Her Brother

I woke up slowly and squinted at the digital clock next to my bed: 7:48. Why was I awake so early on a Saturday?

I almost groaned with annoyance, ready to press my pillow over my face, but an abrupt jolt shot through me as the memory of yesterday flooded my brain.

Julien!

I sat up very quickly, pillow tumbling aside, and looked around. I was alone in the bed I'd shared with Lisette up until last night, when her little brother had thoroughly usurped her place. Never in history, I imagined, had a usurper been so welcome, so appreciated, or so needed.

His absence worried me for a few moments. What if none of it had really happened?

I dove down to smell the pillows and sheets, looking for traces of him, and my hand brushed something soft and fuzzy. From beneath a twist of blanket I pulled a teddy bear - Julien's teddy bear - and I grinned, feeling a flood of joy and sweetness wash over me. I flopped back down on the bed, pressed the bear against my face, inhaled, and moaned softly at Julien's now familiar scent. My Julien.

Julien Labelle... Julien the Beautiful.

Where had my beautiful boy gone? I tucked his bear beneath my arm and left the bedroom. The bathroom was empty. I looked around the kitchen and living room, and didn't see him, but then I heard a shuffling noise from behind the kitchen island.

"Jules?"

His tousled head popped up above the island, and I grinned.

"Looking for something?" I chuckled.

He shut the door of the cupboard he'd been rifling through, and his cheeks reddened. He returned my smile after a few moments. The pretty, playful lines of his sexy pink mouth made me salivate, and I even felt my cock rise a little.

"I wanted to make you pancakes," he said bashfully, "but I can't find anything remotely pancake-friendly."

I felt as if I could melt into a big warm puddle on the floor. "Oh... could you be any sweeter?" I breathed, coming around the island to get close to him. I was disappointed to see him wearing pyjama pants, but it made sense considering we didn't know when Lise might be returning. I pushed his teddy bear against his chest and then pulled him close, hugging him with the bear squished between us. Julien giggled, his fingers digging into my bare back. I kissed his cheek.

"I guess my sister isn't likely to buy pancake mix," he whispered. "Not 'wholesome' enough."

"True. And if there's flour, it's gonna be that gross chunky multigrain stuff. Plus we've got nothing good to put on them. But you're absolutely the cutest guy ever for wanting to make me pancakes." I kissed his other cheek. "It's not too late. We could pop over to the grocery around the corner... grab some pancake mix... butter... syrup... and a big pack of bacon."

Julien's eyes widened steadily, along with his smile. "Yes, pancakes and bacon!" he crowed, bouncing a like an excited kid. He gripped my bare ass cheeks with a playful growl. "Will you go to the store like this?"

"I don't think anyone else is gonna appreciate that!" I laughed.

"Of course they will," he insisted, kissing my neck, licking me, and nibbling at my shoulder. "You're adorable and sexy." He pressed firmly against me and giggled. "And... um... apparently kinda turned on...?"

I shivered. My cock seemed to respond very quickly to anything Julien's mouth did to any part of me. "I can't help it around you, cutie. Anyway, if we're going out together, it's you everyone's going to be gazing and and appreciating, no matter what I'm wearing or not wearing. You are the most gorgeous creature alive. I'm just... well, 'average' is probably being generous."

Julien's rich, deep hazel eyes fixed on mine, the green flecks in them seeming almost to glimmer. He looked wounded, and my good cheer quickly melted at the prospect that I'd said something hurtful.

"Jules...?" I whispered.

"C'mere," he said, grasping my hand and pulling me. His bear landed on the kitchen floor, forgotten. He stood me at the bathroom sink, hung onto my arm, and pointed at my reflection in the mirror. "Tell me what you see, Cody."

I glanced over my naked self and sighed. "A kinda dumpy guy with a really hot little boyfriend...?"

"No, Cody!" he moaned, pressing his face against my shoulder. "Really look, okay? Tell me what you see!"

I shut my eyes for a few moments and then looked at myself again. "Brown hair, nondescript haircut... bluish-grayish eyes," I mumbled, cataloguing my features dispassionately. "Slightly crooked nose. Square face. I dunno, Julien... a mouth? A normal one. Slightly hairy but not-that-hairy chest. Flabby gut, flabby arms, flabby everything. Totally unremarkable cock. And such."

Cody wrapped his arms around me from behind and peeked over my shoulder. "Let me tell you what I see, okay? I see hair that begs to be grabbed and ruffled... a handsome, honest face... a cute nose that's perfect in its imperfection, and one I plan to kiss at least a hundred million times. I see a warm smile that makes me melt. I see a sweet, cuddly, teddy bear body that feels absolutely perfect when it's wrapped around me, a body I wouldn't change for the world. And I see a cock that makes my mouth water... a cock that was inside me last night, that popped my cherry. I see the only cock I want in the whole world. And... one that's already getting a little hard again...." His tone turned playful as his mouth curled into a grin. One of his hands slid down my belly and grasped my thickening penis, squeezing it gently.

"Julien," I breathed. My cheeks were warming. "How do you make me feel so good?"

"It's not me. I'm just helping you see what's really there. You've been looking at yourself through Lisette's eyes. My sister's never impressed with anyone but herself. It makes her feel better to pick other people apart, and she's not going to treat you that way anymore. Because you're mine now. Mine!"

I grinned as he squeezed my cock more firmly and dug his teeth into my shoulder. "You're extra cute when you get possessive," I laughed. I pulled him around to stand in front of me, making him face the mirror. "Look - who's that?"

Julien cocked his hips to one side, and then the other, duckfacing and squinting at his reflection critically, making me laugh even more.

"Pretty decent-looking guy," he concluded. "Scrawny, but not unsexy."

I squeezed his almost nonexistent love handles. "You'd use less syllables if you just said 'sexy'. It's basically the same thing as 'not unsexy'."

"Okay, I know a double negative is bad grammar and everything, but it just sounded slightly more humble!"

I laughed and pulled him tightly against my body, cuddling him close. He grinned and let his head rest back against my shoulder, mashing his cheek against mine. "Yunno, Cody... all I really wanted was for you to start to see what I see, and admit that you're 'not unsexy' yourself. Possibly even full-on 'sexy'."

I turned my head to kiss his cheek, and he quickly manoeuvred to try to meet my lips. Finally he squirmed away from my snug grip to rotate his whole body toward mine. "That was an awkward angle to make out at," he informed me before throwing his arms around my neck and plunging his tongue past my lips. I moaned and ran my hands up and down the soft, smooth skin of his back, darting my tongue out to spar with his.

My cock was really starting to rise now, and I seized Julien by his skinny hips and hefted him onto the countertop, knocking over several of Lise's hair products. He wrapped his legs around my waist and clung to me. I smiled as I kissed him, and slowly began to rub my hardening dick against the smaller bulge in his soft pyjama pants.

"Fu-u-uck," he whispered.

I grinned and bit his bottom lip, humping him a bit more firmly. "Like that, little guy?"

His arms tightened around my neck, his legs around my waist. His pelvis jerked to meet my thrusts, and soon we were both panting like out-of-shape joggers. His body was so tight around me that he was barely even sitting on the counter anymore. I clamped my hands snugly under his bottom and lifted him a little, shuffling back from the counter.

"Whoa," I breathed with a slight tremor. "Do you think we could... have sex like this?"

He threw his head back, his mouth hanging open with ecstasy. He was still humping me. "Unnhh! S-so hot! Could you... h-hold me for long?"

I grunted, not so much with sexual passion now as with pure physical effort. "Dang... probably not."

Julien noticed I was struggling and dropped his legs, sliding to the ground. "Oh well," he panted. "It was a nice idea."

I leaned down to kiss him and ruffled his hair, releasing that sweet apple-y scent I had noticed the first day we'd met. It still released clouds of tiny butterflies deep within my stomach. "Hey - it still is. Present tense. Good motivation for me to get myself in better shape!"

"Aw, man, you don't have to.... Wait, did you say 'dang' a second ago?" He smirked.

"Um, yes?"

"Who says 'dang'?" he laughed, poking me in the belly. "Come on, Cody - you don't need to follow my sister's rules. Fucking swear, dammit!"

"Well, damn!" I laughed along with him. "I guess you're fucking right, you cute little bastard."

He threw his arms around my neck and kissed me aggressively, seeming to really get off on 'corrupting' me. I grinned against his mouth and started rubbing my cock against him again, pushing him up against the nearest wall.

"Mmm... mmmm.... Pancakes!" he blurted out between kisses. "Bacon!"

"Right!" I gasped, releasing him and taking a few moments to catch my breath and let my hard-on settle down a little. "Whew!"

"We'd better put some clothes on before we get carried away. I mean, I'd love you to fuck me all day long, but we do need to refuel in between."

"Your logic is sound, little bro."

He slapped a hand over his mouth and stifled a laugh. "Oh shit, that sounds so wrong."

"What, you don't want to be my little brother?" I teased. "C'mon now, it was your idea. Remember last night, when we were ordering pizza? You said I was the best brother ever."

"Yeah," he agreed, leaning close to me. He put his lips next to my ear and whispered: "And then we sucked each other's dicks... and you put yours up my little virgin ass... bro."

I shivered. My cock throbbed. "True. So either we drop the 'brother' thing, or we're just really inappropriate brothers."

"I'll think about it." He gave my bare ass a smack before scurrying off to go find some clothes.

We romped to the grocery store around the corner with all the boisterousness of two young boys intoxicated with the freedom of summer vacation and up to no good. We bumped hips and laughed wildly, shoving each other back and forth, squeezing each other's shoulders, and messing each other's hair. Once in a while we just quieted and smiled at one another with the restrained glee of a shared secret. His heartbreakingly beautiful smile still made my pulse quicken, and I hoped it always would. I couldn't remember ever feeling such pure joy before.

It was like I'd spent years in some kind of stasis, and now I was finally fully alive. With Lisette I'd closed up, shrunk back, buried all of myself deep inside to follow after her like a dog. Released from her leash, I was opening up like a blossom and finding my colours again, and I liked who I was. I no longer felt I had to struggle just to be barely adequate as a human being. Lisette's version of "love" had torn my self-esteem apart, and in her brother's hands I was weaving myself back together, and feeling stronger than ever. Julien, too, was blossoming. Only a day ago he'd seemed so shy and withdrawn, and so heartbroken. As we spent time together I had the privilege of seeing his true personality unfolding bit by bit. I remembered thinking when I'd first laid eyes on him that there was an entire world buried behind his beautiful hazel eyes and alluring, barely-there smile, and now - lucky me! - I was inside that magnificent world and exploring it.

I was staring at him so hard I nearly walked into a signpost, and Julien yanked on my arm just in time.

"Smooth move, Ex-Lax," he snorted, raising an eyebrow at me. "I do find your crooked nose endearing, but it probably doesn't need to be any crookeder."

"You're probably right." I leaned close to him and lowered my voice. "I guess you'd better stop being so adorable. You're too much of a distraction."

He stuck his tongue out at me. "As if I could even begin to stop!" He then launched into an off-key rendition of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", complete with spontaneous choreography, for which I had to give him a firm noogie.

We were walking into the store now and quickly quieted ourselves as we were already drawing stares with our laughter and light horseplay.

"Let's be grown-ups now," Julien whispered loudly.

"Grown-ups who sleep with stuffed animals," I reminded him.

"Of course. Nothing wrong with that."

"Nothing at all."

We stifled another round of giggles as we wandered over to the packaged meat section and perused the bacon options.

"So what is up with your nose anyway?" he asked casually as he examined a package. "Did you break it when you were a kid? Or were you just... as the song says... 'bo-orn this waaaay'?"

I smiled at the fact that he felt comfortable enough to ask. Most people wouldn't. "Yeah, I broke it once, and it didn't set quite right. There isn't any real interesting story behind it or anything. I was just going through a clumsy phase during a preteen growth spurt, and literally fell on my face while running around outside. It was pretty embarrassing."

He poked me in my side with a grin. "I think it's adorable," he whispered.

"It's adorable that I fell on my face for no good reason?"

"Well, only in retrospect," he laughed. "If I were there, I probably would have been cradling you in my arms and screaming for a doctor."

"If you were there, you would have been about five years old," I snickered.

"Nonetheless." He furrowed his brow at a bacon packet. "What the fuck is up with everything being applewood smoked these days? Does one wood make the meat taste better than another wood?"

"I have no idea. Let's just get something middle-of-the-road." I seized one that seemed basic without being overly cheap.

"Okay, works for me. Now where do we find pancake mix? Breakfast aisle or baking supplies?"

"My heart says breakfast."

Julien bumped his hip against mine as we walked. "My heart says 'Cody'. If you listen to it right now it's not going 'ba-dump, ba-dump'. It's going 'Co-dy, Co-dy, Co-dy'...." He patted a hand against his sternum with each melodramatic syllable.

I grinned and bit my lip, consistently disarmed by his adorable nerdiness. He reached up and tried to kiss me, but I sobered and shied away, reflexively glancing around to see if anyone had witnessed his gesture. His smile faded. We paused near the end of an aisle, frozen in an awkward moment.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes dropping. I could see him struggling, trying hard to be okay with the idea that I wasn't ready to be 'with him' in an obviously public way.

"I...," I stammered, somewhat at a loss. "Hey, Jules. I... no, I'm the one that should be sorry."

"No, no," he protested, shaking his head quickly. "I get it. It's okay, honestly. I've always... you know... known who I was. This is new for you. I shouldn't expect you to be like, 'look at me, world, I sleep with men!' without even a day to process the whole thing."

Again I was tempted to look around to make sure we weren't overheard, but I resisted this time. "It's not exactly that," I sighed, squishing the packet of bacon between my hands anxiously. "I'm not... embarrassed to be with a guy or anything. It's just that this is my neighbourhood, and I haven't officially broken up with Lise yet, and if people recognize me.... I dunno. I'm worried about people thinking I'm a cheater, or some kind of man-whore, not about people thinking I'm gay."

His eyes flicked back up to mine, and I watched him attempt to process the logic of what I'd just said.

"Oh... you know what? Fuck it!" I exclaimed, leaning down and planting a kiss on him. "There. I don't care. I'm with you now, and I'm never gonna be with her again. That's that. Deal with it, world!"

Julien's mouth spread into one of his most captivating smiles yet. His whole face lit up, the green and gold flecks in his hazel eyes sparkling and shining. He wrapped his arms around my middle and leaned on me. I hugged him tightly, right there in the grocery store, with the pack of bacon pressed against his back. People may or may not have seen us. If they did, no one bothered us. If they cared, I didn't.

"That's cold," he whispered.

"Oh... sorry," I chuckled, letting go of him so the cold packet was no longer on his back.

"Omigod - look!" he exclaimed, pointing past me.

"Hmm?" I turned around to see what he was gesturing to, and saw that the display at the end of the aisle we were standing near was an extravaganza of Oreos. It seemed like fate. I grabbed a pack, and then, after a moment, a second one. "Hell yeah! We should have gotten a basket."

"I'll take those!" he giggled, grabbing the Oreo packages and leaving me with just the bacon, and we moved on to locate pancake mix, syrup, and butter. We even grabbed a carton of 2% milk, purely because Lisette had only ever allowed me to drink nonfat.

Ten minutes later we were back home, and both of us instinctively quieted, knowing that Lise might be in the apartment. We looked at each other and didn't need to discuss it. I went in first, glancing around anxiously. To our collective relief, we were still alone. I watched Julien carefully untie and remove his shoes.

His well-worn Chuck Taylors looked as abused and neglected as any teenage boy's sneakers, but it seemed likely that their appearance was only an expression of their age and not of recklessness. Julien treated them with a certain reverence that I found charming. He was sentimental about them, as he was about his teddy bear. Both were connections with his ex-best-friend, whom he'd long hoped would be his boyfriend.

"Can I see your prom picture again?" I asked.

He looked up at me curiously. I couldn't blame him for being confused about his new boyfriend's motive for wanting to look at a romantic picture of him with his high school crush. He pulled out his phone, found the picture, and handed it to me. I gazed at the sight of my sweet Julien looking ravishingly handsome in a tux, with the charmingly incongruous Chuck Taylors on his feet, matching the pair worn by his equally handsome date. They looked like they were having the time of their lives. I wondered what it would have been like to be the one to dance with Julien at his prom. As an introvert I'd never felt especially comfortable with the idea of dancing in public, or with being at any venue or event where such activities were expected. Lisette had often forced me far out of my comfort zone during our relationship; with Julien, I was sure he wouldn't ask me to do anything that might make me uncomfortable, but at the same time, the way I felt about him made me want to volunteer.

"Do you think I should delete it?" he asked.

I looked up at him, surprised. He had a worried look on his face.

"I've been thinking maybe I should just purge everything about Miles from my life," he continued, looking down and giving his sneakers a little kick. "After the way he hurt me, don't you think it might be sort of twisted that I'm still holding onto these pieces of him so hard? The picture, the bear... even my Chucks."

"No - no, of course not!" I replied, pulling him close so I could hold him. "It's not twisted. You don't keep these things because of how he hurt you. You keep them because of the good times they remind you of, right?"

I felt him nod against my shoulder. "I just didn't want you to feel hurt if I'm still thinking about another guy and how much I liked him."