Chapter 32 - The Beginning
Nate turned around and sat on the couch. He looked so tired. Now I realized that he hadn't even taken off his jacket yet.
"Is this over?" he asked, tilting his head back against the backrest of the couch.
At that moment, I realized it! It's over! Ashley knows! Of course, it was not all perfect. We will probably have to deal with fuckload of guilt-tripping, and it will be tough with the baby coming. But damn it! We can be together!
I felt a surge of happiness rush through me. I thought about Nate saying that whatever would happen, we would deal with it together. It was like a heavy stone was lifted off my chest, and for the first time, I could breathe!
I could scream out of my lungs that this crumbled, tired, unkempt man sitting in front of me was MINE! I felt on top of the world right at that moment!
"I think it's the beginning," I said with a warm smile, trying to conceal my excitement. Nate was obviously hurting, and he had every right to be. His marriage had just fallen apart because of me. He would have to fight to be in his child's life. This last realization calmed me down a great deal. But still, what remained was that I was so grateful and happy that I could be with him. I had lost hope weeks ago.
.
Nathaniel's sigh brought me back. "I meant the hiding, guilt, and stress."
I laughed. "I don't know."
Nate looked at me, and the pain in his eyes made me stop.
"Sorry. How was your talk with Ashley?"
"Exhausting. I feel like I'm failing down a black hole, and I wish it could just be over."
I sat next to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I've been feeling like that for the longest time," Until now. I brushed my hand along his arm.
He just nodded and nuzzled in my arms.
"Nate?"
"What?"
"So... now when you are officially out, would you like to date me?"
He chuckled weakly and looked at me. "I'd love to."
As I leaned over Nathaniel, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of finally being able to kiss him freely.
I straddled his hips, the warmth of his body seeping into mine, and held his head in my hands as I pressed my lips to his. The worries that had weighed on me before, that someone might catch us or that being together made us wrong, seemed to melt away.
"Come," I said, taking Nathaniel's hand and leading him up the stairs to my room. I knew I would have to find a place of my own soon, but for now, this would do.
.
Nathaniel's shirt lay on my pillow, and he picked it up with a warm smile.
"I couldn't sleep without it," I said, shrugging.
"I had yours the same way," he replied.
I took a moment to study Nathaniel, admiring the way my clothes hung loosely on his smaller frame. "You've been wearing my clothes?" I asked.
"You said I could do anything with them," he said, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.
"I love it," I said, pulling him closer to me.
Nathaniel smiled, but there was a hint of nervousness in his eyes as he looked away. "So what do you think?" he asked.
"About what?"
"How do I look with a beard?"
I hesitated, trying to find the right words. "I don't like what that beard symbolizes. You only wear it when you're feeling at your lowest. So no, I prefer you clean-shaven," I said honestly.
Nathaniel looked at me with such appreciation that it felt like he was squeezing my heart in his hands. I wrapped my arms around him tighter and kissed him again. I enjoyed the softness of his hair between my fingers and the warmth of his cologne wafting around us.
"Will you spend the night?" I asked, leaning my head on Nathaniel's shoulder.
"Here?" he asked, looking around.
"Yeah."
"Sure," he said.
I had the sudden urge to ask Nathaniel if he wanted to find a place to live with me, but I knew it was too soon. We had only been sleeping together for a month. What was happening to me?
"So what now?"
"I'm not sure. We can live like a normal couple in love. I don't think there's a specific guidebook for that."
He laughed. "Right, okay. Although I haven't dated in a while, and with everything closed right now, I don't think we can go out for dinner or anything like that."
"Do you enjoy things like that?"
I realized there are still many things we don't know about each other.
"I do, but it's not necessary."
"I'm not particularly romantic, but I can try." In the naked truth, I hate romance. I find it cringy and never really found appeal to it... But I will try for this man.
"I didn't think you would be."
"Why?"
"I just had that impression," he shrugged.
"Is that a problem?"
"No," Nate shook his head with a smile. "Well, given that I was able to sleep with you, even though Jerry said that was unexpected from you, I'm hopeful. But there's one thing. Don't force yourself to do something just because of me. I want to know the real you. I don't need you to present a certain image for me."
"You're overthinking this a bit," I grinned.
"Maybe a bit," he nodded.
I pressed my forehead against his and gently pushed. "Stop that."
"Sorry, it's just... there's a lot going on."
"I know... But we'll handle it." I looked at him earnestly. "Together."
Nate smiled and gave me a tender peck before he laid his head on my shoulder.
"I have to say. I was fascinated by the way you and Ashley argued."
"I don't like fighting."
"No one does, but you were still considerate and respectful even when you were angry."
"You've only seen a few. We've both lost our temper at times, but it's true. I care about her feelings and respect her. How did you argue with Jerry?"
"He would usually start yelling and crying, and I just wanted to leave and never come back."
He raised his head and looked at me. "Okay, we'll have to work on that. I don't want you to run away every time we have an argument." This seemed to be a big issue for him. He had already mentioned it several times.
"Then don't yell at me when you're angry."
"I usually don't do that."
"Perfect. But if I ever get angry and tell you to leave me alone, do it! I see red when I'm mad. If you give me some space to cool off, I'll be able to talk with you later, but if you try to deal with it right away, I'll either lose it or leave."
He nodded. "Okay."
"But you can always just strip and bend in front of me," I tried to lighten the mood.
"I don't want to know who this approach worked with, but I like it."
I smirked at him.
"But when I'm angry, don't try to have sex with me."
"No, I'll just work up some sweat and walk around you," I winked at him.
He chuckled and wanted to say something, but I covered his mouth with mine and kissed him possessively. I really didn't want to talk more about this...
.
"You're not angry now, are you?"
He smiled. "No, I'm just extremely tired."
"Me too." I kissed his neck.
He moaned, and I started to undress him.
