Mark was easily the most mellow guy that I had met in a very long time.It was pretty innocuous, really. At the time, I was spending lots of time at the local gym, often late at night. I had been a semi-professional powerlifter during my college days, and even though my days of competing had been in my rearview mirror, I still liked to keep myself in shape, and it showed. Typical, guy that used to be attempting to get big and strong, but happy to fight off gravity and junk food was how I viewed myself.
Mark on the other hand was actively trying to gain both size and strength. In some ways, he reminded me a lot of my younger self. I suppose that's why we became good friends one evening when he asked me to spot him on the bench press. He asked me about my history with the weights, asked me for advice on certain things, and even though I'm not one for making too many friends, I genuinely enjoyed his company.
And that's how I knew one Thursday evening that something was bothering him. Usually intense and focusing on training, he was hesitating between sets and quiet. Mark was generally pretty chatty, but this day he was just blankly looking out the pane glass windows at the front of the gym.
"Hey, bud, "I said. "Something bothering you?"
"Nah," he replied unconvincingly. "Nothing major."
I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "You're a real shit liar. But it's cool. I'm not one to pry." That was mostly true, but not completely. Either way, I went about my business, and we finished up.
As we were walking out of the locker room area, Mark turned to me and said, "Actually there is something on my mind."
"Care to talk about it?"
Mark looked around, eyeing the room. There were a few people milling about as the gym was near closing. He said, "Umm, I probably should. But not here. It's more of a private matter."
"Ahh, I get it," I replied. "Girl troubles. I wouldn't want to talk about that around here either. Tell you what, I'm going to run home and change clothes. Meet you at that dive bar around the corner from my place in say, 45 minutes? That dump doesn't close for another few hours anyway."
Mark's eyes brightened. "You know, that sounds like a great idea."
Internally, I was relieved. I was worried that he would have said something like he would just chill at my place while I changed and then we could ride together. I didn't want to tell him why I didn't have guests at my apartment. Not yet.
When I met up with him at the bar, the usual patrons were wandering about, telling half-truths brought on by lower tier liquor and cheap beer. Mark was sitting at the bar nursing a Budweiser watching ESPN.
"Hey man," I said. Turning to the bartender, "A Miller Lite for me, and another Bud for my friend."
"Miller Lite," Mark said, "What are you watching your figure now or something?"
"No," I laughed, "I'll be 40 this year and this waist of mine reminds me of that." I slapped my stomach for emphasis. When I did, I noticed Mark's eyes lingered near my midsection longer than I expected. "Was he checking me out," I thought to myself. No, of course not. He had been with Emily, his girlfriend for a year now. I was sure she was what was troubling his mind.
"Alright my friend," I said as I took my first swallow, "Now what is it that's got you looking like someone kicked your dog over there? You and Emily going through something"
Mark looked over at me. "Is it that obvious?"
I sat down and looked him in the eye, "Well yeah it is. I know that look because I've looked in the mirror a few times in my life. I might have some advice for ya. Try me."
Mark took a long gulp of his beer, breathed deeply and said, "Ok.Alright. But this stays between you and I, right?"
"Who in the world would I tell? I hate people, remember?"
That broke the tension on his face. "Yea, I remember. Well I don't really know how to say this, but I'll just say it. You know how you have a confession night with your partner?"
"Yeah...." I didn't know where he was going with this one. Mark sure didn't strike me as the type to have fooled around on his girlfriend. Emily, even though I had only met her once or twice, didn't give me that impression. But you never know. "Go on..."
Mark sighed, "Well you remember me telling you about my roommate back in college, Ben?"
I had to think for a second. "Ben? Oh yea, Ben, I remember you telling me about when you guys lived together." And then a light bulb went off in my head. "You mean?"
Mark looked around as if there were KGB spies listening. "Yea. It's what you think."
I was surprised. "Mark, I didn't know that you were into guys."
"Well, Emily didn't either. And she was none too happy about it either. Even though that was years ago, now she has to think about things." Mark looked at me, and I suppose that the unintentional look on my surprise sent an equally unintentional message to him. "I shouldn't have said anything to her. And by the look on your face I shouldn't have said anything to you either." He started to reach for his jacket.
"Look, Alex, thanks for listening. And I understand if you'd rather not work out together anymore."
I put my bottle down and looked at him. "Mark what the FUCK are you talking about. That doesn't make any sense to me. What in the world does what you did in college have to do with anything?"
He frowned. "There are people that don't understand people like me. I've only told three people before you and Emily. And the reaction has always been the same. I'm used to it."
I punched him in the arm. "Ok, at ease, man. I'm not like other people. I'm just me. I don't form opinions about people that way. We're all human beings right? I've gotta admit, it stings a little bit that you would think about me that way."
"I'm sorry." Mark shrank a little bit. "I'm just a little gun-shy about that part of me."
"I assure you, Mark. You aren't the only person that holds their cards close to their chest when it comes to certain things."
Now Mark was the one that was curious, and I became somewhat defensive. "Is there something that you're trying to say?"
I cleared my throat. I have genuine hatred for hypocrisy. Mark had just told me what may have been his deepest secret. There was no way that I could just leave him hanging that way. "I've done things in my past as well. If you know what I mean."
Mark finally seemed at ease. "So you DO understand!"