I Have Always Been Gay

I spent another three months in Puerto Rico. During my time there, I filled the lonely hours after work with trips to the bath house as well other locations I was informed about from friends I met. My time there had taught me much about myself and before returning to the states, I came to the realization, that I was gay. I had experienced some sexual exploration in my youth, but because of social pressure and my upbringing I never pursued the lifestyle further. Instead I had met a woman whom I cared for and gotten married. Though I had thoughts of man sex from time to time, my commitment to my wife kept me in check. Once we divorced, that inhibitor was removed and I was free to discover more about myself.

That first time in the rest stop restroom may have been my first cock, but it hadn't been the first time I had considered it. I had masturbated to gay porno magazines in earlier years and as I stroked myself, I always fantasized about sucking a cock or getting fucked by another man. It was at this time I understood where my future was headed, it was in tune with my past. Outside of my ex-wife, I had never found women all that attractive sexually, but on the beach in Puerto Rico, seeing those men running around half naked, filled me with desire. I was gay and more importantly, I was ok with it.

During the rest of my time on the island, I'd had one nighters stay at my apartment and a few returned several times. Those few times, waking up next to a man who had made love to me the night before was something was a special experience and one I wanted more than just a few times. I wanted my own man and not just a man but a husband.

One man came to mind as I thought about that concept, Javier. I had met him at a local bar on the island. We'd hit it off and ended up back at my apartment. After giving him a quickie blow job on the couch, I had thought he would leave, but he surprised me when he asked for something to eat. After fixing him a light meal, he returned to the couch and he patted the seat next to him. We made out like a couple of teenagers and before I knew it, we were in bed and he was making love to me. His cock was amazing and he knew how to use it. As he thrust his cock into me, I felt my climax rising and before long found myself writhing in a wonderful orgasm. Seeing me climax without touching myself and knowing the affect his attentions was having on me was more than he could stand and Javier emptied his load deep inside of me. We eventually fell asleep locked together.

I was again surprised the next morning when I awoke to find him still in bed. He was awake looking at me and as I smile at the pleasant surprise. He covered my mouth with his lips and kissed me. We made love again, slower this time and again I found myself climaxing as he filled me with his cock. Afterward I lay in his arms basking in the warmth of my own sexual fulfillment. Javier spent several more nights with me during my time in Puerto Rico, but I our relationship never developed past our sexual adventures.

When I returned home, I knew I needed to take a serious look at what was happening to me in my life. I was now divorced so had no obligations to anyone but myself. My time in Puerto Rico had made me realize I was gay, that I had always been gay. I had just never allowed myself to explore that part of me. Now free from my marriage, my life was mine and I had the opportunity to choose who I was and what I wanted. Life settled down after my return. The job went back to normal and I was settling into my new apartment. Then a seemingly minor event threw my life another curve.

One problem with getting divorced is that everyone you know now seems to think that it's their duty to hook you up and get you off on another relationship. I was usually successful in side tracking these efforts, but on one occasion I got caught off guard and actually accepted an invitation to pool party. Don't get me wrong I love swimming, but pool parties are rarely about the pool and I was certain, there'd be at least one person there who attended just to meet me.

The weekend rolled around and the dreaded pool party was on Saturday. I sucked it up and held true to my word that I would be there. The party didn't start till late in the afternoon and not wanting to get ambushed, I arrived about an hour after it started. Everyone was already in the pool, laughing and having a good time. I quickly changed into my bathing suit and joined the crowd. After an hour or so, I decided to sit at the bar for awhile and just watch the crowd. I had just taken my first drink when one of the guys in the pool climbed out. As I watched, two things happened, first of all, I spilt my drink and the second was my dick suddenly become rock hard.

Two potentially embarrassing acts happening at the same time. The drink thing I could pass off, but the tent in my bathing suit was something that wasn't going to be easily explained. Both were the result of what I be held before me, a man in his mid 30's, with a dick the size of a small baseball bat. He was huge and my body had reacted before I had time to think. I managed to drop a bar towel over my lap, with the pretense of soaking up the drink, which staved off complete disaster, but I had still drawing attention to myself and others were now looking at me.

I quickly turned back toward the bar hiding my raging hard on. Maybe if I played it down people wouldn't connect my accident to the guy getting out of the pool. I requested another drink from the bartender. He poured me another scotch and moved down the bar to a couple on the other end. It took another drink and about 15 minutes to get myself under control enough to head out. Once I reached my car I let out a long sigh, thinking to myself how close I had been to exposing my new interest. I had come to grips with my sexuality but wasn't quite ready to let the world know, not just yet.

The trip home allowed me time to think. My life was headed for a major change and I wasn't certain how to proceed. Puerto Rico had been amazing, but I knew next to no one there, here was a different story. I was sure that some of my friends wouldn't understand and that could cost me. I had questions that needed answers, so after arriving back at my apartment, I fixed myself another drink and sat on my sofa to think. I was gay, I preferred the company of men in personal life, this I knew, but was I ready to let the world know? As I finished my drink, the answer became obvious, I'd either spend my life scared my secret would be revealed or I'd take the leap and deal with the aftermath. The answer was I was gay and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life afraid.

Another realization came to me as I sat, I hadn't had sex since I got back and I was horny. Masturbating had kept things in check, but my reaction to that big dick made me realize just how much I needed to get fucked. I hit the shower, got dressed, and headed out. I was on the prowl and some guy was going to get lucky tonight. I knew of a couple of clubs that catered to gays so that was my destination for the evening. I'd wasted most of my Saturday at the party, but Saturday night promised to be better. The club I chose was called Changes. I knew that it was a popular club for people with a different life style, my life style.

After entering, I took a seat at the bar, ordered another drink and took in the view. The club was pretty full, mostly men but a few women here and there. It took a moment to for me to understand that some of the women weren't women, but men in drag. Some were obvious, but I noted that a few could easily pass for the opposite sex. Had they not been in the company of men, I'd be hard pressed to tell the difference. Watching this, new ideas started forming in my mind, possibilities I had never considered before. As I watched the crowd and worked on my drink, I began to relax. I felt comfortable here, like I belonged.

As I took in the sights, I heard a voice to my right, "First time here?" I turned to see a man, probably a little older than me, decent looking, dressed conservatively. I next noticed his smile. It wasn't amazing, but something about it put me at ease, "That obvious?" I responded. He said I had the look, like a kid in a candy shop or women in a jewelry store. I laughed at that and my new life became a reality. His name was Robert. We talked for several minutes, first about the crowd and the club, then he surprised me by asking me if I'd like to get a table. I nodded and we moved off to find a place a little more comfortable to talk.

We talked about general things at first, who he was, who I was, what we liked, what we did for a living, and I found myself relaxing. Suddenly the discussion turned more personal. He asked, "You're new to all of this?" more a statement than a question. The question caught me off guard and it took a moment for me to respond. I finally responded with a simple "Yes." He asked me I was gay. The question hit me like a truck. My mind raced, this was it, this was the moment of truth. Then he smiled and the world just seemed to fall in place. "Yes, I am," I finally responded. His smile broadened and the conversation returned to the more mundane topics of job, hobbies, and everyday life.

After a time, I asked why he's ask me if I was gay. He said he met guys before who weren't but had come to see the show. They we usually guys with wives looking for something a little different and he wanted to be sure he wasn't wasting his time. When I looked questioningly at him, he added he was looking for a relationship and those kinds of guys were waste of time. He wanted to be sure before he sent any more time with me. It was my turn to smile now and I asked why he'd picked me. He told me he just got a feeling when he saw me. Something that told him I was someone he wanted to meet.

This caused my face to redden and I dropped my gaze. He reached out his hand, lifting my chin, he told me it was ok and he smiled at me. I looked up and into his eyes and felt immediately at ease. I relaxed and smile back. We returned to our small talk then seemingly out of the blue, he asked if I'd like to dance. The night had so far, been one new experience after the other, here was another one. This one caused a bit of panic and I guess it showed, because he asked if I'd ever danced with a man before. I could only shake my head. He smiled again, telling me that was ok we'd figure it out as we went. He stood offering me his hand and off to the dance floor we went.

It was awkward at first, I knew how to dance but not how to dance with another guy. When he assumed the lead, I was uncertain what to do, but when he put his arms around me, I just sort of fell into it. Suddenly I felt comfortable and allowing him to lead felt right. I began to relax and look around, then turning back to my partner I found his eyes locked on me. He lowered his head and I felt his lips touch my own. I parted my lips and his tongue slipped inside.

We swayed to the music while our lips remained locked together. I felt my desire rising inside me and more importantly, I felt his desire rising as he pressed his hips against me. His hands began pressing me harder into him then he slid one hand down my back. When his hand caressed my ass I heard myself moan. He broke the kiss but did not pull away. He lowered his head to my neck and gently kissed it. I then heard him say, "I know you're turned on and I want you. Let's go back to my place?" When he straightened up, I simply nodded. I would have done anything at this point I was lost in the feelings rising up in me. I desired nothing more than to be his.

My mind was racing, I would have dropped to my knees right there on the dance floor and taken his stiff erection in my mouth, but he pulled away and taking my hand led me back to our table. We paid our bill and left the club. He escorted me to my car and as I turned to open my door he slipped up behind me and I felt his hands pull me close. He pressed his body against me and kissed my neck. He whispered to me how much I excited him and how much he wanted me. I knew this to be true because I felt his throbbing cock as he ground his crotch against my ass.

When he loosened his grip, I turned and my hand shot to his crotch. I squeezed his stiff cock through his pants. "Easy he said, that'll have to wait till we get somewhere a little more private. I didn't care at this point, he could have taken me right there in the parking lot. I was as horny as I had ever been and I wanted this man. He opened my door and directed me to follow him to his place.

The drive seemed to take forever. I found it difficult to think, much less concentrate on my driving, but finally we pulled into his complex and I parked next to him. He led me up to his apartment and no sooner had he closed the door and I had my arms around his neck and was kissing him paassionately. He responded, pushing me back against the door, pressing his crotch into me grinding his cock against me. When he broke the kiss, I heard myself say I wanted him. I want to feel him inside of me. I dropped to my knees and fumbled at his zipper. He took a step back, unzipping his pants and slipping his cock out. I devoured his cock. My lips gripped his shaft and I slid my lips down until had his full length inside my throat.

I heard him groan as I worked his cock. He tasted amazing and with each stroke I wanted more. He began thrusting now, fucking my mouth and I was in heaven. I relaxed my throat taking his entire length down my throat. I could feel his climax building and when he began to pull back, I held him firm. I want this first load of cum. I wanted to feel him unload down my throat. He suddenly jerked, thrusting hard and I felt his hot load explode down my throat. I sucked greedily, savoring every drop. His cum tasted good and I knew I would have to have more before the night was over, but I felt him begin to relax, his thrusts waning, I knew also I want to fell this incredible cock inside me.

He took a step back, looking down at me as I licked my lips, "I hadn't expected that, I wanted to wait until we got back to my bedroom." I smiled up at him and informed him there was a good deal more to come and more there was. We spent the next several hours in various positions and before the night was done, he had given three loads as well as my second taste of cum. We finally feel asleep laying next to each other his arms holding me and his semi erect cock nestled in the crack of my ass.

When I awoke the following morning, I found myself alone. A little disappointed, I gathered up my pants and went to find my new friend. I soon found him making coffee naked as the day. When he asked how I liked it, I told him with cream and gently caressed his cock. He laughed and said he thought I had had enough cream for one night. I simply smiled and told him I was insatiable.