The following story is completely true, but obviously, the names are changed. I have done my best to write it accurately and do the events justice. Even though I obviously cannot remember exactly what people said when, I have tried hard to make the dialogue in the story as close to what was actually said as possible. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!
When I was twenty-one years old and a senior in college, I had a sexual experience that was quite strange and unexpected.
I was in my last semester before graduation. One of the courses in which I was enrolled was a 100-level math course. I needed to take it to fulfill my college's distribution requirements so that I could graduate. The professor was nice enough, if a little strange, and the course wasn't too difficult, so I was just sort of coasting through it without having to put in much effort, and looking forward to my graduation in May.
Professor Kirkland, who taught the class, was probably mid-fifties. He was about average height, and although he wasn't too fat, he certainly had a gut. He had dark gray hair with a bald spot on the back that you could see when he turned around to write on the chalkboard, and a bushy, white beard. He wore glasses, and was generally an easygoing professor.
The only real problem with the class was that it met at 9:30 in the morning--a little early for my taste, but I usually had no problem getting up, and was always on time for class. However, on the day of the midterm exam--worth thirty percent of our grade, according to our syllabus, my alarm didn't go off. I don't know why that happened, but I do know that I woke up to see that it was already 10:30. I panicked. Class would already be over by the time I could get there. I had slept through the midterm, and so I would receive a zero. I was, as they say, fucked.
I felt so awful at that moment. I sent off a frantic e-mail to Professor Kirkland explaining what had happened and saying that if there were any way I could make up some of the credit I had lost I would be happy to do it. But I knew it was hopeless. No professor would let you make up an exam you didn't show up for. I felt sick to my stomach.
Now, I know this is a popular convention in pornography. The young female student tells her teacher, "Oh, I'll do anything for an A!" with a seductive look. The teacher replies, "ANYTHING?", unzips his pants, and it goes from there. But I promise you that sex was completely absent from my mind when I wrote that e-mail. I was only hoping to maybe take the exam for half credit, or do an extra-credit assignment or something. The idea of doing any sort of favors for a better grade never entered my mind.
Waiting for Professor Kirkland's response, which took about an hour to arrive, made time seem twice as long. I could barely breath as I hoped against hope that he might have mercy on me and my grade.
When his response finally arrived, it read:
"Dear Ben,
Unfortunately, I do not allow students to re-take missed exams without a legitimate excuse. However, we might be able to figure out a way you can make up some credit in my course. Why don't you stop by my office around 3:00 this afternoon, and maybe we can work something out?
See you then,
Professor Kirkland"
I showed up at his office promptly at 3:00, and knocked gingerly at the big, wooden door that was slightly ajar. "Come in, come in," I heard his gruff voice say from inside. I opened the door and stepped in, then stepped towards the chair in front of his desk, behind which he was seated.
"Why don't you close the door behind you before you sit down?" Professor Kirkland suggested. I turned around and pulled the door shut. Then I sat down in front of his desk and fidgeted nervously.
"Now... Ben, right?" he started. It was a big class, so it was understandable that he might not be sure of my name. I nodded. "Good, good. Ben, as I said in my e-mail, I'm sorry, but I really can't let you re-take the midterm. However, I do understand that sometimes things like this happen, so I want to give you a chance to help your grade some." I nodded again. All of this sounded good to me.
"So, here's what I'm offering," he continued. "I would be willing to offer you an increase in your grade in return for certain... favors." Confusion passed over my face at that last word. I was naive, and really had no idea what he meant by it. But he paused, expecting an answer, so I had to respond. "Uh... I'm sorry, I'm not sure I quite understand," I said.
"If you perform certain favors for me, I would be willing to give you a better grade in the class--let's say a 98--regardless of the work you perform in the class for the rest of the semester." I still looked confused, and he saw this and explained. "The favors, of course, would be sexual in nature." I was shocked, and I'm sure that my face registered this sudden realization.
"Of course, I don't mean to pressure you into something you're uncomfortable with. If you wish, you can decline my offer and I won't penalize your grade, but I will still have to give you a zero for the missed exam. This is just an opportunity if you wish to compensate for that blow to your grade."
I sat there, silent and flabbergasted, with no idea how to respond. After a few moments, he said, "Look, if you want to take me up on my offer, just come by my house tonight at around 8:00 and we'll work it all out. If not, that's OK too. Just e-mail me if you think you want to come, and I'll give you my address and directions. Think it over, Ben, and have a good afternoon."