Identity

Jake sat on a cozy, wooden bench looking at the ducks swim on the lake. Passing in front of him was a young couple. Jake watched with interest as they left his field of vision. The ducks flew to a shelter. White clouds cast a shadow over the lake. As Jake was leaving, strong hands pressed on his shoulders. Warm breath ran down his neck as whispered words entered his ear.

"Which one?"

Jake turned to see the affectionate stranger, but the voice continued.

"Uh un. Not until you tell me which one you were staring at. I saw you. The guy or the girl?"

"I'm not sure. They were both great looking. I thought he was really cute, but I could do her in a heartbeat."

"Heh. That's funny. I thought just the opposite."

The ducks waddled into the water. The sun shone once more. The grazing lips left Jake's earlobes. Free from restraint he rose to see the stranger's face.

"Brad. I thought it was you."

"Eh, what can I say? I was intrigued."

"Yeah, you're also late."

"Late? Nah. I've been watching you for a while. From right over there."

Jake turned crimson red.

"What now?"

"Well, that's entirely up to you. You wanted to meet me. You wanted to know. I didn't think you had the balls, but you're here. That's a good sign."

"I'm still not sure."

"I know. It's your call. I'll tell you one thing though, if you call it off, fine. But if we start, we finish. Even if it's only this one time."

"Yeah."

"So, what now?"

"Let's head back to my place. I got some stuff for dinner. The very least I can do is feed you."

Jake and Brad left the park and went to Jake's loft.

In the kitchen Jake had sautéed onions with sirloin steak cooking. The skillet hissed with each new hint of spice. Brad sat on the couch watching Jake cook.

"Hey, Jake. Got any drinks?"

"Yeah, I'll mix us up something."

Jake brought out the drinks and joined Brad on the couch.

"It's on simmer. I'll let it finish for just a few more minutes."

"So, what made you want to do this?"

"I already told you.

"Yeah, but I want to make sure."

"I'm curious."

"C'mon, curious doesn't cut it. I'm curious about the weather in Mexico. You don't see me rushing down there."

"Yet you came all the way here."

"Well, I'm curious."

"Uh huh. I remember exploring. I somehow found how enjoyable anal was. I don't even remember the first time I did it. I just know that soon I was taking hour long showers exploring all that I could. My mom would always yell at me for using all the hot water."

Jake relaxed on the couch as he sipped his drink.

"I better get the food off the stove."

Jake prepared the plates and set the table. As the men sat down to eat Brad asked, "So, did it feel good?"

"Good? It felt great. I clearly remember having anal orgasms. I never felt anything so intense just surging throughout my entire body."

Brad looked pleased.

"Have a seat. Dinner's ready."

While they ate Brad resumed the conversation.

"Anal's all well and good, but what about men?"

"At the time I thought liking anal made me gay. I didn't know any better. I never really was attracted to guys. All I knew was how good that felt."

"Seems simple enough. You're not gay."

"It seems that way, but there's always a nagging, a need to know. It's complicated."

"The divorce?"

"That's not the only reason. It was weird. When I slept with her it felt like work."

"But did you want to be with a man, or just another woman?"

"At first just another woman. I just wanted to get away from her, but that was a bad marriage. I don't want to get into it really."

"No. We won't. You don't have to."

"After it was all done, I was with another woman. It was only a one night stand, but it was amazing. Her curves, her breasts, the taste of her sweet pussy. I tell you, I could have eaten her all night long. I nearly did."

"You know, you're not really convincing me."

"I know. That was right after the divorce. Rebound sex basically. We both got what we wanted and that was it."

"No strings. No teary good byes. Let's fuck, thanks, see ya later. But without the later."

"Exactly."

"So, what's up now? Why now? What makes you think you're gay or bi even?"

"I don't know exactly. All I know is that when I see a young, cute guy I get all excited. I look at the frame, the muscles, and defined cheekbones. I start to think back to how good it feels to be penetrated. It's not just that though. I see a firm jawbone and I want to caress it. I want to be pulled in tight by strong arms. I want to be bent over and taken."

"Mmm."

"You like that idea?"

"Yeah, but I was referring to the steak."

"Ass."

"Not yet. Maybe later."

"Anyway, since the divorce, I've grown even more confused watching porn. I've watched the same movie tons of times. One day something was just different. There was the beautiful model I was used to, attracted to. At the same time I found myself looking longer and longer at the stud. I remember him standing there, tall, defiant, and in control. She submitted to her knees as she drew him into her mouth. He leaned against the wall, showing off his muscles. I saw his hard cock and wanted to suck. I wanted to be the one on bended knees. Seeing his stiff cock, waiting to be devoured by a set of warm, slick pair of lips set me off. I couldn't resist. I masturbated to that same movie time and again, but that one time was the start of something different. That time when he squirted her face, I wanted it to be mine. I wanted his essence dripping off my lips. I shut off the tape and headed to my bed. I propped myself on my back and gave myself the facial that he couldn't. I swallowed all that I could. I wanted more though. I needed more. I needed the real thing. I can't watch a movie now without being turned on by both the man and the woman."

"Sounds like you can use some guidance."

"That's why you're here, I hope. Every time I think of being with a guy all these thoughts rush through my head. I think of how 'wrong' it is for me to want that. I don't even know if I really want it. I'm just curious is all. I think of how disappointed all my friends and family would be. I don't think any of them would support it. I know they certainly wouldn't 'understand' it. Besides the most important influence in my life says it's wrong. The Bible says it's 'detestable' in the eyes of God. I'm not even sure if it's what I really want. I just don't know. I do, physically, but mentally it doesn't seem right. At the same time I can't stop thinking about it."

Brad polished off his plate as Jake finished speaking.

"We all have our demons to face. It's not easy. You do have support though. You just have to know where to look to find it."

"I better clean up these dishes. Was it good?"

"It was wonderful. Thank you."

Jake took the plates into the sink and turned on the water. As he began to scrub, Brad slithered into him like snake. He pressed tight into Jake. He held Jake firmly by the waist as he moved his lips to the base of Jake's neck.

Jake's body melted like warm butter in the tender care of Brad.

"You like that?"

"Y-yes."

"This is your last chance to back out."

"I—I just don't know. What does it all mean? What am I then if I do? What will people think? What about God? What about..."

"Fuck them. Labels mean nothing. You're you. You're Jake regardless. It doesn't matter. What do you want? What does Jake want?"

Jake turned around and looked into Brad's eyes. His aching body begged for liberation.

The conflict on his face dissolved as he pressed his lips to Brad.

Quickly Brad embraced Jake with all of his strength. Jake was like a paper doll in his arms. Brad allowed Jake's tongue to enter his mouth and explore.

Jake parted from Brad and took several deep breaths.

"I—I should finish cleaning."

"Leave the mess. It'll be fine for a while. I'm ready for dessert."

Jake turned the water off and met with Brad once more.

Brad accepted Jake as their lips locked. His hands cupped Jake's ass and squeezed. Jake squirmed into Brad. His hard cock strained for freedom. He could feel the same want in Brad.

Brad released Jake's ass and slowly started rubbing his thigh. He teased his crotch as he felt his way up Jake's shirt. Brad kissed Jake's neck as he un-tucked the polo shirt. He felt Jake's toned body under the cotton cloth. He raised his head to read Jake's reaction.

Jake leaned against the kitchen counter. His eyes were wide with passionate bliss.

"Take off your shirt."

Jake lifted the polo tee. Brad watched eagerly as the smooth skin of Jake was revealed.

"You have a great body."

"Thank you."

Brad let his hands adventure around Jake's chest and stomach. He planted small pecks along the neck of Jake. He was soon licking his chest. Jake ran his hands through Brad's hair as he went lower. Jake braced himself on the counter when Brad sucked on his aroused nipples.

While Brad's tongue flicked like a hummingbird's wings, his hands went to work unzipping Jake's khakis.

Jake's stiff dick eased forward in his boxers. Brad's moist breath crawling over Jake caused him to lean further on the counter.

Brad wriggled Jake's pants down to his ankles. Jake stepped out of the lowered khakis and kicked them across the room. Brad rubbed Jake's legs feeling every muscle twitch at his attention.

He worked his way up Jake's legs and gave his hard dick a long, firm stroke through his satin boxers. In a fluid motion he teased his way up Jake's chest. He drew him in for a deep kiss. The men's tongues danced as their bodies meshed together.

Jake unbuttoned Brad's shirt and savored the feel of his chest. Jake pinched Brad's stiff nipples. A quiet moan escaped from Brad. Jake's hands swiftly worked down to Brad's waist. With excited anticipation Jake unzipped his pants. As Jake tugged the pants off of Brad's waist, he felt Brad through his cotton boxers. Before Jake went further Brad guided him back up to eye level.

"Let's go to the bedroom."

Jake led Brad down the narrow hall to his room. As they entered the bedroom, Jake turned on two lava lamps sitting on opposite nightstands.

"Cute."

"Hey, give me a break. I know there a little childish, but I still like 'em."

"I meant your ass."

Jake smiled.

A blue hue from the lamps fell on the broad shoulders of Brad as they slinked into bed. Brad pulled at the waistband of Jake's boxers. Jake lifted his hips while Brad eased off his shorts. Brad ran his fingers over Jake's lithe body. While his fingers roamed, Brad watched the delight grow on Jake's face. Faint at first, Jake's moans rose to Brad's touch.

Brad lingered around the tip of Jake's wanting cock. Jake let out a loud moan as his pent up tensions grew. Playfully Brad stroked. He felt the subtle contours and ridges that was Jake. When he sensed Jake couldn't take the enticement of teasing, he curled his hand around Jake's stiff dick and squeezed, sliding up Jake's shaft.

Jake looked up at Brad and pulled him into a kiss. Brad braced himself as he straddled Jake. With his hand still working, he met Jake's passion with a fevered pace. His gentle touch soon grew rigid and purposeful. Jake threw his arms around Brad and curled his legs around Brad's back. Brad pressed further into Jake.

Jake fumbled for the drawer of his nightstand. As it edged open he reached inside and pulled out a bottle of lubrication.

He reached down to Brad's working hand and moistened his cock in unison with Brad's movements. As Brad continued to stroke, Jake lost control. His face radiated like the blinding desert sun. Brad slid his hand faster on Jake's cock.

Jake's eyes became glassy and glazed. His hips bucked hard into Brad. Breath held, body tight, he lost himself as Brad pulled the orgasm free. Jake slammed down on the bed and moaned a primal release. His breath returned labored and slow. His cock twitched recovering.

"Wow. I can't believe that. I—I still can't breathe."

"Well, you certainly got my boxers plenty dirty. I guess I'm just gonna to hafta take 'em off."

"Wa-wait. Let me. Please."

Brad moved to Jake's side. While Jake stammered up Brad eased under him.

He snuggled in between Brad's legs. His finger tips drew paths across Brad's chest. He kissed Brad's stomach and moved lower. He lifted the band on Brad's boxers and took in the sight of his first man. He freed Brad from his boxers and grazed his inner thigh. Brad relaxed on the bed and allowed Jake to know him.

Jake's thin, soft lips brushed along Brad's dick, feeling his smooth shaven skin. Jake dipped down to taste Brad as he rubbed the inner crevice of Brad's thigh.

He lapped shyly at Brad's tip. Brad ran his hands through Jake's short cut hair. Jake licked longer down Brad's cock and savored his taste.

When Jake kissed back up to Brad's head, he took in his first small mouthful. He was careful to cover his teeth as his tongue massaged the most sensitive area of Brad. He slowly wetted Brad's stiff cock with his hot mouth. He eased Brad deeper into him. Delight spread through him as he heard the deep moans of Brad. Brad guided Jake up to his tip. Jake hummed his enjoyment as Brad gave over to his eagerness. The soft vibrations through Jake's lips sent shivers throughout Brad.

He gripped the sheets like a vice as his body lost control.

"Jake. Don't stop. You're doing such a good job."

Jake rose to his knees. He kept his head down on Brad as he leaned on his elbows for support. He wrapped his hand around the base of Brad's dick and sucked at the tip. He felt Brad about to burst. He stroked Brad's shaft while he inhaled the top. When he felt Brad ready to cum he lowered his head fully onto Brad's cock. Brad bucked hard into Jake.

"Fuck. Jake..."

Brad lost himself in Jake. Jake sucked Brad's cock from the base to the tip as it shot out Brad's load. Jake kept his lips tight around the tip of Brad as he gulped every drop. As Brad pulled free Jake dove back down on Brad. He slurped Brad up like a melting ice cream as he finally let him go.

Jake rested on Brad's glistening chest. He felt Brad's heartbeat slow to a normal pace. Brad put his arms around Jake and held him. Jake had small strings of Brad's cum hanging from his lips. Jake beamed contented and happy.

"Hey, c'mere."

Jake lifted his head to see Brad. Brad lifted Jake up to him and took in the remainder of himself. Jake pouted until Brad yanked Jake into a passionate exchange. Jake tasted himself on Brad's tongue as Brad gave himself back to Jake.

"I think I need a shower."

"Why? Getting messy is half the fun."

"I'm all sticky."

"I thought that was the point."

"Yeah, but I like to get wet too. You can join me in a minute if you like."

"Hmm. Sounds like fun."

"Just give me a second first."

"Okay."

Jake entered the bathroom and closed the door. He bent over the counter. He saw his comb placed neatly on the right side of the sink. Sequentially he saw his deodorant, razor, toothpaste, tooth brush, and mouthwash. His toothbrush was angled. He straightened it. After his fingers released the toothbrush, he snapped his head up and looked in the mirror. He turned on the cold water and splashed his face.

He shut the faucet off and turned on the shower. The steam filled the room and Jake eased into the misting water. He grabbed his bar of soap and scrubbed diligently. He concentrated on his hands, chest, stomach, and crotch. He took special care cleaning his face.

He set the soap down and heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Ya ready for me?"

"Yeah. It's okay. Just had to take care of something first."

Brad entered in next to Jake. Jake reached past Brad to grab his shampoo. Brad coiled around Jake and moved in for a kiss. Jake turned away.

"Wait. Let me wash my hair first."

"Your hair? It's fine."

"No! You don't understand. It's so nasty. I have to wash it. I have to keep it clean. I have to get clean. It needs to be straight."

Brad was shocked. He looked at Jake. Jake was starting to tremble.

"Jake. Put the bottle down."

Brad took the bottle from Jake and set it down. Jake was visibly crying. His head hung low. He looked empty.

Brad moved in close to Jake. He placed his hands on Jake's narrow shoulders. The water beaded off of Jake's back and poured over his head and down his face.

"Jake. I'm here for you. I'm here to help you."

Jake slowly lifted his head. His eyes were filled with fear and remorse.

"It's all over."

"What is?"

"The lies. The lies I told myself. I did a damn good job too. I'm just picky. Spending an hour getting dressed and prepared doesn't mean nothing. The way I stand. The way I hold a cup or fork. I believed it all too."

"What the fuck does any of that have to do with anything? That's just who you are. Why are you buying all this stereotype bullshit? If I go down the street no one thinks I'm gay. I don't 'seem' gay. Fuck them. They don't know me. I know me. That's what matters. They don't mean a fucking thing. Who are you Jake?"

Jake calmed down.

"I liked it Brad."

"Well, I would hope so."

"Just looking at you. Just feeling your skin on mine. The heat from you, the taste of you. Everything."

"What's wrong with that? I enjoyed you just as much."

"It's wrong. Isn't it?"

"Why?"

"Everyone says so."

"And who is everyone? Why are they so important? It's obvious that if this is all they care about they don't know who you are. You are so much more than sex. You are sexual, but who you have sex with does not make you who you are. What do you feel? Who do you feel?"

"Like me. Like this is who I am."

"So, they either accept you, the real you, or they don't. That's all that can happen. Regardless of them, you're going to find someone who loves all of you. You don't have to pretend."

Brad picked up the bar of soap and formed a rich, foamy lather. He washed Jake's chest and caressed the rest of his body. Jake stepped out of the streaming water into Brad's arms. Brad moved his hands down Jake's back. He fondled Jake's ass. He spread Jake's cheeks and let the soapy lather run through Jake's crevice.

"Now, I think you were telling me how much you like anal."

Jake raised his head and snickered.

Brad cleansed Jake's hole and turned the water off.

"Don't think. Just be. Get back in bed and let me give you what you've always wanted."

Jake stepped out of the tub and made a drippy path to the bedroom. Brad followed taking in the sight of Jake's wet, toned ass.

Jake plopped down on the bed.

"Roll over on your stomach."

Jake turned and lied on his belly. In an instant he felt Brad's tongue lapping at his cheeks. Brad spread his cheeks apart and kissed his way to Jake's hole. Jake gasped when he felt Brad's silk tongue broadly glide over him.

Brad moistened Jake's inner crevice. He gently parted Jake open. The gap allowed for Brad to continue his exploration. Jake eased into Brad's wet warmth. Brad kneaded and massaged Jake's cheeks like fresh dough. Jake's cock was hard and demanding as Brad teased.

Brad flipped Jake over and continued his oral feast. Jake pulled and tugged at Brad's hair.

Brad delved deeper. Jake moved his hands from Brad and started to stroke his tantalized cock. Brad stopped licking and smacked Jake boldly across his stomach. He moved Jake's hands.

"Not this time. That's my pleasure now."

He circled a finger around Jake's wet hole and slowly penetrated. Jake easily took Brad's finger. Brad lowered his lips around Jake's head. As he bobbed on Jake's dick, he inserted a second finger. Greedily Jake took it in. Brad stopped Jake's pleasure when he felt his cock fill. He removed himself from Jake and grabbed the bottle of lubricant form the floor.

He liberally coated his cock. He lifted Jake's legs to his shoulder's and rubbed his cock through Jake's ass.