I'm Not Gay

I pulled away from the kiss and said the only words I could think at the moment:

"Love me, Bryson. Please."

"I will, baby. I already do. Just not here. Our first time is not going to be in the cramped cab of my pickup truck." Bryson panted. My head cleared and I looked around. He was right. It wasn't exactly a romantic locale. I moved over into my seat and buckled my seat belt. I put my hands in my lap, but Bryson grabbed one of them and held it in his and he began driving. I didn't know where he was headed, but I knew it was somewhere we were going to have sex. That thought intrigued and frightened me. I was what you would call sexually inexperienced, or a virgin in layman's terms. I hadn't told Bryson and I guessed that he hadn't figured it out himself. I figured that we would just cross that bridge when we came to it. As I finished my thought, I realized we had come to a stop. We were parked outside a beautiful Victorian style house with one of those wonderful wraparound porches I love. I always just imagine sitting out there and reading a book on a porch swing. Speaking of porch swings, there was a faint creaking sound as the porch swing on this house rocked in the breeze.

"Where are we, Bry? Is this one of the houses you're renovating? We can't...do it here" I cringed at my use of "do it" to describe sex. I couldn't have been more blatantly virginal if I wore white and a sign saying "VIRGIN!" on my chest.

"No, this is actually my house. I bought it a couple years ago and have been renovating it little by little every since. I just loved the character of the house and I loved the wraparound porch. It's just so cozy and old-fashioned." He finished with a smile. He was looking lovingly at the house. I was jealous of that look, but I couldn't help but think about how we both loved the wraparound porch. We walked up to the door and, once we got inside, we stood there in awkward anticipation. Neither of us knew quite how to proceed from there. I'm sure he was expecting me, as the more experienced in homosexuality, to take the lead and I was expecting him, as the more experienced in any kind of sexuality, to take the lead. I decided honesty was the best policy.

"I'm a virgin!" Well, maybe not that honest. I had practically screamed it at him with no preface. He tried to hide his look of shock, but I could see it clearly in his expression that he didn't know what to do with that information. "I know I'm a freak. I'm 26 years old and I've never had sex before. I've kissed a few guys, but no one's ever even seen me naked. I'm a virgin. A 26 year-old virgin. Oh god, like that movie, except I'm not 40-" My rambling was cut off by a groan from Bryson. He moved closer to me and pulled me into an embrace.

"You have no idea how much of a turn-on that is, do you? Just the thought that I'll be the first person to see you, to touch you, to make love to you. I could come from just thinking about it." He practically moaned the words and, just like that, the previous amorous mood was reinstated. He started walking me to a room in the back of the house that I assumed was a bedroom. He pulled me to the center of the room and I started looking around. It was a large room with simple furniture. I really liked it. It just felt comfortable. I finished my perusal of the room and looked over at Bryson to find him staring back at me. Before he noticed I was watching him, I saw a little bit of that loving look that I thought was only reserved for his wraparound porch. He straightened up and moved towards me. I felt an overwhelming urge to move backwards but I didn't know why. I suppose I was scared. I wanted to be with Bryson, but even more than that I didn't want to disappoint him. My hesitation must have shown.

"Is something wrong, Noah? Do you not want this? I'm not here to rush you. I'm sorry. You tell me you're a virgin and I bring you back to my bedroom. You were looking for support and I act like a complete horn dog. I'm so sorry." Bryson looked truly torn up.

I interrupted him by grabbing his hand, "It's alright. I wasn't looking to slow down things. I just am...scared. I don't want to mess this up. You're so hot and I'm sure you've been with countless women that were more experienced than me. What if I'm not any good?" I couldn't believe that I was saying these things to Bryson.

"You're so adorable, Bunny." I rolled my eyes and Bryson continued, "I know you don't like it, but it's true. That doesn't mean that I don't also find you incredibly sexy. I'm not going to lie, I have more experience than you, but I'm technically a virgin to gay sex. Can we just work through this together?" He moved closer and cupped my face. Our lips touched and it was so sweet and tender that it was almost painful. We pulled away and our foreheads touched. Bryson moved his hands up to my shirt and began unhooking buttons. We maintained eye contact while he undressed me. I started to get nervous as he unbuttoned my pants, but Bryson kissed me softly to calm my nerves. He surprised me by pulling down my pants and my boxers in one fell swoop. I was suddenly completely naked in front of the man of my dreams. How did I get here?

Bryson stepped back and just looked for a few seconds. I twitched nervously under his gaze. I jumped a little when he said, "You are so beautiful. It's so cheesy, but it's true. I've never seen someone so beautiful. It just about gives me a heart attack to know that no one has ever seen this sight before." With that, Bryson just about gave me a heart attack by dropping down on his knees and kissing my erection. Throughout all the inspection, I had managed to get rock hard despite my nerves. I shivered when I felt Bryson's lips exploring the entire expanse of my hips.

I stuttered out, "Bryson, no...you don't have to-ah...please." Bryson chuckled and continued on in his quest to drive me out of my mind. I lost all of the breath in my lungs when he took me in his mouth. I had never had this done to me before and the wet heat of his mouth was an entirely new sensation for me. It only got better as he moved his mouth up and down my erection. I'm not very big, only about 5 or 6 inches hard. He didn't take the whole thing in his mouth, but I couldn't have been more pleased. This was fairly obvious, as I got closer to coming. "Bryson, please, I'm going to...oh god. That's good." As I finished panting, I let out a displeased cry as Bryson pulled away from me and stood up.

"I'm sorry, baby, but I want to be looking in your eyes when you come for the first time from being with me. This may be a little awkward, but how are we doing this? Would you like to be the top?" Bryson asked curiously.

I appreciated that Bryson would offer me up that kind of power and leave himself so vulnerable, but honestly the thought of being the top terrified me. I certainly didn't know how to top and make it good. "No, I think it would be better with you as the top," I offered.

"Okay, thank you. Lay down on the bed, Bunny." He smiled at my exasperated expression as I climbed onto the bed and laid on my back, looking up at Bryson.

"Um, Bryson, can you maybe take off some clothing? I'm completely naked and you're fully clothed...not really fair." I said coyly. Bryson began taking his clothes off and, when he pulled his shirt off and revealed that muscular chest, I licked my lips. He was so sexy and attractive. What in the world was he doing with me? I came back to full consciousness when I realized he had stopped undressing.

"What am I doing with you? Are you kidding?" Bryson said. I had unintentionally voiced my thoughts. I grimaced at my faux pas. "Seriously, Noah, you have no idea how amazing you are. I'm lucky to be with you, not the other way around. Please stop thinking of this as some sort of charity case or act of insanity on my part." I nodded as he finished his rant and he seemed pleased.

With that, he stripped the rest of his clothes off. Bryson Ganton naked was a sight to behold. He was muscular, but not a musclehead. He was little covered in hair, but not furry. I felt like Goldilocks. He was just perfect for me. I looked down to his groin area and I started to get a little worried. He was about 8 inches hard and the sight of his hard cock made me worry about it fitting. I wasn't made of rubber. I'm also not exactly hard to read. Bryson started chuckling at my nervous expression.

"It's going to be fine, Bunny. This is going to be great," Bryson said as he climbed on top of me. "I'm going to prepare you. It might hurt a little bit. Do you trust me?" I nodded and Bryson kissed me passionately. At once, my mind was clouded with lust and sensation. He moved down my jaw and found an especially sensitive spot by my ear. I felt his hands move my legs up and he began stroking my inner thigh. It was a soothing motion, but I couldn't help but tense up. Bryson once again kissed my lips lightly and I relaxed again. Bryson reached around me and into his nightstand to grab lube and a condom. He resumed kissing my neck and I heard a squirting noise and then I felt the slightly cold liquid on my hole. He pushed with one finger and it slid in to the first knuckle. I was a virgin, but I had experimented so one finger wasn't necessarily uncomfortable for me. I got caught up in his mouth on my neck and, suddenly, there were two fingers working their way in and out of my body, scissoring.

"Please, Bryson. Just do it," I panted.

"Do what, Bunny?" Bryson asked with an insincere curious expression.

I growled and, with very little patience, said, "Just make love to me, Bryson. Fuck me. Whatever you want to call it. It's time. I want it. I want you." With that, Bryson's expression became very serious. He donned a condom and moved to kneel in front of me. He spread more lube on my hole and spread lube on his cock. He lined up and, while looking me square in the eye, pushed in slowly and gently. It felt very...strange. It was painful, but there was this faint hint of pleasure teasing me. I tried to relax as much as possible and ran my hands up and down Bryson's muscular arms.

He started shivering and he gasped out, "You are so tight. You feel so good, Noah. I love you. I just love you so much." My heart almost exploded from the upsurge of love I was experiencing for Bryson. I don't know how I ever denied the possibility of us being together. I pulled him down for a kiss and he began thrusting slowly. The pain was slowly fading and the pleasure was rising to the surface. I started to moan and, if I had been in my right mind, I would have been embarrassed by the sounds coming out of my mouth. However, Bryson was making equally as passionate sounds and we were moving together as if we were one being. Bryson reached down and grabbed my cock and began a stroking motion that was just too much for my overwhelmed senses. As the stroking and thrusting became simultaneously faster, I felt that familiar tingle in my groin area.

"Bryson, I'm going to come. It's just-ah-too much. Oh, Bryson. God! AH!" I came with a power that I have never experience in my little sexual experiments. When I came down from my peak, I heard Bryson's moans and panty breaths increasing in volume. On a loud groan, he came and I secretly wished that we didn't have to use a condom and that I could have felt him come inside me. However, safety first and all that jazz. Bryson collapsed on top of me and I savored the heavy weight of my lover. We lay together and recovered from our physical exertions. After a minute, Bryson moved off of me and rolled onto his back. I rolled onto my side to look at Bryson. His body language seemed relaxed, but, when I looked up to his face, I saw a strange expression on his face. It was familiar. It was the same look he had that night at the fire pit when he had kissed me and then regretted it. Was he regretting making love?

"Are you okay? You seem different." I asked nervously.

"Yeah, babe. I'm fine. I'm just tired. That wore me out." He gave me a peck on the lips and lay back with his eyes closed. I couldn't help but be a little confused. I didn't know what he was feeling. On one hand, he looked panicked and we weren't exactly cuddling and basking in our afterglow. We weren't even touching right now. On the other hand, he had called me babe and gave me a kiss. If he were regretting being with me, he wouldn't have done that? I felt like a high school girl, trying to decipher my boyfriend's behavior. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid with Bryson. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life questioning whether he actually wanted to be with me.

I turned to look at his face and I realized that he had fallen fast asleep. I laid there for a few hours just thinking and staring at him, unable to sleep. I moved off of the bed and gathered my clothes as I walked into the bathroom. I dressed in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked...well, thoroughly sexed up. And thoroughly unhappy at the moment. I was really worried that I had just opened myself up to a world of heartbreak. I moved away from the mirror and out into the bedroom again. I walked over to the bed and stared down at my new lover. Or ex-lover. I don't know what to call him at this point. In my two hours of thinking, I determined that Bryson, despite my warnings, had gotten himself too far into a situation that he couldn't handle. I didn't want to force him into a relationship that he wasn't ready for or didn't even want. I was going to leave now to avoid the awkward morning after and I was going to give him the chance to move on and forget this ever happened. It was going to kill me.

I walked through the house and out the front door. I didn't realize until I got outside that I didn't drive there. I took out my cell phone and called a cab. I walked over to the porch swing and I sat down. Because I'm apparently a masochist, I started imagining what life would be like if I lived in this house with Bryson and our children. How I could sit on this porch swing and read while I watched Bryson run around with our two children: one boy and one girl. I imagined that, afterwards when the kids had run off to play with our dog, Bryson would walk up and draw me off the porch swing to give a sweet, tender kiss. We would go into the kitchen and cook dinner together. At night, we would read to the children before sending them off to the bed. We would move towards our own room and make passionate love. After, we would bask in the loving afterglow and there would be no awkward silences and panicked expressions. My musings were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. I whipped my head around and I saw Bryson heading towards me wearing only a pair of boxers that I recognized as my own. I must have grabbed his in the confusing jumble of our clothing.

"You ran away, Bunny. What's with that?" He asked as he sat down next to me on the porch swing. He looked sleep-rumpled and cute. Mostly, he looked hurt.

"How did you know I was out here?" I asked, avoiding his question.

"I heard the swing. It's a little creaky. You avoided my question. Why did you leave? I thought this meant something." He said sincerely.

"So did I. But afterwards, you looked so panicked and regretful. It was the same expression you had the night you kissed me and then told me that you weren't gay. I was worried that you were going to wake up and tell me that you wished it had never happened and that you were going to return to your heterosexual life. Speaking of, what was with you just going to sleep? It was weird. It threw me off. I figured that I didn't need to stick around for the rejection. I get it." I finished.

"Do I ever just get time to think with you, babe? I was a little quiet, yes, maybe a little too quiet. For that, I am sorry. I'm not rejecting you, I was just thinking. We just made a huge step forward in our relationship. I needed some time to process that, but I should have shared what I was going through with you. I didn't mean to make you worried. Come back to bed, please." Bryson said. He had grabbed my hand at the start of his statement and, as he finished, I was looking down at our joined hands. It was such a wonderful, hopeful sight.

"I called a cab," I said numbly.

"We can fix that. Just call them back and cancel the cab. Spend the night with me. Please don't turn this into a one-night stand. I want you here with me, Bunny." He said with a squeeze to my hand.

"Ok, fine. On one condition: you stop calling me Bunny." I said adamantly. He nodded and I flipped my phone open and cancelled the cab.

We walked into the house and, as we were climbing back into his bed, Bryson spoke again: "By the way, I make no promises on the Bunny front. Even you storming out of here was too adorable for me to not call you Bunny." I tackled him into the mattress and we began a long night of lovemaking. I promised myself that I would start living my life more out in the open starting tomorrow. I couldn't hide this part of my life, not now.