It was late and the lounge nearly empty and I debated whether or not to order one more drink before returning to my room. The final minutes of a lopsided football game lit the television overhead. I pretended to watch. I ordered a last drink.
The only other guy at the bar ordered one more also. When the bartender returned with his beer, I was close enough to hear the man ask him, "Hey. Do you know where to call for a whore? I mean...an escort?" He asked without a hint of self-conscientiousness---like asking for a good restaurant. Only after the bartender rebuffed his question with a look of impatient disgust did the man give a hint of embarrassment. "Oh...I forgot this is a high class place. I'm sorry...I'm really fucking sorrrry." He laughed---too loud--- a little drunk. "My wife will be glad to know that I'm staying at such a wonderful establishment." He laughed again. I laughed too. He was clearly feeling good. He caught me smiling which only encouraged him to laugh louder. The man took another drink and declared in the bartender's direction, "It's just that I'm so horny man." And with a feigned look of despair he said, "Fuck. I'm so horny I'd let a fag suck me off." Silence. And then a forced belly laugh that drew the attention of the only other remaining patrons sitting at a far away table. The bartender ignored him, continued cleaning, and then pushed through the door into the kitchen. He looked over at me, held his drink up in a toast-salute of victory, and slurred, "Ah, fuck him." I lifted by drink in response.
It occurred to me in an instant. That is, what I was about to do occurred to me in an instant; but the desire that drove it had nagged and obsessed me for years. I watched him take a gulp of his beer now nearly gone. I surveyed this business man with his tie and shirt collar loosened, and recognized a character in the scenario that had fueled a fantasy of mine for years---an elusive figure that lived only as long as a session of jacking myself off---middle-aged, tall, with extra, but not excessive pounds that disguised the athlete he might have been in high school or college. Just a guy; a regular guy that drank beer and watched weekend football with friends and took his kids to sports practice during the week; a regular guy that fucked his wife a couple times a week, but felt no guilt after a happy-ending massage in some hotel room, only a sale call away from home.
He swallowed the last of the beer and before he could get his suit coat on I said "Hey guy...uh...hey let me ask you something." I moved toward him with my drink...the drink that emboldened me to do what I had only play-acted in my fantasies.
"I...uh...I heard what you were asking the bartender. You really got him going. That was funny man."
He smiled, "Yeah...that was funny. I didn't think he'd get so bent outa shape about it. That was funny."
I pressed on. "Let me ask you. Were you serious about the other stuff? Ah...you know... the faggot stuff?"
The smile left his face. I knew I was on touchy ground but pushed ahead. "Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not a faggot." I showed him my wedding ring. "I'm married...18 years...two kids..."
He stared back at me, stern and tense looking. "Yeah, so?"
"Well this is weird I know, but...I...I think I can help you out. I have this thing I'd like to do, and, uh I think we could help each other out.
"I'm not into any queer shit, man. I think you're looking for somebody else."
I interrupted to make my case, to appeal to the one weakness to which most men will surrender. "I'm not gay...I'm not queer. But I have this fantasy of..." I looked back over my shoulder to make sure no one was in ear shot and then I spoke softer but with urgent sincerity... "I have this fantasy of sucking a guy off. He doesn't do anything to me...nothing...nothin' but sit back, have a beer and enjoy some good head. I know it's fucking weird but..."
The man cocked his head back and his eye brows pinched in disbelief. Was I maneuvering to catch him in a humiliating joke or entrap him in a sting? "I don't think so dude."
"Listen," I said. "No strings attached". I whispered now, "I come up to your room...get down on my knees...suck you off...and go. That's it. Nothing else--- I just want to suck and go back to my room."
The pleading in my voice appeared to ease his doubt. His expression relaxed. I could see him weighing the possibilities. He detected the sincerity in my whispered proposition; the offer of submission righted his masculinity. He could use what I was offering.
After a moment he spoke; this time with more confidence and control in his voice. "I'm not into any gay shit. I wouldn't do anything to you."
"Yes," I responded with restrained eagerness. "That's all I'm asking. That's it. I understand...I do all the work."
He was finding his footing now. "Listen to me...this is how it would work. You suck 'til I shoot and then you get the fuck out. If you do any queer shit like try to kiss me or finger me I'll fuckin' punch your face. You get it?"