It was going to be his last night in Colorado for awhile. His head distant from the quantity of beer, weed, and tobacco he'd consumed that night, Jon looked at the aspens growing on the hill across the road from the cabin deck. The skinny trees looked like a choir of old men in the starlight. He wondered what they would sing, if they could.
"You all right, Jonno?" asked a dreadlocked young man from the ragged couch. Jon didn't recognize him. He must have been someone's friend.
"Yeah, fine." Jon headed inside. A sadness that he couldn't name sat on his stomach. Stumbling slightly over his own guitar case, he headed inside to the kitchen table where he last remembered seeing the bottle of rum. Cobalt was at the table, trimming his nails with a pocketknife. Jon remembered why he was sad: leaving Colorado would mean leaving Cobalt.
"Hullo there." Cobalt looked up at Jon with a glint in his eye, as though he were addressing a girl. "I found your vest. It was buried under PJ's bass drum in the van," he said, handing over a ball of red fabric.
"Thanks, man." Jon put it on, and took a shot of rum straight from the bottle. He felt dizzy, and started to stand up to walk to the couch. He stumbled again.
"Easy, easy." Cobalt held his arm, and helped him over to the living room sofa. He sat beside Jon as he rolled himself a cigarette, and took a puff. Silence, but for the snores of the dreadlocked guy outside. Jon's sadness fell deeper in the presence of his friend, settling down in the pit of his stomach with the liquor. Suddenly his thoughts slipped out of his mouth.
"Fuck, dude, I'm gonna miss you when I leave. I'm fuckin' sorry that I'm leaving, I'm fuckin' sorry. I don't wanna leave the band but I'm so fuckin' sick of staying in Boulder, dude..." Cobalt laid a tentative hand on Jon's shoulder to silence him.
"Dude. I understand, and I'm not mad at you for leaving the band. When we played our first show back in '03 we decided that there wasn't gonna be any drama if someone decided to take off for awhile, remember? I know how you feel, man. There's nothin' wrong with...with what you're gonna do." Cobalt struggled to find the right words, scratching slightly at his bare chest. Jon broke down into sobs, digging his hands into his long, thick hair. He curled up with his head in his hands, and stomped his foot in frustration at what he couldn't say. Finally, he said it.
"Look...I love you, dude," he said to the cheap shag carpeting on the floor. Cobalt looked at him, wide-eyed, and threw an arm around his friend's shoulders. Jon sat up, and the two looked into each other's eyes.
"Fuck, dude, I love you too," Cobalt whispered. They threw their arms around each other into a fierce hug.
The two boys felt each others' hearts beating, and the sound of each others' breath. Cobalt touched Jon's hair. It was soft like a girl's, and he felt something in himself rise. Suddenly Jon's mouth was on his. They kissed as though they were angry at each other, with an almost brutal force. Jon ran his hand over his friend's biceps, and felt himself get hard. Revulsion rose in his stomach when he realized what they were doing, but it felt good. It felt right. He touched Cobalt's scratchy sideburns, ran his fingers through his feathery blond hair. A mutual sigh.
Cobalt wanted to touch Jon's bare skin, but the shirt and the vest were in the way. He fumbled with the buttons, and tore off the shirt. Jon lifted his arms over the arm of the couch, and it slid to the floor. "Fuck," he whispered. Cobalt grunted in response, and fell to sucking at Jon's neck. Erection dug into erection. Jon moaned, but Cobalt hushed him with a hand over the mouth. He gestured towards the door, and Jon nodded. He grabbed the waistband of Cobalt's pants, and muttered unintelligably as he fiddled with the belt buckle.
Kneeling on the couch, Cobalt looked down at his friend. Jon had managed to undo Cobalt's belt, and slipped down the zipper of his fly.
"You sure you want to do this?" Cobalt asked in a ragged whisper. "I never..."