I became a cock sucking fag. Pt 14.
It was scary, emotional, concerning, and unrealistic for me to believe I was turning gay. But it was something I came to accept. I know that's hard for some people to grasp. How do you turn gay? Either you are or aren't, right? Well, for me, it was all the desires, all the passions, and all the wants that were finally coming true. I had crossed the line. I was developing an ongoing situation with a man. It was like a drug addiction; I couldn't get enough. I couldn't stop thinking about John. I couldn't get my mind off of his dick. When I couldn't get his dick, I spent hours online and, on my phone, watching dick-sucking hypnosis videos, feminization videos, big swinging dicks videos, and men masturbating. I spent countless hours at night alone in my bed, fantasizing about sexy hard dicks as I stoked myself off, or fingered myself until I was raw. And now that I had a male lover and was starting to suck dick regularly, it became more enlightening, arousing, and desirable.
I looked forward to our time together. I always had that anticipation, that when we did get time alone, I'd get to suck him off. I'd get that hard dick I was looking for and in turn, I would get mine sucked. Our secret meetings, our late-night parking lot hook-ups, and our Sunday morning quickies, were arousing and kept things stimulating. Whatever time we had alone over that first few weeks, my mouth was full of his hard dick and his was full of mine. I wasn't in love with him or wanted to leave Paul, I liked exactly where we were.
It gave me a chance to understand where I was in life. What I wanted, what I looked forward to. And to be brutally honest, our time together gave me the chance to further my lust for suck dick. Which is what I wanted. Moreover, during our dating situation, it became customary for John and I to send naked pictures, little videos, and dirty texts to each other. Just about every morning I'd wake up to a dick pic from him, and at night I'd send him one back. The more dick pics he sent, the more into him I became.
I never had to worry about not getting it, perhaps like I had with some females, who were never into oral sex, or just did it on occasion. With the two of us, there was an absolute guarantee of getting a blow job and I liked the way things were going. Yet, as much as we were into each other and were trying to get together when we could, we kept our secret. We never pushed the envelope for more time, or to take it to the next level. But there was something I was desiring more than anything. And that was his dick inside of me.
It was about six weeks into our relationship when I wanted to take that next step. By this point, I had probably sucked his dick a dozen times, and he, in turn, sucked mine just as much. But neither of us had tried moving towards anal sex. I wasn't sure if he was the man of his relationship or the woman where Paul was fucking him. But either way, I needed a dick in me. My time with Claire, my wants and needs, overpowered me, and my toys weren't cutting it anymore. I needed the real thing. I needed to know.
One night John sent me a rather racy picture when he was in the shower. His cock was all soaped up, completely shaven with the wording, "All squeaky clean for you." It was more than enlightening seeing his sexy dick and low-hanging balls covered in wet soapy water. I licked my lips and wished I was in the shower washing it for him, only to suck him dry after we were done.
My response was; "I need that in me. Deep inside my ass."
I got a smiley face reply that said, "I can take care of that for you."
My heart leaped because I believed he would have no problem fucking me and taking this to the next level.
That picture and that response sent feelings inside of me that I had not had. I was on the verge of taking my passions and desires to the next level. I was ready. I needed it. I wanted to know. I surely had crossed some line in life and I became more interested in men and dick, more than I could have ever imagined. And now, knowing "He could take care of that for me," was the push I needed to full-on homosexuality.
We texted back and forth over the next week trying to plan something out. I wanted this to be special. I know that sounds like I'm an 18-year-old girl who was making her boyfriend wait until the moment was perfect before engaging in sexual congress. But I wanted it to be heartfelt. I didn't just want him coming over and ramming it in me. I wanted the romance. I wanted the deep feelings; I wanted it to be something I would remember forever. I wanted to be seduced. I felt like he needed to show me this was more than just sex, that I was special. Especially if I changed sides for good and never went back to women. Whether my situation continued with him or laid elsewhere, I wanted to know it was what I needed in my life and where I was heading.
John and I planned a special dinner for the following Saturday night. He picked me up and drove us to a steak house on the other end of town. We felt it was far enough away from our homes and the neighborhoods we both lived in. The purpose of it was to sit and have a romantic dinner together. To be somewhere together, where we would show up as a couple and not just sneak around. We both felt that heading to this area, we wouldn't run into anyone we knew. No one from the bowling league would be there. It was a perfect chance for us to have an actual date and spend time together before we made love and deepen our situation.
It went off without a hitch. After he picked me up, we drove hand-in-hand to the restaurant. We walked in together. We were seated, and in the eyes of others, we probably just looked like two buddies hanging out for dinner or grabbing a bite after a round of golf. But we knew we were there as a couple. As two men who were sexually attracted to one another, and before the night was out, two men who would be engaged sexually in the dark of my bedroom, absolutely ravaging each other's dicks. That in itself, is what made it special for me. That feeling of being out with someone I was longing for. To have us together for dinner, dressed up more than average, to be sitting, talking, and just enjoying each other's company was exactly what I needed.
As our time in the restaurant ended and we started to make our way home, I felt different. I felt I had changed. I couldn't explain the change or why I felt it. I just believed things would be completely different for me from here on out. I don't know if John realized I had planned on letting him penetrate me, or if he just thought it would be another night of oral sex. But in my mind, I kept thinking if he fucks me as hard and as deep as Claire did with her pink dick, then there is no doubt, that I will want this forever. And maybe that was the change and the feelings I was having. That if all went well and he showed me how to truly be a gay man in a gay relationship and take anal like I'm supposed to, then maybe it was where I needed to be.
As he drove us back to my place, the cooler Los Angeles summer light winds flowed through John's car. There was something in the air, unlike anything I had felt before. I was anxious and nervous, but I had trust in him. I felt safe with him and I wasn't worried about some fuck and run moment. Or that he was some player out in the world sleeping around. I wasn't concerned about disease or what I'd call a "dirty dick." I knew he had been with Paul for decades and I knew he had taken his risks to be with me. Perhaps for him, this was a chance to have a sex life again. More importantly maybe to have fun, to experience life, to feel excited and appreciated. And tonight, I was planning on letting him fuck me and hopefully open even more doors for both of us.
After we arrived at my place, got in, and settled on the couch, sipping beer, I could see the intensity in Johns's eyes. His lust for me was brewing as deeply as mine was for him. We kissed slowly and passionately, and as much as I wanted to pull his dick out and suck him off right there, I wanted this to be as romantic and sensual as possible. I guided John by the hand assisting him from the couch and walked him to my room. I turned on the small ambient light on top of my dresser turning my attention back to him. We stood pressed against one another deeply embedded in our kissing when I started unbuttoning his shirt.
