It's 1968, and Ivan Koloff is in a good mood when we meet up in the locker room of his personal gym. Though I know his real name is different, I refer to him as he was billed the IWA ring. I respect the sport of professional wrestling enough to respect the characters in it--and, as a journalist, it would be foolish to lose access to these wrestlers through some haphazard attempt to expose the business. I also have no particular interest in pissing off a a 290 pound monster, whether he's actually from Ukraine or from Montreal.
"My girlfriend's not here," he says, "which means she can't stop me from being myself." He smiles as he wipes broad shoulders with a towel. He's just finished working out. I never saw him smile in the ring so I find myself disarmed by his glow, his good nature. He's just finished a stint as champion of IWA and there's rumors that he might sign with Vince McMahon's WWWF in the coming year. When I introduced myself as a journalist backstage at the most recent IWA show, it was to follow up on those rumors. I didn't expect the invite to his personal gym, and now that I stood there in the shadow of the bear, I still don't quite believe this is real.
"But you know what?" Ivan continues, as we walk through the locker room together. I'm writing quickly, and trotting to keep pace with him. "I always do what I want, anyways. That's why I'm a champion everywhere I go, you know?"
We enter the gym--it has a lot of machines and free weights, and a large wrestling ring in the center. The walls are painted blue and there are posters on them that say things like: "Train hard!" "Fight like a bear!" "Stay on top!" Ivan tells me he wants to look good for the camera--he's got his shirt off now, exposing his chest full of black, curly hair. He flexes his arm, and muscles ripple under his skin. His triceps are like a boulder, bundled with power. Ivan's so pumped up right now that I'm half-expecting him to try to tackle me.
As we talk, I notice that Ivan keeps glancing over at me. At first, I think it's just curiosity, but then I realize he's scanning me, sizing me up and down. "You know," he says, "you look pretty tough."
"T-thanks!" I stop writing. I do work out, but I'm nothing compared to him. Such a compliment from such a man feels unearned. "But you're the toughest guy around."
"Well, maybe not all the time," Ivan laughs. "But I have to say, you look like you've taken some bumps."
I'm shocked. This is inner lingo--I know what a 'bump' is in wrestling context, but only from my investigations. "Oh, no. Not me."
Ivan chuckles, beaming a smile that borders patronizing. "Don't tell me that you've never wrestled before!"
"I haven't," I say. "I mean, I just write about wrestling, and I try to stay fit. I wouldn't stand a chance against you."
"Well, why don't we spar a little bit? I'll give you a crash course in what it means to wrestle."
My chest swells in surprise. "Really?"
"Sure! You've got a nice physique. You won't say no to the great Koloff, would you?"
"Oh, I'd love to!" I'm somewhere between flattered and intimidated. "Thanks, Ivan!"
***
Ivan and I are sitting side-by-side in the ring. He's wearing a pair of blue shorts and nothing else. I remove my shirt, down to nothing but my own nylon shorts and sneakers. It's the first time I've ever been in a real wrestling ring, and my whole body comes alive with a tingling excitement.
"So," Ivan says, leaning back and stretching his arms wide. "What do you think so far?"
"This is great!" I exclaim. I've worked up a sweat from our opening drills. "I've got a bit of a rush now."
"Well, you should," he strokes his beard. "That's the whole point."
Ivan gives me a few pointers on how to hold my arms before locking up, and how to move in the ring. It takes me a while to figure out the rhythm of it all, but eventually I start to get the hang of it.
"Okay," Ivan says, "now let's try something else."
Ivan grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around. I feel dizzy for a moment, but then I'm able to catch my balance again. He leads me through a series of different holds, showing me how to use my legs and feet to escape certain moves. These positions are, to my surprise, more amateur than professional, more grounded than the theatrical, punch-kick affair of a IWA ring.
We rise. He grabs my shoulders again. We lock up.
"And here," he says with a gruff much deeper, much more in line with the villain he is in the ring, "let's see if you can get me to the ground and pin me."
I stand facing Ivan, who's still holding onto my shoulders. I try to push him away, but he just grins and shakes his head. I try to step back, but Ivan grabs me by the wrists and pulls me forward. He shoves me into the ropes, and I bounce off into his waiting arms. Ivan hooks his forearms under my pits and hip tosses me. I land on my side, and before I can even register the pain of his throw, he pins me there, his weight pressing down on my chest as he hooks my leg. I see lights behind the shadow of hairy flesh, and little else. "There you go," he says. "Now how do you like that?"
I gasp for breath. I suppose in a normal match the pinned opponent should try and get out, but I'm just there, hooked and pinned by The Bear Himself. I stare, panting, mesmerized by his strength and technique. "You're amazing!" I manage to gasp.
"Aw, don't get all excited," Ivan laughs. "I'm just doing what I do best."
"Yeah, but you're really good at it!" I insist.
Ivan nods and unhooks my leg. We're laying next to each other. On the mat, on our sides, facing each other--it feels strangely intimate. "Maybe so, but there's a world of tricks that are better than this. I still have a lot of stuff to ways to win that I haven't had the chance to try in the ring yet."
I'm excited--is this guy about to tell me an industry secret? "Like what?"
His face melts into a smirk.
Ivan reaches down and grabs my hips. He turns me over and pushes me down on my stomach. His bicep wraps around my throat and his hand strokes the back of my neck. Ivan leans down and presses his lips against my ear. "Can you guess what this is?" he asks.
I try to answer, but as his bicep coils close, my voice is strained, spittle filled.
"It's called a sleeper hold. It's one of the most powerful holds in wrestling, and it's not easy to break out of. This isn't locked in, of course. I wouldn't do that to you out of nowhere..." his breath flickers, ashy, "...unless you asked nicely, of course."
I shudder at his heavy breath at my nape.
"N-no thanks," I stammer.
"Probably wise," he laughs, lets me go, and pulls me up. The world blurs a little, but I regain my senses.
"There's probably easier holds to get out of, maybe we should start with them," Ivan says. "Things that a beginner like you can practice."
"What do you recommend, Ivan?" I ask.
Ivan's dark eyes turn upwards in thought. "Hmm... Well, first I'd suggest you work on your escapes. You need to learn to get out of those holds. And you'll also want to learn some basic take-downs, because if you ever end up in a match with me, you might find yourself pinned. Of course, I think you'll always be pinned by me, no matter how hard you work. But I'm sure you'll give it your best shot."
I'm unsure if he's starting to insult me now. He's a champion and clearly skilled regardless of the reality of the IWA, so I suppose he's allowed to do that. I take it in stride. "Okay, I'll work on my escapes."
Ivan looks at me for a moment, then bursts out laughing. "You think it's that easy?"
I hesitate. Did I say something wrong? "Why not?" I ask, then reconsider. "It's not easy, no, but I can work at it, like you said."