If you are joining us for the first time, please read the first three as you will understand it better that way. ~grin~ Sorry about the wait, everyone! My computer decided to be ever so nice and crash on me. Had to save up for a new one. Somehow, the idea of using a computer at the public library to write this next chapter, while some poor child is anxiously awaiting their turn for the computer so they may look up the needed materials for their book report, didn't seem very . . . Let's just say I wasn't keen on the idea, okay? Not exactly an environment conducive to creativity in this degree.
And please excuse the spelling mistakes. I try to fix them, but I still miss them here and there. ~shrug~ I'm human, what can I say?
I have to admit, I have really enjoyed knowing that you guys like my story. It warms my heart, and I must admit, builds my ego a tiny bit. Exactly what a writer needs. Thanks!
Well, here it is, chapter four. Please enjoy! ~smile~
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The ride back to the house was strained with silence. Keith stared bleakly out the window at the cars going by, rain beating on the window. He hadn't meant to lose his composure. His father did this to him almost every year and not necessarily because of a woman. He just didn't like having his son around to remind him of his dead wife. It still hurt him, though, to realize how much his father really hated him.
Life sucked.
Mike sat across from him, he could feel his eyes on him, but he just didn't have the strength to talk about what his friend had witnessed. Mike just didn't understand that this was what life had been like for years. True, some years were better, some were worse, but they all sucked. Keith had been an outsider to his own family since he was eleven years old. It was cold and lonely, but he was used to it.
When the limo pulled up to the house, Keith bolted from the car before the driver even had a chance to come around for the door. Mike was hot on his heels.
"Keith, wait up."
Keith turned on him so suddenly, Mike took a step back. "I don't want to talk about it, Mike. I really don't. Please just let it go, okay?"
"I'd love to, but ignoring it won't make it go away."
"And facing it won't make my father love me. It won't make him like me, be kind to me, want me around, or even respect me, so why bother?" Keith could feel the anger building up inside him. Pushing his wet hair out of his face, he glared at Mike. It wasn't Mike's fault his life was shit, but he was there. "What the Hell is the point, huh? Why should I face it? It will always be there in the back round. No matter where I go, I'll always be the rich kid no one wanted! I'm not good at anything I was supposed to be good at; even if I was it wouldn't please him! Don't you get it, Mike? Something is fucked up in me just enough that even my own father could give a fucking shit if I just curled up and died! So tell me, Mike, what the fuck is facing it all supposed to do? Huh?"
Mike moved forward and grabbed Keith by the shirt and slammed him up against a tree, the rain beating down around them. Anger at Keith's father and the way he'd raised Keith boiled in him. But it was his anger at Keith thinking so lowly about himself stabbed through him like a double edged sword. "Maybe facing it would teach you a little respect in yourself for once. Maybe facing it will teach you that you are more than what your fucking father sees! That people want you, that you are not alone and you don't have to be alone! Just maybe you could learn to let people in and stop being so afraid that everyone is going to hurt you."
"People hurt me all the time, Mike. It's a hard lesson, but one I've learned rather well. You let people get too close to you and they will hurt you in the end, weather they intend to or not." Keith shook his head angrily. "Tell me, what exactly do I have to respect, huh? I'm a fuck-up and a coward. I admit it! The only thing I'm really good at is reading books and painting. Both of which are escapes. I can't even bare to face reality for to long without the fear of completely losing my mind. Yeah, real respect worthy. This from the jock everyone loves, who could do no wrong." Keith let his head fall down as a bitter laugh full of self loathing escaped his lips. "Do you know what it's like, Mike? Do you have any idea what it's like to have people see you and only see your father and wonder how they can use you? Or to have everyone expect things of you that you can't possibly achieve, and have them waiting to watch you fail? Do you know what it's like to hold a blade over your wrists and struggle to find one damn reason why you shouldn't put just a little pressure on the blade and make all the pain go away?"
Mike could feel Keith's pain radiating around them like a cloud. Keith's body began to shake as sobs tried to fight their way to the surface. "Jesus, Keith."
"Its okay, Mike, I'm used to it, I really am. It doesn't hurt so much when I forget about it. Let me forget, okay?" Keith wiped his wet sleeve over his face, trying to wipe away the tears that had started falling again. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say all that. Sorry."
"No, don't be sorry."
Keith looked up at Mike with a sad smile. "I wish you hadn't seen me like this. You are the one person I never wanted to think of me as weak."
"Fuck, Keith!" Mike grabbed Keith's hair and pulled him into a kiss full of wanting and promise. Keith tried to pull away, then moaned low in his throat, a sound of surrender, his hands gripping the tree behind him for support.
Mike pulled back, his eyes angry. "You really are fucked-up, aren't you?" Keith's eyes fell way with shame. "No, no, don't clam up on me, now. You've had your say, now I'll have mine. Your dick of a father may have fucked you up pretty good, but your strength has brought you this far and made you who you were. Under all the crap he has given you over the years, you never broke. You didn't push that blade in, you didn't give in, remember that. You're stronger than you think you are. Hell, without his prodding and dickieness, I might never have met the Keith that is you today. Remind me to thank him."
Keith laughed. It was a beautiful sound.
"You can fall apart on me anytime you want, okay? I will never think you are weak because of it, never. Don't insult me by thinking that I might. As for being a coward, it was no coward that kneed me a week ago."
Keith blushed and tried to hide his smile. "You were being an ass! You kissed me, what was I supposed to do? Just let you do it?"
"You didn't seem to mind it a moment ago." Keith blushed even redder, realizing Mike was right. "Face it, tough guy. I plan on seducing you every chance I get and until I get you to admit that you want me just as badly as I want you, I'm going to take liberties that will make you blush down to your toes. And there is nothing you can do about it to stop me."
Keith worked his mouth a couple of times before sound came out. "Mike, I, um, you're my best friend. I couldn't imagine my life without you, I mean you get me through, you always have. Last night was," Keith looked away for a moment before bringing his eyes back to Mike. "Last night was great, but we're both guys, and . . . And . . . ."
"And it feels great. Just enjoy it and let it go wherever it's going to go, Keith. Don't try to fight it, don't try and make excuses." Mike kissed the end of Keith's nose. "I know you better than anyone. You can run, but you can't hide. Not from me."
Flustered barely described what Keith was feeling at that moment. But it felt better than what he had been feeling a moment ago. Only Mike seemed to be able to make him forget his troubles so quickly.
Keith smiled and tapped at Mike's hand that still clutched his shirt. "Um, do you plan on letting me go sometime soon, or are we going to stay out here and drown?"
Mike's smile was slow and predatory. "I kind of like you just where I've got you, to tell you the truth."
"But, but-" Keith started to stutter.
Mike's other hand grabbed the back of Keith's neck and pulled him into another kiss, this one slower and softer. It was the kind of kiss that seduced even the most reluctant of recipients. Mike leaned in against Keith, pressing him farther into the tree. Satisfied with the state of arousal Keith was in, Mike pushed away and let him go. It left Keith breathless, wanting more and harder than Hell. Even his head wasn't sure he should argue this attraction anymore.
"You know, maybe we should get inside. Wouldn't want to catch a cold out here, you know?" Without waiting for Keith to respond, he turned on his heel and went into the house, leaving Keith speechless in the rain.
Keith watched Mike disappear into the house with a feeling of disappointment that he didn't really understand. Shaking his head, he pushed away from the tree, turning his face up into the rain. "That was just mean."