I was happy that Mike was still staying over at Coach's place. He was sleeping and had his right arm tugged around my heavy chest. His face was snuggled against my shoulder. There was something so pure and alluring about watching Mike sleep; it's hard to explain. At that moment, all I wanted to do was keep him as close as possible, protect him at all costs, and make this moment last forever.
Laying here with Mike felt so right; I'd never thought we would end up like this, but thank god we did. There have been many girls in my life, and all of them were great, but nothing compared to this feeling. The masculine and brotherly bond I felt with Mike is something none of my girlfriends could ever give me.
I was glad that I noticed this now.
Without realizing it, my left hand started to caress Mike's hand. The hair on his arm brushed against my fingers gently as I moved my hand along. Mike began to groan and wake up. I pulled his hand to my lips and started kissing it.
"Woah, dude, since when are you so romantic?"
Mike's eyes were still tired, but he smiled brightly as he watched me tentatively kiss his palm.
"I'm not. I just wanted to wake you up."
I bit his finger gently, and Mike jumped up.
"AUCH! The fuck dude."
We burst into laughter and started fighting on the bed. A sudden doorbell ring made our skin crawl, and we jumped out of bed. I looked at Mike, and he gave me a big-eyed expression.
Jessica was already here!
We stumbled into some clothes as quickly as possible and went outside to welcome Jessica. Naturally, Jessica was beyond impressed with Coach's house. I gave her a little tour while Mike prepared some breakfast.
During breakfast, Jessica told us about a crazy party she attended yesterday. After we finished eating, an awkward silence occurred, and Jessica apologized and asked Mike if she could talk to him one-on-one. I was worried, mainly about Mike, and desperately wanted to know what was up.
Jessica and Mike went into the garden to talk, and I decided to take a quick shower. They were still talking once I finished. As I tried to take a peek and moved closer to the windows, Mike turned around and started heading back inside, leaving Jessica alone on the porch. He looked disappointed.
"You good Mike?"
I tried stopping him, but he brushed me off and headed toward the bathroom.
"What the fuck, bro?! Wait!"
Mike almost slammed the bathroom door in my face, but I managed to stop him and entered right after.
I closed the door slowly.
"Talk to me, Mike."
He was hunched over the sink and avoided my gaze. I approached him slowly and patted his back. We stood like that in silence for a while.
"She cheated on me yesterday at the party. She told me I couldn't be mad at her. She said she knew I had feelings for you and that. Fuck, I don't know! It just hurts!"
I was hugging Mike now.
"I just didn't expect it, you know. What the fuck was I thinking, man! That things would just stay the same. I hate myself! I hate myself!"
"Woah, Woah! Mike, stop."
He held back tears, and I pressed my arms into him even harder.
"No, I mean it! I mean it, dude. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm horrible."
I had no idea what to say; my heart was being crushed. All I wanted to do was make all the pain go away somehow.
"I love you dude."
I watched as a tear trickled down Mike's cheek. He wiped it away as quickly as possible and smiled gently.
"That's all you have to say now?"
"Yes"
Mike laughed a bit harder and turned around. Although it pained me to see Mike hurt, I couldn't help but admire his teary eyes. It's rare to see big men like Mike cry, even rarer when those men are as close to you as he is to me.
"Get back to Jessica, okay? I just need a minute."
"Okay...Wait, so she's staying here? Why?"
"We didn't break up yet."
"So you don't want her to leave?"
"No. I don't really know what to do yet, but I don't want her to leave. We're still on good terms. Things are just messed up. I'll handle it somehow."
"Will you guys break up?"
"I don't know yet. Probably."
I gave Mike's cheek a slight pat.
"You've got this, bro, and I'm here for you."
"Yeah, yeah, get out now,"
He smirked.
"Don't lock yourself up for too long; the game starts soon!"
"Oh, shit! You're right! I almost forgot."
"Just come out when you're ready; we can rewatch the game worst case."
While I didn't want to leave Mike alone right now, I understood that that was what he wanted. Not knowing what to do with myself, I decided to check on Jessica. She was still sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette. I asked if I could join her before approaching. The awful smell of cigarettes was getting stronger with every step I took.
Jessica didn't look as sad as I expected. She just looked tired.
"You already know, huh? I can see it on your face."
"Yeah...sorry."
"Don't be stupid. I'm sorry. I probably ruined the day for you guys. I didn't mean to."
"It's fine, Jess. I get it."
She puffed the smoke of her cigarette in the opposite direction of my face so I'd get hit with the least smoke.
"You know what's funny? No matter how smart or intelligent we think we are, we will still do the most unreasonable, crazy shit. And the best part is, we don't even know if it's a good or bad thing."
I didn't understand what she was saying and just nodded.
"You can just say you don't get it. No need to fake it with me."
Jessica stopped smoking and started observing me closely.
"You know what? You and Mike are the most hyper-masculine men I know. For that reason, I was always drawn to you guys, but now I know what it means. I see behind the facade."
She was scaring me at this point, but I just sat there.
"Isn't longing fascinating? It transcends so much of what we think is true or reasonable. Some people call it love, but it's not. Love is just a made-up fairy tale. Do you know what you and Mike have? That's real! I mean, so real! I'm jealous, honestly."
"Me and Mike?"
"Oh, come on. I know you've been sleeping with my boyfriend. The funny thing is, for a while, I thought I could, too."
"Sleep with him?"
"Fuck him, I mean, haha, as silly as that sounds. I've seen it in him even before you did."
Jessica pointed at my chest with her finger.
"I knew what he wanted. Women always know what men want, but sometimes we are too scared to speak it into existence. Anyways! I'm glad he, has you. I'm actually so relieved. I still care for Mike, you know."
"This sounds like a goodbye Jess?"
"In a way, it is. But it's not a sad goodbye, don't worry. I'm beyond all that. When I left my hometown, I promised never to be a victim. I'm keeping that promise to myself. Always."
I wanted to say something but needed to figure out how to respond to Jessica. We both turned, heard the balcony window open, and saw Mike heading our way.