When Matt was at work next, Denise asked how it went with Aidan but never made a comment or mention of Seamus. Matt didn't want to test his good luck and did everything in his power to make sure there was no reason to bring Aidan to work, even for fifteen minutes.
It worked for about a week before Victoria showed up at the end of shift one day. She had somewhere to be and Matt had thirty minutes left on the clock. Everyone welcomed the chubby potato with open arms. Luckily, Seamus wasn't there. In fact, he hadn't been there since he'd spent the day watching Aidan.
Which is why, as if on cue, Seamus walked through the front door. Matt quickly turned his back on the door and looked at Hilary and Kase with wide eyes. Aidan was still sleeping in his car seat, tucked in the corner. Matt shuffled over and moved the car seat deeper into the corner with his foot. It was still visible if you knew what you were looking for but not nearly as noticeable.
His friends watched him.
"I'm just—" he glanced over his shoulder. Seamus was talking to a customer. "He makes me nervous, okay? I'm having a hard enough time managing my life without being fired."
"We're not judging," Kase soothed. "We got your back."
And they did. Everytime Seamus got close to the corner where Aidan was tucked away, either Hilary or Kase would casually block him as best they could. The plan would've worked perfectly if Aidan hadn't woken up.
Ten minutes left. Ten stupid minutes.
The three of them froze at the first baby noises.
"Oh shit," Hilary glanced around and, when she didn't see Seamus she continued. "I'll take my break real quick. When I'm don't, you'll be off."
Matt nodded and they quickly got Aidan and his stuff from the corner. Hillary left out the front door seconds before Seamus came through the back door. Seamus looked around the café then at Matt and Kase, who looked anything but innocent. Matt quickly got to work, anything to stop the overwhelming anxiety he was feeling.
At the end of her break, Hilary carefully peaked inside but the coast wasn't clear, Seamus hadn't gone back to the office.
"Alright, need anything else before I take off?" Matt asked Kase loud enough that Seamus knew he was leaving.
"Nah, I got it. Grab Hillbilly on your way out. She's probably on her phone and lost track of time."
Matt took off his apron and lipped
thank you
. He didn't acknowledge Seamus on his way out nor did Seamus acknowledge him.
Hilary was holding Aidan when he rounded the corner outside. He wasn't crying but he didn't exactly have his life together, either.
"I think he's hungry."
"He's always hungry. You don't get a body like his without eating twice the recommended servings."
"Lucky bastard," she cooed in Aidan's face before handing him off. "How'd everything go on the inside?"
"Besides Seamus staying up front for the last ten minutes? Perfect. And thank you, seriously, thank you!"
"It was kind of exciting, you know? Can't wait to do it again!"
"I can," he laughed. "Better hurry. Kase covered for you, made it seem like you lost track of time because you were on your phone."
"Would you look at that," she smiled. "He's not a dumb jock after all."
Hilary kissed Aidan's head then rushed back to work. Matt fed Aidan the rest of the bottle then walked home. Half way, Aidan decided he wanted to be held so Matt carried the car seat in one hand and Aidan in the other.
He was positively dying by the time they got to the apartment. Because his new life didn't involve a moment of rest, he went straight to making dinner, playing with Aidan, homework, bath time, feeding, and bedtime.
When Aidan was fast asleep and the apartment was quiet, Matt took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He'd done community college for the first two years to save money. He was finally at a University. This wasn't what college was supposed to be like for him. He was supposed to rush to class because he woke up late, make friends, go to parties, hook up with boys, go to class the next day wearing sunglasses and drinking the blended green drink from work that was secretly the best cure for hangovers, or so he heard.
He allowed himself a minute to feel sorry for himself. He didn't want the life he was currently living but it was the one he was given. He didn't regret or resent any of it. He was just sad. It was okay to feel sad. Matt had been a champ since the night his mom died, handling things no one should have to do. He was allowed to be sad.
He cleaned up the living room and got all the laundry ready to wash the next day. He was missing the days when he could pop on down to the laundry room on a whim. He studied for a while longer then he went to bed. Gone were the days when he didn't have to sneak around in his own bedroom for fear of waking a baby.
Despite it all, it was hard for him to look at Aidan and feel anything but love and hope and all the cliché emotions that kept one trucking forward. It would get better.
It was getting better.
* * * * *
"Okay..." Matt drawled and took a deep breath in. He didn't know what to say. There wasn't much he could say. Victoria had dropped a bomb, a big bomb.
She wasn't doing daycare anymore, effective immediately. No two-week notice, no heads up. Bam, out of childcare.
He grabbed the car seat and left. "Thank you" was on the tip of his tongue, out of habit really, but he held it back. He wasn't feeling very thankful as he walked toward the cafe. The bus wouldn't be by for a while and sitting at the bus stop was the last thing he needed. Walking would help keep his mind busy. He needed a plan. He needed his dad.
"Hey Matthew, I was just thinking about you. I was going reach out and see how things were going," his dad said in a way of greeting.
"Not great."
His dad sighed. "I never thought it would be, not for a while anyway. What's going on?"
"I went to drop Aidan off at the sitter and she told me she's not doing it anymore."
"Okay, well...how long until she's done? Two weeks? A month? You'll be able to find a replacement by then."
"No Dad, she's done. As in, I'm walking to work right now with Aidan in tow."
"Oh Matt—" his dad's sympathy made Matt's eyes water. He hadn't cried in years, not even when his mom died. His dad must've heard his sniffling even though he was trying to hide it. "It's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed. Even parents that spend years planning for parenthood have moments when they can't keep it together."
"Did you ever have a breakdown when I was little?"
"More than once. You were not an easy baby. You were colicky and cried all the time. I was positive we were doing something wrong and the lack of sleep didn't help. Then you were two and kind of an asshole. It was so bad sometimes that I didn't want to be around you and that made me cry. I felt so guilty because I didn't like you very much. That lasted for two years. I cried once because I genuinely wished you hadn't been born. You must have sensed it because ten minutes later you crawled on the couch with me and offered me your candy. Well, it was my candy that you stole from the not-so-secret stash I hid in an old shoebox. You were so proud of yourself for sharing your stolen loot. That was the last time I let you watch Robin Hood."
Matt wiped his cheek and smiled. "I don't resent Aidan or wish he wasn't born."
"I didn't say you did. Those were my tears. You'll have your own," he said. "So, what are we going do? What's the plan?"
"I don't know. I love my job and Denise has been great but I feel like I've been such a burden lately. I'm terrified of seeing her today. I think I need to take some time off and focus on Aidan. I'm just worried I won't have a job to come back to and I'll never find another job like the one I have that's so flexible for school."
