Bittersweet Irish Cream

Ethan was sitting at the front desk and texted Jack: Hey, your uncle gives his employees St. Paddy's Day off!

Jack: Yup, he trades it for President's Day. Because why the fuck not.

Ethan: So Bray hit me up since they have off tomorrow and he and Etta are coming over tonight for dinner and games. I'm going to order from Red Rock so tell me what you want.

Jack: Ok, let's see, I want a crab cake patter with two sides and your dick in my mouth.

Ethan: Could you behave yourself for like 5 minutes?

Jack: No. It's been a week Ethan.

Ethan: It's been like 4 days.

Jack: 6. Since the last time I felt, touched and tasted your Irish cream. Then you go and invite company. *crying emoji face*

Ethan: You want me to tell them not to come?

Jack: I want you to fuck my mouth, then fuck my ass. I want you tell me to cum.

Ethan: Jesus Christ Jack aren't you at work?

Jack: That has nothing to do with the price of tea in China.

Ethan: You're like a petulant child when you haven't been fucked in a few days.

Jack: So. Spank. Me.

Ethan: Well if you get home early enough I just might.

[Jack opened up the Inn door and casually strolled in, then leaned against it. Ethan watched him as he avoided his eyes and was texting on his phone. Ethan's phone buzzed from the desk.]

Jack: I forgot to mention one of the trucks broke down so they sent a few of us home. I'll be home soon.

Ethan smiled and texted back: I can't leave the front desk unattended during the day. Stacy is dealing with Room 2.

[Jack typed on his phone for a couple of minutes but Ethan's phone did not buzz at first. He watched him and wondered what he was doing until his phone finally went off as Jack walked past him without looking and went into the basement apartment.]

Jack: She's on her way back down. You have five minutes or I'm starting without you.

Stacy came down the east wing and said, "Jack just texted me, said a pipe was about to burst in your apartment and you need to plug the hole asap. Is everything OK?"

Despite wanting to laugh out loud Ethan held a straight face and said, "Yeah, let me go tend to it. Be back in an hour or so."

~~~~~~

For Jack's birthday, Ethan rented room at the Casablanca again because they loved it so much. The left EJ with his parents and traveled to New York with Liam, dropped Liam off with June and went to their hotel. Jack got used to seeing them together and it wasn't terrible. He was happy for them and happy with Ethan.

Ethan made reservations at Connolly's, a famous Irish pub in the city, and June and Liam doubled with them for dinner. Ethan gave Jack a Rolex watch for his birthday, and Liam and June got him tickets to the Red Sox game next month in Boston.

Toward the end of the night he went to the restroom to relieve himself. While in the stall, two people entered and Jack heard a voice in a heavy Galway accent that stopped him cold.

Guy 1 said, "I don't give a shit how it gets done, just make it happened."

Guy 2 said, "OK Danny, it's just going to be a challenge, that's all I'm saying."

Guy 1 said, "And that's why you're in charge. Because if something goes wrong, you'll be held responsible." Guy 1 finished, washed his hands and turned to Guy 2. "Don't disappoint me." He left.

"Shit!" Guy 2 said, and then left.

Jack didn't know how long he stood there after they left but he was frozen in fear, shaking and crying. He hadn't heard that voice in 18 years, but it was like he never left the cubby closet. Daniel Riley, head of the Riley crime family, the last Irish mob family left in Ireland, was in the same room as him again.

The same man that killed his parents while Jack hid, heard and watched from the closet. Jack had vowed at 10 years old that if he was ever in the same room with him, he would kill him where he stood. But all Jack could do at that moment was freeze and cry.

Jack willed himself to get it together before he crumbled on the bathroom floor. He left the stall after he found his legs, went to the sink and washed his face. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked more like his dad now. The only thing he got from his mother was her green eyes. Jamison Redmond was killed at 34, just 10 years older than what Jack was today. His beautiful mother, whose face still haunts his dreams, was 29.

Jack, remembering how his parents lives were cut short, turned fear into anger. That internal rage that he had for years that had quelled recently returned with a vengeance. He couldn't believe he missed his opportunity.

He left the restroom in search of Danny, stopping at a nearby table to grab a fork to stab him with. He went to the far side of the restaurant first, the opposite of where his family was. He could see where he think Danny was or should have been; there were men who were guarding a table in the corner. Jack walked closer but Danny wasn't with them so he must have left. But just in case Jack walked around the restaurant until he came around to his table and sat down.

Ethan touched his shoulder. "Are you alright?" Jack was white as a ghost and trembling.

Jack tried to keep his voice even. "Fine."

Ethan looked down and touched Jack's hand. "Why are you holding onto your fork like that?" Jack was holding it so tightly that his knuckles were white.

He mumbled, "Oh," and slowly placed it on the table. He was hypervigilant as his eyes darting all around the restaurant. They all noticed.

Liam said cautiously. "Jack?"

"Jack, what's wrong?" June asked, concerned.

Jack looked at her in the eye. "Nothing." But he tried to tell her with his eyes that everything was wrong. She didn't get it and looked back confused. It frustrated him that she couldn't read his mind.

Ethan touched his shoulder again and said, "You don't seem OK at all. What happened?"

Jack snapped, "I said I'm fine!" Then he took a deep breath and exhaled. "I think the smells are getting to me. Can we go?"

"Yea, sure," Ethan said.

He paid the check and they kissed June and Liam goodbye with Jack insisting they take a cab back to the dorm instead of the bus or train. As soon as they were gone, Ethan started to say, "Jack-"

But Jack interjected. "Don't ask me about it. I'm fine now. Just let it go."

"Fine about what, I don't even know what happened in there."

Jack didn't respond for a moment. Then said, "Thank you for dinner. It was great."

"Well...I had other plans tonight but..."

Jack shook his head. "Is it OK if we pick up EJ and go home tonight? I can drive if it's too much."

Ethan was confused but said, "No it's fine. I'll tell my parents to have him ready."

"Thank you. I just want to be home tonight with my family."

"Sure, Jackie Bear. Whatever you want." He hesitated, but then leaned in to give him a hug. Jack hesitated as well, but then allowed Ethan to hug him and he wrapped his arms around Ethan's back. He was still trembling a bit so Ethan held onto him until he began to melt into his arms.

They picked up EJ and kept driving all the way back to Rockville in silence with only the music to keep them company, getting home close to midnight. EJ stayed asleep as Ethan put him in his bed. Since EJ turned three years old he had been sleeping in his bed more often than not.

Ethan came back to his room and found Jack, still fully clothed down to his shoes, laying on the bed face up. Ethan laid next to him and found his hand, held it. They were silent for a moment, then Ethan said, "Jack, please talk to me."

Jack took a few moments to respond, mostly because he had a lump in his throat. Then whispered, "I can't."

Ethan whispered back, "Why not?"

Jack held back tears and whispered, "Please don't make me."

Ethan squeezed his hand and Jack squeezed it back. Jack only became this person when it had something to do with his parents, he realized that now. He either became aggressively angry or incredibly sad, but he usually bounced back quickly. This worried him tremendously tonight, but he knew not to push it. Instead he said, "I want to make love to you."

He took a few moments to respond. "I can't be vulnerable right now."

"So don't be. I'll be vulnerable for you. Let me give you what you need." He touched Jack's midsection, then his groin.

Jack closed his eyes and sighed, thankful for Ethan, his love, his understand and his body right now. He needed to forget everything that just happened. Jack leaned over and kissed Ethan with passion. Ethan leaned up and took off Jack's shirt, then his own, and they touched and kissed each other everywhere there was skin. When Ethan started moving down Jack's abs, Jack pushed his head lower. Ethan understood, opened up his pants buckle and put Jack's semi-hard penis in his mouth. Jack moaned and leaned up so he could watch Ethan work.

Ethan took his time, licked a lot more than sucked, from Jack's balls to his tip. He deep throated and purposely gagged so he could build up saliva and coat Jack's dick with it. He knew Jack was watching so he would pull back every so often showing a trail of saliva from the tip of his tongue to the tip of Jack's penis, then deep throat again, because he knew that Jack liked it.

When Ethan started sucking faster, Jack stopped him, he did not want to come this way. He instead slowed Ethan's head and said, "Take off your clothes."

Ethan immediately stood up, taking off his pants as Jack watched and stroked himself. When he was completely naked, Jack stood up and dropped his own pants. They kissed and Jack stroked both of them together with both hands, their pre-cum mixing together in Jack's hands. He moved Ethan to where he was behind him and leaned him over the bed. He went to grab lube from the nearby dresser and lubed Ethan first, making sure he was nice and slippery inside and out, before applying lube to himself. He eased in slowly and so smoothly that all his fear and pain and anger melted away.

When he was all the way in, he sighed, leaned over and laid on Ethan's back, while Ethan leaned on his elbows on the bed supporting him. He felt Jack's whole body slack against him, and then Jack's hands found Ethan's and he entwined their fingers. They could feel each other's heartbeats as Jack laid there with his eyes closed and Ethan let him, knowing this what he really needed more than the sex itself.

And he was right. To Jack this was everything, having Ethan to lean on literally and figuratively in this moment. But he also became sad. He thought if he bottomed he would feel more vulnerable, but this was way worse. Ethan as a whole was his vulnerability, and he knew he had to let him go, much sooner than he ever thought, and it broke him to consider it.

After a minute or so Jack kissed Ethan's back and rose up, held Ethan by the waist and began moving inside of him at a steady pace. They moaned together. Ethan reached down and grabbed his member so he could stroke himself to match Jack's thrusts and as Jack moved faster, so did Ethan. He tried to hold onto his own orgasm and wait for Jack to come but the pounding of his prostate was feeling euphoric and he came anyway all over the bed.

Either Jack didn't notice or Jack didn't care, he kept going fast and hard thrusting for another ten minutes, giving Ethan wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure, trembling, holding onto his dick still as it continued to leak cum. Jack's only thought was to keep moving, as long as he continued to move nothing could ever hurt him again, and so he did until his midsection froze up and his mind went numb. He unconsciously dug his nails into Ethan's side and he came hard, howled like a wounded animal, then went slack against his back again.

When he gained his thoughts back, he slowly exited Ethan, came around to his side of the bed and laid down face up with his arm over his eyes and one leg up, leaving Ethan at the bottom of the bed half off. Ethan watched him for a moment, then crawled up the bed to lay next to him. He turned sideways and watched him.

After a couple of minutes Jack turned to look at Ethan watching him. He slid next to him and kissed him, then moved into a fetal position into his chest. Ethan kissed his head and pulled the covers over them, then wrapped his arms around Jack, rubbing his back. In a few minutes he could feel his chest get wet and knew Jack was crying although his breathing had not changed and he had not made a sound. He held Jack tighter. Ethan had a bad feeling this was the beginning of the end.

~~~~~

Ethan was right. Jack did all the normal things, like his 4am jog before work every morning, and completed his shift by 12:30pm. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays he would come straight home, help around the Inn, then pick EJ up at 4pm from preschool. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he would work in the warehouse until 6pm then come home for dinner. EJ would have his bath, book and bedtime with either parent by 7pm, sleep by 8pm. Then Jack and Ethan would spend time together, watching shows, talking, maybe some penis play on the couch, then Ethan doing last minute rounds in the Inn while Jack cleaned up downstairs, and going to bed by 10pm.

But something shifted in their connection, Ethan felt it every day for the next couple of months. Jack's sleep was restless. He started having nightmares and waking up in cold sweats by 2am and not going back to sleep. He would come home and throw himself into whatever he was doing in the moment, or on the computer at the front desk for hours. At night after EJ went to bed, he would be on his phone seemingly nonchalant but Ethan could tell he was distracted and looking up things intently, then go to bed early.

And their sex life was pretty much non existent. They weren't having a whole lot of it to begin with, as it was left to the weekends, maybe once or twice a week. Now it was maybe once in the middle of the night in the middle of the week when one needed the other in the dark. By the time the summer hit they were barely intimate, as Jack pulled out of hugs and kisses first, and didn't want to hold hands, not even in bed which had become their thing since the beginning.

The only thing that had not changed was Jack spending time with EJ. He seemed to be the only thing making Jack happy lately. Ethan actually found himself growing jealous of the relationship they shared. Jack only smiled for EJ and Ethan missed his dimples.

In June they had their first explosive argument over it. Halfway through a show they were watching on Netflix -mostly Ethan was watching and Jack was on his phone scowling- he stood up abruptly and said "I'm going to bed."

Ethan had been waiting to start this series so he and Jack could watch together, and he got annoyed and flipped out. "Why do you keep doing that? Going to bed early when we are supposed to be hanging out together. I feel like I haven't seen you all week."

Jack tried to stay calm. "I'm just tired, that's all."

Ethan said hotly, "Well if you're so tired then just go the fuck home."

Jack glared at him, then grabbed his bag and started walking to the door. Ethan jumped up and got in front of him, yelling, "What the fuck are you doing!?"

"You just told me to go the fuck home," Jack said calmly.

"And so you just

go

? What the fuck is wrong with you lately? Who are you!?" He took a deep breath and said, "Don't you want to be with me anymore?"

"No it's not that, I just had a lot on my mind," Jack said.

"Like what?" Jack didn't answer. Ethan exploded again. "Fucking talk to me, Jack! I don't know what to do here!"

Jack said coldly, "Honestly I don't know either. And I don't know what you want to hear. What I do know is that I'm barely holding it together and the last thing I need right now is this shit. You're shit. You." Jack immediately regretted saying that but it was too late.

Ethan scoffed, then nodded. "OK. I meant what I said the first time. Go the fuck home." He moved out of Jack's way. Jack hesitated, but then walked out.

Ethan went to bed but didn't sleep all night. He couldn't understand what he did wrong to bring this out of Jack, this person that he didn't know or like very much right now. At 4am he heard the front door open, then his bedroom door opened with Jack crawling into bed wearing his track suit for jogging. Ethan has his back turned facing the wall and didn't move.

"I don't think you're sleeping," Jack said.

I'm not."

Jack began, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I do need you in my life. I know I'm making it hard for you to understand. But I'm trying to figure some things out, and you can't help me right now. I have to do this part on my own. And then I'll come back to you. Just give me some time. I promise it has nothing to do with you or us. I love you. I love so much it's starting to hurt."

He sighed. "When I know what I'm doing, then it will all be clearer. But until then, can we not fight about this. Or anything? Because you and EJ and June are the only things keeping me sane right now."

Ethan let a moment pass. "Okay," he said.

Jack turned on his side to him and said to his back, "Can I hold you?"

Ethan partly didn't want him to and the other part really wanted him to. He chose his heart and turned around. They hugged in bed and Jack leaned in for a kiss, something he has not initiated in months, then kissed him again and again.

He kissed Ethan's chest, nipples, stomach, all the way down to a blow job. Jack sucked and licked every part of his lover's genital area, kissed the inside of this thighs and licked in the creases between his thigh and groin, sucked his balls individually and together, circled the head a dozen times with his tongue, all mouth and tongue for the next 20 minutes. Ethan held onto Jack's head and moaned liberally as Jack sucked him with a hunger he never had before. It had been two weeks since they touched each other sexually and they both hungered for this connection.

When Ethan felt the first waves of his orgasm, he gave Jack no warning as he stroked and sucked. Ethan released his cum with a sigh into Jack's mouth who dutifully swallowed every burst of Ethan's Irish cream. Then Jack moved to lay on Ethan's chest and Ethan instinctively ran his fingers through his hair. They laid in silence. Jack's penis was hard but could not will himself to make love to Ethan. He broke the silence and said, "Say it. Tell me."

Ethan figured out what he wanted to hear. "I love you, Jackie Bear."

Jack didn't say it back, but he didn't have to. After a few minutes, Jack got up and left without a word to Ethan, leaving him with more questions than answers.

~~~~~

A few weeks before their anniversary in September, Jack did not come home on a Thursday night at his usual time, and did not answer his phone when Ethan called. Ethan asked Liam if he knew where Jack was and he did not. He called June and June did not answer her phone as well. But Liam knew she was out with Mina in Providence, as she came up after classes and was going to spend the weekend with him.

He called Mina from the desk, putting her on speakerphone. She was evasive in her answers."Um... yea, Jack is fine, he just came to pick up June and they left."

"Where did they go?" Ethan asked.

"Um..I'm not sure. But he'll call soon. I think. No I'm sure of it. He'll call," Mina said.

Liam and Ethan exchanged puzzled looks. "Mina, what the fuck is going on?" Ethan asked.

"I...don't really know, but he'll turn up... soon."

"Cut the shit," Liam said. "Where is June?"

"I already told you, she's with Jack," said Mina, exasperated.

"Doing what?"

"Oh my God I'm not good at this, call Henrietta!" And she hung up.

Liam and Ethan looked at each other again, then called Henrietta. She answered on the first ring from her office phone and had the phone on speaker. "Hey, what's up?"

"Where is Jack and June?" Ethan asked.