My name is James, and I manage a manufacturing plant in California. I've written of my experiences over the past year or so in previous postings. Since my last posting, I've divorced and relocated to California.
The Beach Boys were right when they sang about the girls here, but I'm approaching 50, and I'm more interested in women. My only experiences with a man, Steve, have been documented in my previous postings. I look back on the feelings I experienced, and emotions I shared, with Steve as release and acknowledgement of long suppressed aspects of my sexuality. I still love Steve as a friend, but deeply crave the emotional fulfillment of a relationship with a woman.
The experience I'm about to share is about the evolution of friendship with another man, and the need to be open to opportunities for emotional, spiritual, and sexual growth in my life.
I saw the video conference invitation from Phillippe in my email as soon as I logged in, and immediately thought, "this is not how I want to start my day!" As I clicked on the link, I recalled the last time a plant manager video-called me, it was Steve calling to tell me he was leaving the company.
This video opened to Phillippe in his office, the blandest looking plant manager office I've ever seen; no personal items in site, all grey and depressing!
Phillippe was a tall, slender guy, maybe six feet, with dark hair kept very short - just like a two or three day growth on his head. He struck me as a former athlete based on how he carried himself, with perfect posture. He leaned forward in his chair, his shirt sleeves rolled just before his elbows. "Good morning, James, how are you?" He asked.
"Fine, Phillippe, what do you need?" I had no desire to engage this guy for small talk.
Phillippe was my least favorite among the eight other plant managers. When I was first interviewed, he had participated in one of the panel interviews which I endured during a long two week process. He had been professional and welcoming during that interaction and continued to make me feel comfortable as a new member of the team when I was hired. He was asked to be my mentor during my first six months with the company and he was helpful, informative, and supportive in that role. We never talked about anything personal - lives, family, interests - but I thought that was just his focus on work.
However, his true colors seemed to show around my first anniversary in position. My high performing lead maintenance technician, the person who kept all the machinery running at my location, suddenly seemed distracted and distant to me.
After a week of this change of behavior, I casually arranged to bump into him on the plant floor and engage him in a conversation. I found out that he was recruited by Phillippe for a similar position in his plant, complete with a lucrative pay raise and relocation package from Massachusetts to Illinois. And he was told to keep it secret, specifically from me!
I had seethed about this underhanded behavior after talking to the tech. It was wrong on so many levels - Phillippe had used information regarding the man's performance evaluation, which I had shared as part of our mentoring; my mentor had made the offer secretly to a member of my team, without the courtesy of notifying me; the tech had been told not to tell me about it.
When I had confronted Phillippe, he nonchalantly brushed it off, telling me it was my responsibility to develop my people for future opportunities. He said I had dropped the ball on that aspect of my job!
I later discussed it with our mutual manager, but that conversation was dismissed. Phillippe's plant had issues with old equipment, and they needed the new tech. It was too late to do anything, I was told.
I stopped accepting the mentor invites after that incident. There was no further communication between us. I was even more angry after a couple of months when I found out that the tech got burned out in Phillippe's plant from his treatment and workload that he quit, finding a higher paying job at another company.
At our annual September manager's meetings, I avoided Phillippe as much as possible. He had seemed different somehow, though. Another of my peers had even said that he had overheard Phillippe in some sort of domestic quarrel on his office phone recently. I didn't care - I went through a divorce just months earlier, but kept my focus on work. Besides, I wondered, what woman would trust someone with his lack of ethics.
And it was surprising to me that he wasn't present at the recent March manager's meetings. There was no explanation given, only a vague reference to him being 'away.'
"Man, it's Monday, I've got payroll reports to complete, production meetings to prepare for. What can I do for you?"
Phillippe took a breath and started, "James, I owe you an apology. I am taking full responsibility..."
"Damn right, you're responsible for..." I started to interrupt, but he put his hands up, suddenly looking shaken.
"James, please, just let me explain. I don't know if you noticed, but I have been away from work."
I nodded, listening. He had my attention.
"Only Bill knows what's going on with me." Bill is the manufacturing VP. "And now I'm telling you, no one else. I have been out of work because I was in alcohol rehab."
I suddenly felt empathy for him, and a little guilty for being abrupt during our conversation.
"And during my time away, I have been reflecting on my actions. Chief among them was the way I violated your trust and acted behind your back."
"I appreciate that you recognize now how wrongly you acted." I said, still a bit guarded, as I wondered if this was a ruse.
"Yes, and I am owning my actions and making changes in my life," he continued. "I have asked Bill to let me run your old plant, in Massachusetts."
Suddenly connecting the dots, I leaned back in my chair and paused, staring at my old mentor, before I spoke. "And since you know I'm participating in the selection process with Bill, you need me to support you for the position, especially if Bill has any concerns about your return!"
"James, I'm going to share some things, put my trust in you, to keep this confidential. I'm begging you." Phillippe's piercing blue eyes seemed to reach through the screen to me.
