I looked out the window of the breakfast nook in my studio at the guesthouse staring at the pool and the front gate. No one was swimming in the pool now. The 'day-trippers', those who came to sun and play in the nude, had all gone home. The other guests of the guesthouse had gone to their rooms to rest for the evening's activities or to dress for dinner.
I sat, daydreaming, trying to keep my mind from what would happen in the next two hours if my well laid plans to get myself 'well laid' came to fruition. This was, however, a fruitless effort. Of course all I could think about was what was going to happen. I had never had done anything remotely like this. Never before had I ever planned something like this.
But not this time. This time was different. This time I wanted something. Something for myself. Afterall, it was my birthday and I deserved it, right? I wanted someone who could give me those feelings that I yearned for. Someone who could match my sexual abilities and my inventiveness. Yes, I have an ego. I was not all that experienced but my mind was wild.
We had exchanged e-mails. We had talked on the phone. I had been met him at the university initially and we struck up conversation. He knew me as the most die hard fan at the school. He may have thought I was a little crazy since I admired so many of the great athletes at the school. But he tolerated my incessant behavior. I think he thought it was cute. But was he gay? I didn’t know but he was cute. He was our star backup quarterback and sure to be star next year since Jason graduated.
The phone rang. I was expecting his call. In fact, I had been expecting it all day. Kurt and I were supposed to get together and watch a tape of the last game of the season, a game in which he played like the star athlete that he will become next year when he pulled off one of the biggest upsets in school history! It was exciting to know I would be watching a game with the star of the tape! Looking forward with anticipation and trepidation. Wanting it to come, afraid of what it would bring when it did, hoping he was attracted to me, but not really knowing.
"Hello." I answered.
"Hello Bobby. It's Kurt." the voice I had learned so well in such a short time came over the line.
"Hello, Kurt. It's good to hear your voice again." I said, trying to make my voice seem normal, unconcerned, not sounding like I wanted to scream in joy, frustration and fear. Just ordinary, like I would talk to any of my friends or acquaintances any other day. Calm, like I wasn't burning inside with need and want and desire. Friendly, but light - no hint of the trepidation I felt.
"I'll be there in about 25 minutes." he said.
"I can't wait! I'm so looking forward to it." I said.
And we both hung up.
Twenty-five minutes! That's all I had to prepare. I rushed to the shower, re-shaving even though I'd done so that morning. Making sure that I was totally smooth. I didn't want to give him 'beard burn' in that tender area of a male's body if he was interested in me! Maybe I was assuming too much? But as we became friendlier in the past , he sent signals. I couldn’t be mistaken, could I?
I put on deodorant and cologne - just as if I was going to work, the only time I wear them. I brushed my teeth again. And I still had time to wait!
I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided that, even though I had been naked all weekend, I didn't want to meet him that way. It might scare him off. Maybe I felt too vulnerable, too open. I pulled on a t-shirt and very short cut-offs and sat down at my computer and worked on my new website.
No luck. Couldn't even figure out how to upload! But I had to do something! My heart was racing, my hands were sweating and I was breathing far too quickly. I needed to calm down. I needed to do something with my hands, something that was common for me, something I could do with very little thought. Beer! I would would have an ice cold beer!
My last and only girlfriend on our only Christmas together had bought me the coolest beer thermal sleeve with a picture of our university mascot on it. I had fallen in love with. I remember she asked me if I was sure I'd use. She and I parted two years ago and I still use it. And most times think about that first Christmas when I do.
"Hello."
"The gate's locked." Kurt said, but with a laugh in his voice. He wasn't angry.
"God! I'm sorry! I'll be right out."
I rushed to the door and went walking beside the pool to get to the gate. In the time that I had taken a shower and had made the tea, two guys had come out and were in the pool. They were obviously making out and playing with each other's bodies. I opened the door in the gate which shielded the naked men inside from the world outside.
I was stunned! He looked so goddamned handsome!
