CHAPTER 5: "FUCK ME, RESPECTFULLY"
Over the next few days, I felt like a zombie. I was going through the motions. Get out of bed, shower, get dressed, be in nature, eat dinner, fuck Ryan, sleep, and repeat. It was like something had switched in me when Cameron told me Tanner was Ryan's ex-boyfriend. I didn't know how to ask without throwing Cameron under the bus.
Also, there was this voice in my head telling me I couldn't be jealous. I had already completed some egregious acts with Cameron. My life was spinning, and I had no control over it. It was like no one even noticed that I was slowly sinking into a mental abyss. Or so I thought.
The family was gathered around the dinner table. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. I was seated across from Cameron. We hadn't really said much to each other since the night when he told me who Tanner was. I felt his eyes on me. Every time I glanced up, I would catch him looking at me. I could tell he wanted to say something.
Gill announced, "Tanner and his family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night."
"Really? He didn't say anything to me about it," Ryan said. It was clear he was shocked.
Something snapped inside of me the second those words left Ryan's mouth. I guess my insecurities had arrived and were on full display for everyone at the table to see and hear.
"You talked to him," I asked. I think I was more in shock than anything else.
Ryan leaned back in his chair, "Yeah. He's a really good friend." I could tell he was shocked by my questioning of things.
"A really good friend that you used to date and didn't bother telling me." I grind my teeth with every word. I had been sitting on the knowledge for days and it just boiled over and out.
The entire table grew quiet. Ryan's cheeks turned red. He was flushed, but I didn't know if it was because of anger or embarrassment. I didn't even care.
"What? Who told you that," he asked.
"Doesn't matter. You're not denying it," I said.
Ryan stared at me for a moment, and then he cut his eyes across the table at Cameron. There was no need for words. Ryan knew right away that Cameron had told me.
"Wow, really, Cameron? You're supposed to be my brother," Ryan shouted at him.
Cameron defended himself, "Hey, that's your boyfriend. I thought he knew. Don't get upset with me because you couldn't be honest, little brother."
"Don't be mad at Cameron. You should be mad at yourself for not saying anything. I deserved to have known." I was agitated and angry.
"See what you did, Cam. You just can't mind your own business," Gill yelled at him.
Cameron and Gill stared at one another. There was a deep animosity between the two of them. I didn't see it my first night, but it was clear that they weren't fans of another.
I interjected, "This isn't Cameron's fault, Gill. He did nothing wrong."
Cameron cut his eyes at me, and they softened just a little. Even at that moment, he made my heart race with his eyes. He quickly focused back on Gill.
"It's his fault. It's always his fault. Why are you meddling in Ryan's business? What's it to you," Gill fired off at Cameron.
Cameron slammed his fist on the table, "I was trying to be nice and make conversation with Marcus."
Ryan yelled, "That's bullshit. You did it to be a dick like you always do."
"I did it because someone needed to be a man in this family," Cameron yelled.
Gill jumped up from the table, "You ungrateful little shit."
"Gill," the mother screamed. Her scream was in vain because Gill was right in Cameron's personal space.
"No, go ahead and hit me, Gill. It's your favorite thing to do, right? I remind you of the man you'll never be. My father!" Cameron's words cut Gill because the next thing I saw was Gill swing and hit him in the face. Cameron balled his fist, and I screamed just as he was about to swing back on Gill.
"CAMERON," I shouted.
Cameron squared off with Gill. He wanted to hit him with every fiber of his being, but he didn't do it. He didn't do it because of me.
"Come on and do it. Show me you're a big, strong man," Gill goaded him. "Come on, Cam, swing on me. Hit me, boy."
Cameron punched the table and stormed off. No one dared follow him. I didn't understand that. Cameron hadn't done anything wrong yet he was somehow being made out to be the villain.
"No one is going to go after him," I asked.
"Marcus, you don't really understand how our family works. I'm sorry you have to bear witness to it, but don't judge what you don't understand," the mother mumbled. It was like she didn't really want to say much.
I jumped up from the table and went after him. Ryan called out after me. Gill stood there running off at the mouth. I followed Cameron outside. He was so upset. He kicked the dirt and screamed.
"Fuck him. Fuck that fucker," he shouted. "I left my fucking keys in there, and I can't go back in. I need to get out of here."
By sheer dumb luck, I had my keys in my pocket. Cameron climbed into my rental car, and before I knew it, we were driving down the dark road. There was nothing but darkness for miles and miles beyond my sight. I had left my phone back at the house. All I could do was sit silently and listen to Cameron spit out directions every so often.
It was about an hour's drive, but we arrived at this modern-day-looking home. The house was dark and in the middle of nowhere. Cameron jumped out of the car and walked up to the house. I quickly followed behind him. There was a set of French doors with a keypad. Cameron entered the code, and we went inside.
"You can leave now," he said as we walked down the hallway.
I couldn't leave. I didn't know where I was or how to get back to his family's home. I walked down the hall and found him in a bedroom. He had already stripped down to his boxer briefs. The room itself was dark. There were no curtains up, so all the light from the moon lit up the room.
