Ben Loves a Challenge

***Hey all,

Only one chapter after this! I can't believe Ben and Dean's story is almost done... Thanks for sticking around!

I might write something about Aisha as a Dom, let me know if you'd want to read that. It would more than likely be m/m/f, as I really enjoy writing that genre, too.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

-Penny ***

Dean was pacing, his phone gripped so hard in his hand that Ben could see his veins clearly sticking out. "Hey, hey," Ben tried. "Dean?"

Dean ignored him. Or, at least it seemed like it, but it occurred to him that maybe he didn't actually hear him. Ben was at a loss as to what to do, he'd never been good at the supportive stuff, at knowing the right things to say to make the people he cared about feel better. It was partially what lost him Laura, which, in retrospect was a good thing, but now he worried it would drive a stake between him and Dean, and he couldn't allow it. Not again.

"Dean!" He grabbed Dean's arm as he passed him. Dean stopped in his tracks, then looked up.

Dean looked startled. "Ben?"

He didn't know what to say, didn't have a plan, so he just pulled Dean into his arms and hugged him as hard as he could. Dean tried to squirm away at first, then wrapped his arms around Ben and hugged him back. A second later he shuddered and made a strangled, gasping sound.

"Come on, sit down," Ben directed, leading him towards the couch. "Come on."

Dean didn't let go of the hug and Ben skip-walked them both to the couch, then pulled Dean down on top of him. Dean was shaking now, crying, his face buried in Ben's shoulder.

"Shh, shh." Ben shifted until he was comfortable. Dean tried to get up, but Ben held him tight. "Stay," he begged. "Stay here."

"Uh-huh," Dean whispered between sobs.

"It's gonna be okay," he said, rubbing his hands in small circles on Dean's shoulder blades.

"D-Don't say that!" Dean snapped. "How c-can you s-say that? You d-don't know it'll b-be okay."

"I do," Ben soothed, keeping his voice smooth and level, even though he didn't feel calm at all.

"You don't."

"I do," he countered. "I do, because no matter what happens, I'll be here for you."

"Ben," Dean groaned.

"No, Dean, I will. I'm here, and I'll be here for you as we get through this."

"There isn't a 'we' in this scenario," Dean said, his tone harsh enough that Ben flinched.

Ben held his breath for a five count before he spoke again. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Fuck no," Dean growled. "No. God no. W-why would you even s-say that?"

"You said there wasn't a 'we' in this scenario."

Dean didn't answer right away. "I mean, this isn't, like, it's not your problem. It's my shit. Not your problem."

He hugged Dean tight. "Your problems are my problems, Dean. You've been here for me with the whole thing with my mom. I'm here for you for the thing with your mom."

His words sent Dean into another fit of sobs, and he held him tight as he rode them out. Eventually Dean calmed down again. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you-"

"Why do I wanna help you through this? Cause I care about you, Dean. Because I love you. Because I hate seeing you in pain like this. Because I want to help you get through this. Because you're important to me. How many more becauses do you need? I can come up with more, if you need me to."

Dean sighed, deflating. "Of course you can. I shoulda known, yea?"

Ben snorted a laugh. "Yup. So, how long will it take to get to the hospital your mom's at?"

"I dunno. Two-ish hours."

Ben looked at the clock on the wall. "So, if we grab lunch on the road we can be there by three thirty or four, if we get moving now."

"I don't, you don't have to come. I don't wanna waste your last day of vacation on this."

"Dean, first, spending time with you is never a waste of time for me. Second, your mom is in the hospital and she wants to see you. I'm your boyfriend and I wanna be here for you, you don't have to do this alone. Let me take care of you, okay?"

"Maybe now isn't the appropriate time to come out to her?" Dean growled. He sounded angry, but he didn't look angry. He looked scared. Ben felt closer to him, now that he could see the difference. He finally felt like he was starting to understand Dean a little better.

"I didn't say anything about coming out to your mom," he corrected, trying to keep his tone gentle. "I don't even have to leave the car if you don't want me to, or I can hang out in the cafe or cafeteria or whatever they have there. I just wanna be close by, so, you know, like, so you know you aren't alone. So you know I'm there, waiting for you, no matter how good or bad it is."

Dean broke out of his arms and pushed himself up. He started pacing again, looking at his phone. "I can't, I don't wanna waste your time."

Ben sighed. "Dean, I already told you that it isn't a waste of my time."

"I know, but I-"

"Not a waste of my time, Dean," he repeated, calm, but firm.

"I'm, like, I'm not used to having someone care, Ben." Dean was going to pace a hole into his floor if he didn't stop, he was nothing but nervous energy. "I don't want, like, my shit. My baggage, yea? I don't want you to-"

"I wanna know everything, Dean. I wanna know everything about you. I wanna be with you, for the good stuff, and to help you get through the bad stuff. The shit with my mom has me fucked up. Still has me fucked up, but you've been here the whole time. You've supported me, helped me deal with it. It's my turn. Don't tell me I can't be there, doing this with you. I won't let you go alone. I won't let you do this alone. You aren't alone, Dean. I'm here, with you. I'm coming, and I'm driving."

Dean stopped pacing sometime halfway through his little monologue, looking at Ben with a look of confusion, but also something else. "You really wanna come?"

"Yes, I really wanna come," he reiterated. "I would worry myself sick if I didn't, and I'd make you call me and leave me on speaker for the whole entire time until your phone died. And even then I'd worry."

Dean bit his bottom lip, his eyes watery again. "Ben..." He held his breath, staring a hole into the floor. "I can't..."

"What do you want for lunch?" he asked.

Dean looked up sharply. "What?"

"What do you want for lunch? We will break this into little pieces, and the first piece is lunch. I'm taking you to get lunch, we can pick something up and eat in the car. Then, I'm driving, and you're navigating. One of the most important things a navigator does is pick the road trip soundtrack. I know that's a lot of pressure, that's why I'm telling you now, so you can start thinking up a good road trip playlist. Then, we drive. I'm assuming I'll need gas, so we will stop at a gas station. Maybe pick up refreshments, and probably piss or something, I dunno. I guess we'll see when we get there."

"Ben?"

He looked up and Dean met his eyes. "Yeah?"

"You really don't need-"

"I think what you meant to say was thanks."

Dean blinked twice before he recovered. "Um. Okay? Thanks?"

He smiled, then stood up and stepped into Dean's arms. Dean hugged him hard. "No need to thank me. Come on, let's get ready, okay?"

Dean nodded, but continued to hug Ben. "Seriously. Thanks. I... I'm sorry, yea? I'm sorry I'm like this."

"Shush. I'm not. You're Dean. You're my Dean. I like you the way you are."

Dean hugged him harder, hard enough he could feel Dean's heartbeat against his chest. After a while Dean relaxed, then pulled away. "We should get going. I want Penn Station."

Ben nodded. "Aye-aye captain. To Penn Station we sail."

Dean rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. They got subs, then hit the road. It was a mostly uneventful trip, but Ben could see Dean's stress growing with each passing mile, until he was worried Dean would pop like an overfilled balloon when they passed the sign welcoming them to Dean's hometown.

"You okay?" he asked, not sure what else to do, other than keep driving.

"Yeah, sure. Yea. Okay," Dean said, not actually listening. He could tell Dean hadn't actually heard him, just answered on autopilot.

Ben sighed, then stopped at a red light. "You grew up here?"

"Hmm?"

"You grew up here, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess."

"Is this the first time you've been back since you moved away?"

Dean exhaled slowly. "Yea. It looks... It looks exactly the same. I mean, there are little changes, like, that store over there was a little old-fashioned ice cream and candy shop, the one that has cigars now. Oh, and that was a donut store, the one that's a Papa John's now. But, like, it's weird, how it still looks the same. Shouldn't it have changed?"

"Hmm," Ben wondered, turning left at the light, following the signs for the hospital. "Does it feel like it should've changed because you have?"

Dean looked over at him, but he was paying attention to the road. "I haven't changed."

"Maybe that's why it doesn't feel like this place has changed, because you feel like you haven't changed. But, Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"You have. You've changed, even in the short time we've been together. We both have. I like to think I've changed for the better, and I know you have."

"What has you feeling all philosophical?" Dean wondered.

Ben shrugged. "I guess I'm just feeling sentimental, too. Like, I dunno. Just..." He sighed, then shook his head. "Looks like we're here. Where should I park?"

Dean directed him, the color draining from him little by little as they parked. Ben turned the car off and Dean inhaled deeply, then held it. "It's fine. Everything is fine."

Ben shifted, then put his hand on Dean's knee and squeezed. "It is. Everything is going to be fine. Say it again."

Dean looked like he was going to pass out. "Yea. Okay. Everything is fine."

"Good job. You got this. It's gonna be okay. Where do you want me to wait?"

"Where ever you want, you drove, you took the time and, like, just, um, just do what you want, yea?"

He exhaled slowly, then squeezed Dean's knee again. "What would make you the most comfortable?"

"Come with me?" Dean looked brittle, as if even the slightest breeze could shatter him to pieces.

Ben nodded, then squeezed again before releasing his knee and unbuckling. "Of course. I can wait in the hall if you need, but I'll be with you the whole way. I promise."

Dean reached out across the cabin and pulled Ben into a tight, awkward hug. "Thank you," he whispered, holding the hug for a few breaths before releasing it and unbuckling. He was out of the car, the door slamming in Ben's face before he knew it.

Dean was in high gear, and he nearly had to jog to keep up with his boyfriend's longer legs and nervous energy as they headed towards the hospital. Dean stopped at reception, then headed to the elevators. Ben followed, neither of them talking the entire time.

It had been a while since Ben had been in a hospital, and he'd never been in this one, but they all seemed to look the same, neutrally colored walls, formica nurse stations, and the smell of industrial sanitizer. They walked the long, recurring hallway in silence, and for a second Ben felt like they were in a loop.

None of the staff looked at them as they made their way through the ward, looking for Dean's mother's room. Combined with Dean not talking to him, it made him feel more than a little invisible. Dean's anxiety seemed to overflow into him, each step he took had him more and more antsy. He almost barreled into Dean when he stopped abruptly, barely catching himself.

Dean's mother's name was written perky, looping cursive in dry-erase marker on the wall outside her door, Girna Kazmarek. Dean swallowed hard, but he didn't move. Ben wasn't sure he could, he looked frozen in place.

"Hey," he whispered, careful not to touch Dean, unsure if that would freak him out or comfort him, and not willing to take the risk of it being the first one. "You got this."

Dean looked over at him sharply, then nodded. "I got this," he whispered to himself. "Could you... I want you to come in, too," he replied just as softly. "If you, um. Like. You don't have to."

"No, I will. Come on, let's go. I'm here for you, okay?"

Dean swallowed hard again, then inhaled deeply, slowly releasing it. He did this two more times, then stepped inside the room, and Ben followed on his heels.

There was a privacy curtain pulled across the room, though the other bed was empty. Dean pulled the curtain back, his hand trembling slightly.

"Dean?"

Dean's mother wasn't as old as Ben had thought she would be, though she did look harried. To be fair, most people looked like shit in the hospital. He saw Dean's high cheekbones on her face, saw his sharp jawline on her, too. Her dark brown hair was only slightly streaked with gray, and her eyes were soft and caring. She was just as thin as Dean, too, from what he could tell.

"Mom?" Dean said, a tremble in his voice. "You, um. What's, um, are you?"

She sighed. "Hey kiddo, it's good to see you. It's been..." She seemed to think about it for a second, then shook her head in a very Dean-like way. "It's been too long."

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, his whole body a rubber band pulled too taut. "Why are you in the hospital?"

"Dean, sit, please, you're making me nervous. Oh, um. Hello, are you with Dean?"

Ben blinked a few times as he realized she was talking to him. "Um. Yeah. Um. Hi, Mrs. Kazmarek, I'm Ben. Um, Dean's friend."

Dean cleared his throat, then walked stiffly to one of the hospital chairs. Ben looked around the room, then picked a chair closer to the door, far enough away from Dean that he hoped he'd be comfortable.

"Dean's friend? That's lovely," she mused. "How've you been, kiddo? I've missed you, you know."

"I get your cards," Dean barked. "In the mail."

"Oh, that's good. I'm glad."

"I'm, ah. I'm moving soon. I can. Um, new address, so, yea."

She nodded, then went to scratch her face, but the IV in her hand stopped her short. "That would be nice. When are you moving?"

"Next month," Dean answered, his foot tapping on the floor. "February. Mom, what happened? Are you..."

"Oh, yes, prolly just a close call is all."

Ben was realizing where Dean learned how to answer questions without actually answering questions. He smiled slightly, then sobered his face when he saw Dean's mother watching him.

"Mom," Dean sort-of whined. "Why're ya in the hospital?"

She rolled her eyes. "Had a stomach ache that wouldn't go away. I didn't wanna come, but you know your father. I mean, I guess he was right, in the end, but you know I hate ta be bother a ta people. They thought it was cancer, so I have to have surgery, but they think it's benign. I guess no way to tell for sure without cutting it out."

"Cancer?" Dean asked, sounding choked.

"They don't think it's cancer, they put a camera inside me and looked at it. Said it looks like a benign fatty tumor in my intestines, but it's too big to leave or burn, so they have to cut it out. It's fine," she dismissed. "I'm really glad you came."

"Cancer?" Dean repeated, stuck on the word.

"It's fine, kiddo. It's probably benign."

Dean was white as paper. "Ma, when's your surgery?"

"Tomorrow. I wasn't sure you'd come. It's been a few years."

"Ma, you're in the hospital, of course I'd come. I mean-"

"Well, I'd like it if I didn't have to be in the hospital for you to visit, you know."

Dean looked like he'd been kicked. "Sorry. Sorry, yea..."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Tell me what you've been up to, I'm literally dying of boredom here."

"Where's Dad? Or Sean, or Dave?" Dean asked, looking around as if he'd missed them in the room.

"Dave's at work, he's coming tonight to visit with Daisy and June. Sean was just here, I think he went to get a bite to eat, hospital food's not to his picky liking. Your Father's at church, praying for me."

Dean frowned. "He coulda done that here," he grumbled.

His mother shrugged. "Well, he's doing it at church. You know how he is. Who's this friend'a yours who came out all this way?"

Dean looked over sharply, Ben wondered if he'd forgotten that he was there. Now that both Kazmarek's attention was on him he felt self conscious. "I, ah, drove." He kicked himself internally, he shouldn't have said anything at all.

"From work. We work together."

She tilted her head, pursing her lips to the side thoughtfully. "An awfully nice work friend, to drive you all this way."

"I, ah... Yea." Dean looked out the window, pointedly not looking at his mother, or Ben.

"If you don't mind me asking, might he be your boyfriend?"

Dean spun back to face his mother, his cheeks even more pink than normal on his pale face. "B-boyfriend?" he gasped. "I, uh, he, um, what?"

Dean's mother had on her 'no-nonsense' face, the same one his mother used to use on him, back when she was still talking to him. "Your boyfriend. Is that not the right term? Your significant other? Your partner?"

"I, what, how?" Dean sputtered. Ben very pointedly stared at the floor, terrified his face might have given it away somehow.

A small smile lifted the corner of her lips. "Dean, I'm almost offended that you think your mother wouldn't know about her children."

"He could just be a friend," Dean said, his tone tight.

His mother shrugged. "I guess he could, but it seems like a lot for a friend to come with you like this. And, he just seems a bit smitten with you. Are you just really just friends, Ben? Oh, and I'm sorry if I made an assumption, I know men can be a bit titchy about being referred to as gay if they aren't."

"Smitten? I, ah, wait, what's titchy?"

"She means touchy, Ben," Dean clarified.

"Titchy, touchy," she said, dismissing the words with a shrug of her shoulders. "Whatever. You know what I mean. So, Ben, are you smitten, or are you just friends?"

He'd been fingering his collar, only realizing it when Dean's eyes locked onto his fingers and his cheeks flushed again. He dropped his hands into his lap, then looked up at Dean's mother.

"Mom," Dean complained before he could answer.

"Dean?"

"Please don't antagonize Ben."

She smiled like a cat with cream. "I wouldn't dream of it, kiddo."

"Moooommmm..."

"Hmm? I forgot how fun it is to tease you."

"Maybe that's why I don't visit," he snapped, then looked down at the ground regretfully. "Sorry."

"That's not why. Dean, I've known you were different ever since you were little. God makes us all the way we are, it's not for us to question his reasons. It doesn't change who you are, and it doesn't change the way I love you."

"Ah, yea, so. Um. He's, ah. My, um. Yea." Dean sniffled and Ben looked over to find him openly crying, tears streaming down his face as he stared at his mom. "Boyfriend. Ben's my boyfriend. Mom... Does... does dad kn-know?"

She shook her head. "Your father is... He's a little more fire and brimstone than I am, but he sees the world how he wants to see it. So, no, he doesn't know. And-" She held up her hand, stopping Dean from interrupting. "I won't tell him. He doesn't need to know."

"Sean? Dave?"

She shook her head. "Your secret is safe with me, kiddo. I knew you were different, but wasn't sure you were actually gay, not one hundred percent, not until I saw Ben here. He loves you a lot, I can tell from here."

Ben's face burned and he studied his hands. "Sorry," he whispered to Dean, not sure what gave him away, but feeling guilty about it anyway.

"You, um. Mom, I..." Dean wiped his tears away, then tried again. "You don't think I'm... disgusting?" She shook her head, but Dean wasn't convinced. "Dad would. Sean and Dave would."

She looked offended for a second, then sad. "I understand why you feel that way, and you're probably right about your father and brothers, but..." She sighed. "You know I work with people, at the church, you meet all types. I guess it got my eyes open to a lot of things. God works in mysterious ways, Dean, and love is a rare commodity. When you find love, you've gotta grab it and hold on tight, because God put that there for you to find. It's not up to me, or your father, or anyone else, if you find the one who makes your heart feel full. When you find your one, you should cherish them.