I can remember as far back as my high school days and even now, that being around a certain type of guy or man, always made me nervous. It wasn't until just a few weeks ago that I was able to piece together the why. Until that moment, it was always like a puzzle in my mind that only appeared from time to time.
The thing is that every time this puzzle appeared, I would react quickly and discard it from the circumstance that had suddenly caused it to appear. But the event that took place two weeks ago didn't give me a chance to think, much less erase anything.
Sound confusing? It's ok, the events of that afternoon left me a little confused as well but stay with me...
The type of man I'm talking about comes across as larger than life. Even if he's not the biggest in stature. Most of the time he's quiet but always in control of himself. Never says the wrong thing and moves through a crowd with a certain air of confidence that nothing or no moment is too big for him.
He always seems to attract the beautiful woman and more times than not the woman is as intelligent as she is beautiful. The reason being is that he isn't intimidated by that type of woman, in fact, he prefers that type of woman. He's physically gifted, strong, athletic and men gravitate to him because they want to be like him, be on his team, be his friend or at the very least his acquaintance.
Women adore him, they long for his attention and go out of their way to connect with him...
Throughout my life, every time I've met this type of man I freeze up. I get nervous, my palms sweat and my anxiety goes through the roof. Now before you go assuming, I'm not gay. Never in my short twenty-eight years of life have I ever thought of a man in a sexual way, ever.
Then about a month or so ago I suddenly had a new boss. Mr. Frank DuVernay, our newest partner in our firm and I was assigned to work for him. The first time we met for our one on one meeting, a sort of introductory meeting, I was in a panic. It had been a long time since this had happened to me, in fact, it hadn't happened since my college days.
I fidgeted in my chair but I still gave all the proper responses, keeping my appearance as if all was well. But inside, my mind I was losing it. My anxiety was off the charts, I could hear a bead of sweat rolling down the back of my neck as if it was some huge boulder falling from the side of a mountain.
But I managed to keep it together. Mercifully, the meeting ended and I survived without embarrassment... As I stated at the beginning, as soon as I walked out of his office, I erased the event from my mind and went back to my normal self. All was, as it should be...
Time had passed and we had been assigned a very difficult corporate case to work on. To be honest, it was kicking our ass and we were struggling to make our deadline. This particular morning, I was a bit out of it. I had only slept three hours, having worked late into the night.
"Mr. Duvernay would like to see you." My ears perking up as I heard my assistant calling out to me from the doorway.
"That's fine, let him know I'm on my way." I responded and with that, I gathered myself. Without giving it a second thought, I headed to his office. Once inside, as soon as I closed the door behind me, it all came at me. All at once. All at the same time. My brain began racing with a multitude of thoughts and concerns...
"Don't look into his eyes. Why not? Just don't look into his eyes! Ok, ok but I don't get it? Don't fucking look at him!" No, I wasn't talking out loud. I was fighting with myself, all of this was raging inside my head.
The greeting was brief and he went straight to the point. This meeting was about the necessity to get control of the task at hand. As he spoke the sound of his voice only aggravated my anxiety. His voice has a deep smooth tone to it as if someone had put on a recording of one of my father's old Barry White song.
