Thank you to everyone for reading, voting and/or commenting. I feel obligated to warn this chapter deals with abuse. It is not graphic, nor is it my goal to offend. If you are easily triggered, then you may not find this chapter to your liking.
Klastbreath you are my bossy pink flying hippo, turtle kisses and hippie hugs. Ladyshellie graciously beta read for me. Nomoretears as always thanks for the shoulder, it should be waterlogged. Edited by BlackStallion21, I love to tinker so any errors are all mine.
This is a copyrighted work of fiction by the author seeker71. All rights reserved
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Dreaded innate knowing made Nicolao speech slow and deliberate, "What are you doing with that David?"
"I'm leaving Nicolao, I don't belong here, I'm going back to my uncle's."
Once the words were spoken, Davey willed his legs to carry him to the door. He didn't want to explain, he couldn't. He was tainted, stained. Jeremy saw it, so had Nerina, and countless other people. He had almost let himself believe it could be real. That Nic could be his life and the Evangelistas could be his family. He put his head down, unwilling to look at Nicolao. If he could make it outside, he would be able to hurry back to the Under where he belonged.
"Don't scurry out of here, the least you can do is leave like a man." Nic's words were soft and cold.
Davey's feet stopped moving. The subdued tone of Nicolao's voice warred with agonizing pain they each battled.
"What?" He asked in spite of himself, but he did not turn to see Nic.
"I said leave like a man. Take your things with you; don't insult me by throwing everything I gave you back at me."
Davey turned to face him. There was a muscle in his jaw that twitched as he clenched it. His entire body was taut, as if he were about to spring. Davey took the sight in, but was not afraid. Nic would never hit him. But he was dismayed to see his eyes, those dulcet brown eyes were dead.
"It's not like that Nic..." He began.
"Do you think you are capable of telling me what it is like?"
"I never wanted..." again Davey's voice failed him. There was no point in trying to explain. He would rather have Nicolao hate him for running out than know what he really was.
Nic cast his eyes on the bag he had brought in moments earlier. "Come get this suitcase, and I will drive the rest of your things to you later."
Startled, Davey left his backpack on the table by the entrance, where he laid it while retrieving Nic's keys. With no keys he couldn't be tempted to come back. He moved into the living room and grabbed the handle of his suitcase. Nic was staring at him with deadpan eyes.
"I wasn't using you." He offered, not willing to have that misconception stand.
"I know, you're running away, I was told you would." Davey remained on the other end of the living room.
Nic glanced down at the bauble in his hand; he met Davey's eyes as he held it up. "Joshua's night light, go ahead and take it, to keep away your nightmares."
For Davey it was too much, it was all wrong, he had to get outside; he knew he could not be in Nic's presence a moment longer. He grabbed his suitcase and bolted. Shakily, he rested his head against the door once he had escaped. Panic swept in with the realization he had left his backpack inside.
The door closed, his David had indeed run, he threw the nightlight across the room. Nic's perception swelled and warped, as reality became less tangible Nicolao's body and Nicolao's soul ceased to inhabit the same space. The pain of watching David leave him proved too much. His spirit did not fight, did not reason, it fled. He had watched helplessly as David left. He wanted to go after him, to convince him to stay, but he remained rooted. His soul crashed mercilessly back into him, since he was heartbroken and not dead.
The weight of the knowledge that David did not love him made his knees give way. His two hundred and thirty pound body dropped unfettered to the floor. Alone, grief overwhelmed him, his body was seized by convulsions as tears began to fall. Entangled in the morass of woe he did not hear the door when it opened.
David stepped in, hoping to quickly get his backpack; it contained his bus pass, his way back to his true life. He took in the sight and struggled to comprehend it. He touched the bag, his aim was to claim it and leave undetected, but the posture of the magnificent flesh on the floor screamed of loss, and was weeping. Nic was weeping for him. Abandoning his rationales, he ran to Nicolao, and wrapped his arms around him, needing to ease his sorrow.
"No Nic, no, not for me, please you can't do this for me." He repeated the words, a litany begging him to relinquish his misery.
Nic couldn't think. David had left, now he was holding him, and he wasn't letting him go again. His body felt like lead, but he forced his arms up and pulled him to the floor with him in a steel embrace. His back rested against the sofa and held David; his David was in his lap. He was aware he was speaking, but he could process no words. Eventually the great heaving sobs yielded.
"You can't mourn me like this." David directed.
"Why the hell not?"
""You can't love me," David stated. "I don't belong here, it's for the best."
"Davey if you are still leaving me then let me lose it in peace." Nic ordered, but he did not loosen his arms.
"You have to trust me when I say I'm not worth your tears or your love... none of it."
"I trust that I love you," Nic paused unsure if he should continue. But if David thought he was oblivious he needed to know he wasn't. "The truth is I think you were raped, but I don't know whether that's it or not; I don't even know where your monsters dwell. There is a huge part of you that has retreated into numbness, and you survived because you avoided all of those feeling. But that doesn't make you unworthy."
David gave in, he had to explain. Nicolao deserved an explanation. His body slumped; it did not have the strength to war anymore, not even against gravity. He rested his forehead against Nic's. "It's so much worse than that."
David broke physical contact, sliding off his lap, resting his side against the front of the couch on the floor. He dropped his gaze to the floor, pulling the memories from the shadows, careful not to pull too much, to not connect with the feelings only the words.
David gazed at Nicolao, his blue eyes the color of haunted stormy skies, and when he spoke it was empty of all traces of his Dee.
"I was born a loser. You know I was behind in high school. The first year was because my grades were so bad. That was when I was diagnosed with congenital cataracts. I couldn't see. The second time was due to my natural stupidity. I didn't know I could get a bus pass from the district. I missed too many days because I was buying the passes with my own money. If I didn't have enough I didn't go. I'm telling you about that because you have to see Nic even simple things are out of my reach. Something is wrong with me, deep down." He paused. Nic was watching him, his face unreadable.
"The third time was three years ago, and you guessed right. Things had been unstable since Gayle left. Uncle Ben got high more every day, sometimes he would disappear, sometimes he would ignore me, and sometimes I was his best friend. I really wanted those times to last when he was good to me. He was all I had, so one day he came back from being gone for days. He said he had work at a bar, cleaning up, and that I could go with him. We went, but it wasn't last call so we sat at a booth and waited. Two of Uncle Ben's friends showed up and they brought over drinks. I didn't want to, but they said no one would know, and he was being so nice. 'Davey boy this, and Davey boy that.' I should've known better, but I drank it."
"The bar closed and I was trying to clean up like he said. I heard the owner talking to Ben about what he owed, I may have been drunk, but I knew it meant trouble. I tried to leave, but someone grabbed me, and dragged me to the back, to the storage room. There were five guys, maybe more left in the bar. They threw me over a case of liquor, and I knew I was in it deep. I tried talking my way out of there. I offered to suck their dicks... I had never been fucked before, and I didn't want it to be like that. I fought, but someone grabbed my arms, and tore off my clothes, and they fucked me... it hurts so bad I thought I was going to die." David rejected the emotions attempting to break through. He had much more to tell.
"They beat me, even after I quit fighting. I don't even know how many there were, or how long it went on, I shut down. I knew hands were all over me, they bit me, they tore me open going inside of my ass and knocked loose my jaw when they used my mouth. The more I screamed the worse it got. No one stopped them. No one came to help me. No matter how much I prayed for it to stop, God didn't make it stop, so I prayed to die, and he ignored that prayer too. I finally passed out. I woke up, covered in come, blood, piss, and shit. Uncle Ben was carrying me, saying he didn't know they were going to do that. He put his shirt over me and took me to the hospital." David paused, he didn't know when he had started, but he was crying.
Nicolao listened. Every word spoken threatened to rob him of his reasoning. Rage, his boon companion bucked for entry. He fought against himself and waited for his David to continue.
"Ben told me not to tell about the bar, that the owner would make it bad for us. I was sewn up, and tested. I was black and blue all over, I had broken ribs, my left arm was broken, my eyes were swollen almost shut and dislocated shoulders and jaw." Unconsciously David ran his hand across his jaw.
"Uncle Ben stayed with me night and day. The cops came and I told them I was forced in a car and dumped, but had no memory as to where the attack happened. They were fine, told me how sorry they were, they came by a few times... one had a hard time looking at me."
"One night, I don't know where Uncle Ben was, I woke up and there was a cop by my bed. He said they knew I was a whore who had sold myself, and I just got more than I bargained for. He said Garrett, the owner, gave him a statement that I came in and was giving blow jobs in the back room, and I said I liked it rough; that they would all say it was with my consent. He said I was facing jail time for underage drinking and prostitution. He said to keep my mouth shut and he would let it slide. Then he left, and I didn't say anything, because he was right."
Nic couldn't stop himself he moved to reach for David. But the look from blue eyes stopped him.
"He was right Nicolao. When I was twelve, Uncle Ben would tell me we needed the rent money or something, and he would have men come by. I would blow them for money. When I turned fifteen Mr. Ernst let me hang around. I started working off the rent, and I told Uncle Ben I wasn't going to do it anymore. He said he'd trained me to be a good cocksucker, and I was going to suck dicks anyway I may as well make money, but if the rent was paid he didn't care. That was why I tried to leave the bar. I figured I was there to pay Ben's debt even if I didn't want to. I hadn't done it for years, but I should have known when Ben asked me to come with him. The cop was right. I don't know how much Jeremy's private detective turned up, so I wanted to leave before he told you."
