CHAPTER 19: DEFINED BY THE MOMENTS
(Cam's POV)
"Arrogant prick with a big cock."
"Hot bod with an ego."
"Good for a fuck but not a relationship."
"I need a guy who has something going for himself. Not just a guy who's good in bed."
"Eric and Ryan are smart, but you're the hot one."
"Ordinary brain with an extraordinary dick."
"Earn your keep in the house, Cameron, and fuck me with your big boy cock."
"You're a bad boy. Women only take the good guys to meet Mom."
Those were just some of the things I would hear on the regular. Those words became my truth, and I was happy with them. I was good in bed. I could fuck anyone into my submission without breaking a sweat. My pretty privilege had opened more legs and ass cheeks than God himself. I adopted the bad boy persona and wore it like a crown made of gold.
For years, I lived my life without much care or thought about anyone else. I got what I wanted. No one rejected me. That all changed the night I met him at that bar outside of Denver. I knew instantly he wasn't from around there. He stood out in a way I couldn't explain. He was sitting at the bar looking absolutely fucking hot. His dark features were dangerously sexy to me.
I wanted to pull my best moves on him, and by dumb sheer luck, "Hurricane" by Luke Combs played, and I jumped up and belted the words out to him. Funny, in hindsight, Marcus really did hit me like a hurricane. He was the first guy to reject me, though it didn't last long. Learning he was Ryan's boyfriend should have sent me running away, but it only made me want him more.
Marcus had a way of instantly calling me out on my shit, but at the same time, making me see there was more to me. He opened my eyes to things that I had never seen before and my heart to feelings I hadn't dared to experience. I tried my darndest not to fall in love with him, but I did. I knew the moment after we went swimming in the lake that I could be myself around me, but it was when he went those two weeks not talking to me that I knew he was worth the fight. I knew he was supposed to be mine when we fucked for the first time. He took every part of me. He took my passion, aggression, and pain. In return, he supplied me with fervor, desire, and vulnerability. So, why did I break his heart?
It's simple but it's not at the same time. I didn't like to share, and in order to have him, I would have to share him with Ryan. Ryan was willing to share because he had these unrequited feelings for me. Then there was the whole Gill of it all. Gill had died, and for reasons I couldn't completely understand, I felt all this emptiness and heartbreak inside. I couldn't be who Marcus needed me to be, so I had to end it. I had to figure out my life without him in it. I bowed out and left him for Ryan. Only that's not quite how things went. No, instead, I watched him walk away from me and Ryan in the rain storm.
After the Breakup of Cameron, Marcus, & Ryan
Even through all the rain, I could see the hurt and confusion on Ryan's face. Hurting him and Marcus was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I just knew I couldn't be who they needed or wanted to be. I thought I could, and then Gill died, and that changed every fucking thing.
"You can mock my political beliefs. You can mock my ideology, but what you can't mock is the truth. So admit it! You're a queer incest-loving fag like the rest of us!" Ryan shouted it so loud and proudly.
My little brother was a true queer. He may as well have been waving a flag and wearing a pair of booty shorts. I was proud of him for being honest about his truth and also equally upset with the words he had just slung at me.
Who am I kidding? I was beyond upset. I had tried to do the right thing by him and Marcus. I bowed out, but they were the ones being selfish. They both still wanted me even after I made it clear that I wasn't an option and that I didn't like to share.
Ryan could see the color drain from my face. Ryan knew as soon as he said the words that it was a mistake, and yet he made no apologies. I felt my eyes go dark, and then I swung at him. The little fucker knew it was coming. He was prepared, and he moved fast.
With all my force, I hit the air and almost tripped. Talk about adding insult to injury. I stumbled a couple of feet in Ryan's direction. He reached out to help me find my balance and not fall. I quickly pushed him away. I didn't need his sympathy or help. I just needed him to respect my boundaries.
"Fuck off, Ry," I said aggressively.
If he had been any other person in the world, I would have broken his face. He was my baby brother/ cousin. Talk about a fucked up family tree. Guess it makes sense considering how fucked up of a family we are. Two brothers, one woman, and a whole lot of therapy. Imagine if this shit got out; it would be a big congratulations, Ryan Murphy. He'd have his next big Netflix series.
SIX MONTHS LATER
Ryan had just outed what we had done to our entire family and Tanner. I was impressed that he had the balls and courage to do it, but at the same time, I was pissed that he had told. It was our secret. Now that it was out there, I knew everyone would blame me and judge me for it. Ryan couldn't have cared less. He flipped everything upside down and stormed out of the house.
The family stood there staring at me as if I owed them an explanation. I probably did, but I couldn't even begin to talk or speak. My mouth felt dry, and my palms felt sweaty. I needed fresh air in my lungs, quick, fast, and in a hurry. I quickly made my way outside. The air filled my lungs, but it felt like I couldn't breathe.
I felt a hand on my back. I looked over my shoulder, and there was Tanner. He looked at me like I was broken or something. Maybe it was empathy or sympathy, but I took it as pity. The last thing I wanted was for someone to look at me with those types of eyes. Just like a bad habit you can't quit, I slipped back into my old ways. I forced myself to breathe, and I pulled Tanner into a kiss.
For a moment, he struggled against me, but I never accepted rejection or defeat. I pressed my lips harder against his thin lips. The fight in his body slowly died, and he resigned himself to his fate. I wrapped him in my strong arms and pulled his body closer. The erection in his pants said he was ready to give himself to me. I was prepared to take him as a toy and play with him how I saw fit. He began to kiss me back. His tongue invaded my mouth. I lifted him in my hands and cuffed his little pert ass cheeks as I carried him to the barn.
The moment we were inside, I quickly began to undress him. I moved faster than he had time to process. The adrenaline was rushing. I was angry, hurt, and horny. I needed a fresh hole to plow, and the idea of it being someone who had been with Ryan excited me. It was like taking Marcus all over again.
Before Tanner knew it, we were both naked, on our sides in the hay. I was behind him, rubbing my engorged cock along his pinkish taint. His breathing was nervous. We were about to cross a line that we could never come back from. It was a line I had crossed before, so I wasn't worried.
He looked back, "Are we sure about this?"
I answered him with my cock. I slid inside his relaxed hole in one push. He let out a deep sigh and threw his head back. I kissed him and began to fuck his tight ass. His pussy lips wrapped around my cock like a warm glove in the winter.
I lifted his leg up and began to fuck him hard and deep. My balls pounded into his ass cheeks. He started throwing his hips back to meet my thrust. Our bodies made a clapping sound. His balls bounced, and his cock grew harder as I took him.
"Oh fuck, Cam," he cried out in deep pleasure.
