I didn't really notice Jared, he was just some guy in my drama class, until I saw him in bare feet. You see, I have this thing for feet. It's nothing weird- I mean, I don't think so. I'm not gay or some sick shit like that. Jared just has nice feet- esthetically, you know?
I don't know, maybe something is wrong with me, I can't stop thinking about him now... I'm only in that stupid class because I have to have a damn art credit to graduate. Lord knows my ass can't sing- or draw. So, what choice did I have? I guess the class isn't that bad. At least it wasn't until two weeks ago.
I guess I should stop avoiding it and just talk about it but I feel like even committing it to paper makes it somehow more real- more twisted. I'm so obsessed I'm writing about it in a diary like some damn girl? What the fuck!
Okay, I've been having problems with my girlfriend anyway so my head isn't in the right place. And I swear I didn't know it was a guy when I first scoped out his feet. That may sound like bull but it totally isn't! The class was helping Mrs. Sagel clean out her costume closet. Well, it's really a whole line of closets and cupboards along the wall of her classroom so with all the doors open you can't see much up and down the line.
I was working next to some goth weirdos so I was pretty much off in my own world when I just happened to glance over. Some people were laughing and I guess I wanted to see what was up but the doors were blocking my way so all I could see was the tool and hem of some awful costume dress and these feet... these perfect feet.
I guess I should have known they belonged to a boy. The balls of his feet were pretty wide and you could see the tendons. They stuck out just a little from the top of his feet and ran to his toes like guitar strings. Yea, I guess I must have known they belonged to a boy deep down, but can you blame me for wanting to believe they belonged to a girl?
He has this way of walking though, especially when he laughs, where he stands on the balls of his feet. It's really graceful. I never noticed that before either.. I wonder how I never noticed him before. Surely he wore sandals at some point? I guess it doesn't matter though. All that really matters is that I want to see his feet close up, to touch them, and for the first time in my life I really wish I could draw. I'd give anything to capture his feet on canvas forever.
I'm really writing this because I want it out. I have a vain hope that if I get it all out on paper it'll keep me from doing something stupid. That maybe, if I can explain why they captivated me, it'll all just stop. It's so bad I had a dream about him last week. It bothered me so badly that I skipped drama class the next day. You may think that's stupid but maybe you'll understand if I tell you about it.
We were in my room playing Xbox together just like me and my buddies do. He was dressed just like he always is at school. He was wearing this kind of punk graphic tee, it's white and teal, his belt has little metal pyramids all down it, and his jeans are slung so low that when he moves around on the bean-bag chair I can see the trail of hair that runs from his belly button to the visible edge of of his underwear. I notice all this calmly, sort of wondering at his fashion sense, because I just wear the generic jeans and tees my mom buys at Wal-Mart. His hair is the opposite of mine as well. It's long for a boy, I guess, it falls down to the bridge of his nose and he keeps blowing it out of the way with little puffs that I bet he hardly knows he does. I have the sense in the dream, that even though this is all nice in some obscure way, what really gets my attention- and I mean really gets my attention, is that he's barefoot.
I get hard- fast. I can't help but be glad we're sitting down- thinking; What the fuck! He's a fucking dude. Then he notices me staring and says something that I find utterly bizarre, "Don't look at my feet. They're ugly."
