the one thing still holding me together. Without you, Victor, I'd have shattered to pieces by now. When you found me in the woods last night I...I was ready to die. I thought about killing myself. Even had a plan on how to do it but then you found me..."

Victor stiffened. I tried to turn away from him but he wouldn't let me. He held my face in his hands. forcing me to look at him and I swear I saw tears in his eyes.

"You listen to me, Ashlynn Dargan. Really listen. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can say that will ever make me hate you. Whatever that bastard did to you..." He cringed almost as if he already knew but for my sake couldn't say it, "was not your fault. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, wiping at my eyes. "But if..."

"No." He shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. No one here blames you, so you need to stop blaming yourself."

"But, you don't know..."

"I do." Victor closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as a shudder ran through his body. I could tell he was trying to suppress his emotions, his anger. I could feel it. "You're my mate." He told me, opening his eyes again. "I can feel your fear, your pain. And when you were talking about killing yourself, I felt the anger, the hatred and shame." He paused for a moment then went on in a shaky voice. "He raped you, didn't he? He raped you and you blame yourself because you think you're weak but baby, you are not weak. You fought back, you found your way here, and you survived."

It was like he was reading my mind, or my soul. And, maybe he was. Maybe that's what being soul mates meant. To know each other, inside and out. To feel each others pain, sorrow, and happiness. To be closer than you have ever been to another living creature, to be one.

"God, Ash. You are so much stronger than you even realize. And yeah. I do think of you differently now because I no longer see a frail, frightened, little omega. I see a man brave enough to stand up and fight against impossible odds. I see a man who never gave up even though it seemed like the world had given up on him." He brought my hands to his lips and kissed them as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I see a warrior and Ash, I am in awe of you and honored that I was chosen to be your mate. Chosen by you. Not your father, not your King, not even by fate. You chose to follow your heart and give it to me and I will cherish it forever."

I couldn't speak. He'd just reached in and laid my soul bare for all to see. That we were alone was the only thing that kept me from completely breaking down.

I pressed my face against his chest and cried while he rubbed my back. "Let it out." He whispered. "You've held it in long enough." And he was right. I had.

I really had.

Everything I'd been keeping locked inside was welling up and rising to the surface. I knew then that I could never hide anything from him. He could read every emotion on my face and feel everything I felt.

If it had been anyone else, I'd have felt vulnerable, stripped bare but with Victor, it didn't bother me. I wanted him to know me. I didn't want to keep anything from him. He was may mate. He understood me like no one else did or ever would. It was true that I'd only known him a day but it felt much longer. It felt like I had known him my entire life.

"Listen," he said, his fingers slipping under my chin so he could tilt my head up and meet my gaze. "What Jai said earlier, about the 'Threads of fate' bond and how it could help us at the the meeting and maybe even at the trial, how do we use that? How does it work?"

"Oh, well..." I dried my tears on my sleeve and tried to focus on the question. "From what Jai was saying, there's a section of the treaty about bonded or fated mates. Threads of fate means a mated pair that are fated and their bond is sacred. To try and separate them is an affront to nature. It's an old belief but still holds true today. It's even written into our laws. A fated mate trumps a chosen mate. Not even the high council can demand that a fated pair be separated."

"Because it can result in death?"

"I nodded. "Usually when one of the mates is an omega but I've heard that betas and even alphas have died when a fated pair had the bond forcibly severed."

"Would a fated pair ever willingly sever a bond?"

"Yes, but it would have to be done with a ritual and both mates have to agree to it and actually want it. I don't know why they would ever want that though and honestly, I've never heard of the ritual actually being preformed."

"Me either. Especially since I've been told that once the claim has been made, neither mate would ever desire anyone else."

I hesitated a moment, my eyes shifting downward as I thought about what he'd just said, remembering that Shifters mated for life, sacred bond or not. I honestly wasn't sure how the fated bond worked with Vampires because I'd never actually met a bonded pair. If it was true of Vampires as well as Shifters, then that could explain why fated mates were so rare in Vampire society. Vampires lived extraordinarily long lives but if the mate of a fated pair died, it's likely the surviving mate would die as well, and many of the ancients have taken their own lives simply because they were tired of living. Others had become living statues. Alive, but not.

"Omegas mate for life." I told him. "We're the only ones in Vampire society that do. It's possible that an alpha Vampire of a fated pair, could still desire someone new. I really don't know, but if he or she did decide to abandon their bonded mate, it would mean death if the abandoned mate were an omega. Maybe that's why the ritual exists."

"I suppose it's possible." He agreed. "But would the omega even be willing to sever the bond?"

I shrugged. "Maybe, if they wanted to live. Though, I find that unlikely. The bond is so strong that it would be hard to live with the rejection. The only way I could see it happening is if there were children. An omega's bond to their children is as strong as the one to their mate."

Victor was silent for several minutes, taking it all in, before he spoke again.

"So, how is the claim made. I know how it's done with Shifters but for Vampires, how does it work?"

Without even realizing what I was doing, my hand rose to my neck and I touched the spot under my left ear. "A mating bite. Usually the dominate mate bites the more submissive mate but both can wear the mark if they choose. After the claiming bite is made, they declare themselves as a mated pair to their coven leader and the heads of each family. A blood ceremony follows and that's it. Though the claiming bite is really all it takes, the rest is tradition and a way for the mating to be on record in case it's ever challenged."

"So, the declaration and ceremony is important but not necessary to seal the bond?"

"Right."

"And, the blood ceremony, what exactly is that?"

I took a moment to think of a reference I could use to explain it, one he would probably know. The mating or claiming bite was like a wedding ring. It was a permanent message to all that the omega, or alpha, was mated and not available. So, what could I use to explain the blood ceremony?

"The ceremony itself is symbolic. Like a wine ceremony during Human weddings. The officiator pours one glass of red wine. The married couple then pricks one of their fingers and add a drop of their blood to the wine. The officiator blesses the wine and then the couple..." I paused, trying to find the right word. "Feeds...it to each other...I guess."

"Okay, but why the blood? Is that just a Vampire thing?"

I had to laugh at that. Yes, it was very much a 'Vampire thing.' Blood itself is an important part of Vampire culture, and not just because it's our main source of nourishment. "To a Vampire, blood is the foundation of everything that we are or can be. Our history and lore tells us that the first ever Vampire, Hedda, was created when she drank the blood of an Angel. As punishment for slaying and then desecrating one of God's divine creatures, he cursed her to an immortal life of darkness, hiding from the sun, walking in the shadows. Never allowed to die yet not actually living. She became something in between, something unnatural."

"Wait, I thought you could tolerate sunlight?"

"Blood born Vampires can." I explained. "Vampires that were born and not made. When we're very young, the sun hurts but doesn't kill. As we grow older, we build a tolerance to it. For Human born Vampires, one's that were once Human but sired by a Vampire, the sun is much more dangerous because they still retain some of their Human blood, making them weaker. It can cause serious, painful, burns, or even kill, depending on the age and strength of the sire. To sire a Human, you need permission from the council. Young Vampires are never allowed to sire someone though. They're not strong enough and it's likely the Human would die instead of turn."

Victor stayed silent, absorbing every word I spoke. It felt good to captivate his attention like that. In all my life no one has ever cared so much about what I had to say. It was nice just to have someone to finally talk to who actually listened.

"Blood was life but it also became a curse. An agonizing and overwhelming thirst for blood that was nearly impossible to resist. Hedda eventually found a mate, a Human named Antone, but after years of loneliness and watching everyone around her grow old and die, she decided to turn Antone, make him immortal so he would never get sick, grow old, and leave her alone. Together they spawned many children and those children are who we, Vampires, are descended from. The blood that Hedda gave Antone bonded them together, forever. So, now it's become a tradition during a mating or marriage ceremony to share the blood of your mate."

"So, it's just symbolic then?"

"Well, yes and no." I brushed a hand through my hair, trying to find a good way to explain this to him. "I don't think there is any denying that there's a little bit of magic in Vampire blood. It can be used to sire fledgling Vampires, which essentially stops death. It can even be used to heal. But, another thing that it can do is create a bond between two Vampires. If we share our blood we can create a blood oath, and unbreakable promise between two people. I say people because this bond extends to anyone who tastes a Vampire's blood, any species. It allows them to share memories, feelings and thoughts. Sometimes its temporary sometimes permanent. The point is, our blood connects us to whom ever we choose to share it with in a way that you can't even comprehend unless you've tasted it first hand."

Victor pursed his lips. Then, he let out a slow breath. "So, you're saying your blood creates a psychic link between you and whoever you share it with?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"But, wouldn't that be dangerous for anyone who's not a Vampire? If I were to drink your blood, wouldn't that 'turn' me?"

I smirked at his question and shook my head. "Nope. Not a drop. Hell not even a cup full. It takes more than that to turn a Human, even a shapeshifting one."

Victor smiled and I gave him a quick wink.

"But, you could turn me if you wanted to, right?"

"No. I'd need permission from the council and that's rarely given. Plus, I'm too young and no where near strong enough. I don't even know if a Shifter could be changed, honestly. I've never heard of it happening before. I know that Werewolves can't but there are other species that can, like Elves."

"So, if I drank your blood, even a drop, it wouldn't turn me, just create a blood bond between us?"

I cringed suddenly, shaking my head. "No. No, no, no. That would be a fate bond. A blood bond is something entirely different, and not a very pleasant thing."

"Okay, so how is a fate bond different than a blood bond?"

I tensed. I had mentioned Blood bonding earlier when Liam and the others were still present. I explained to them that if found guilty at the trial, I was facing one of two punishments. Being immured, or blood bonding with Niklas, as he had requested it. To be immured was a horrible fate. Buried alive and sealed away until my death. Being as young as I am, it would probably take a month or two of being deprived of blood, but the starvation would be excruciating.