I became a cock sucking fag. Part 2.
After taking some time and digesting the fact that I had given Chuck a blow job, life had gone back to normal. The guilt, the embarrassment, and the unusual aspect of sucking a man off had dissipated into my memories. I never mentioned it to anyone, and I never really comprehended how deep it had sat inside the recesses of my mind until years later. Maybe in some ways, I was scared to think about it deeper. Or afraid it may change who I was. That people would judge me for being "gay" or having a gay experience. Back in those days, even if you were gay, you weren't out and you would have been ridiculed and teased. And I would venture to say that it is what kept my experimentation and eventual shift over to bi-sexuality, well-hidden for years to come.
But as curiosity does; and time went on, I'd find myself entertaining the notions of men. I truly began noticing the "men" more in porn films I'd watch; and in the dirty magazines, I'd thumb through at the local convenient stores. It was in essence the start of a more frequent or at least more noticeable thought pattern of fantasizing about dick. And when I was alone, sometimes I'd drift from being the guy in the video fucking the girl. To being the girl in the video being fucked by the guy. And it was exciting. It opened up a different, unique, and rather heart-racing aspect of my solo time. If you know what I mean.
Chuck moved out of the apartment complex about a year after I sucked him off. I stayed there for a few more years. And on occasion, I'd think about him and that one night in the garage. But those thoughts always haunted me in the aspect that it was "too close to home," too scary of a situation. Too visible for all those to see. My thought process was; If I was ever going to do anything like that again, I wanted it to be someone who couldn't have tattled, spilled the beans, or would not have had the capability to reveal it to my friends. In some ways, I was sorry to see him go, because we were friends, but on the opposite of that coin, I was glad he left, because I knew he could just come right out and regale everyone with the fact I sucked his dick.
And I was still a player at heart. Still picking up one girl after another. Still getting laid, still having my fill of new and exciting moments of sexual pleasure with pussy. I enjoyed every minute of it. I still loved when I got to go down on a girl when she'd reciprocate by blowing me. I still found happiness in being inside a pussy and making her scream. But times were changing. It was just changing for me more than I had expected.
I noticed the adult videos I was watching changed from these hairy, large, big dick oafs, to a more modern-looking man. The men were smaller, sleeker, had less body hair, and were even shaving their balls and trimming the upper part of their pubic hair regions which to me was way sexier than that defined "porn actor" look of the early 80s. And it intrigued me more. I noticed even the female actresses were shaving a small landing strip or shaving completely bald and it led to a multitude of thoughts around the overall appearance and like. To me, this was a bigger turn-on than the proverbial "Farah Faucet" bush of the late 70's and into the mid 80's. And it was surely better than the gay films of that era.
As I told you in my previous story, Chuck's dick was surrounded by a poof of hair. And as much as I focused on his dick itself, there was still that big mound of dark black hair that I wasn't overly fond of. Now being that California beach boy, I have hair down there - of course, I do - but it's very light, thinner, and less obtrusive than some men. So as time went on, and the more I noticed this new age appearance and styles of the actors, the more and more I became fascinated by cock. I'd masturbate more frequently seeing the actress sucking a clean, sleek-looking dick than I did watching previously made movies. Of course, after some deep complex thoughts, I decided to start shaving my balls myself. It was quite an erotic feeling to have my sack all smooth and clean and the top little patch trimmed as well. Maybe that enhance my desire for dick, maybe just enhanced the pleasure of playing with my own. But I promise you, the shaving got further and more progressive, to the point I was running around literally bald. And I liked it.
The porns themselves were still a turn-on, but I began to really imagine what Chuck's dick would have looked like if it was clean, shaven and looked sexier than it had been. This led to even more questions about myself and my sexuality. Like, what if he was completely shaven? What if was longer? What if he had sucked me off in return? What if we would have kissed or made out first, would I have gotten hard and wanted that dick more than just doing it because I lost the bet. All questions that I didn't have answers to. At least not yet. And unfortunately, never with Chuck. But others entered into the picture in years to come.
For about four months into the winter after my 32
