Cassidy studied at the two as they sat across from her at the table. Something was very different the last few times she had seen them, and not for the better. Emmett rarely opened his eyes anymore, especially around Gavin. He was also much more reserved and distant. Gavin was even worse. It was painstaking to even look at him, let alone into his eyes, which were now surrounded by dark circles. He seemed perpetually tired and sad, except when he was at work. Cassidy noticed he had gotten drunk when they went out last night, which was almost inconceivable. Gavin just didn't do that, not after what had happened years ago, anyway.
Emmett excused himself to go to the restroom, and Cassidy seized the opportunity.
"Alright, Gav, what the hell is going on?" Gavin slowly looked up from staring at the table and into her eyes. It was worse than she had originally thought.
"He won't open up. He's put walls up around himself and hasn't opened his eyes since I made that stupid comment last week after the wedding," Gavin mumbled.
"You're not making sense, Gavin. Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
"I told him his eyes were beautiful, Cass, and so he shut them and hasn't opened them around me since then. He hardly talks to me, he doesn't ask for anything at the apartment unless I offer, and he barely touches me when we go somewhere, and only if he doesn't feel like getting out his cane. I can't take it, Cass, I can't. I need out. It's like he's disgusted by me."
"He's definitely not disgusted by you, Gavin. And, by the way, there's no way out now. You agreed to this, and when things get hard, you can't just walk out. He can't just move out or find someone else. You're it for him for a long time, sweetie."
"I don't think he wants me around for that long, Cass. He can't stand me, and I can't take it. I can't live with someone I care about and not be able to talk to them, touch them, or look at them. I just can't take it," Gavin choked, his sentence interrupted by a small sob.
"You need to tell him that. I can't work this out for you. You two are going to have to work this out on your own." Cassidy looked back into Gavin's eyes. Her own eyes widened in realization and she put her hands up on the table. "Oh, my god. You . . . you're . . . oh, my god. Do you want to talk about it? Who?" Cassidy asked stupidly, then paused, and her face became even more shocked. "Oh, no. It's Emmett, isn't it? I should've seen this coming. I knew you got along and such but I never thought . . . even at the wedding . . . that you lo?"
"Cassidy, please shut up. I don't even know if I am. It's too fast. I mean, I don't even know his favorite color, not that I could since he doesn't talk to me?"
"Your eyes don't lie, Gav, and it's all written there. You?" Cassidy glanced up. "Oh, good, Emmett, we were just wondering if you had fallen in." Emmett chuckled and sat down.
"Well, you two need to get home, because I know that a certain someone sitting beside you has to be at the restaurant tomorrow at five in the morning, and it's almost eleven now," Cassidy told Emmett.
"What?" Emmett turned to Gavin. "Why didn't you say something?"
"Not that you'd have listened if I did," Gavin retorted spitefully. Emmett's ears immediately turned red, and Cassidy knew she needed to get a word in now before it was too late.
"Listen, you two, continue this back at the apartment. You're only a five-minute walk, so go. Now. That's not an option."
Gavin reached for Emmett but Emmett turned away.
"I'll walk with my cane," Emmett said curtly. It was a good thing that there were only two other people in the small bookstore, because Gavin broke down.
"You know what? I don't give a damn what the fuck you do. I'm done. Walk yourself home," Gavin almost shouted. "You want your goddamned self-sufficiency, here it is. Take it and fucking relish it." With that, Gavin walked out the door without looking back. Before Cassidy knew what to do, Emmett had thrown his cane against the wall and sat down in the chair, fists clenched.
"Emmett?"
"Goddamn it!" Emmett yelled. "I hate him, Cassidy. I cannot stand him. What could have possibly made you think we could live together?"
"Do you? Do you hate him? Or do you just hate the fact that you've finally been matched up with someone as stubborn as you?"
For the first time that night, Emmett opened his eyes and looked up at Cassidy. There were so many emotions swirling in them that she couldn't pick any out.
"You know," she continued, "if you keep shutting him out, your emotions and feelings and thoughts are just going to be trapped in. That's not good, not in the least." Cassidy looked at an apparently unfazed Emmett. "Come on. Let's walk to your place. It's obvious you need to sit and think a little bit."
Emmett sat in the chaise lounge in the empty apartment once he had arrived and changed out of his jeans and shirt and into his favorite pair of lounge pants. He knew he'd shut Gavin out. It had been deliberate. The last thing he needed right now was a romance that would end and leave him?and the life he had created, for that matter?in shambles. Emmett convinced himself that Gavin wasn't different from any other, and would eventually lose interest after being shut out. He had not expected, however, for Gavin to get more persistent and finally challenge him. Gavin had left him alone at the bookstore. Emmett then realized that Gavin had left only because he was with Cassidy, not alone, because Gavin had known Cassidy would show him home. He recognized, though, that Gavin had still walked out on him. Challenged him.
Gavin's words spun through his head: 'relish it.' Could he relish his isolation? Emmett realized that he couldn't. Gavin had flipped his world upside-down. He realized that his independence meant less to him now than it ever had. He didn't just need someone to live with him; he needed Gavin. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Emmett stood up and started pacing around the kitchen. He was even more enraged as he realized that he had no reason to be angry with Gavin. Gavin had done nothing wrong, and nothing on purpose. Emmett's thoughts were suddenly obliterated when he heard the door open quietly. He whirled around and started speaking as soon as the door was shut.
"You. Please just turn around and take yourself right back outside, because?"
Gavin had walked over, but interrupted Emmett by grabbing Emmett's face with his hands, bending down, and kissing him. It was the most electrifying kiss of both of their lives, and Gavin knew, in that moment, that he would never fall for anyone else. Emmett was completely taken aback, and was speechless after the kiss had ended. He even wanted to be angry with Gavin for how perfectly their lips fit, but he couldn't. He still couldn't summon any words, either, as Gavin wrapped his arms around him and spoke into his neck.
"I'm so sorry, Emmett. I'm so sorry I left you there, I'm sorry I acted the way I did, I'm sorry that I didn't make you listen to me the night I told you how beautiful your eyes are. I can't help it, Emmett, it just happened. I haven't slept for three days now, because I can't bear the fact that you won't talk to me, or look at me, or touch me." Gavin broke the embrace and grabbed Emmett's face in his hands again.
"Emmett, I need you to tell me what you really want. Do you really want solitude? Do you want to be alone with your independence? If you can honestly tell me that that's what you really want, I'll leave you alone, as long as you're happy. That means so much more to me than anything else." Emmett grabbed Gavin's hands in his.
"That's what I wanted, Gavin. But I don't know, now. You came and just mixed up everything I thought I knew. I tried to shut you out, I did."
"Really? I didn't quite notice," Gavin said, laughing uneasily.
