Jonathan stared into Bruce's face for a long moment. It seemed they both were watching the other, as the man was looking longingly back at him. But he smiled gently at the young man.
"What's on yer mind, Jon?" He asked, not sure by the very different look on his face. It was an expression he had never seen on him before.
Jonathan shrugged, feeling he should know. He looked away resting his head on his shoulder for the moment.
"Jonathan?" the man's tone was a bit firmer now. "Don't you shrug me off like that! Now, what's on your mind?" This time his inquiry was more a demand to know, spoken in a statement.
"I was only wondering if you want me." Jonathan looked up into his face but didn't lift his head.
Bruce chuckled a bit lightly. "What, getchya wondering? Are you feeling self-conscious suddenly? Maybe a little inadequate?" He was becoming more familiar with some of the things he and Greg had discussed in the past few days. During the moments when Tony had taken Jonathan out of the motel room to calm down his stir craziness. Flashes of different emotions and warning signs that seemed to lead to his very difficult to deal with problems, were all targets for discussion at every opportunity that they had alone together.
"I guess I am. Maybe a little." Jonathan answered solemnly.
"And why? You should know by now that I love to hold you and cuddle with you. I know I haven't been around as much as you want. But I do have to work. Just like Greg, I have a responsibility to my job. And you..." He tapped the young man's nose lightly with a finger.
Jonathan giggled a little.
"Then again, I don't want you feeling obligated to me. You're not my whore, do you hear me?" The man was firm on that point.
And the youth looked into his face, knowing he was more than serious. Yet he wasn't really used to not seeing himself that way still.
"Jonathan?" Bruce half sat up looking down into his eyes now. "What did I just say?"
A mist seemed to shroud his eyes as he gazed into Bruce's, and then looked away at the tiny details of the man's chest. "I'm not your whore..." He muttered softly.
"That's right. I love you as a friend, my companion, and sometimes I even think of you as my own kid. But you are not my whore. I never meant that from the beginning and I think you know that, don't you?"
"I do..." He sighed heavily as emotion was beginning to choke him it seemed. The lump that had formed in his throat felt so large to him at the moment.
"I love you, Jonathan. That in itself speaks better of you than just a whore. And I mean that."
"I know, Bruce. I just find it hard to think better of myself sometimes. I've been feeling this way for so long." He admitted.
"Yes, but like Greg told you before, you have to start telling yourself the good things that we say about you, at every turn, kid. It took repetitious comments to get you thinking the way you are now. So, you have to change it, and no longer agree with those, but begin to agree with what we say about you. When you feel your worst, it is the most important time to do this. And you know what?" Bruce leaned closer almost covering his body as he leaned to his ear. "Greg and I have been talking and we both know a very good therapist that we believe would help you a lot. So, if I take you to him, will you cooperate with him and talk to him?"
"Yes, I will..." Jonathan sighed again. "If it'll make you happy."
Bruce recoiled back just a little. He stared down at Jonathan feeling he might be feeling his way around him somewhat. And maybe he was feeling a little apprehensive about talking to a total stranger. It wasn't more what would make him happy, it was about how Jonathan felt that mattered most to him. But, if he had to use a little psychology of his own, he would.
"Yes, Jon. That would make me very happy." He returned with a little emphasis.
"Okay, then I'll do it." Jonathan stated with some firmness.
"Good." Bruce settled over him again getting comfortable. "And at the moment, I would love to have you, but I only have a little while to rest. I'd like it if you held me until I go to sleep. Would you do that for me?"
Jonathan smiled, squirming onto his back looking squarely up at him. "I'd love that, Bruce."
*****
Jonathan had dozed for only a moment when he felt the truck swerve a little. Looking at Bruce who was sound asleep, he inched his way out from under him in an attempt to not wake him.
"Were you goin', Jon?" Bruce muttered in his sleep.
"Just goin' to check on Tony." the young man whispered.
"Okay..." the man turned onto his side facing the back wall of the bunk.
Jonathan got up, going up front sitting in the passenger seat. He rubbed his eyes trying to wake up and help Tony stay awake for a while.
"Damn four wheeler, almost clipped the front end." Tony grumbled.
It was then Jonathan noticed the car not far ahead. And Tony was barreling through Dallas on I-20, at a high rate of fuel consumption.
"Um, Tony..." Jonathan pointed ahead. "...Is that a cop?"
Immediately, the man flipped a switch and the truck began to rumble while it slowed dramatically.
"Shit..." The man growled. "...Thanks, Jonathan. That could have gotten us into a whole heap of trouble."
"I thought so. But I did want to tell you to slow down before you got caught." the younger man stated. "What was that you turned on? The whole truck made that noise." Jonathan asked curiously.
"It's a Jake Brake, or engine brake. It does make a noise. And using it, I don't have to step on the brakes at all. That would incriminate me and the cops would've come after me for sure. Stepping on the brake alerts 'em to my guilt." He laughed a bit.
"Well, just be careful, Tony. I know you don't want to hurt anyone, and Bruce would be furious if you wreck his truck." Jonathan commented.
"I know. I was just being a little overzealous, I guess."
"How ya feelin'?"
"Pretty spry right now. Why?"
"Oh, just checkin'."
"Oh, are you my sleepy patrol, now?" Tony grinned, glancing at him for a second, then back at the road.
"Well, I guess so. Nobody else here to do it." Jonathan teased.
They talked for hours. Tony passed Whetherford not paying any attention to it as he went by both the Petro and the Pilot there. Continuing to talk for more than three more hours, Tony began to quiet down and feel very drowsy.
"Tony..." Jonathan spoke softly as he watched the man's eyelids fighting to remain open. "...Why don't you find somewhere to stop? Bruce told me to make you stop if you get sleepy." He stated.
"Okay, kid. Look in this little book here, and find us a large or medium truck stop to pull into." He reached up into the cabinet overhead, handing Jonathan a pocket sized truck stop book. "It's in alphabetical order by state. Then in numerical order by Interstate or road."
"Okay..." Jonathan looked for Texas finding I-20. "...Where are we?" He asked, then noticed the entries were by exit numbers.
