I woke up and stretched, craning my head to look at the clock. Five pm. We'd been asleep for quite a while but I always needed more rest after my migraines, they took a lot out of me. Dav had probably had a long night watching over me. I snuggled back my new mate and sighed. I was enjoying the warmth when my stomach growled and I heard a chuckle behind me.
Dav was cuddled up to me, holding my back to his chest. I rolled over in his arms and looked up at him, one hand stroking his warm chest.
"I didn't know you were awake, did you even sleep?"
"For a bit, I haven't been up very long."
I brushed my fingers against his face, amazed at how smooth his skin was. I hadn't shaved in more than a day so I knew my face had to be covered in prickly stubble, but not his. His cheeks were smooth and soft. I liked it. My fingers traced up to the lines on his forehead from his frown. I tried smoothing them out, rubbing gently.
"You look like you're thinking hard," I said. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Just thinking about work." His eyes looked away and he shifted uncomfortably. I was silent for a minute as I considered letting him get away with what I could feel was a lie. It was weird, feeling his emotions. I shelved the thought that he would be able to read me just as well. I wasn't as comfortable with that realization but I had more important things to focus on.
There was no way thoughts of his work would bring out the feelings of shame I could feel in him. Keeping secrets in our relationship might be hard with this two way emotional mind tap we had going on but that might be a good thing. We barely knew each other in a lot of ways. Knowing how he felt, being able to feel the warmth of his love would make up for a lot. It wouldn't make up for him lying to me.
"Dav, I know that's not true. How are you ever going to learn to really trust me if you're not honest with me?" I asked him quietly. "Give me a chance to understand."
He rolled onto his back and covered his face with one arm. I snuggled up to his side and put my chin on his chest. My hand stroked his side softly as I watched Dav's facial expressions shift as he wrestled with what must have been some serious inner demons. I kept silent, knowing I had to wait and see if he would open up to me on his own. I couldn't make Dav trust me; he had to make that step on his own.
I barely heard him when he finally spoke. "I was weak Ellis. I've never broken down in front of anyone before, never admitted to having those moments. That you saw me like that--"
"But I'm your mate," I protested. "Everyone has moments when they need someone else to tell them it will be okay."
His arm came down and his eyes drilled into mine. "Never show weakness, Ellis. That is the only way I learned to survive as a child. I pushed away anything that made me feel, anything that could be used against me. If I hadn't. . . ." He shook his head, dropping it back to the pillow. "Anything less than total control was punished. If I scented of fear, I was weak enough to be challenged.
"I made it on my own because I never lost control; I never gave in. Strength is what earns you respect and creating fear in others keeps you safe. There is a reason why I am known as 'The Snake'. I have many enemies; any glimpse of weakness could get me killed," his breath caught, "could get you killed. I never want to put you at risk." He covered his eyes again. "I think it would be even worse would be to lose your respect."
Now I understood what I was feeling, even if it didn't make any sense. When I saw Dav, I saw a strong, sexy man, a successful business owner and a deadly warrior. I also saw a man who needed me. His iron will could only last for so long before he would lose whatever shred of humanity he had left. I had read about a few Carthera that had gone feral when they cut themselves off from their kind. Dav never had that support so he had no idea that breaking down in front of me was not a sign of weakness in my eyes. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I pulled his arm down.
"Look at me."
His eyes were filled with fear but he let me see it, feel it through the bond, without pulling back.
"Do you see me that way? As someone who is weak?" I asked him softly. "After all, we met because I couldn't even stand up on my own."
"No! Never. You can't help that I loved being able to hold and make you feel better. It made me feel good. But I am supposed to be strong. It is necessary; I need to be here for you." His arm went back over his face once again. "I worry that you will be ashamed of me as your mate."
"Gods, Dav. You have it so wrong. I could never feel ashamed that you let me see you when you need me the most. I didn't really understand just how much courage and strength it took for you to let me see you that way. That you turned to me and let me hold you," my voice broke and I had to take a deep breath, "I've never been with anyone who gave me so much of themselves as you have. It makes me feel needed to be here for you emotionally."
I reached up and tugged at the arm covering his face until he moved it away. I felt a tear sliding down my cheek as I stared deep into his eyes.
"I..." I paused, biting my lip but then I forced it out, ignoring the little voice that still wanted to scream 'too soon', "I love you."
Dav's eyes widened. We were frozen, locked into each other's eyes and emotions. Then he grabbed me and pulled me up to lie on his chest. I could feel his heart racing just as fast as mine. He pulled my head down and kissed me, his firm grip at odds with the gentle way his lips feathered across mine.
"I can feel it," he murmured against my lips. I opened my eyes and took his look of wonder. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted as he stared at me. His hands gripped my hair and pulled my head down into a kiss that consumed me. My entire world shrank down to the hands clenched in my hair and the tongue that danced wildly in my mouth. I was gasping when he finally let me pull back and breathe. It took me a few minutes to get my brain to remember what we had been talking about.
I peppered his face with small kisses, enjoying the warm, smooth skin. "What do you feel?"
"Love. You really do love me and I can feel it. It's an amazing feeling because," he marveled, "no one has ever said they loved me before. It makes me feel... warm inside."
My eyes filled with more tears and my heart hurt. I buried my face in his neck and just held on to him.
"Hey, what did I say? You feel sad now. Did I make you sad? I'm sorry," he said anxiously, his hand patting at my back.
I shook my head. "Not like that," I said, my voice thick with the tears I held in. "I'm just sad that you have lived this long without anyone loving you."
He shrugged under me uncomfortably. "I didn't know what it was before so I didn't know how it would feel. If I had to wait thirty three years to find you it was worth it Ellis." He lifted his head and kissed me harder than before, slipping his tongue in my mouth. The two sides split and he caressed my tongue with the twin points until I was moaning and squirming on top of him. I pulled away with a gasp, intending to push back the covers and show him how good my tongue could be when my stomach decided to let out an angry growl. I sat up on my knees with a groan.
"Sorry," I muttered in embarrassment.
Dav laughed softly, his hands squeezing my hips. "Let's get you something to eat!" He let go of me, and I rolled over on the bed, watching as he gracefully slipped out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Aren't you getting up?"
Dav turned to look at me when I didn't answer. He was leaning over me before I could blink. "What is it?"
'Your back," I whispered in shock. "It has scales on it. Those weren't there this morning."
Dav grinned and relaxed. "Bond marks. Snakes don't change much from their birth forms when they mate like other Carthera do but we all get the signs of our clans on our backs when we form that bond with a mate."
I scooted up in the bed and turned him so that his back was facing me fully. My hand reached down to where the scales disappeared into his unbuttoned jeans and then slowly slid up his back.
