Hotel Room Nights

Note... This book contains more than one chapter and I'll try to update if anybody is interested. Updates may not be regular since there's no concept of time nowadays.

Warning... This chapter contains depressive thoughts which may trigger some people. It's not extremely detailed but I figure it's best to warn people.

Enjoy

***

My knees hurt from staying like this for so long. I got down on my knees wanting to pray, but what's the point of prayer? Prayer wouldn't bring back my house, unburn all the pieces of burnt wood I saw on the ground, or bring the love of my life back. I'm only grateful that I was given a whole paid month off to deal with all this trouble. But a month's pay cannot rebuild all that I've lost. Neither can the insurance money I'm receiving.

They really want to squash everything to the lowest possible value so that they keep their pockets full. I fully expect a rough sketch of what in my eyes was a mansion, and it's not making me feel any better. At least the insurance is paying for this hotel room, god knows I deserve it, even if I'll pay them back anyway. The concept of insurance is strange.

I get off my knees and onto the bed. My head is spinning, images of everything I've lost are plastered at the front of my mind. I can't even cry, crying won't bring back anything. I reach into my suitcase that I've set at the foot of the bed, and my hand comes out with an expensive bottle of booze, I bought this earlier but haven't been able to bring myself to drink it.

I get up so I can get myself a cup, scanning the whole room first before walking towards some cabinets. I find what I'm looking for, a little plastic cup and fill it up to the brim. I slowly tiptoe towards the balcony door, trying to keep myself steady so I don't spill my drink, but I see the pointlessness of it and take a sip, just to remove the danger.

I get to the balcony and lean my bottom against the chest-high wall. I look down at all the life below, city lights and the sounds of happy people.

Some of them are sad though

, I think.

Sad like me

. It would be so easy to jump off the eleventh floor right now. But jumping wouldn't bring back all that I've lost, or my happiness, so I won't. I'll just wallow in my sadness until I find the strength to find happiness again. I take a sip, scrunching up my face at the bitter taste.

I've never liked the taste of alcohol, but right now it's all I have, so I sip until it's half empty. I need a seat, so I go back into the room to get myself a chair, dragging it across the carpet on my way back to the balcony. I place it against the side wall and take a seat, taking a few more sips of my drink. The cup is a small one but it feels huge. It probably won't even have an effect on my state of mind.

I heard there's a swimming pool on the roof of the hotel room, it's probably in one of the brochures that I didn't bother to read. Water might probably make me feel better. I take the quickest of showers and dry myself off, noting that it was my first cleanup of the day yet it was after 9.30 PM. I get some briefs on and a vest and a white cosy bathrobe. I leave my room, walking opposite the direction of the elevator. I end up next door and just standing here, not exactly sure what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm not so sober after all.

I knock on the door.

Nothing.

I knock again.

Again nothing.

I'm about to leave when I hear footsteps, getting louder as they get closer to the door. A shadow covers the light coming from underneath the door, and the door opens slowly. I take a sip from my refilled cup and look up to see the door open.

A mean looking face stands in front of mine, a couple of inches above mine. I almost forget what I came here for.

He speaks first, almost growling, "you looking for something?"

His voice is unwelcoming, silently screaming at me to leave. But I came here for something.

"You weren't jerking off were you," I say, hoping to lighten the air around us. His mean expression doesn't change.

"Not anymore," he replies.

Okay. I figure it's best to get to the point of why some robed stranger is knocking on his hotel room door so late at night.

"I heard there's a pool at the roof, you wanna go check it out?"

A couple of unreadable emotions pass by his face, I only notice confusion, until he just exhales.

"Sure, let me get dressed," he says as he closes the door in my face and retreats, leaving me just standing here. Luck isn't on my side today, if I were to choose a thousand strangers to hang out with, his mean face wouldn't make the list.

Five minutes pass and I'm beginning to think he just said he was coming to get me off his back. I realize how weird it is for me to be just standing here in the middle of the hallway in front of someone else's room. I hope if there's anybody monitoring the surveillance video, they don't call the cops on me.

He comes out finally, dressed in a similar fashion to mine, in slippers and a white vest, with the robe covering whatever he is wearing below. He says nothing, and I just say "okay" as we begin to walk towards the elevator. He presses the button and we wait. The elevator is coming up slowly from the fourth floor as we wait in silence. 4, 5, 6, 7...

He crosses his arms and I take another sip of my drink, wishing the elevator would get here so this awkward silence would end already. He takes the cup from my hand and takes a sip.

"Hey," I said, annoyed. I aggressively avoid such aggressive people, but this is my mess so I have nobody else to blame. He takes a sip, and it's half empty again. He hands me back my drink. Now I don't want it. Luckily the elevator doors finally open and we enter.

There are many buttons in rows of 3. On the top row the first one is "G" and on the bottom row last one is "R" and there are a bunch of other buttons below and above, leading to the basements, parking lot and god knows where else. He rams his finger on the "R" before I can even lift my hand up. Fuck me.

I close my eyes as the elevator takes us to the roof. I hope he can tell I'm already annoyed. I forget that I don't want my drink anymore and take a sip, suddenly remembering when it's already in my mouth and putting it back into the cup. I hope he didn't notice that the level of the drink didn't change. I think I'm being mean and unreasonable, so I just lift the drink back to my lips and sip after all. It feels weird.

The elevator stops finally, and I get out of my head and out of the elevator. The space is huge. There's a huge pool and a jacuzzi and a bar. There's a couple of people in the pool, and only two in the jacuzzi. We can probably find a spot in the pool where we can just hang out as the two of us, but I don't really want that. The jacuzzi is just a small round pool and it's got this unavoidable couple inside, so it's the best option for me.

I look at him and see him looking around too.

"Jacuzzi?" I ask.

He makes a small shrug and begins walking towards the jacuzzi, almost leaving me behind. Again, ugh. I walk up to him and immediately noticed the couple's brightening faces as we approach. The man and woman are about middle aged and both in good shape, both very beautiful. I smile at them and he just nods.

"Hiiiii," the woman says with much enthusiasm as we get to the jacuzzi. I can't match her excitement so I won't even try.

"Hi you two," I say, trying just to seem familiar and approachable. We take off our robes at the same time, and I reveal my tight black briefs as he reveals his tight black boxer briefs.

Oh no

, I think. The woman cheerfully slaps her man on the shoulder, giving us that

awww

face. I'm already unsure about her. I ignore her.

We proceed to move into the jacuzzi. He slips into the water with his vest on, while I sit at the top of the pool, letting just my lower legs taste the warm water. I take off my vest and put it on top of the robe which I had just thrown onto the floor. I see the couple staring at me, already knowing these two are a very unusual pair.

"Nice guns," the guy says staring from my arms to my now slightly hairy torso to my legs. I shouldn't have taken off the vest. I shake off the aggressive "swingers" vibe I'm getting from them, and just thank him nonchalantly. I don't work out enough to feel like he's being genuine, and their compliments aren't making me feel any better. I move lower into the water until it's at my chest and just wait for someone to say something so they can stop staring at us.

"I'm Mark," the guy says finally, "and this is my friend Hanna."

Friend

... Sure.

I nod and flash a fake smile at them and say nothing, choosing instead to take a sip of my drink. There's more silence between us, awkward for me because they're still staring, and because I realize they introduced themselves and we both said nothing. I extend my hand to them, first lightly shaking Hanna's hand, then moving to Mark. He has a firm grip, and I refuse to read into it. Drunk couples are the worst.

"Nice to meet both of you," I say after shaking their wet hands.

"You two are a cute couple," Mark says, cutting me off before I introduce myself. I fully expected Hanna to say this line when we disrobed, but it shocked me either way. I clear my throat.

"We're not a couple," I said, adding a fake laugh to the end of the sentence, "we actually just met less than thirty minutes ago on the eleventh floor."

That sentence was unusually long for me, maybe the alcohol is beginning to kick in. I turn to the guy beside me.

"What's your name?"

He just looks at me, then he finally speaks after about 5 seconds.

"Tyler," he says, "Tyler Hansen," he finishes.

"Oh," I say nodding, "like James Bond?"

He realizes what I'm getting at and a semblance of a smile finally forms on his lips, finally. I smile at him.

"Danny Brown," I say. We leave it at that, and I turn to the couple in front of us, smiling, probably in disbelief.

How can these men who are wearing matching underwear and making jokes expect us to belief they're not a couple

, is what they're probably thinking. I ignore the looks, and decide to change the conversation.

"What time does the bar close?"

"At 10," she replies enthusiastically. I fully believe she's high.

"We better get some drinks then," I say, trying to reach my hand out to grab my cup. I can't feel it anywhere so I turn my head, and notice it's in Tyler's hand. He takes the final sip, emptying it, and I hope he doesn't find out I spit into that cup earlier. He looks like he has it in him to kill me.

"Yes," Hanna nods, "we better do."

She swiftly gets up and out of the pool.

"I can do it," I say suddenly, hoping to escape this hell, but she shrugs me off, saying it's no trouble and almost skipping towards the bar.

She was in a small red bikini, revealing all her curves. We all stared at her as she bounced away, probably thinking different things. I only wondered what was wrong with her.

"So what brings you guys into the hotel lifestyle of New York?"

I didn't know checking into a hotel was a lifestyle. Mark probably had a very different idea about us than what was actually going on. I decided to be honest.

"My house burnt to the ground and I had nowhere else to go," I say casually. They both look at me, and Mark's wide eyed expression changes to a laughing one, and the laugh quickly changes back to the wide eyes.

"Wait you're serious?"

I nod and add, "and I was dumped by the love of my life too."

Mark looks shocked, like he hasn't ever heard of someone going through a rough time.

"Sorry about all that," he says, I just shrug whatever and turn my head to Tyler. He quickly changes his expression from the shock of hearing my brief story to his usual frown.

"Same story," he says. I raise an eyebrow at him. That was definitely not true.

"I just came to plunder through what I have left after the divorce," he said. Now that's a story. I turn my head to focus more on him and his story, but he's stopped. Hearing him speak, I note the obvious southern accent in his raspy voice, but it's almost like he's trying to conceal it.

"Spending it in a four star hotel is one way I guess," I say. He just lightly shrugs, obviously not wanting to add more. I turn my head back to Mark.

"What about you, what brings you into the 'hotel room lifestyle'?" I asked, using my hands to motions air quotes around his phrase.

He looks uncomfortable for just a split second.

"Well," he starts, "Hanna and I used to date, a very long time ago, and now she's brought me here on her dime. I think she wants to reconnect romantically."

I smile, amused by his story. What if he's in a relationship? I feel like he feels like she's in over her head, but at the same time he hasn't tried to stop her, so I just wait for him to finish. Tyler is amused by the story too, and he jumps in before the guy can continue.

"She's hoping you two will get it on," he says, suddenly becoming alive at the sound of Mark's melodramatic misfortune. Marks sighs.

"I think so," he says, "but I just told her I was single then she just..."

"She doesn't know you now proudly bat for the other team," Tyler says, finishing his statement for him. This story seems to have woken him up, or maybe it was the booze. Mark doesn't say anything, just turns his head to face the bar. Hanna is making her way back, bouncing towards us with a bottle and three glasses.

"What are you guys talking about," she says as she sets the bottle down and gets into the pool.

"Nothing," Tyler says, flashing his teeth for the first time since I've seem him, "just getting to know each other."

She smiles at him and pops open the champagne bottle. She hands Mark a glass, and I reach my hand out for my little plastic cup, only to discover it's not where Tyler left it, but back in his hands again. He smiles at me too, and I ignore him and take a glass from Hanna. She pours for all of us and we get into conversation.

The conversation lasts for about an hour, mostly Mark and Hanna talking about their lives. I try to not make any depressing additions into the conversations, and Tyler does too. I learn that they both work in marketing, which is how they met when they were still in college. They dated for a year then separated. Mark had stayed here while Hanna moved away with her husband, but she came back when he died of a heart attack, hoping to reconnect to more meaningful times. Mark had stayed "unmarried" the whole time, and was only happy to reconnect with an old friend. Clearly their minds weren't at the same place.

We let them talk about whatever else and just took in everything they said. I make up some fake story about how I'm using my vacation time at work to enjoy the luxury of a hotel, not wanting to depress both myself and everyone else. Tyler says a similar story, talking about how he had made so much money from the last harvest on his farm that he had saved enough to come and enjoy the city life. Hanna is glad to hear this, thank God.

It is time to leave, and Hanna and Mark say their goodbyes and walk over to the lift, disappearing behind the metal doors. I'm alone with Tyler again, and this time it's not as awkward as the first time. I start laughing. He asks what I'm laughing at. I catch my breath to speak.

"I just can't believe how horrible everything is," I say then change the subject, "she just buys anything anyone tells her huh?"

He smiles and nods, maybe uncomfortably, I can't tell.

I ask him, "what happened with you and your wife?"

He tries to get serious again, but he fails, he can't keep it to himself anymore.

"She just didn't like the man I had turned into," he says in a low voice, "I wasn't very good to her."

I shrug, "at least you realize that."

He shrugs too, "I see it

now

, I was punching holes in all the walls the night she left, then the next day she files for divorce and says she's with someone else, I completely lost it."

His movements are comical, raising his hands almost angrily as he explains. I wonder what it looks like when he's lost it, he's had it together for

most

of the time I've known him but judging just by his mean face, I know he can get scary. I hope he didn't harm her in any way.

He's a bit riled up when he finishes his story, but he calms down and decides to turn the focus back to me.

"What happened to the love of your life?"

"Well," I say, not really knowing where to start and which part of the story to tell.

"He left me a few days before my house went up in flames, found someone else," I say, deciding to sweetly summarize the story.

He just says "oh" with an unreadable expression. It's not such a shocking story, but maybe he is just shocked about the

he

. He lets it go and proceeds to ask, "and the house?"

"I don't know," I say, sighing, it had only been a few days since my house burnt down so I really didn't know much, "it looks like they're gonna say it was an accident."

It does look like that. An accident that happened in an empty house four whole hours after I'd left. If they rule the fire accidental I might just sue the city, and even the governor, even the president. I think I would've been told by now if there were any suspicious circumstances.

I sigh again, long and low. I'm beginning to feel sad again.

"It'll be okay," he says, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I look up at his face and try to imagine what he's saying is true. His face looks different without his usual mean demeanor. His whole body looks different. I let myself notice how he looks, how his vest is hugging his muscles and how approachable this version of him looks.

"I hope so," I say, returning his smile. For a second I let him make me believe it, then he shifts and removes his hand from me.

I think about his story again, how he says there was a different version of him, maybe that's why my plastic cup is still only half full, maybe he's holding his liquor so he doesn't lose it. I hope that's not how it appears when I try to hold my liquor too, but so what if it is? I'm way beyond what people think of me.

I notice my glass is still more than half full, and take a small sip.

I ask him, "what happened to the farm?"

I've heard him talking about harvests, so I assume there's a farm.

"I still own a small portion of the land but now I'm renting it out. My ex wife took the bigger portion and most of my money," he says getting upset. Talking about his ex wife really seems to rile him up.

"I made a bit of money from the last harvest on the whole land and I think she let me keep it all just to get me off her back, but what's one harvest's money when you've taken everything else huh?"

He seems hurt when he talks about her, but from his own stories about her it seems she's completely over him. Good for her.

I only nod, not wanting to tell him it's probably his own fault and how it was probably better for her to leave him. If his own version of events paints him in such a bad light, I can only imagine how he looks in her version.

"But you've changed right?" I ask. I can only hope so.

"Well, yes," he says raising my half full plastic cup. I nodded again, getting his message.

"You miss farming?"

He nods.

"You miss her?"

His whole demeanor changes and he goes quiet again. He stands up and gets into his slippers and robe, wet underwear and all. I've definitely struck a nerve.

"Time to call it a night," he says, standing above me, apparently waiting. I get out of the pool and dress up and we begin walking side by side towards the elevator. I make it a mission to know more about this man and his story. We get into the elevator and I brace for another awkward ride down. He walks in first and leans his back against the wall, while I'm holding on to one of the bars with my hand.