It Was Always You

NOTE:

OMG Guys. Thanks for the feedback. I promise I will try hard to stop the confusing change of POV.

J

And I really need an editor, can't find one. I tried the list in the website but nobody replied. So, I am saying sorry in advanced for errors and stuff. Also, any volunteers? Send me your email through private feedback and I will send you the new chapter I am working on. I am almost finished with Chapter 3. And yeah, these kinds of story were used a lot but I really like these of stories... So I am writing one. =)) I'm kind of turning into a drama junkie. As for the title, I don't know if I can edit the title, but if you can suggest a better one, please tell me. I really had a hard time deciding. I just settled with it. LOL

Chapter 2- The 22 Year Old Virgin Sex Ed Teacher

*****

PRESENT DAY.

I never planned on coming out to anybody. I never did. But my ass of a roommate in decided to ditch his class and found me masturbating to Jacob's shirtless pictures. Yeah. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. By that time, Jacob was a successful model and a singer. Jacob only accepted recording and modeling offers. He even refused Simon Cowell's offer to replace Zayn Malik in One Direction! He still prioritized his studies so he chose projects that wouldn't take too much of his time. I heard that he got into fucking Harvard! Me? I was lucky I got into state university. I got there with athletic scholarship for football. I played a few games with them until I injured my back in my first year. That was the end for me. They say I could still play but halfway through my recovery, I just lost my enthusiasm. I started taking my majors seriously by then. Took more AP classes and added more load. I finished a year early.

It wasn't really that bad. Some of my teammates were very accepting especially the quarterback. Well, he was fucking the Running Back so who was he to hate on me? Some kept to themselves. At least they knew better. Our university was very accepting of the GLBT and very non tolerant of discrimination. I really didn't date much on college. They never lasted. Either I was emotionally unavailable or was not willing to put out. There were times they tried to get past 2

nd

base with me, though I also tried really hard to, but were unsuccessful. Either I didn't get hard or I only thought of Jacob that time and it just felt became uncomfortable.

At 22, I am still a virgin. And ironically, I am the sex-ed teacher at the local high school.

***

I woke at the sound of broken beer bottle. Beer is my friend whenever the remnants of my bitch of an injury decide to visit me. It doesn't happen often but whenever she visits, she does not let me sleep. Beer numbs the pain for me.

I looked at my table clock to check the time. 4 AM. Great. Four hours of sleep for the first day of classes. Good luck to the kids. Cranky Kyle it is today. I put on my slippers and went for the dust pond and the broom. I quickly rid of the bottle and threw it on the bin.

I'm still living at my childhood home. My parents have moved to a new home two years ago. I chose to stay as I got a job as a Sex-Ed teacher and assistant football coach in my high school. I opened the window to let the cold morning air seep inside. Something caught my eye. There's light in the empty Ashford house. I closed my eyes and opened it again to confirm it. No light. I guess it was the beer. I grabbed my phone and I went downstairs to make my morning coffee and usual PB and J sandwich. It's gross but when you never learned to cook, you have no right to complain. Since there are still no newspapers delivered, I got one of Jacob's books on the shelf. He left a lot of things in my house and I never really bothered to return them or rather I kept them for memories. Jacob was kind of a YA junkie back then aside from his usual science books. He read Andrew Smith, David Levithan and others. I enjoyed Andrew Smith's weird ideas in his books though. Who thought discovering you are bisexual while you are under attack by an alien race of sexually starved giant grasshoppers was fun to read?

I read until my phone alarmed, informing me that I need to take my morning shower. Oh the joys of living alone. You need not share the hot water to anyone. The image of Jacob in underwear came to my mind as I rub my body. He modeled for Calvin Klein this summer. I remembered the fullness in that underwear. I know it was not the photoshop. Jacob always filled his underwear. I do know from secret glances when he wore a speedo one summer after I dared him to. I imagined Jacob growing hard and he was massaging it with his right hand while looking at me. Then he bit his lip while his left hand began to pinch his nipples. I got hard. I grabbed my hard cock slowly stroked it. Each of his moans in my imagination was followed by mine.

"Fuck me Jacob please?!" I plead as I slipped my middle finger on my hole. I moved my hips as I imagined him plowing me with his cock. I slipped more of my finger and explored my still to be violated ass. I gasped as I found the heavenly prostate. I pressed it and my all my nerves awoken. My moan resonated in the shower.

"Fuck me harder Jake! Harder" I plead again as I slipped another finger and pressed harder. I picked up speed until I felt it - the heavenly feeling before you cum. I continue bobbing my hand up and down until I felt my width widen. I stroked my cock faster and pressing on my spot. A few seconds later, I let it go.

"Shit! Shit! Oh Jake!" I moaned as I relish on the blissful feeling. I felt my knees weaken.

My eye began to tear up. My mind started imagining things about what Jacob and I would be doing if our plans to be together came true. Maybe we would be humping like bunnies or staying late watching our favorite movies while making out.

"Fuck it." I said as I turned the knob for Hot water to turn it off. The warmth was replaced by cold. At least, my thoughts on what ifs were flushed by my mind to cope with the sudden drop of temperature. I grabbed the soap and started cleaning myself. I quickly finished my shower and went to iron my clothes and prepare my things.

***

I purposely missed the early teachers meeting on the first day of the school. One thing to remember when you are from my school is to never attend meaningless meetings with Principal Sorensen. The guy was beyond corny and boring. I wonder why nobody has petitioned for his resignation. After parking my car, I went straight to the main building to get my schedule.

I smiled as I enjoyed the temporary quietness in these halls. I quickly made way to the registrar for my schedule. As I walked towards the exit, someone called me.

"Kyle! Wait!" I groaned. It's the unmistakable annoying voice of Rob. He is a math teacher in our high school. We were employed to the school at the same time. Unluckily, he befriended me. I don't want to have an enemy in the work force so I ignore him most of the time.

"Hi Rob!" I greeted him with fake enthusiasm. I wonder why he doesn't get it.

"You missed the meeting again."

"I guess."

I planned to, you blithering idiot!

"Won't you ask what happened?"

"Should I?"

"Maybe."

"No. I don't want to -"

"So the thing is Mr. Cooper is not fit to return to work." Mr. Cooper is the AP Computer Science teacher. He figured in an accident last month. It was nasty.

"I know."

"And... Dun dun dun!" I rolled my eyes at his stupid sound effects.

"Will you just fucking tell me?"

"So, it's still a secret but Mr. Sorensen said that a group of Top universities picked graduate students to teach high school students for a few months and our high school will participate. The guy has not arrived yet. But Mr. Sorensen says he is really good and a model student. He said he used to study here before. I heard that he is taking up his Masters in Computer Science in Harvard."

"So? Why do I need to know that?"

"Well, you know, we all know you haven't found your special someone so, they want you to know that you can try to date him. It won't be against school policy."

"Stop minding my relationship status you pricks!"

"Coach Everett told us. And you really need to get laid man. You are cranky."

And you need a big black dick in your mouth!

I gave him my I-am-going-to-kill-you eye.

"I'm just kidding man. Look, there is a shortage of offices in the main building. Seeing as there is an extra table in your office, maybe the new guy can sit with you."

Sure. As long as it is not you, I'll be fine.

Robbie did not stop talking till we got to the athletic building. I slammed the door at his face before he could assault my ears gain. I sat on my chair and look at my schedule. I have Health and Sex Ed in the morning and Phys Ed before football practice. That'll do. I quickly went for the door to attend my class.

***

Meeting the new kids always made me feel fluttery. I haven't got used to it. Last year, I nearly threw up. Thankfully, other teachers in my department were helpful. There was that doubt in my mind that maybe I forgot how to teach, or maybe I am not good enough. Even if being voted as The Best teacher did not help.

***

Cafeteria food is the worst. I badly need to learn how to cook but I am too lazy to try to learn. I took my lunch and headed to the teachers' lounge.

Brad, Clay and Tyler were there when I arrived. We belong to same department. They are my senior and part of the football coaching staff too.

"Dude, you had months to learn how to cook or you will have to eat the same nasty stuff all year round." Brad voiced out his concern.

"Sorry mom." I replied. I set my food to the table and sit.

"So, you heard that you are rooming with the new temporary teacher." Clay started the conversation.

"Yeah, I didn't really want to hear it but Mr. No Boundaries told me anyway."

"You want us to scare him to avoid you?" Tyler offered.

"Nah, I don't want an enemy in the school."

"I wonder why Ivy League schools decided to waste their time on high schools."

"Probably to attract more students that will fall for their student loan trap."

"Thank God for Football Scholarship." We all nodded. All three of them graduated with football scholarship. They were football jocks from their past high school like me. Thank God, they were very liberal and accepting when they learned that I am gay. I thought they were going to kill me.

***

Football was a bitch. Coach Everett was even crankier than me plus a woman with PMS. The guys were slow; some were out of shape. Moreover, some of the new ones answered back when he got angry with them. It was a total disaster. Clearly, someone other than me needs to get laid.

I wasn't spared either from his mouthful. He nearly had me crying at the end of training. I quickly made my way to my office and took my things. I'm gonna go home before coach sees me again.

***

I got an overwhelming urge to open my windows that night. It's not even hot. I looked at Ashford's lawn and saw a hooded figure walking from the house towards the gate. It was pretty dark and the guy was wearing black. I can't see the face. There have been thieving cases in the town lately. So, as a good citizen, I am going to catch him. Hurt him if he tries to fight back. I went downstairs and waited behind a wall for the guy to get out of the gate. I took a peek to check what direction he is going to. Fortunately, he is coming this way. The moment he got past me, I jumped him. I hastily put him in a headlock. I didn't realize he was a size bigger than me. It was actually awkward but I must not let go.

"Don't fight back or I'll break your neck, you thief!"

The thief answered.

"Why the fuck will I rob my own house?!" His voice shook me to the core. I let go. An overwhelming feeling of familiarity and warmth cloaked me. I felt butterflies on my stomach. My bones weaken. My cock hardened.

"J-Jacob?"

He looked at me. What I saw was a cold pair of eyes. The uneasiness in my stomach became pain. My bones rattled. My cock softened. The familiarity was washed through by that cold stare. It pierced through me like it was trying to kill me inside.

"What?!" He asked.

"I-I..."

Shit!

"Stop wasting my time, Matthews." He fixed his rumpled clothes and walked away.

I stared at his figure until I can no longer see him. I sat on the patio contemplating what has happened.

Why? Why can't I say it?

I muffled my hair and went back inside my house.

I thought that when I see him, it would all be okay again if I say sorry. But when I looked into his eyes, I realized sorry is not enough. When I looked into his eyes, it's as if a Dementor sucked all the happiness inside me and pulled my soul out. It just came to me how awful he must have felt during those times that I stopped being friends with him. Yes, I didn't bully him. But I completely ignored him.

I broke his heart. No. I pulled it outside, tore it apart and stomped on it. I destroyed every last fiber of the man I loved.

The sadness I felt inside all these years intensified. My chest tightened.

I went inside my house and straight to my room. I lay upon my bed. I stare at the ceiling for a short time. Then my tears began to fall and I cried myself to sleep.

***

I was cranky yesterday, I am miserable today. It's only the second day of the school year but it already feels like hell.. I slept a lot unlike yesterday, but my eyes were very swollen. I put on a sun glass to hide it. Better to be accused of having a hangover than crying.

I went to school early, mostly to avoid being the talk of anyone.

***

I received a text from Mrs. Robertson, Sorensen's secretary.

'Principal wants 2 see u.

Sumthing 2 do w/ temp

Teacher.'

I groaned.

Why me? Why can't it be loquacious Robbie?

I quickly made way to his office. Back to back days of bad days will surely motivate a teacher.

***

"It's awfully early to have a hangover, don't you think so Kyle?" Mrs. Robertson asked.

I ignored her and entered the office. Sorensen is alone. Two chairs in each side were unoccupied.

"Hi there Kyle, please sit."

I sat on the chair on the right.

"So, I guess you received Susan's text?"

I didn't respond. Isn't it that obvious?

I avoid you like the plague old man.

"Well, I just want you to give him a tour and I want you to make him feel welcome."

"So, who is this-"

The door opened.

"Here he is!" Sorensen exclaimed.

I turned to see who the new teacher -

Fuck! Fuckity! Fuck! Throw a shit there too!

"Mr. Ashford, this is Mr. Matthews. He will be showing you your way around the school."

Jacob offered me his hand for a shake. I looked up to see him smiling. His eyes tell a different feeling though. I've know Jacob all my life. His eyes were very expressive. One look into his eyes and you will see his very soul.

The moment I grabbed his hand a bolt of pleasure attacked me. My cock was hard immediately. My face blushed. Thankfully, I still have my sunglasses. I was teary eyed. After all these years, I still have the same reaction to him when we touch skin to skin.

I looked into his eyes and I know he has the same reaction. It didn't last though. It turned to anger.

I quickly removed my hands from his grip. I smiled at him, half-fake, half enthusiastic.

"Mr. Matthews will be with us until the end of our first term. He will be teaching AP Computer Science. He is part of the program in encouraging the youth to pursue careers in Science and Engineering. He is a graduate student in Harvard." Sorensen babbled. He turned to me. "Please refrain from being your cranky self and make him feel welcome. Who knows, maybe he has a friend who will finally knock you off your feet." He turned to Jacob. "Kyle has been single since forever you see." Sorensen joked.

Jacob raised his right eyebrow.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to tattletale."

"It's okay Principal Sorensen. Robbie would have told him anyway."

"Oh yes. Mind you, avoid Robbie when you can. He is very loquacious."

"Thank you for the warning." Jacob laughed. It was a sincere laugh.

Sorensen looked at his watch and turned to me.

"Kyle, will you show Jacob his way around the school?"

"Yes sir."

***

Jacob didn't say any word during the tour I gave him. It was awkward. The only consolation to it was the amusing reaction from the female and gay students. Some were shocked. Some were happy. Some were too happy. Some even fainted.

Who would have thought that a supermodel and a singer would actually teach at their school?

The tour ended when we reached the athletic building. Finally, we came to our office.

"This will be our office for the term."

"Our office?" He grimaced.

"Yes. There is a shortage of space in the main building so they decided to put you here."

He nodded.

I showed him his table as we entered our office.

He set his things in his table and relaxed for a while.

I tried to start a conversation.

"So, you took computer science. I always thought you would be a chemist."

He didn't answer my question. He just opened his bag and took out a macbook.

This is nice.

We were minding our own businesses when Robbie came barging in.

"Hi— What the fuck! J-J-Jacob Ashford?" Robbie was white as hell.

"Jacob, this is Robert Hughes. Robert, This is Jacob. He is the temporary AP Computer Science teacher."

"W-w-ould you mind if I take a selfie with you?"

"Sorry but I must decline." Jacob answered. I smirked.

"Why?" Robbie cried defeated.

"If you upload that in social media, people will know I am here. The routine of the kids will be disrupted. This town will be terrorized by the media. Is that what you want?" Jacob said calmly.

"Oh. Okay. What about an autograph?"

"Okay."

"So, how do you find the school?"

"It's still the same. I studied here until sophomore year. Nothing much has changed."

"How's Kyle treating you? Has he been cranky around you yet?"

"No."

"Well, if you have gay friends, maybe you can arrange a date with Kyle. And you know, one time, when he was drunk at the bar, he admitted that he is still a virgin." Robbie tattled.

All the color in my face disappeared.

"He said, wanted his best friend to pop his cherry. I don't really see him hanging out much with anyone except Brad, Clay and Tyler. Let alone a bestfr—"

I threw a book at him and got him in the shoulder.

"GET OUT ROBBIE!" I roared.

"But I am -"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I stood and faced him with a menacing look.

Robbie scrambled out of our office. I wasn't able to relax though. I felt Jacob's eyes pierce through me. I looked at him but then he turned to his computer. I took out the latest installment of Brandon Sanderson's The Reckoners.

I tried to read the first paragraph but my eyes keep wandering to Jacob's face. I did not realize that I was staring at him until he said something.

"Do you need something?"

"Uhm sorry? I wasn't paying attention. What was your question again?" I asked.

"I asked you if you need something."

"Oh." I went silent for a minute.

I looked at him in the eye. His eyes were neutral. Not a trace of emotion in there.

"Jacob, a-about s-six years ago..."

He tensed. But there is no real change in the expression in his eyes.

"I am sorry. I know that I hurt you a lot back then. I was stupid. I am stupid. I chose something that didn't really matter over you. I regret those decisions that I have made." I am surprised that I am able to hold back my tears.

He looked at me again. His eyes are still expressionless.