CHAPTER 6: OH, THE GUILT
I stood in the shower, letting the water rinse away every part of me that needed to be cleaned. The hot water was soothing to my body, but nothing could help my soul. I had fucked up royally, and now that the afterglow was gone and lust had faded, I was reminded of my sins. I could see it so clearly, round after round of mind-blowing sex with Cameron.
He touched me like no one had ever done. He fucked me like I had been made exclusively for him. He kissed me like a god. He was the perfect blend for the perfect storm. With each thought of his cock and his body, I felt myself grow hard. There was a throbbing sensation in my anus. I sensually touched my body.
My fingers traced my dark flesh. Down my chest and stomach and across my abs, I touched every inch. I moved to my dark yet neatly trimmed pubes and then down the length of my shaft. The head of my cock felt sensitive to my touch. I grazed my smooth balls and then reached between my legs.
There, I found my taint. My body shivered upon contact with it. My hand moved to my ass. My hole was still open and pulsing from the last fuck Cameron had given me. I traced the ring of my anus, and it was tender, but that made me horny. I pushed a finger inside myself. The warmth from my ass consumed my finger. The warmth of it all spread through my body like a wildfire.
"We need to go," Cameron yelled from outside the bathroom.
I snapped back to reality. In the mirror was a black man with brown eyes, radiant skin, a narrow face with a goatee, pink wet lips, kinky curls, and a perfect body. My reflection was that of a stranger as I stared at myself. It was my face, but I had no idea who I was. The Marcus I knew would have never done what I did to Ryan.
The ride back to the house was the longest drive ever. The entire time, my mind was plagued with worry and doubts upon doubts. Doubts that I'd be able to face Ryan. Doubts that I'd be able to hide what happened. Doubts that I'd ever feel anything other than my ass throbbing and vibrating. Cameron had fucked my walls and ass muscles away and left me with a sensation I couldn't get rid of.
I found myself constantly glancing over at Cameron the entire drive to his parents' house. He appeared so chill about everything. He was leaned back in the passenger seat with a pair of black sunglasses on. I couldn't really tell if he was sleeping or not. He had plugged his phone in to navigate me back to the house and he just went silent on me.
I pulled up to the house. Standing out on the porch was Gill. His eyes were on us the second I put the car in park. I immediately felt uneasy about walking into the house. I cut the car off. Cameron sat up in his seat. I guess he hadn't been sleeping after all.
"Should we talk," he asked me.
"Should we talk?" I imploded. "You wait until we arrive back at the house to wanna talk. You are the epitome of a fuck boy."
"Wow! What does that make you, Marcus? You had a choice to not fuck me, and let's not kid each other you definitely fucked me as good as I fucked you."
Something about the way he talked to me triggered me. It wasn't a typical trigger. It activated the queen that lived deep inside me. I found myself wanting to do things that a woman would do in my position. I wanted to slap him. I raised my hand and swung. He caught my wrist, and he held it tight.
"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You're asking for a spanking, Marcus," he said as he stroked my wrist. It was like he found pleasure in my emotional torture. For some reason, I allowed him to taunt me. I felt alive when he did it.
With my other hand, I slapped him, "BASTARD!" I completely caught him off guard. He didn't see it coming. He instantly let go of my hand. He rubbed the side of his face.
As he narrowed his gaze at me, "If we were alone, I'd bend you over the hood of this car and fuck you for hours straight."
There was a knock at the passenger-side window. Gill had come over and was standing outside, looking in at us. I wasn't sure how much he saw and I didn't care at the moment.
Gill yelled, "You two didn't talk enough last night? Come on, get out of the car. Ryan's been worried sick all night."
Cameron sneered, "This isn't over yet. We're just getting started, Mark."
"We are so done, Cam," I hissed through my teeth.
I got out of the car and slammed the door. I don't know how, but I always seemed to let Cameron get under my skin. It was the most consuming feeling in the world because, on the one hand, I found it nearly repulsive, and then, on the other hand, he was so captivating. My lust for him was maddening.
I entered the house to find it unusually quiet. Slowly, I made my way up the stairs. With each step I took, it felt like my heart was about to drop into my stomach and burst forward. My knees felt weak, and my palms were all sweaty. It was the longest walk of shame I had ever taken.
I found Ryan sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at the floor. My cell phone was sitting beside him. He felt my presence because he looked up the second I walked into the room. Our eyes met briefly, and then he looked away.
Weakly, I said, "Hey. I'm sorry I stormed off last night."
"Are you done with me," he asked without looking at me.
"What," I was baffled by the question, "What do you mean? Why would you think that?"
"You never came back last night," he said. He was baring his emotions and I found that to be hot.
"Cameron had me take him to some house about an hour away. I didn't know how to get home. My phone was here, so I couldn't use GPS. I'm sorry I made you worry about me."
He looked at me and said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you who Tanner really was. I was just excited, and it was wrong of me. I love you, Marcus."
He came and stood in front of me. That look of sex was in his eyes. He kissed me, and I froze. Images of Cameron fucking me in various positions played in my mind. Ryan sensed something was wrong with me. He pulled away and stared into my eyes.
He asked, "What's wrong?"
