Help Me

*"Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night

Where I belong and

Help me

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

And just what my purpose is here"*

*

"So, how about a date Friday night? I have off." Ben asked James as he dropped him off at home.

"What is your schedule normally like?" James asked.

"Eh, 4 days on, 3 off, sometimes it switches up if they need coverage."

"Ugh. I need to check my schedule, but I think I have a short lunch shift so we could meet up at 6pm I think."

"Okay, well double check for me, but otherwise I'll call you Friday and we'll pick a spot that sounds good."

"Cool. I'll talk to you later. I'm going to go actually get some sleep now that I don't have a boyfriend wanting my ass every time I try to sleep."

Ben laughed and pulled James over for a quick kiss.

"Good night sweet thing." He said as he pushed James out of the car so he wouldn't be tempted to pull him back in and drive him back to his place.

Friday morning came, Ben was excited about having off work after a few hectic days, and of course excited to see James, and probably have a similar weekend to the previous one, filled with lots of hot sex. Ben's phone rang around 11am though, the ER calling him to fill in for Cindy who had called in sick. Well, actually his supervisor said she'd come in to do her shift but kept running for the bathroom to vomit so he'd sent her home and called Ben. Ben agreed to come in, especially since Cindy was always good about covering for him. He called James' cell, but it went straight to voicemail. He left a message explaining what had happened and to have him call back about rescheduling for tomorrow. He dressed quickly and ran out the door.

James stood in front of his parent's house. He knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant visit, but his mom had insisted he come for afternoon coffee to 'discuss things'. She'd promised his dad wouldn't be there. He slowly climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. His mom ushered him in and they sat down at the table. She poured him a cup of coffee and put two of his favorite chocolate chip/raisin oatmeal cookies on a plate for him.

"So. James. When did you decide to be gay?"

"Decide? Or when did I know I was born gay?"

"However you want to justify it..." She trailed off.

"I knew before I was 16, that was when I came to terms with it. I experimented in college and knew for sure. I've met someone now, and I'm very happy. I realize I don't need you guys to be my family if you aren't going to respect me as I am, I can create my own family."

"James, I want you to know I'm not happy. I don't think that your father is happy either. I'm unsure where to go from here."

"We don't, that's where we go from here. We go our separate ways."

"I don't..." Before his mom could finish, the door to the kitchen flew open. His dad, red faced, fists clenched stood there, staring at James.

"I thought I told you that fags aren't allowed in this house... or did you change your mind after fucking that piece of trash I saw you with?"

"Dad, I have always been a fag, always will be a fag. There's nothing you can do about it. And that 'piece of trash' is my boyfriend. And if I have anything to say about it will be around for a long time."

"Get out." His dad said, in an oddly calm voice.

"Gladly." James moved to leave, but his dad stood still. James swallowed nervously.

"If you would move, I could..." James started, but as soon as he spoke, his dad exploded. First it was a slap across the face, but then it escalated into a violent pummeling. James curled into a ball to avoid as much damage to his soft squishy insides that could easily be harmed by the flying fists and hard kicks. He felt multiple punches to his sides, and kicks to his back end. He was still a bit sore back there from Ben's different kind of pummeling. James realized quickly if he didn't move, he was going to die. Now that he'd found Ben, he wasn't ready. If this had happened a week ago, he may have made the decision to lay there until he'd died, but now he wanted a future with Ben. He needed to stay strong to see Ben again. Trying to stay curled up as tight as he could, he wiggled his way to the door way. His dad picked him up and slammed him into the wall near the door, and reached back to punch his face. He got one blow in before James managed to open the door, and slip out. James slammed the door behind him, and as carefully and as quickly as he could gimp, he tried to make his way down the stairs. He got about 3 steps down when the door flew open and his dad stormed at him. James saw his life flash before his eyes, as in a continued rage of fury; his dad shoved him down the evil flight of stairs. Just before he blacked out after his head hit the railing, he imagined the last time he and Ben had sex, the storm raging around them. He wanted his last thoughts before he died to be about love, not hate.

Ben was running around at work like crazy, due to the number of non-critical patients that had been admitted. There was one man who had been admitted complaining of chest pain, but he was due in court tomorrow and likely going to jail, so he was just looking for an excuse to not go in. Another woman who'd tripped on a curb with a soft tissue injury to her ankle, and another young man who was high on something that had been in a car accident that really had just hit his head. A lot of monitoring and giving pain meds, mixed with the occasional triage and referral. The phone on the wall rang, indicating a new arrival, possibly a critical one. Ben hopped over to the desk, but Rachel the receptionist had grabbed it.

"Critical injury coming in ETA 5 minutes, possible head trauma." Rachel said to Ben.

Ben groaned. He hated critical head traumas because it always seemed like they were in really bad shape when they came in.

"Page Dr. Rouso, might as well have the neurologist on hand incase it's really bad."

"Okay, will do." She turned back to the phone.

Ben walked over to the ambulance bay with Dr. Cheron.

"I hate head trauma..." Dr. Cheron muttered.

"Ha! So do I. I had Rachel page Dr. Rouso already so hopefully we can get the patient stable and then refer to him right away."

An ambulance screamed into the bay, the EMTs jumping out.

"Male, age 20, head trauma as well as multiple abrasions, suspect the patient was beaten, but for sure fell down a flight of stairs. BP is 140/90, heart rate 120, resps clear"

Ben got a sick feeling in his stomach, but pushed it down, not wanting to assume things until he saw the patient.

The EMTs rushed the stretcher to the doorway and Ben got a good look at the patient. He almost vomited as James' face was barely recognizable, but Ben knew it was him.

Dr. Cheron swore under his breath.

"Didn't we just see this kid for falling down the stairs?"

"2 weeks ago... yeah."

"You okay, Ben? You look pale."

"James and I started dating after his last visit..." Ben shook his head "I can handle this, let's go and get him stable."

A bit of running around, moving James into the ER's bed and giving him pain medication, the neurologist made it down from the other side of the hospital.

"Has he been conscious at all?" Dr. Rouso asked.

"Not since we first picked him up. He said he was relieved to see us, but then he passed out after that. Hasn't regained since transport" The EMT reported as they headed out with their stretcher.

Dr. Rouso went about doing an evaluation.

"Well, good news is he seems mentally aware, his pupils are equal and reactive, he's got good menace responses. I suspect he just has a concussion, but we'll have you keep a close eye on him. Once he wakes up, page me, I'll do the rest of the evaluation, and as long as the rest of his injuries are benign, you can transfer him to me at some point."

"Thanks Dr. Rouso." Ben and Dr. Cheron said.

Dr. Cheron finished his exam.

"Well crap, the kid's got a broken arm, the ribs that were healing are damaged again, his eye socket is broken... god damn someone worked this kid over. Do you know if the police were called?"

"I don't, but I will be glad to do it." Ben said heading for the phone. He dialed the number they'd been given to use for reporting suspicious injuries. Typically that meant stabbings, gun shot wounds, or drunk drivers, but they did have to report the occasional domestic abuse.

"Police." A curt voice over the phone answered.

"Hey, this is Ben over at the emergency room. I have a suspected domestic abuse case here, not sure if the EMTs called it in or not."

"Hmm, we had a call earlier about someone being pushed down the stairs, as well as the phone call to report someone had fallen down the stairs. That one sounded like a somewhat distraught mom... Well, the officers are actually talking to the neighbor I'm being told, and will be into the hospital shortly. I will let them know you called about it as well."

"Thanks. The kid is really beaten up, and not from falling down a flight of stairs. At least not all of his injuries."

"Ugh... Thanks for calling. I'm sure we'll be in touch." The dispatcher hung up.

Ben walked back to Dr. Cheron and James' bed.

"Well, he seems stable now that we got the pain meds kicking in his blood pressure dropped and so did his heart rate. I'm going to call Orthopedics, have them come and take a look at his arm. We can probably get him casted prior to transferring him to Neuro." Dr. Cheron walked off. Since James' arrival the ER had been quiet, so Ben motioned to Rachel.

"What's up?" She asked.

"I'm going to sit with James for a bit, holler if you need anything."

"Okay, sounds good."

It was almost like a dream. James expected this to be Hell, but really it wasn't as hot as he expected. His face, head, arm and ribs hurting like nothing he'd felt before, but it seemed like his 'give a damn' was busted. He groaned as each breath hurt to expand his lungs.

"You awake?" A soft hand touched his shoulder.

"Um... am I dead?" James asked, keeping his eyes shut.

"No, you're at St. Mary's emergency room. Do you remember what happened to you?"

"Um... no, not really. I'm not even sure if I know my name right now... no, wait, it's James."

"James McMonte?" the voice asked.

"Um... That sounds about right I guess." James said.

"Well James, its Ben. You know me, but if your memory isn't intact... well, I'm going to be your nurse while you're hospitalized. Do you need me to call someone?"

"Nope, I'm pretty sure the persons you would call, put me here now that I think about it." James said wryly.

"Want to talk about it?" Ben said.

"I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but for some reason I recall something... and it's gone. Damn I'm tired." James drifted off to sleep.

Ben watched as the James fell back asleep. He was so angry at James' dad. He just knew that he had something to do with James being here. Ben hated that this sweet man could have been killed by the person who helped put him on this planet. He paged Dr. Rouso to come and evaluate James as he drifted in and out. Dr. Rouso would be happy to hear that other then the memory loss, James seemed to be mentally intact. As least, Ben thought so from the brief conversation he'd had.

Ben had to leave his side to take care of some non critical patients but checked back on him often, hoping he'd keep waking up.

James had a terrible nightmare, so vivid it seemed to be true. The beating seemed to go on and on...

James panted hard, trying to clear the terrible cloak of terror from his mind. Ben poked his head into the room.

"You okay? Your heart rate and respiratory rate just shot up."

"Bad dream." James said still panting.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Um... no, not really."

"You say Um a lot, did you know that?" Ben laughed as he walked into the room.

"Well, so?"

"Just pointing it out. You sure you don't want to talk about it? Did it have anything to do with who beat you up?"

"I don't know. It was just a dream..." James hesitated "at least I think."

"You think." Ben said.

"It's so fuzzy..." James drifted off into thought.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Two police officers stood there. Both were tall and lean, with serious faces.

"James McMonte?" The one asked.

"That's me." James sat up a little straighter in the bed.

"I'm Officer Hand, this is Officer Nelson. We'd like to ask a few questions regarding your injuries."

"I will be at the nurses' station if you need me. Just push this button, okay?" Ben said, pointing out the call button.

"So, Mr. McMonte. We have a witness that puts you and your father in the house at the time you 'fell' down the stairs. She said you were pushed down the outside stairs and she saw your father push you." Officer Hand stated.

"Look, honestly, I can't remember what happened. I wish I could say for certain I tripped, or fell, or whatever, but I truly have no idea what happened. I wasn't even sure what my name was when I woke up." James said.

Officer Hand didn't look like he believed him.

"Look, I know it's hard to believe, but you can ask the nurse Ben or Dr. Cheron about it."

"Okay. Well, if you remember anything, please let us know. Here's my card, call if you need to."

"Will do." James nodded.

Ben was sure James had been beaten by his dad, but he was unsure how to prove it. James himself said he couldn't remember what happened, but it seemed like he might have an inkling based on the dream he'd had. And Ben, being the sneak he was, eavesdropped on the police asking him questions. He heard the police start to turn around, so Ben dropped back a few feet and acted like he was walking back to check on James.

"You Ben the nurse?" The one asked.

"Yeah."

"Officer Hand. James said he's got a mild case of amnesia going on, you believe that?"

"I do. He was knocked around pretty good. I could tell he was fuzzy when he woke up. When I asked him if he was James McMonte, he hesitated and looked confused for a brief moment. He doesn't recognize me either, and we've know each other for the past few weeks. He definitely hit his head good, he does have a concussion, Dr. Rouso evaluated him earlier, but hasn't gotten a chance to come down now that he's awake just yet."

"Okay. Well, if he says anything to you, will you give us a call, it seems like his Dad has a stick up his ass and I'd like to burn him on this if we prove he beat James and then pushed him down those stairs. We have a witness, but it would be better if he could provide a statement."

"He pushed him down the stairs again?" Ben asked without thinking first.

"Wait, he's done this before?"

"Well, about two weeks ago, was when we first met, he'd 'fallen down' the stairs and came in here. I didn't really believe him then. His mom brought him in, and his story matched the injuries if he had fallen, but they probably could've happened if he'd been pushed too. I, well, he's gay, and I know his dad was extremely upset about it and had been chasing him that night. So either way, the dad had something to do with it then, and probably does now."

"You willing to make that an official statement?"

"Well, I don't know how well that will hold up in court, because I'm just assuming things. And I all I know about his dad is what he's told me, so again..."

"Not anything a judge would want to hear. Shoot. Well, see if we can't get his memory back and convince him to press charges. Especially if he's tried something like this before. Can you get us copies of the previous visit's findings?"

"I'd like nothing better then to put that douche behind bars. You can bet on it."