Heaven on Earth: Chapter 4 One Day at a Time
I wanted him, I really did. I couldn’t stay though, I had to run away. But why? Why was I running away? I went up to my room and sat there staring at the ceiling. It took me ten minutes before I was out the door and at Brian’s door again. I knocked several times before he answered. When he came to the door, he was wearing a towel and his hair was dripping wet. God, he was beautiful.
“Evan, I—”
I never let him finish his sentence. My arms wrapped around his waist and I pulled him in for a passionate kiss. I could feel him melting into me. He put his arms around my neck and let his towel fall to the floor. We kissed until neither of us had any oxygen left. I looked into his eyes, and I knew that this was right. Water was running down his face and I leaned in to lick off. He placed one hand against my face in question, and groaned as I took one of his fingers into my mouth. His body pushed up against mine, and in a harsh whisper, he said,
“Let’s go back to my room.”
He took my hand and led me into his bedroom, his perfect ass bobbing in front of me as we walked.
I woke up the next morning in my own bed. I quickly sat up and all the blood rushed from my head. Did Brian bring me back to my room? Did I leave? I paused to think for a moment. No, it was a dream. My life wasn’t a fucking romance novel. How much of it was a dream? ‘A shower should help me clear my head,’ I thought. I threw the covers off my body and looked down. So that’s where all the blood went.
I pieced together the previous night as I ran through everything that had happened. We did go to the movies. We did eat. We chatted, he told me that he’s gay, I told him the same, and then I kissed him. No, he kissed me. Not like I did anything to stop him. And then I left. That was it. And that damn dream still did nothing to answer any of my questions or my doubts. Hot showers were great for thinking. What could I do now? If I wasn’t already in Heaven, I’d be damned if I hadn’t ruined any chance that I had with him.
I had to think of a better way to handle this. I stepped out of the shower and went into the bedroom. It was only 9:00, probably too early for me to go and wake up Brian, but it had to be done. What should I put on? I didn’t want to seem overly provocative, so running shorts and t-shirt were out of the question. But I didn’t want to put him off entirely. Was I being a girl about this or was it just me? I decided on a college shirt and cargo shorts. That was casual without acting as if I expected something right?
My heart was pounding as I went downstairs. He was going to be mad. How could he not be? I felt terrible for what I did. Shit. What if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me? Erica and Brian were all that I had in New York now that Jane had left me. Well, she hadn’t left me, but things were certainly different.
I raised my hand to knock on the door. ‘Here goes nothing,’ I thought. I waited. I knocked again and waited. He wasn’t there. I turned to leave and the door opened. Brian was there in a towel, dripping wet. Calderón was right: life is a dream. God, he was beautiful.
“Um, hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied, shaking myself out of my daydream.
“Sorry I couldn’t get to the door, I was getting out of the shower.”
“Yea, I can tell.”
We stood there in silence for a while. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the face; I was too afraid to know what was there.
“Would you like to come in? I’m beginning to get cold standing here.”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
He led me into the apartment, and I took a seat on the couch.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to put on some clothes.”
A minute later he came back in some sweat pants and shirt, but he didn’t sit on the couch though. He pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and set it in the living room. I guess I got the answer to the question of whether or not he was angry with me.
“Evan, I’m really sorry about last night. That was really rash on my part.”
“Brian, I’m sorry, too.”
“Wait a minute, let me finish.” I nodded my consent. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I got excited, but I completely understand why you stopped me. You said it yourself, you’re only now coming to terms with being gay. I can’t imagine what kind of uncomfortable position I put you in. The truth is that I like you and I’m attracted to you. To hear you say that you liked me, well, it was exactly what I wanted. It’s been a long time since a guy I was interested in expressed interest in me, and it’s been nearly as long since someone’s even kissed me.” I could see him starting to form tears in his eyes. “This is new to you. I’m sure the last thing you need is an old, bitchy boyfriend like me.”
Here it was: the turning point in our relationship. Our future depended on the way that I responded. Was I ready for this? I had to be. I walked over to his chair and knelt in front of him with my hands resting on his knees. This time, I looked straight into his eyes.
“Brian, the way I acted last night was really shitty. You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you how I felt and then ran away when the truth is you were exactly what I wanted. You’re right, I am new to this, but if I’m too scared to start something with a great guy like you, then I’m never going to be ready.” I squeezed his knees and he smiled at me. Thankfully, his eyes had dried up because he made me want to cry.
“And you’re not old,” I added.
“Yes I am. I’m 26. That means I’m closer to being 30 than I am to 20. And what about bitchy?”
”Well, I’m not so sure I can argue with that one,” I said jokingly.
He lightly slapped my face, but it was really more like a caress. He then used his hand to cup my cheek.
“So…?” I asked.
“So what?”
I put on my prettiest, high-pitched voice in an attempt to sound like a high school student. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
He laughed at the look on my face. “Well, I suppose you can hold me over until I get a better offer. I’m still holding out for Brad Pitt.”
He stood up and pulled me off my knees. His eyes looked directly into mine, and I began to fade out of reality. A little hesitantly, he leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him.
“Could we take this slowly at first?”
The warm smile on his face almost made me wish that I had never said it, that he would take me to the bedroom and not let me out until the next day. “Slow it is, then.” His soft lips met the flesh on my forehead and then I wrapped my arms around him.
We stood there holding each other. It felt good to be honest with myself. I felt like this was the start of my search for true happiness. It was a start wasn’t it? Brian was the first one to pull away.
“As much as I would love to stay here all day, I’ve got work to finish.”
“Oh, ok,” I said. Since I had the day off I was hoping that we could spend the day together, so I was disappointed. “Do you plan on eating today?”
“Sooner or later,” he said as he winked at me.
“Well, if you get hungry, give me a call. Maybe we can get lunch down at Joelle’s.” Joelle’s was a great burger joint a few blocks down from the apartment.
“I’d like that.” He walked with me to the door. “I’ll see you later, then.”
“Bye.” I timidly kissed his cheek.
“Bye.”
Cloud Nine. That’s where I was then, that’s where I am now. Nothing could have brought me down after that. Well, as long as Nothing chose not to bother me on the ride back up to my apartment. When I got back to my apartment, there was definitely something waiting.
