I Can’t Do This Anymore

He slipped the sports coat on me and gently brushed my shoulder. I sensed an attraction since he approached me and asked if I needed help. He was behind me and our eyes were now locked in the dressing room mirror. There was no mistaking the intense look in his dark brown eyes. He wanted to fuck me, or at least shove his dick down my throat. He knew I was gay, in fact I think everyone knew except my mother and my wife of three weeks. Everyone stayed silent of course, and for some fucked up reason I remained in the closet and even got hitched! As our gaze intensified I grabbed the hand caressing my shoulder and spun around.

When I turned around, I lightly pressed my bottom lip with my top teeth. I gently scraped my lip and put the tip of my tongue out seductively, inviting him to kiss me and more. The dressing room door was shut and the boutique was not busy. When we left the floor, there was no one else in the store but us and his co-worker. He placed his right hand on my hip and pulled me firmly towards him by my neck and kissed me.

My little pecker immediately stiffened up. He was so powerful, bigger than me and took me like I was a helpless woman. That always turns me on. As soon as we started kissing, our tongues passionately locked and I went straight for his cock. I placed my hand on the inside of his left thigh and hit the jackpot, he was dressing left and he was also getting hard. I rubbed his manhood on the outside of his pants and I could tell I was going to be happy. It was clearly growing into a seven-plus incher, maybe over 8, and it was thick. There is nothing in the world I love more than sucking a huge black cock. The only problem was that I was at the mall with my new wife and I was already a few minutes late to meet her.

As late as I was, there was no doubt about it, I was going to suck that cock. We had been kissing for less than a minute when I whispered to him, "I have to hurry but I can drain this big dick in three minutes."

"No doubt," he replied with his deep voice and Dominican accent. He said it with a smile that highlighted his bright white teeth and thick lips, and he reached down to start to undo his belt.

"Force me down, I like it rough," I instructed him in a breathless voice, "no mercy." Although I was a strict bottom who liked to be physically dominated, I enjoyed directing the action.

He immediately complied and forced me to the dressing room bench by my throat. He began to unbuckle his belt and loosen his pants I grabbed them with both hands and began to yank them down. To my pleasant surprise, he wasn't wearing any underwear and his huge cock sprung up between the tails of his shirt. It was beautiful, over eight inches and shaved smooth.

"Take it all the way", he instructed with a big grin as he pulled up his shirt.

I grabbed it immediately and stared at it, smiling from his comment and the euphoria I felt as I gazed upon his beautiful cock. I sensed it's power and savored the visual in case I never saw it again, as was often the case. I thought back to the gag reflex I used to have when I first started sucking dick. I not only conquered my gag reflex but became a deep throating queen that was quite famous in the gay circles of Bakersfield. However, this was huge. Of the scores of penises, maybe hundreds I sucked the past 10 years, it may have been the biggest. But I was determined to get it all the way down my throat.

I stuck out my tongue and began to circle the tip as I looked at up at my lover smiling. I picked up the shaft and licked the underside. I realized I needed to get it really wet to take this monster all the way. I spit on the top of it and spread my excess saliva on each side with my puckered lips. I was ready...well ready to try. But I was confident.

Before I began I looked up at him and said, "after I get to the base a few times, take control, fuck my face." He nodded and then threw his head back and exhaled as I rested the bottom of the engorged tip of his cock on my tongue and brushed over the top of it with my upper lip. I was ready.

After the final preparation kiss, I grabbed his shaft at the base and pursed my lips. I. guided them over the bulbous mushroom head of his penis and began moving slowly down the first few inches of his thick shaft. While one hand remained wrapped around his big black cock, I reached up with the other to start unbuttoning his shirt. He took my cue and started unfastening the buttons himself so I could concentrate on the job at hand. His shirt fell apart, exposing about six inches or so of his perfectly sculpted torso. With his dick now about halfway in my mouth, I glanced up quickly to admire the limited view of every visible abdominal muscle I reached up with one hand to tweak his hardening nipple.

For the first 30 seconds or so, he let me control the pace. I bobbed my head slowly back and forth, making sure to produce enough saliva to properly lube his monster. With each stroke I went a little further down. At this point I was probably going about two-thirds of the way down, which equates to about six-inches of big black dick in my mouth. With each stroke I was relaxing my throat muscles, preparing to go take it all the way to the base.

I guess he lost patience and decided it was time to take control. He grabbed the back of my head and thrusted forward with the power of a line backer. His first pump made me gag a bit as I wasn't ready but I quickly adapted. I hastened my preparation and took it balls deep on his second pump.

He showed me no mercy. Luckily I produced a lot of saliva to get it dripping wet. I lt was hot and all I could think about was him releasing his seed down my throat. My little pretty-boy white pecker was pushing at my tight fitting jeans as I got to know every inch of his member with my lips. The head got even thicker, filling with more blood, it was driving me crazy. Every time he pulled out I would feel the ridge of his tip force it's way out of my mouth and my lips would then slide down the head of his cock. Right before he was fully extracted he would force his way back in. It was so big I had to shift my neck upward every time to accommodate all eight or nine inches.

"Whoaaa, wow," he groaned in pleasure not expecting me to take him all the way to the base. In fact, I'm sure he never expected anyone would be able to fully engulf that monster. But years of meditation and research, and frankly sucking tons of dick had paid off. After 20 or 30 pumps of my face he took breather with his massive anaconda fully inside down my throat. He held me in place by the back of my head and I reached my hand around to his lower back to help hold myself in place. It was time to really work my magic.

With his massive erection 100% in my mouth, I began moving my head in a very slight nodding motion. As I moved my head up and down ever so slowly I worked the veiny bottom of his shaft with my tongue and sucked in my cheeks to apply pressure to the sides of his penis. As I employed my technique I could feel the head of his penis throbbing deep in my throat. I kept him fully inside me for about 20-30 seconds, maybe catching one or two breaths through my nose and then released him fully. Saliva dropped on the floor audibly and I got right back to work. I was close. I grabbed the base of his shaft, creating an O with my thumb and pointer finger, and opened wide, inviting him to resume fucking my face.

My face fucked back! I slid along his shaft, all the way in and all the way out. He was thrusting his hips and I was moving my head forward. He was moaning audibly now, which was such a turn on! It was very possible that someone could hear his moans, not to mention my slight gags. When he was ready to cum, which didn't take long he boxed both of my ears and entered my mouth all the way. I again massaged his shaft with my tongue and nodded slightly to stimulate him, I could feel the tip of his penis fully engorged way down my throat when he began to cum.

He was so deep inside me that his load didn't even fill my mouth. I felt it shoot straight down my esophagus and into my belly in three or four spurts. Not all of it of course. Some was getting trapped around his thick shaft, god there was so much cum. When he was finished, I let him enjoy the last few seconds deep down my gullet and pull out at his pace. I enjoyed every second of the long, slow extraction, and when the final inch past my lips, I swallowed what was left in my mouth. I then turned around to grab my bag.

I stood up and stuck my curled tongue out for him to give me a little peck. Which he did, placing his lips on my tongue seductively and slowly. I then smiled at him and said "gotta run!"

As I took off the blazer he was again confused. "Wait, uh,..."

I interrupted, "I'm really late to meet my wife."

"But I don't even know your name, what? Your wife!," he exclaimed with smile, "can I get your number?"

I smiled and replied, "uh", in a really gay way, "I'm married!", as I winked. "I told you I was in a hurry. Besides I know where to find you, and that big hard dick. Besides, I like this jacket, I'll be back."

I gave him one more peck and then left the dressing room as his now-softening erection was still on display. As I walked out onto the floor, the pretty co-worker was behind the counter, looking at me like she knew what just went on back there. I maintained eye contact and wry smile with slightly pursed lips as I passed her. I gave her a little wink and blew her a very effeminate kiss. I continued out of the store and into the mall corridor. I was euphoric and I think I felt that belly full of black man juice sloshing around in my stomach. But as I approached the meeting spot, guilt and worry began to sink in!

As I walked to the meeting spot my mind wandered between not having any breath mints to hide the smell of cum on my breath and the fact that this was the fourth man I sucked or fucked, or both, in the three weeks I was married. And that doesn't count Bryan, my regular hook-up who I coincidently planned to meet at his place in an hour or so. As I continued down the main artery of the mall, I could now see my wife in the distance, so sweet and loving, so innocent. Can I really keep doing this to her? It was fucking insane that I married her, but I just couldn't come out and I thought I could change. Well, I just couldn't come out.

"Did you get a jacket?", Ashley asked as I approached her.

"Nah, nothing fit right."

"What are you going to do? We can't come back here during the week and you need something for dinner with my parents on Thursday."

"I can't shop anymore, let's get a coffee," I said, wanting to hide any evidence of the cum on my breath.

After a little back and forth she disappointedly agreed and We headed to the food court. "Um, you have some smootz on the back of your shirt, by your shoulder," she innocently pointed out as she reached to wipe it off.

I turned around quickly and felt behind me. My instincts were right, it was half-dried cum that was quite obvious on my tight black T-shirt. "Ew," I said, trying to think on my feet, "don't touch it, I'll go wipe it off in the bathroom."

After I cleaned the spooge off my shirt, we got some coffee and found a quiet place to sit. I was really nervous because Ashley specifically wanted some privacy to talk. What did she want to talk about? Did she know? Did she know that was semen? Has she figured out that I'm cheating on her already? She sounded really disappointed.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. It was torture. I was waiting for the pendulum to fall but I had to let her go first.

"Why don't you fuck me?", she finally said. "What's wrong with me? We only tried once and um, you know. Do you not find me attractive?"

Ashley was referring to the fact that over the past three weeks we have not had sex and the one time I couldn't come up with an excuse I couldn't get hard. Further, for the year and a half we were dating I told her that I didn't want to have sex until we were married and we only fucked once, about a month before the big day. Frankly, I wanted to see if I could. I did get it up and stuck it in her, but I couldn't really stand it.

Before responding I exhaled, what was I going to say? Tell her that she is beautiful and deserves a guy that will fuck her brains out. But that I would rather stick my fingers in port-a-potty than her pussy? And not just her pussy of course, but any pussy. That the smell and feel of pussy makes me queasy and does not turn me on. And no matter how tightly I shut my eyes and pretend she's a beautiful man when she sucks my dick that it's unlikely I will get hard. Or should I just tell her? "No, I'm not ready," I thought to myself.

"I've just been, you know tired. I mean you know how busy I've been with work. I mean we had to delay the honeymoon."

I had not been busy with work. I'd been busy getting fucked every which way by five, actually six different men. I couldn't even count the number of guys that fucked me in the year and half we knew each other. I put off the honeymoon because I knew it would be harder to make excuses. I really need to end this soon I thought. This isn't right. I do love her and she doesn't deserve this.

"It's more than that. You are drinking more since we've been married," which was another tactic i employed to avoid her pussy, "I mean are you attracted to me?"

"Of course, you know I think your beautiful, it's just, it's," fuck I didn't know what to say next. It's just what? Luckily she began speaking again.

"I believe you. Are you self-conscious about anything?", she asked, I assumed trying to get me to discuss why I couldn't get it up. I just sighed and she continued. "You know, I love you, you can talk to me. Have you had, you know, performance issues for a while or something like that? You know, we can work that out."

"No, that's not it," I said defensively. And then I thought, ah, mistake! That may have been a way out of this discussion and then I could strategize on what to do next. But it was too late, my ego cried out! If a hot guy passes me in the hallway I'm stiff as a board.

As I continued to think about what to say a funny thought crossed my mind, in less than an hour I would be rock hard and cumming buckets as Bryan fucks me in the ass! But what am I going to say now that I missed that opportunity.

"Well what then. I mean, it feels like your self-conscious about something. I believe you when you say your attracted to me. Is it, um, you know, your size?", she said sheepishly.

I laughed audibly, in an awkward way. My first thought was wow, a straight guy would hit the roof if his wife asked him that. It didn't bother me though and I thought about the opportunity I just missed. Should I tell her, yeah, I don't feel like a real man because my little pecker is about four inches? I mean my dick was small and no one would ever guess. Three years earlier I was a nationally-ranked division one swimmer in college, and stood about 6'0" with a medium frame and muscular build. And it hit me, this would be perfect. I can use it to explain why I've fucked her only once since I met her. Maybe I could use this for years! But I would have to feign being pissed and self-conscious. How do I play this I thought? I buried my head in my hands and said, "I don't know, maybe." Then waited for her response.

"I don't care about that!", Ashley exclaimed. "I like it, I want it, there's so many things we can do. This isn't a problem. Listen, cancel your appointment this afternoon, let's talk about this. This is not a problem. Let's go and fuck, there are so many ways you can please me, including intercourse. Your size is more than adequate. You're probably just self-conscious. That's why you had the performance issue."

O man, what was I going to do now. I certainly did not have a libido problem, a lot of guilt yes, but no sexual issues. In fact, the desire to have Bryan's dick in my ass was much stronger than the guilt at that moment. And I certainly didn't want to spend the afternoon talking about hang-ups and trying to get over them by diving into tits and pussy.

"It's not so easy Ashley," I began, "I mean it's a big enough problem that you guessed it. I spent years hiding this from girlfriends and not taking showers in the locker room. Two women have commented. I mean, have you ever been with a guy my size?"

There were truth and lies in my response. I fucking loved showering with swimmers! They are fucking hot, that was a lie. A few guys did fuck with me and make fun of my tiny dick in the past. However, it didn't really bother me. And clearly I hadn't been with two women.

"I don't know, I've been with guys that are average. And I was fine with it and they were good, I mean, sorry you probably don't want to hear about me fucking other guys, but this is a unique situation. They had techniques, let's leave it at that."

"So you said average, and you guessed my issue. I don't know, I mean, this is hard to wrap my head around. If your talking about average guys, I'm thinking I much smaller than anyone you've ever been with. Can I have a few days to process this? And I can't cancel my appointment," I responded with a sincerity that surprised myself.

"Alright, but we have to resolve this. Can we talk about it tonight?", my wife asked.

"Maybe, I really have to get going, can you drop me off, the appointment is on the way home. I can get a car service to get home."

I was a financial planner and I never saw clients at their homes. But Ashley didn't know that and for the last year and a half I had many "appointments". As we walked to the car, I could barely live with myself. What was I doing? I just sucked a guy off while I was at the mall with her and now I was seriously going to have her drop me off to get fucked by my boyfriend. How fucked up can a person be?

We got in the car and we began the short ride to Bryan's apartment complex. Ashley tried to bring it up again but I asked her if it could wait until tonight. As we approached the circular driveway I realized I had to tell her now. There would never be the right time. I decided to just rip off the band-aid.

Ashley leaned over to kiss me and I stopped her, "I'm not meeting a client here."

Ashley was confused so I continued, "I am not embarrassed by my small dick, that's not the problem."

There was a pause for a few seconds and she caught on, "no, no, your fucking another girl! Don't tell me that's true, and I'm dropping you off to do so..."

"No," I interrupted. "I'm not fucking another girl," I uttered and then paused.

There was a silence for about 15 seconds and Ashley began to speak, she was going to ask then what but I spoke over her, "I am here to get fucked by a guy. I'm gay Ashley."