Idolatria

Genesis 24:56

"So WERE u guys fighting?"

"Kinda? I was confused."

"Can I be honest"

"Aren't you always?"

"I kinda suspected sometimes but u dont act gay or sound gay or anything so"

"Oh sorry. I must have forgotten to do the limp wrist thing when I realized guys turn me on."

Texting Marc the next few days was awkward. I could tell he was trying, in his own way, to keep things the same way they'd been between us. He didn't want to treat me differently, but I'd flipped his view of me on its head somehow. And he wasn't as die-hard religious as I was, but I still had to explain the struggle I'd had to go through to get myself to a place where I was allowed to be this way. I was still struggling with that. At the moment, it just came down to the belief that I hadn't been able to escape this because it was in the plan for my life.

Just then, though, Marc was interrupting another plan. It was the night before my mysterious date with Levi. Date with Levi. The repeated phrase sounded strange in my head. After pressing him for details, he'd just said we weren't going out anywhere special and just to wear normal clothes, but there were still preparations I had to make.

Levi had all but confirmed that our day was going to end in sex. And after getting over the conflicted panic in my gut at the thought, I forced myself back into my training regimen every night.

"Marc I gotta go. Heading out for a run."

"K man cya"

I sighed and set my phone aside, kicking my jeans off. Normally, a jog in the morning or evening would be what I considered training. This was the other kind.

After a week of 'practice', I'd gotten down the method pretty well. I had a towel laid down under me in bed and my new lube bottle sitting within reach, something I'd been allowed to pick out for myself at the Tannery. At first, I'd tried this with my pants half-pulled down like normal, but I quickly found my legs needed to be spread more than that. Now, I locked my door and stripped everything except my necklace. Necklace and collar. It had been strange the first time I wore it alone in my room, but something about affixing the leather to my neck was almost ritualistic now.

And so I lay in bed naked and collared, one arm locked behind my knee to keep my hips at the right angle to reach. It was getting easier every time, slipping my index and middle fingers in as I held my breath, exhaling to release the dull pressure. It was harder for me to find that spot that Levi was so adept at toying with. Fingertips stroked back and forth over the north wall behind my dick until the stomach-clenching flutters spilled out.

I closed my eyes and fought to separate my hand from my head, to focus only on my insides... To let Levi's hand replace my own in a scene where I wouldn't have to hitch and still my breath, and could loudly beg him to replace that hand with himself as well.

‡

In the parking lot behind Levi's apartment, I paused to put the collar on before I left the car, as was usual now. It was weird coming around to the front through the alleyway, but the lot between buildings didn't have posted parking hours like most streets. I pulled my phone out and messaged him to let him know I was downstairs, and got a reply back almost immediately.

"Come up. The door's unlocked. I'm busy."

Busy. That was awfully ominous. Climbing the stairs, I half-expected him to have set up something in the living room for us... but it wasn't there. And neither was he. As I shrugged off my jacket, I heard his voice floating in from the open door of his bedroom.

"Mm. Yeah, I got you. No - so, here's what's up, I couldn't get the material this week."

Who was he talking to? I cautiously wandered to the hallway only for Levi to step out to meet me there, glancing up at me from his cell. He mouthed something at me and motioned for the living room, quickly pointing at the cordless house phone clamped between his left shoulder and cheek.

Regular busy. Got it. I raised my hands and backed up to let him through.

Levi smiled and went back to his cell. "No - I'm still bringing those," he continued. "Just the black and the patent. But like I said, the order for the other cuffs isn't gonna be done until after I get the blue in next week..."

Unsure of what to do, I retreated and sat on the couch, but I couldn't help listening in on whatever he was talking about. Levi's third facet was one I rarely saw - man, Dominant, business owner. In all things, he maintained a calm control that I admired. But it was weird to see him this casual; his hair was tied up a bit higher than normal, soft sweatpants rolled up above his ankles, barefoot and tee-shirted. He was typing two-handed on his cell and still chatting on the house phone, engrossed in whatever it was he was discussing.

"Mhm. Right," he said, finally putting his cell away and readjusting the cordless. "Yeah, no, I know. I'm just letting you know I'm not gonna have as much this time. Just the special item and a couple of the restocks. If you want, I can wait until I have... Yeah? ... Got it. All right, I'll be down this afternoon. See ya, Max."

"Who was that?" I asked as he lowered the phone with a heavy sigh.

"Manager at the shop I'm heading to today," he replied. "I'm taking you along... If you don't mind."

"No... that's fine. Was that, uh... where we're going on our 'date'?"

"Kind of. It's more of an excuse to get you outside with me."

"Outside?"

At my confusion, Levi just smiled broadly. "You'll see. Come here."

In Levi's bedroom, I noticed several new things. Waiting on the sheets was a bundle of deep blue rope not unlike what he'd had the first time we experimented, alongside a folded white shirt. "What are those for?" I asked.

Levi's eyes gleamed, as if he'd been waiting for me to ask. "This is what you're

wearing

today," he said. "Get undressed."

Wearing? I thought I dressed okay for a date, or whatever we were doing... Just jeans and my good tee. But Levi clearly had other plans. I just wasn't sure what they were, exactly. Unabashed, I stripped off my shirt.

"Everything," he said.

I blinked and glanced at the gear on the bed. "You only have a shirt there."

"You'll put your jeans back on later. Strip naked."

"Levi,

what--

"

A sharp pull on my collar dragged me within inches of Levi's face, and I staggered and braced myself on his arms, the breath frozen in my chest.

"

Naked

, boy," he repeated lowly.

"I -- yes -- yes, Sir!"

My place reestablished, Levi planted the briefest of kisses on my mouth and let me stumble back onto the bed, where I quickly set to work obeying him. There was an odd sense of urgency put in me with just that -- grabbing me by the collar, commanding me, that was all it took -- and I had to remind myself, in the back of my mind, that Levi would lay off if I gave the word.

And knowing that, I also knew that I didn't want him to yet. That in itself was invigorating, rather than frightening.

I got my clothes off as Levi fussed with the rope, apparently not needing to measure it this time. "Are you doing it the same as last time?" I asked, apprehensive, but strangely hopeful.

"Yes, actually," he said slickly. " I don't think I had enough time to enjoy it the first time we did this. And now that I'm not treating you with kid gloves..." He paused to throw the rope around my neck and straddle my knees where I sat on the bed, lifting my chin with a brush of his finger. "... I can dress you much prettier this time."

I swallowed and let Levi work, keeping my face up so that I didn't get in the way. It was much different this time, rope on skin rather than over my clothes... although the rope was much softer than I expected, not scratchy or rough. Last time, all I could think about was how strange all this was... why this man could have possibly wanted to do this stuff to me. It felt like years had passed since then, rather than months.

"Stand." Levi's voice snapped me out of my haze as he guided me to my feet, pushing them apart with a nudge of his own. I stiffened, feeling his hands shift between my thighs with much less caution than before, and then was turned around with a shove of his palm.

"Oh, wait -- that's right," I said. "You said once that you could wear something like this under your clothes."

"Mhmm."

"S-so... I'm gonna wear it like this in public?"

Levi laughed. "Ash, you're really slow sometimes. I'm halfway done binding you and now you ask?"

"Well, I -- I've never done..."

"I know. If you want me to stop, you'd better say something now."

Levi's hands hesitated at my sides, as if waiting for my permission. Waiting for me to hand him my leash. I swallowed and laughed, brushing my hair nervously out of my eyes. "It's... n-no. No, I want to keep going."

"Good. Put your hands behind your neck."

Back in a familiar position -- willingly, knowingly. Why did that alone feel so obscene? With my arms out of the way, Levi returned to his task more briskly. Without watching his hands, it became almost impossible to tell where my bonds ended and his fingers began. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the pattern he traced across my chest and back, steadily caging my torso.

"But no one will be able to see it if I'm wearing my clothes over it," I mumbled. "Or... is that the point?"

"Partly. But not entirely true."

"What does that mean?"

"It means --" He tied off the knot at my back and tugged at several points, readjusting his work so that it fit near perfectly to my shape, then finished me off with a slap on my bare ass. "Get dressed."

Levi seemed to like to keep me guessing with everything he did. Not that I altogether minded. But it was strange pulling my underwear and jeans back on overtop of the harness -- this one clearly much more complex than he'd done on me before. There were a lot more rows and each part seemed made to frame every part of my body. I expected the lower bits to be uncomfortable with the rope going between my legs, but moving didn't bother me at all. Pants done, I unfolded the shirt from the bed and went to put it on, but something made me hesitate. The shirt was short-sleeve and button-up, and the fabric was very soft, but... I lifted a sleeve and held it up against my hand.

"Levi," I said nervously, "this shit's practically

see-through

..."

"Get dressed," he repeated, singsong voice coming from the open doors of the closet.

Of course he was aware of that. I swallowed and shook my head, slipping the shirt on and hastily doing up the buttons. It didn't hide anything. I could still see the blue lines crisscrossing my chest under the fabric. I huffed and ran a hand through my hair, then readjusted my necklace so it lay under the shirt collar. "So what are you wearing, then?" I asked. "Leather chaps?"

"Not today," he said, and I glanced over my shoulder just as he shut the closet doors. I hadn't even noticed him changing. His hair was still tied up, but he'd swapped his sweats and tee for a sharp pair of black jeans and a dark gray dress shirt, sleeves rolled up above his elbows. But I could still catch a glimpse of black leather around his chest and throat as he did up his buttons...

"Are you... are you wearing that harness thing under that?"

"So judgy," he teased. "Did you want to be the only one geared up?"

"No. I just... can't figure out where we're going where you could get away with dressing like this."

Levi stopped short of the top two buttons on his shirt, raising an eyebrow. "Have you never been to South Street before?" he asked.

"South Street... what? Here?"

"Philadelphia."

"

That's

where you're going?"

"I told you I need to go to the city," he shrugged. "Regardless, that shirt isn't nearly as transparent as you think it is. You can hardly see the rope. I tested it in the store before I bought it. You look fine."

"So what about yours?"

"I've worn worse over there."

I sighed through my hands and combed my fingers back through my hair. "Okay. I'm gonna trust you, I just... God, it's a lot."

Levi smiled indulgently at me, stepping over to where he had a full-length mirror propped up against the wall so he could undo his ponytail and shake it out over his shoulder. "Ash, come here for a second."

I reluctantly obliged, already embarrassed. Levi took me by the shoulders and moved me in front of him a bit, forcing me to examine my outfit in the mirror. Just like he said, though, the blue lines of my harness weren't blatantly obvious if you weren't looking for them. It wasn't nearly as visible as the one Levi was wearing. "Yeah... I get it."

"Do you?" he smirked. "You're really concerned about the karada, but

this

is what most people are going to notice."

He flicked the ring on my collar, and my heart stammered. The russet band of leather at my throat was plain against the white shirt collar, even with only the top button undone. Instinctively I pressed a hand over it.

"No one will mind," Levi assured me, pushing my hand out of the way in response. "Where we're going, no one would say anything even if they did care. But you

belong

to me now, and you'll have to excuse me for wanting to show off my prized possession. Even just for a short while."

I wasn't sure what to say to this, as much as those words flustered me. Levi, seeming to sense this, only tilted my face towards him and kissed me. I was about to lean into it when he pulled away, swatted my ass again, and wandered out into the hallway.

"Come here. You're going to do up my boots."

I followed him with some trepidation, not entirely sure what this task would involve. Levi had indeed left a pair of boots in the living room, ones I hadn't seen before, and was prying open the mouths of each in turn. "What should I--"

"Here," he said sharply, pointing at his feet. "Down on one knee."

I hurried to obey, shifting onto the floor with my right leg up. No sooner had I gotten comfortable than Levi planted a half-booted foot on my knee, using my thigh as a stool so he could pull the left one on. When he'd gotten it adjusted, he leaned back slightly and stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at me expectantly. "Laces and buckles," he said.

My chest was pounding for a reason I couldn't quite name. I swallowed and inspected what I'd been given, trying to decide where to start. These were vaguely similar to pairs I'd seen Levi wear before -- halfway to his knee, laced with nylon -- but this one had three wide belts dangling off the side. I took a deep breath and set to work tightening the laces from bottom to top, finding my fingers shaking slightly as I did. I pulled tight halfway through, and Levi jerked back slightly.

"Loose is fine," he said. "Just like the cuffs. Not too tight."

"Sorry," I mumbled. Readjusting my work, I glanced up at Levi, hoping he wouldn't feel how nervous I felt. "Is... Can I ask... Is this what it's like?"

He crossed his arms. "You'll have to be more specific."

"Well... is this the kind of thing you usually ask submissives to do for you?"

It seemed to take a long time for him to answer this. By the time he spoke again, I'd finished with the laces and started fixing the buckles. "Willingness permitting," he said tersely. "If we decide that you enjoy this dynamic more round-the-clock, there will be more. But you're not quite ready for a total power exchange."

"I -- I mean, I don't really know about all that. But I guess I was asking... what kind of thing you've had subs do for you before."

Levi went quiet again. As soon as I'd done up the top belt, he drew his foot from my knee and switched, using my leg to steady himself as he pulled on the right boot. "Focus on what I'm asking of you here and now," he said calmly. "But if you're that interested, we can try something out today."

‡

Levi's business in the city was a delivery. He wouldn't let me see what was in the black duffel bag he brought down with us, as it was apparently already packaged for the trip, but he assured me I'd get to see it when we got where we were going. When we got down to the SUV parked behind the shop, Levi loaded the heavy bag into the back, then stopped by the driver's-side door and looked at me expectantly.

He'd already told me this was one of these things that I wouldn't get direct orders for. It was up to me to scurry over and open the car door for him, then wait until he'd gotten in and shut it. I couldn't help my heart hammering as I did this... the experience was a little more enthralling than I'd expected it to be, same as doing Levi's boots for him. Maybe it was the casual, almost haughty way he responded to these gestures -- a gentle, wordless approval on his lips, but all the same with an attitude that said 'This is the least you should be doing for me.'

I sank into the passenger seat and tried to catch my breath as I fumbled with the belt. Levi paused to let me situate myself, elbow up on the console between us. "Was that too much?" he smiled.

"No," I said quickly. "I'm fine. It's just getting the door."

"Well... not

just

," he said coolly, pausing to pull us out of the lot and onto the road. "But let's just start with what we discussed and see if we can add more."

It was a moment before I was ready to talk again. "You said something like that before, too. Round-the-clock. What was that thing you called it?"

"Power exchange?"

"Yeah. What is that?"

Levi let out a long breath through his nose and furrowed his brow. "Do you remember a while back, when I explained roles and scenes?" he asked.

I thought about it. "Was that... you mean about how I'm only your submissive during a scene?"

"Yes. I told you that's the way it is for right now. And it was, at the time."

I definitely remembered that... the way my chest had felt at his response. "It's not like that anymore?"

"You've already started behaving like my submissive outside of the bedroom as it is," he explained. "It's not really something that I had to tell you to do... any chance you've had to wear that collar with me, you wore it. Any time you felt the urge to call me by a title, you did. That entire thing we just did, getting ready to leave... It was part scene, and part just going about our business together. And you haven't left that headspace yet."

I ran this over in my head, feeling my mouth hanging open and quickly shutting it. "So... when you say 'power exchange', is that...?"

"A total power exchange between us would mean that we never really leave the Dom-sub dynamic, regardless of what we're doing," he told me, glancing to meet my eye. "That doesn't mean you'd have to call me 'Sir' in front of your friends and family, or that you have to put serving me before anything else. But no matter what else you're doing or where you are, '

Levi's submissive

' and '

Ash

' would both be roles you carry at all times. No matter if you're wearing my collar or not."

My gaze slid to the window, watching the highway slip by us, and suddenly hyper-aware of how tight the harness felt under my shirt. "Is... is that the goal with us?" I asked tentatively.

Levi sighed, tapping fingertips on the steering wheel. "I don't consider it a

goal

," he said finally. "If it happens, it happens. I'm genuinely happy just to be with you. Could I live with it if our dynamic stopped at the bedroom door?" He gestured vaguely with a noncommittal noise. "It's not a dealbreaker."

My face felt very warm. I cleared my throat and fidgeted with the door handle. "So... have you had that kind of relationship with someone before?" I asked. "The power exchange thing, I mean."

He went quiet again.

"Is... is that a sensitive subject? You keep --"

"Yes."

"... Yes, like... it's sensitive --?"

"

Yes

, I had a 24/7 relationship," he said firmly. "And yes, it's a little bit of a sore topic. I'm not upset with you for asking, I'm just not sure how to explain it. The entire experience is worthless to me now. We were both... we thought we knew a lot more than we did."