When I awoke the next morning to bright sunlight coming through the front windows, I noticed that Beck was not in bed. I pulled on my jeans and a t-shirt and walked out on the porch for a while.
When I came back in, I saw him and startled, gasping just a bit. He turned to me and said, "Hey, coffee's making." His face was not smiling or weird or confused at all. No upset registered. This was Beck, just his normal face. But. It also wasn't him, exactly. What was he wearing? Not a shirt but like a dress. No, a gown. No, not just a gown but a short silky pink gown with small straps over his shoulders.
"What is this, Beck?" I asked. My mouth still hung open. And he cocked his right hip, in a silly kind of way, leaning his head to his left, he said, "Sometimes I wear this when I'm alone. And when I have it on, I feel like another part of myself. Completely different kind of, and not completely different at the same time. I think of myself as Becky when I wear this. Not Beck."
I could barely push words out of my mouth, "What the fuck, man?" A long silence built between us. I pulled at a chair and sat down near the dining table. "Are you a girl now? What's going on? You're kinda' scaring me a little."
Beck sat down as well and looked at me, without seeming to be embarrassed or scared. After a while he said, "What we did last night was beautiful. I've thought about doing that for so long. I'm not a girl. I'm a boy and you know that. You've held my boy parts. And I like my boy parts. I really like your boy parts," he said, with a sly smile.
"We've just been messing around, though. Right?" I said. "Because we're just out here alone. And we aren't gay about it. It's just a summer thing for us. Isn't it?"
"It's not for me." Beck said, "I like wearing pretty things like this sometimes. And I'd like to wear them with you sometimes. If you're ok with it. Last night was so sweet. When I woke up this morning, I lay in bed watching you breathe and sleep. I saw your dick, hard again in your boxers even as you slept. I wondered what you were dreaming about, but I didn't touch you. I just watched you."
I was shaking my head but there was something touching or connecting about how he was telling me all of this. He continued, "I felt really close to you. And I thought that I might be able to show you another side of me. This side of me. That's all this is. It's just another side of me. I'm still me. But there's a part of me that I've hidden from everyone until now. Until last night. Until I first started to touch you and get you off. Now I'm showing you a bigger picture of who I am." Beck sat still, leaning back in his chair, the strap on his right shoulder fell to mid-bicep.
My mind reeled. Ok, so Beck is still Beck but sometimes he says he's Becky. What? How? When? So many questions. But when I opened my mouth to tell him how fucking stupid this was, instead I asked, "So what now? What are you saying is different? What are you suggesting we do. "
