I Turned Myself Out

"You worship cock," the sultry woman's voice on the video said. "You desire them in your mouth."

I caressed my dick as I watched the latest CEI videos online With the kids away at college and my wife on a girl's long weekend away in distant New York City, it was time to lock the doors, turn off the lights, put the cell on silent mode, grab the lube and get into some serious self-abuse.

"You love all cocks, black and white, big or small. You were born to service them all."

For my home luxury masturbation retreat, I didn't have to confine myself to the hot and stuffy den with its uncomfortable desk chair. Tonight, I had the laptop with me in the comfort of my own bed. I was stark naked on the sheets. My pillow was propped up so I could see the screen while I wanked myself off.

"Your special purpose in life is to give pleasure to the cocks of more confident, superior men."

The video on my laptop screen was a compilation of great, wet blowjobs. Hard cocks twitched at inviting lips. Avid cocksuckers bounced their faces up and down on anonymous, faceless dicks. Women leaned back with open-mouthed smiles drawing attention to the silvery cum in their mouths.

"You can't wait to have your mouth full of cum, but you like to work for it, don't you? You enjoy closing your mouth over the hard penis of a real man. You like to let your tongue traipse along the veins and ridges of his cock. You bury your nose in his pubic hair; he even smells more manly than you. You are a beta male and you know your place: on your knees before your betters. You are fit only to worship alpha cocks."

As the video progressed, I became increasingly aroused. Once, a long time ago, I would have watched this video for the women; now I imagined I was the 'woman'. I watched the cocksuckers carefully for variations in rhythm and technique. I was possessed by the fantasy of cock worship. Sucking a strong man's penis was one of the few scenarios that could still excite me after becoming jaded by so much porn over the decades. All of the old school porn, from naked pin-up girls to hard, raw sex, had grown tedious in repetition. My attraction to a new sphere of porn had seemed a distraction but was now an obsession. By gradually immersing myself in gay and sissy porn and subjecting myself to hypno trainers, it felt like my sexual orientation had shifted on its axis. It was hard to get it up over the thought of a woman, even my wife, but the notion of being on my knees before a dominant male who would tell me what to do put steel in my cock.

"You are a toy for his amusement and a receptacle for his semen."

I jacked myself off as slowly as I could, pausing often as I listened to the narrator of the video. These videos made me so hot that I could easily come almost before I began in earnest. I had never been a premature ejaculator in sex or masturbation before; this was a new development since discovering sissy cock-sucking videos. The problem was not physiological; I was just too turned on to last.

"You know you're hot for cock, so why are you playing with yourself when there are real men out there who need to use your mouth? Opportunities are everywhere. Position yourself under the boardroom table at work and give your executives head. Get out of your car and suck off the traffic cop writing you a ticket. Tip the pizza delivery guy with twenty per cent and a blowjob."

I imagined myself in each of these scenarios and felt myself stroking faster toward the finish.

"But why aim so high? You know that you would suck cocks on skid row if you had to."

The degrading thought of blowing a dirty vagrant somehow made me hotter.

"How are you doing, my little sissy man? Are you almost ready to blow your load imagining your lips locked on cock? Are you going to come? If so, stop what you're doing right now. Put your hands at your side. You can't come until you follow some sissy instructions."

I was so close to coming, but I stopped as ordered by the faceless voiceover. I watched as the blowjobs on my screen continued. In my experience, these videos paid off in pleasure if you didn't rush your way through them. I told myself the hypno instructions had no effect on me, but I obeyed the woman's voice just the same.

"Did you stop yourself from coming? Good. You know how to follow instructions. Now before I let you come, you have to make a few promises. First, when I count down from ten you will jack off hard to come by one, at which time you will ejaculate in a shot glass or other small container. As soon as you finish ejaculating you will take that sweet, aromatic semen and pour it in your mouth. Second, you will hold the cum in your mouth while you listen to your final instructions."

I was puzzled. These videos always ended with me eating my cum. I had never been told to stand by for additional instructions. I paused the video, ran to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a shot glass. I had used it for this purpose before.

"Ten," the narrator said. "When you get to zero, you will ejaculate and pour the cum in your mouth."

I raised myself to a kneeling position so I could more easily unload into the shot glass.

"Nine," the voice continued. "Then you're going to wait for your final instructions."

I was beating my meat ferociously by this time, and I was curious about those final instructions.

"Eight. Are you sure you can do this?"

I knew I could. I had swallowed my cum many times before thanks to other videos like this. I often wondered what my wife would say if she knew I had swallowed more of my cum than she ever had.

"Seven. If you're not going to follow orders, you might as well quit right now."

I continued undeterred.

"Six. When your mouth is full of cum, you're going to be required to make a promise."

What dirty promise could be required of me?

"Five. The cum in your mouth will make you feel dirty and degraded as well as hot and horny."

She knew me too well, that faceless narrator.

"Four. In that condition, you will take the vow and you will mean it."

There was no enforcement in a situation like this, but I knew I would take the vow.

"Three. If you don't fulfil that oath, you won't disappoint me; you'll be a lifelong disappointment to yourself."

In my sexual fervour, I was getting too excited to last much longer.

"Two. Getting close... you can still back out of this if you want."

I could feel the cum coursing out of my balls toward my cock.

"One. Come. Come now. Fill that shot glass with your sperm... pump every last drop out of your cock. Squeeze it dry."

I obeyed. I placed the tip of my cock on the rim of the shot glass as I experienced spasm after spasm of release. The shot glass was a quarter full. My hand shook in the aftershocks of my orgasm.

"Now is the moment you've been waiting for. Lift that shot glass to your lips and slowly tip it back into your mouth. Your cum is still warm, isn't it? Just the way you like it! It's not as good when it gets cold! But don't swallow... not yet. Keep your sperm in your mouth. Churn it up with your tongue, swish it between your teeth and savour the salty goodness. Isn't this what you were born for? Now, it's time for you to make a promise sealed in semen."

I was born for this, I thought.

"Look at the time on your computer, your phone, your watch, a clock. Now, swear... Say after me: I solemnly swear to suck a real man's cock and eat his cum within the next twenty-four hours."

The words burst through the bubbly mixture in my mouth almost before I knew what I was saying. I looked at the time in the bottom corner of the laptop. It was twenty past eight o'clock in the evening.

"You didn't see that coming, did you? Congratulations, you've graduated. You will never need to swallow your own cum again, because you are a full-fledged cum slut now. In the next twenty-four hours you will be a permanent servant pleasuring cocks everywhere you go. On the other hand, if you don't keep to your word and suck a man off, tomorrow your dick will shrivel and never get hard again."

The video ended with a freeze-frame of a woman on her knees looking up at the camera and showing off the fresh load deposited in her mouth.

It was true that I felt a strange sense of fulfilment every time I ate my cum, as if it was a vital staple of my diet. This video may have changed all of that. With a sense of dread, I sensed that if I broke my promise, eating my own cum would become unsatisfactory. That was a real problem because most other stimulation already failed my jaded tastes.

I had now sworn to suck a dick in the next twenty-four hours. Could I do it? How would I go about it? The video may have sworn me to my task and outlined consequences, but I still had free will. I hadn't really promised anyone anything; I had spoken my oath in an empty room. And yet I felt a strong compulsion to keep my word. The video's female narrator had said that if I broke this promise, my dick would shrivel up and I'd never have another erection. This scared me. Sex with my wife had become vanilla, but I still had a duty to my spouse; God knows I found it hard enough to get it up for her now.

But how would I fulfil my vow? I hadn't been on the dating scene or the bar scene since before I was married back in the nineties. I had heard of people swiping right and left on profiles, but I had no idea which app was required or how secure it was. The same went for other dating sites. No, I had to look for the kind of opportunities the video voice suggested.

I closed down the laptop, washed and replaced the shot glass and jumped in the shower. I was out in five minutes like a man with a mission. I would find a man and suck his cock. It shouldn't be so hard; men are horny all the time. I might be middle-aged and carrying a few extra pounds, but I still had a full head of hair and all my teeth; not that the latter mattered much for the purpose in which I was engaged. The point was that I was still reasonably attractive in case that mattered to the man getting his cock sucked.

I selected comfortable clothes, a loose-fitting pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It was Friday night and those casual clothes would help me blend in. I had no intention of visiting upscale dance clubs; that just wasn't my scene. To my amazement, I realized that for the first time in my life I was going out cruising for cock. Did my new promise supersede my marriage vows—forsaking all others? In the way we can always twist our way out of responsibility, I convinced myself, like President Clinton, that a blowjob was not really sex. I knew my position didn't stand much scrutiny so I didn't subject it to too much argument.

I took my car into town and parked it on the street. Where would I go? A bar? A café? The street itself? Sure, men all want their cocks blown, but how did one go about asking after it? I had no idea.

I headed into a bar. The place was noisy and the lights were dim. It was hardly possible to see anyone past your own table. I had a beer and left. On the next block was an all-night café and I parked myself in there for an hour before something interesting came along.

He was young, probably about twenty or twenty-two. He looked very clean. He was dressed much like I was, in simple jeans and t-shirt. He was handsome and seemed pleasant, not that it mattered to me; the main thing I cared about was that he had a cock. He ordered a coffee and when he went to pay, he searched his pockets and came up empty.

"Damn," he said. "I forgot my wallet."

Opportunities would present, the video promised. I hopped up from my table and took out my wallet.

"That's alright," I said to the young man and the waitress awaiting payment. "I'll get it. Another coffee for me too please, darlin'."

Half-a-minute later, we both had our coffees and the young man was seated at my table, by my invitation. He introduced himself as James. We talked sports and weather, but I was distracted by my real purpose in chatting him up. My knees trembled as I wondered how I could introduce my offer to blow him into a conversation that wouldn't get me in trouble?

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked him.

He did. I slowly turned the conversation toward sex.

"I'm married myself. Good woman, but, well... we don't always have the right chemistry, you know?"

"I know what you mean," James said. I was encouraged.

"Yeah, my wife won't give up the anal cherry," I said truthfully.

James laughed and again I felt emboldened. "What about your girl? I'll bet she goes down on you every night, huh?"

James flushed slightly, but he was still in the game. "Uh, no..."

"Twice a week?"

"Uh, no... she's not really that kind of girl."

"Oh," I said, genuinely surprised. Before I was married, I had been given blowjobs by many girlfriends. What was this generation doing if they weren't having proper sex? "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"It's okay," James said.

"Maybe I can make it up to you."

"You already bought me a coffee. I guess I owe you."

Music to my ears. "Look, I'm not a creep or anything. I just want you to understand that if you want help with that problem, I can help you."

"What do you mean?"

There was no point in beating around the bush. I went straight in. "I'll give you a blowjob."

James was stunned. "Whoa, man..."

"It would be a little stress reliever for you, but I want to do it."

I just blurted it out. James was reeling, and I wondered what I could do or say to salvage the situation.

"Truth is I'm a bit curious and I need to do this. You'd be doing me a favour."

James was recovering from the surprise and I could see he was thinking it over. He was measuring his need against his obligations, mainly the girlfriend. He may have had a religious thing going on in his head too. But he was definitely thinking it over. I thought he was leaning my way, but he was teetering a little.

"If you say yes, I will let you come in my mouth," I whispered. Magic words to any man.

"Okay," the blushing young man said. "Um, where?"

I couldn't spring for a hotel room; my wife reviewed all our credit card transactions with the zeal of a forensic accountant. I didn't want to push my luck by inviting him back to my place; I thought that might scare him off and besides Norma, the nosey next door neighbour, would see something and report to my wife. I didn't want to ask him into my car; we were all taught not to get into cars with strangers.

"Do you have a place?" I asked. He shook his head no; he had roommates. "It's dark out. I could suck you off in an alley. Or a washroom stall." I was surprised that I was so hot and eager. I had just gotten my rocks off an hour ago and here I was ready to go again. My erection put a tent in the front of my pants. James could not see that through the table-top.

"You understand there won't be any... reciprocation?"

I reassured James. "I only want to blow you. No reciprocation, no strings attached."

"Uh, okay," James said. His voice was breathless and excited. "When should we... do it?"

"The sun's down and I know a dark alley nearby."

We both tried to hide our erections as we stood up and headed for the door. The waitress watched us with suspicious eyes.

"You know this doesn't mean I'm gay, right?" James whispered as we hit the sidewalk and headed down the street toward that dark alley.

"I know. For what it's worth, I'm not gay either. I'm just... curious. It's an itch I've got to scratch. I don't make a habit of doing this. You're, um, you're my first."

James seemed comforted by this and maybe a little flattered. We soon had eaten up a couple of blocks and I wondered if passersby thought it strange to see two men of widely differing ages hurrying off together. We quickly reached the alley behind Jake's Place. The bar itself was a bit sketchy from what I'd heard, but the alley behind the place was filled with doorways, garbage and grease bins and stacked beverage crates. Lots of nooks and crannies to hide in.

We entered the alley, and as soon as we were out of the glare of the street light, I let my eagerness take control. I took James by the arm and swung him around so that he was in a niche between stacks of milk crates. I pressed him up against the wall with one arm and held him for a moment. Our faces were an inch apart and I felt an inane desire to kiss him. He was certainly expecting it. Instead, I bent my knees in front of him and started unbuckling his belt. I unbuttoned his jeans, unzipped them, yanked at the waistband and exposed his underwear. My eyes were getting used to the dim light in the alleyway so I could just make out the shape of his trouser snake as it struggled against his white underwear. I quickly pulled down his tighty-whiteys and exposed his fully erect dick. A star of pre-cum glistened in the slit at the top of his cock. I didn't hesitate at all. I licked it off.

James groaned. I remember looking up and seeing that he had his arms crossed over his face like a man in the glare of an approaching train.

"Relax," I whispered. "We're both going to enjoy this."

His pre-seminal fluid had tasted very much like my own. I was going to be able to do this; I just knew it. I leaned in and closed my mouth over the fleshy helmet of his cock. I caressed it with my tongue before engulfing more of his organ. I pressed forward, letting his penis penetrate my mouth without any resistance. When he reached the back of my throat, I felt my gag reflex kick in and I began to wonder if I would be able to do this after all, but I just backed off and tried again, sawing back and forth, letting his dick flow in and out of my head. His moans told me my work was giving him pleasure. I reached up with my right hand and cupped his balls, gently squeezing and relaxing.

A couple of times, people passed the alleyway laughing and shouting. They made James nervous and he tried to sink further back into the wall, but there was nowhere to go. I was the one who would have been exposed with my ass hanging out of the niche.

I calmed him down a couple of times by squeezing his ass cheeks gently, but just as he was beginning to work up toward an orgasm, he began pawing my head, pushing me off him. I just knelt there with my hands at my sides while he pulled up his briefs and his jeans.

"I'm sorry," James said as he ran out of the alley and back up the street. Sorry for leaving before my work was done? Perhaps. Some random thought had assailed his courage. He had a thought of infidelity toward his girlfriend, or remembered a sermon about the evils of homosexuality. Whatever it was, he was gone.

Great. All that time and effort wasted. And for what? That kid was going to run home and rub one out in the shower. All that delicious cum wasted. How many more young men in this city were masturbating tonight, right now, and missing out on the chance to fill my mouth with their silky cream?

One thing had been established. I had wondered if I had the stomach to blow a man or if I would like it. Well, I had tried it now and I wasn't surprised to find that I liked it. My sustained boner proved that. The video trainers had firmly entrenched my oral desires. I knew now that I would keep the oath to swallow a man's semen by tomorrow night no matter what it took. I stood up, disappointed but resolute.

There was a sound nearby. I turned and peered into the darkness of the alley. A figure moved down near the ground and my first thought was that it must be a cat or dog, possibly a rat. After a moment, an image resolved itself in the dim light. It was a man.

He was an unwashed vagrant. When he stood to his full height, his pants fell around his ankles and a small erection protruded from his very hairy crotch. It was nearly overshadowed by the protuberant belly above.

"Suck me," he said.

I have to admit that my first thought was here was a godsend. My second thought occurred when the smell of him hit me. His skin showed pale in the dimness, but his skin was mottled and filthy. His wet eyes reflected my own need but I was nearly wretching on his odour even at this distance.