Authors note: Its a slow burn.
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He had no idea I existed, did he?
Which I knew, and I knew it was unfair of me to even pretend he would know I existed, or that there was anything between us other than politie nods. He was a CUSTOMER and I'm just some guy trying to pay for Uni, and frankly he wouldn't even care about that. The extent of our affair was me getting his order right. It would never go anywhere, even if he would look up for once in his goddamn life and realise he had a really tall and- on a good day- kind of cute waiter, it's not like I really, actually, truly thought that was grounds for a relationship but.... Still. I wish he'd give me something. Anything. Just a little smile when I sat down his coffee...
"Give it up." My boss, Gideon, said with a sigh as I returned to polish cutlery with him. "He's straight." I glanced at Gid. Shit. Was I that obvious? I really thought I was playing it cool. Too cool if anything. Like, Ed didn't even fucking know my name, or the fact that I was gay, or the fact that I was totally his type if he bothered to get to know me... Anyway, the shit did Gideon know? He's a pretty great boss, I'll be honest. That's probably because I'm his favourite- not that he'd ever say that, but I totally am. I work pretty hard, and I guess he sees it- I get a lot of leeway the other staff don't; ya know, like a free wine here and there and early finishes whenever he can do that. He said I remind him of him which is goddamn hilarious when you put us side by side because he's barely up to my shoulders... but I know what he means. I guess he kind of got his shit together in the last year- what with... uggh... falling in love and getting married.... But we're made of the same cloth. Creative. A bit over compensating sometimes because god forbid anyone thought we were soft. Hard workers. And kind of- well maybe not him anymore- but definitely ME... disaster zones.
"You have literally the worst gaydar in the world." I raised my eyebrows at him pointedly.
"Do not." Gideon glared at me.
"You thought your own husband was straight."
"That's different." He rolled his eyes. "He was."
"Well maybe it's like that then." I stole a glance at the table in the window. "Ed's just waiting for the right dick and then he'll marry me."
"That doesn't happen in real life." Gideon groaned.
"It did to you."
"I'm the exception that proves the rule."
"That's the stupidest phrase I've ever heard." I giggled. Gideon glanced up and grinned as he caught my eye.
"You gotta admit I'm the exception though." He said. I mean. Yeah. Totally. It was so unfair that he got a perfect love story with a happily ever after right in front of me and I was still single and hadn't been laid in months. Gideon told me to try Grindr. Desperate bottoms who'll send me a photo of their insides but not their face? Lame tops who think a dick pic taken on the toilet will somehow make me come begging? Spare me. My friends told me to try chatting to guys at Ivy. Well I did chat to guys at Ivy. Like every night. But I was having the world's most unlucky streak. Gideon says I come on too strong. Sue me for wanting a connection, not just a hole. Or a dick. I've learnt not to be fussy.
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I watched Ed as I made coffee. He'll sit in the window and play on his phone for an hour over lunch almost religiously. In summer he has a chicken salad and a glass of Chardonnay. The weathers pretty bitter right now and he's switched to pasta and Syrah. He's a fraction taller than me and I'm 6'3 so he must be the perfect height, 6'4 I guess. God we'd be a disarming couple with all that height between us. He has wavy blonde hair and big brown eyes and a soft cherubic face. His nose is wonky, like it was broken once and not quite set right. He works out. He came in wearing his gym gear once and I had to carefully contain myself before I braved talking to him. He is perfect. I'm deeply, deeply in love with him.
I think he's gay. Gideon thinks I'm an idiot. But Gideon really does have the world's worst gaydar. It's because he never used to actually hit on people, before he started fucking his straight friend and fell in love and got married and all that. He just used hookup apps, and he had like 15 guys on speed dial. He used to be a total fucking whore, the whole city knows it. I could be a whore. I've definitely tried sleeping around. But I always texted them the next day, asked if they wanted to grab dinner, or like, see a movie....
"You can probably finish, Bales."
"Huh?" I glanced up at Gideon.
"We're pretty quiet. If you want the hours I can find you some cleaning..."
"No that's great!" I was already halfway out of my apron when I realised I was being an ass. "Sorry." I stopped myself from bolting at the first chance of freedom. "I can stay if it's helpful." He smiled at me.
"You're alright. Save my wage costs. Go get a head start on... studying or drinking or smoking durries outside Romeos or whatever young people do these days." I rolled my eyes.
"You know me way too well." I mumbled as I signed out. "Thanks Gid. Owe you one."
"No you don't." He said with a sigh. "If anything I owe you for covering for Sophie again. Never leave me."
"Never." I promised. "Even when I'm rich and famous you can always call."
I strolled out and went to Romeos, the sandwich bar round the corner, and I almost walked in with my cigarette still lit but the guy who works there grabbed my t- shirt and stopped me just in the doorway.
"Woah, woah, Bailey." He said. "Filthy smokers outside."
"Shit, my bad." I blushed awkwardly. He just laughed and stubbed his out.
"The reg?" He asked. "Schnitty sub, filter and a natty?"
"You got it." I mumbled. I don't know where they teach these guys to talk. He means a chicken sandwich, a bottomless coffee and a glass of natural wine. I could try something else I guess. I always feel like I've been hanging around a place too long when they know my order. And my name, apparently. I didn't remember him ever asking. Actually, I didn't remember him at all. So I guess I'm here way too often.
"Sweet as, be waiting for you at the bar." He grinned and nodded at me as I leant against the wall and had another cigarette. Gideon says I smoke too much. I do. I started real young because all my cool older friends smoked and fitting in was like my number one priority, and now I just like it I guess, and I think vaping looks lame as hell.
As promised, everything was arranged on the bar for me when I settled in with my laptop. I try not to be a total ass and stay there for hours because it's a tiny place and I know better than anyone how annoying it is when you're trying to make money to have some dick taking up space and sitting on the bottomless filter coffee. Sometimes I'll tuck my stuff under the counter and just stand outside for half an hour chain smoking and think about my latest projects for school, how to catch Miro Te Whiti's eye so I could exhibit in her gallery, and mill around until they have space again and I can order another wine. Sometimes they even let me spill out onto the pavement with the wine, but only in a takeaway coffee cup, and really only the younger guys who sort of know me. If one of the bosses are around that's a hard no. I was contemplating asking because it was a weirdly busy afternoon for a Wednesday when a takeaway cup appeared in front of me.
"Not on the list, Ash dropped it off." The guy at the counter said. "Up your alley I think. Chilled red, real acidic. The paper gives it extra flavour." He winked at me. "Take it outside, I need the bar Bailey." I blinked at him. It was so weird. I'm in here all the time, like obviously, but I really don't think I'd talked to this guy before. He clearly had my number though. I slipped off the stool and closed my laptop, which he carefully put on a shelf below the counter and he grinned at me. "That one's on the house." He said. "Cos you're a good sport."
"Oh shit. Oh no- it'll be great. I'll pay, but yeah, I'll head outside..."
"You can't afford it." He grinned at me. "Thanks, B." He whisked himself away as I went outside again and immediately regretted not grabbing my jacket- but the guy at the counter had already somehow magiced that away too so I just sat on the pavement and sipped on the wine and wrote down notes for the installation I was planning for my course.
"There he is." A cherry voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up to see one of the theatre majors I'd done some set work for last trimester leaning on the wall. I hastily scrambled up, oops, looked like a total hobo, and shook his hand.
"Hey Pip."
"What are ya drinking?" I glanced at the coffee cup. Something sharp and juicy and bloody delicious.
"Uhh... filter." I lied. "They've kicked me out for a minute while they serve the real customers." Pip laughed.
"I'll join ya." He hopped inside and I watched him catch the eye of the guy at the bar. They were obviously old friends- they leant across the counter and embraced each other despite the crowd. They talked for a second when the bartender's eyes went really wide and he leant in. And then they both turned to look at me and I quickly turned away as my ears went red. Ugh. Talking about me. I hope it was nice. Pip returned a minute later and we leant against the wall. "So what are you up to?" He asked. I tried to play it cool and not say 'the sickest project ever' and talk his ear off... I just gestured to my notebook.
"The usual." I said..
