Giving Smithy a Bum-Job

He kept going on about how hard-up he was. How he hadn't had his cock up an arse for however long it was and how his balls were so blue that a fart would get him off.

Me and Biggsy kept laughing at how desperate he was acting but I kind of felt sorry for him in a stupid sort of way. Smithy's the only bender we know in our dead-end little town, and it can't be easy for him to meet up with other blokes when he fancies having himself some bum fun.

So then Biggsy goes and says, "Why can't you just fuck a girl when you get horny? There's plenty 'round here who'd be up for it."

I nearly choked on my blow that made me laugh so much. I mean, Biggsy's always half-baked at the best of times, but get a bit of weed in him and I swear he's cock-a-doodle-do.

"He's fucking gay, you dick-squirt," I managed to blurt out through my fits of giggles. "He wants his knob up an arse, not up some tart's vagoo!"

"I didn't mean up her muff!" Biggsy barked over at me. "I meant up her arse - the right sort of girl would let you do that, Smithy mate!"

"I'm not gonna shag some girl up her skanky arse," Smithy said back, looking dead funny he was so outraged by the suggestion that he would. "I want a fit lad's chuff around my knob... I wanna see his muscly buns and smell his hairy crack while I'm sliding my cock in and out of his dookie..."

"Loadsa girls 'round here have muscly buns and hairy cracks," Biggsy chuckled.

"It's got to be a bloke, seriously mate," Smithy grinned back at him. "I wanna reach underneath him and wank his prick off while I fuck him... there's not many girls I could that to, is there?"

"Oh I dunno..." Biggsy laughed. "Pick one up on the Powell Estate and anything's possible!"

"Is that what you do then?" I asked him, interested in how it worked when gay lads were shagging each other. "Wank him off while you're bumming him up the arse?"

"Of course you do!" Smithy snapped, looking irritated that I could be so stupid as not to know that. "He's got to enjoy it too, mate. You've got to wank him off... it'd be selfish not to."

"But doesn't he enjoy having your cock up inside him?" I asked.

"Well yeah... he does," Smith said, looking less pissed off now that he could see I was genuinely intrigued. "I mean, it does feel kinda nice..."

"Have you had a dick up you?" Biggsy cut in. I was pleased he'd asked that - I'd always wondered it myself. Smithy went on and on about bending blokes over and banging them up their brown-eyes, but he never said much about doing it the other way too.

Thinking about the question, he took a draw of his joint and slowly exhaled. Biggsy turned the telly down a few notches so we didn't miss his answer.

"I do take it sometimes, yeah," he said. "And when I do it that way, I usually enjoy it..."

"But you prefer being the one looking at the back of the other guy's head?" Biggsy grinned.

"Yeah, that usually works better for me," Smithy chuckled back. "At least when there's two of us... when there's three blokes, it's best being the one in the middle!"

That made me and Biggsy laugh for ages - the blow we'd got was top-notch stuff - but I couldn't help but wonder if Smithy really had picked up two guys at once.

"Are you for real, mate?" I called over to him when Biggsy had finally stopped giggling like a derf. "You've actually copped off with two lads at the same time?"

"A couple of times, yeah," Smithy grinned. I knew he wouldn't be telling us this if he wasn't so ripped. "You remember that stag do I went on in Blackpool last year...?"

We both grinned wide-eyed. Jesus, if I looked as gormless as Biggsy did when I was high, I'd really have to start laying off the stuff.

"I picked up a couple of blokes there and the three of us did it in one of their hotel rooms. Fucking stunk the place out we did... shagging each other every which way!"

"Aw Jesus," Biggsy chortled. "Three dicks and not a pussy in sight! What a fucking waste..."

"That's the whole point!" Smithy laughed. "Who needs a pussy when you've got three tight little arseholes to play with!"

"Blokes' arses, though," Biggsy said back. "All hairy and shitty..."

I could see Biggsy was pretty much on the opposite end of the sexuality spectrum from where Smithy had landed up.

"Seriously mate," Smithy grinned over at him indulgently. "Another lad's arse is as horny as fuck when you're buried ball-deep up it and it's squeezing your porker as tight as a vice!"

Biggsy looked unconvinced but I couldn't help but laugh. I said, "You sure like getting your cock up another fella's grizzly!"

Smithy smiled over. "I'm getting a fucking bone-on over here, all this talk of shagging blokes up their butts! I'm fucking desperate, mate - it's been way too long!"

"How long has it been?" I asked him.

"Six months," he said, "and that was just a quickie with some old geezer in the park."

"Why don't you just wank off when you're in the shower?" Biggsy asked, like it really could be just a simple as that!

"I'm sick of tossing myself off," Smithy grumbled. "I need a hot, sticky arsehole champing at my poker... a nice furry crack to watch my schlong sliding in and out of..."

Smithy stared over at Biggsy and I guess his eyes must have wandered a little lower down on his body than Biggsy had expected.

"No fucking way, mate!" Biggsy bellowed, laughing hysterically. "You ain't getting your fucking dong anywhere near my virgin shitter!"

I peered over, not really getting it at first, and Biggsy kept laughing and called over to me, "He's checking me out between my legs! Eyeing up between my thighs like he wants to shove his gay woodie up my clampster!"

Smithy laughed too. "Sorry mate, but it's driving me up the wall! Two lovely little arseholes you're both sitting on, and neither of them up for having some fun!"

"You'd really wanna bum us?" Biggsy grinned at him. "We're your two best mates and you'd wanna bend us over and shag us up our arses?"

"Of course I fucking would," Smithy admitted with a smirk. I knew that there was no way he would be telling us this if he hadn't taken half a bag of weed into his lungs already. "You're both pretty fit and I bet you've got a gorgeous pair of hot brown mussies hiding away down the backs of your kecks!"

"Aw, you dirty bastard!" Biggsy laughed uproariously. He was pretending like he was shocked but I could tell he was loving this really. "You're not serious are you?"

Smithy grabbed at the front of his jeans and made it obvious that he was flying at full mast underneath the blue material. "I'm about eight inches of serious, mate!"

"Fuck me!" Biggsy chortled. "Have you seen this, Gabe? He's got a big fuck-off dong in his pants and it's horny for our two crud-boxes!"

"It's hardly surprising," I said back, grinning at them both. "He's gay and here's us two lads right next to him with our tight little poopers between our cakes... it's no wonder, really, that's he's getting horned-up thinking about one of us giving him a piggy-back!"

"You have no idea, Gabe," Smithy said, looking genuinely agitated. "My bollocks are aching and I keep jizzing off in my sleep, I'm so horny!"

"All for the sake of getting your dick up an arse...?"

"That's all I need, mate... a little brown bullseye just to work my cock in and out of... just for a few fucking seconds... just until I've cum..."

I was about to say something that I knew Biggsy would never let me forget, when he interrupted me by feeling the need to tell us both, "If I was gonna do gay stuff, I reckon I'd be like you, Smithy - I'd want my dick up the other guy's arse. I don't fancy all the kissy-cuddly stuff and there's no way in fuck I'm gonna bend over to get bummed by some other fella's knob."

Smithy wasn't much interested in that and instead turned to ask me, "What about you, Gabe? What would you wanna do if you were with another bloke?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. "I ain't ever really thought about it."

"Would you wanna bend over for another fella?" he persisted.

"I dunno," I said again. "I suppose... in a way... if you're gonna do gay stuff you might as well do something you can't do with a girl..."

"You wanna get your arse fucked, Gabe?" Biggsy chortled, taking the piss, and I was wishing that he wasn't with us the way things had started heading.

"I'm just saying that there's no point doing stuff you could do with a girl... you should try doing something different... see what it feels like..."

"So let's get this straight," Biggsy chuckled. "Smithy over here - our resident gay boy - is desperate to nut off up some bloke's hairy arse..."

"Me balls are so fucking full, mate," Smithy snivelled, laying it on thick. "The elastic on my Calvins is making them chaffe red raw..."

"And Gabe over on this side," Biggsy went on, "has come over all bi-curious tonight... so off his head that he wouldn't mind having a sausage sliding up his shit chute..."

"I didn't say that," I countered. "And I'm not so stoned that I don't know what I'm doing..."

"You said you wouldn't mind seeing what it feels like," Biggsy reminded me.

"Well, yeah... but..."

I couldn't think of how to respond to that so I just stared at Smithy hoping he'd help me out.

Instead he looked serious and muttered, "You'd be doing me a hell of a favour, mate..."

My brain told my mouth to say, "Dream on, Smithy, it ain't gonna happen." Instead I heard my tongue forming the slightly different sentence: "And you reckon it'll take just a minute or so...?"

"If that," Smithy nodded. "And I'll owe you big-time, dude."

"Oh my God!" Biggsy laughed. "You guys cannot be serious!"

"It's got fuck all to do with you!" Smithy barked at him, more aggressively than I'd ever heard him speak to anyone. "It's just one guy helping his mate out, that's all!"

"Except I'm gonna have to watch it! Watch you getting his shit all over your cock!"

"Well, piss off back home then!" Smithy snapped at him. "We're not asking for an audience!"

"No, I reckon I'll stay put," Biggsy sneered. "Might teach me a bit of stuff they didn't tell us about in sex ed!"

Smithy didn't force it: if it came to a fight we both knew Biggsy could take him. Smithy was a big bloke but Biggsy had more dirty tricks up his sleeve.

So Smithy backed down but saved face by adding, "If you film us on your phone, I'll smash the thing. I swear to God."

Biggsy kept sneering. "Yeah, like I'd wanna see it twice!"

Smithy turned back to me and said, his face looking almost pleading by now, "This is so good of you, Gabe. There's nothing gay in it... I want you to know that, mate..."

I should have said - if the whole brain-to-mouth circuit had been working properly - that it had been a stupid joke and of course I wouldn't let him roger my fucking arse. But instead I heard myself say, "So how do we do it? Do I get on the floor or something?"

"Yeah, just get on all-fours and pull the back of your jeans down. Pretend like you're squeezing a shit out and it'll all be over before you know I'm even up there!"

"Bit of high class porn this!" Biggsy chuckled and we both glared at him to butt the fuck out.

Say you're going to get more cans, then grab your coat and sod off home, my brain was telling me. Instead, I did as Smithy had asked and kneeled down on the floor, bending forwards to support myself with both hands on the sticky carpet.

"Right, pull the back of your kecks down," Smithy commanded, undoing his fly. "If you want me to wank you off, pull the front down too."

"It's like Mills and Boon," Biggsy quipped but this time we both just ignored him.

I undid my belt and yanked my jeans and boxers down a bit. I wanted him to wank me off - my cock was already semi at the thought of having a bloke who'd know what he was doing giving me a hand-job.

"Oh my God," Biggsy laughed. "You're not gonna push your dick into that godawful thing... tell me you're not!"

"What's wrong with it?" Smithy bit back, grappling his hard-on out through his fly. "It's a hot piece of tush..."

"No way is it! It's spotty and flabby with a skanky crack that looks like it stinks to high fuck..."

"Is it that bad?" I asked, swivelling my head around to look at Smithy.

"There's nothing wrong with it," he said abruptly, reaching forwards to run his fingers between my cheeks, all the way from the backs of my bollocks right up inside my trench to where it levelled out at the bottom of my spine.

Before I could ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, he raised his fingers to his nose and sniffed them deeply.

"Aw Jesus Christ!" he gasped. "This is gonna be awesome! Your arse is gonna reek once I'm shagging you up it!"

Biggsy guffawed but I cringed with embarrassment.

"Is that a good thing?" I asked him. "That my arse smells, I mean?"

"It's the best, mate," he replied, shuffling up behind me. "Now just relax and push back when you feel my bell-end sliding into you."

Smithy put both hands on my hips as he pushed his cock head against the hottest and stickiest part of my hairy furrow.

"Aw, this is dead nice," he said with the tip of his donger jabbing against my hot manky hole. "You're a star, Gabe, letting me use your arse like this. I'm not gonna forget this in a hurry, mate."

"Me neither," Biggsy muttered.

Smithy reached fowards and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me against him as his fat helmet suddenly pushed its way inside me.

I let out a fart - a real blow-out to be honest - but Smithy didn't seem to care and started sliding the rest of his cock up my gravy spout. It felt massive - much, much thicker than I'd expected - and my poor bum-ring strained and stretched to cope with the sheer girth of the thing.

So then Biggsy chuckled, "I had no idea gay sex could be so beautiful, guys. It's like watching a love scene seeing him work his big knob into your gungy turd-hole, Gabe!"

"Shuddup!" I snapped. "Do you think I like having him screw me up the butt?"

Smithy kept going, sliding his shaft effortlessly up my raunchy passage.

He said, "It's gonna stink really rough once I get going properly, but I promise I'll spunk off as fast as I can..."

"Sheer poetry," Biggsy tittered.

"Will you shut the fuck up!" Smithy barked at him.

"Although I've got to admit," he went on, "it's kinda hot watching you shove a big cock like yours up another fella's hairy arse..."

"Yeah?" Smithy asked, clearly unconvinced, with his pubic bush now tickling my bum-cheeks.

"Yeah," Biggsy grinned and I waited for the insulting punchline.

Biggsy stayed quiet and Smithy grabbed me by the hips again and started working his thick dick slowly in and out of my hole.

"Aw yeah, this is just what I need!" he gasped. "Your brown-ring is really tasty, mate!"

"How can it be tasty?" I laughed, pushing my butt-cheeks back against his hips. "It's just my skanky arsehole!"

"It's as hot as fuck!" Smithy chuckled, speeding his rhythm up as he started thrusting more roughly. "It all tight and slidey, and it's got a lovely beefy stink to it!"

He inhaled deeply, craning his face down to get his nose as close as he could to the hairy crack his thick cock was pushing in and out of, and gasped, "Aw fuck yeah! It's gonna be a really smelly bum-job, this... just how I like it!"

I had to laugh again. "Is that what I'm doing, Smithy? Giving you a bum-job?"

"Too right you are," he panted, now going at full-pelt in and out of my hole. "And I owe you big-time, Gabe... I won't forget it!"

I liked that he called it a 'bum-job'. It made it sound like what we doing was just two stupid lads doing sex play. Kind of like, "My gay mate was horny, so I bent over and gave him a bum-job as a favour!"

Yeah, that sounded like getting butt-fucked was really just a bit of fun between mates.

Biggsy, to my surprise, had a different take on it.

He called over, "I can't believe I've ended up with a boned-up pole watching you dirty fuckers going at it like a couple of horny sailors!"

In spite of how much he was enjoying thumping in and out of me, Smithy had to laugh. "Getting you all horny, is it... watching my big gay dick fudging his hairy little clacker?!"

Biggsy undid himself and pulled a hefty rod of his own out through his zipper. The skin was pulled right back and the head of it was a shiny red like an unripe plum.

"I'm gonna need to wank off, guys... fuck knows why, but seeing you shagging him up his arse is making my knob sore!"

Smithy laughed again as Biggsy grabbed his thick veiny shaft and started jacking his foreskin up and down.

Then he suggested to Biggsy, "Kneel down in front of Gabe, mate... he can get his gob around your schlong... nosh you off while I'm ploughing his muck!"

"I'm not gonna suck Biggsy's cock, dude! I'm not having that scabby thing anywhere near my mouth!"

"All right then," Smithy said, having another idea. "Come over here and stand over his back... I'll suck you off the best you've ever had!"

Biggsy leapt up from the couch and hurried over to Smithy. He yanked his trousers and pissy Y-fronts down and clambered over me to position one knee on either side of my torso.

The slurping started up immediately as Smithy proved how expert he was at giving head to another bloke.

"Aw that's nice, mate," Biggsy gasped. "Use your tongue on me pisser..."

I looked back over my shoulder but all I could see was Biggsy's rough-as-fuck arse. He'd laughed about how grody my crack had looked but - Jesus wept! - his was a fucking shit-fest round his chunder and the backs of his saggy white briefs were a road map of skid-marks.

I wondered if even Smithy would fuck an arse as heinous as that.

"Really suck it hard... like it's a fucking lolly..." Biggsy panted. "And don't be frightened to use your teeth!"

I was pleased that Biggsy had joined in with us. I'd been worried that next time we were with Sanders and Crawley he'd start taking the piss about watching Gabe have his stinky brown crack fucked by Smithy's big chopper. Now that he was ball-deep himself, and his back-door was so much skankier than mine, I didn't think it so likely that the memory would re-surface.

"Ah yeah... I can smell his shitty arse getting fucked!" Biggsy huffed, grabbing the taller guy's head and hammering his cock really fast in and out of his mouth.

"This gay sex stuff," he grunted, bucking his hips like a piston. "There's not much that's gay about it..."

Smithy pulled off him and his thick goopy slaver dribbled down onto my arse cheeks.

"Fuck me up the arse!" he commanded to Biggsy. "Get behind me and shove your dick up me chuff while I'm porking him up his!"

"Aw yeah!" Biggsy surprised me by agreeing, and quickly moved around behind Smithy to squat down between his shins.

"Bloody hell, Smithy mate, your arse is like a big gaping cunt," he declared. "I thought you said you didn't like having cocks up it..."

"I didn't say I didn't like it," Smithy called back. "I just said I prefer it when it's my chubster what goes up the dumpster."

Biggsy shuffled up closer to his new-found fuck-buddy and guided his dick into position.

"A bit manky back here, aren't you?" Biggsy said as he pushed his cock head up through Smithy's well-stretched pooper.

Smithy chuckled, gasping at the intrustion. "Just think of it as natural lube, mate."

Biggsy's hips started smacking against Smithy's buttocks and he grunted in pleasure as he had his first taste of fucking another bloke up the arse.

"Aw Jesus! This is fucking crisp!" he gasped, humping his mate's back-end as fast as his hips could buck. "Your arse is dead tight and the inside's more wet and slidey than a minge!"

"Hold still!" Smithy told him, sounding fucked off that Biggsy had started banging him so rough. "I'm the one in the middle, so it's my cock and arse that do the moving... okay?"

"Whatever, mate," Biggsy panted. "Just hurry up... my helmet's gonna burst!"